- Member Since 2nd Jan, 2013
- offline last seen Nov 16th, 2022
Kaidan
Q(^_^Q). The friendliest misanthrope you'll ever meet.
Kaidan
Joined 2nd Jan, 2013 ·
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Trixie: Equestria's favourite serial killer.
Liked the story. There was an error I spotted:
should have a full stop there.
As for characterisation... I thought you could have gone into more depth with Trixie's thoughts as she tortured her victim. This is her first kill, so it's likely that she's still working the disgust, morbid curiosity, fear and shame out of her system as she's cutting into him.
2722797
Thanks. Almost a thought experiment of sorts, only with Trixie as a serial killer, to see if anyone likes it. So all grammar catches are much appreciated.
Two stories in one day?
I wondered why you always ignore us in Skype...
~Skeeter The Lurker
It's good. I don't think you could put a bit in a horses mouth and have it go behind the last molars. You did get the frog/hoof anatomy correct, however.
2723168
Even if she jammed it in really forcefully? I suppose I should go back to biology class and try to get a better grade now :(
2722850
I ignore you on skype because video games. I wasn't sure of my three new stories which ones to focus on. So far, Dash is in the lead. I need to get my CMC Serial Killer idea out there, and my Ultra-Dark Parasprite™ story idea out there too. I just can't stop writing.
2723201
Horse molars are really far back:
localriding.com/image-files/horse-teeth-male.gif
Properly positioned a bit is going to fit just in front of the premolars, which is actually illustrated fairly well in that image. I think you'd need a knife to get a bit behind the molars - which could work in this story, I suppose. But it's not like trying to put a bit in a human mouth, where I think you could get it behind the molars if you pushed hard enough. Of course, one could argue that ponies in MLP have more human than equine faces, so maybe it would work...
Oh, and if you're interested in equine dentistry, this following google image search is useful:
Float horse teeth
Here are some selected images:
localriding.com/image-files/horse-teeth-manual.jpg
capitolequine.com/images/equinedentistry2.jpg
This suggests a possible Forced Pony Sex chapter - Big Mac (or whomever) visits a horse dentist - such people do exist.
In appearance to the show the females have much smaller mouths than stallions, which are a bit more elongated, so I'd guess it would only work on mares, because the stallions appear to be closer to horse anatomy... That is if you take into account what these other commenters have said previously.
2723838
I'd claim creative liberty or some other made up author term, but 2723260 is right about horses. Then again, female horses are incapable of orgasm, which pretty much invalidates rule 34.
So, either I can jam bits in their magical mouths because I like the imagery, or I have to accept all those ponies in rule 34 photos aren't enjoying themselves.
Why is life so ironic?
its pretty good ould get into this
also is it me or are your stories getting darker and darker
anyway want to see wat happens next plz more
2724058
What? Darker and darker? Nonsense! The rest of the fandom is just getting lighter and lighter!
You know Tia...in our world we DO have little things called libel laws. Granted, they don't always work, but it's better than sitting on your royal solar plot until freedom of the press is abused so badly that this happens!
is it bad that that torture scene made me love trixie just a bit more? I mean, thats a side i'd like to see explored a bit more
The Turnabout Storm story suggests a darker trixie side, and so far, I've seen maybe one. it wasn't this fun or exciting. but this was like, law abiding citizen style, just so realistic and cool! you've peaked my interest! following for sure
What I'm wondering, is "Equestrian News" a homage to a certain website we all know and love?
Well, there were a few grammatical mistakes here and there, but as you've requested I won't comment on them. *Scrolls down the comments* Okay, apparently you do want to be notified about them. Well, you could start by changing the misleading the author's notes.
"attempts of one Trixie Lulamoon", what's the 'one' doing here? Maybe it's reporter's slang, but I've never heard of such wording.
"Quietly, she levitated the the leather", two 'the's.
"Quick screamed when a knife hit it’s mark", should be its without an apostrophe.
To top it of: "Jessica Lynch: ....sounds familiar...I"m guessing that was intentional". I don't even know what the point of that sentence is, but apart from that it needs an overhaul.
There were some unnecessary word repetitions, but listing them all is probably not going to be worth it.
Since you guys are already on the subject of analyzing horse anatomy:
"to the point the nail had split", horses have nails? I think what you mean is coffin bone. :P
About the story:
What I find interesting, despite having not really anything funny about it (almost making me wonder about that Comedy tag), it still made me laugh. I'm not sure why, but probably because of the exaggerated newspaper headliners. Totally lost it at "Cheerilee Caught Molesting Filly!".
It's a little weird that, despite all her humiliation, Trixie still has the guts to refer to herself in third person, even towards Joe. Shouldn't she be a wreck? Or is it her last desperate attempt to not lose connection to her self-conscious altogether?
About the killing, I'm not sure what you're trying to achieve. Disgust towards the reader? In that case you've easily lost against the mainstream grimdark stories out there, for the detail in which you've described the torture could still be expanded. Except for one thing: ripping out his feather and using the blood in his mouth as ink. I don't know what you were smoking to come up with something like this, but be sure to drop a message for me to a web shop for it. That's some crazy shit right there, man.
Definitely needs a little bit of overhaul, but I do love where this is headed to already. Looking forward to it!
That Fluttershy is euthanizing sick fillies in the Ponyville cancer ward?
That aside, I'll like and follow because the concept is interesting, but what happened to libel laws? Every single excerpt from this newspaper that you've shown us would get that paper sued to high heaven. And yes, there are some grammatical issues. I'd be more than happy to be a pre-reader for this one as well if you'd like, as well as Twi's Dollhouse 2. If you take this in the right direction, it can be good. I look forward to more at any rate!
2725246
Sounds good to me, I could use an experienced serial killer to help me systematically kill every pony at every news organization across Equestria. Also, I'm sure nopony believes any of that Fluttershy nonsense.
If there were libel laws, I wouldn't get to kill ponies. Maybe you can help me dodge that bullet.
2725203
Thanks, I only had that in the A/N because I had this story sitting in my "brainstorming" folder for awhile and thought I'd decide if I write more in a trial by fire. I suppose the comedy is mostly going to be in the news articles, and possibly, the ironic ways Trixie kills ponies. I'm sure she'll get better at it, too.
Wow, I imported a comment. No wonder everyone hated this story.
2724967
Cititzen Kane meets Judge Dread meets Killer Rarity.... Trixie is best psychotic unicorn. Wait, BW is onto me! RUN!
2724546
I suppose I should have called it "Trixie Gets Libeled for the Last Time." I'll see if I can salvage Equestria's laws in time to save some of the ponies.
ya know I actually support trixie's choices here. there freedom of press and then there's destroying lives with lies. perhaps killing a reporter was extreme but after a few get there tongues removed and mailed to the newspaper they will get the point. report news not BS. maybe she send them a letter with the tongue that for everyday the paper reports lies another reporter will die. that or just burn it down with everyone locked inside hehe
2725505 Seeing how this is you, Kaidan, I can only expect for the ending to horrifying and depressing. I cannot wait.
I'm sifting through my to-read stories. This is by first one tonight.
Holy. Crap.
I can feel the love tonight, fo sho. Yes, I am waaaaaay tired.
2733492
Oddly enough, without co-workers I really want to murder, this is a lot harder to write. Maybe I'll have a bad day agian, but it's time to go home.
Wait, what? I have another hour here? There shall be blood!
2749842
Kaidan. He's everywhere you want to be.
That's why I like writing a random assortment of genres :D
Short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short short please
Dis be sum good shit.
Fuckin' 'ell mate, my dick and eyes are hurting from READING this. Why do I have to love gore so much.
Sometimes Kaidan, I think you need help. That, or your coworkers are assholes.
So Equestria HAS libel laws...the press just ignore the buck out of them. Figures.
I'm in pain now...
I am disappointed in trixie, she missed the perfect opportunity to skull fuck polo roid. I wonder if they'll ever understand that the more lies they print the more of them that will die. oh well no one will miss em.
oh and that last line by celestia was so funny. I was screaming "no shit sherlock" lol
2793190
A little bit of column A, a little bit of column B. You could say I live in ...
sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/528452_10200703953108182_813197088_n.jpg
But yeah, I need a healthy way to vent my frustration at co-workers that doesn't involve projectile weapons, sharp, or blunt objects. This is it. I also really hate Equestria News. . .
2793135
I don't know, but I plan to ramp the gore up further. I mean, how else am I going to make the next guy hear no evil? Or do no evil? And what will I do when I run out of puns?
I just realized you also wrote A Puppet to Her Fame... you have a new follower
Mass Effect is a sodomy simulation game! The player is enabled to have sex wi *the rest is unreadable due to splattered blood and eye matter*
Any light will ruin a negative, so I don't think even the silhouettes would be visible. But they couldn't be prints, since that would mean the negatives were still good. Also, red light only helps with prints, not negatives. Normally the hard part (and light-sensitive part) about developing negatives is getting the film into the developing tank, in a completely dark room, or in a dark bag. Once it's in the tank it's possible to add the various chemicals in the light, since the developing tank has a light-proof way to add liquids.
Of course, that doesn't let you have the final scene at the end, but I thought I'd point it out.
Holy fuck, Kaidan... I finally got around to reading chapter 2 and holy fuck. Never become a serial killer, OK? The world would not be safe.
Apart from cutting off dicks and popping eyes out again, there's nothing that could possibly disgust me.
That I'm aware of.
I'll be back after reading Ch 3...
i take it someone REALLY pissed you off before you wrote this?
melisozgur.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/game-over.jpg
sociable.co/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/game-over.jpg
langcatfinancial.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/game-over.jpg
consciouslifenews.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/game_over1.jpeg
solareasy.de/images/13_Game_Over_Atom_600.jpg
Psycho shit to the max, bro. Can't decide if the anus machine or the filly was more disturbing. But fucking god fuck fuckedy fuck dammit: Someone's seriously pissed about his job!
I now need a serious dose of happy Everyone stories to make up for this.
(PS: Not a negative comment. My mind's just full of fuck after reading this.)
3000435
I'm not sure, I may kill her or just keep her chained in a basement. No plans.
3000469
Eeyup.
3000533
Soft filly, warm filly, little ball of fur...
What are the chances I would accidentally catch this on the updates list when I just happened to scroll down to the bottom of the page?
Holy Christ this was brutal. And I fucking ENJOYED IT!!?? I'm a horrible person. I fucking love this story, and at some point, you're gonna have to off the kid at some point to put her misery at rest and to be with her parents again, well at least, one.
-The Good Doctor
3000753
33.333%, repeating of course.
3000985
Yeah, I'm not sure what would be the most brutal way to off the kid. Also, the kid is essential to the "plot." This isn't just mindless violence, it's mindless violence and thinly veiled hatred for a greater reason.
3001144
Crap did I reference you again? I couldn't think of a cool serial killer name so I thought "Well, it's Canterlot, she's a killer..." Now I have to figure out which of your stories I referenced.
Oh well, if anyone has a better name for Trixie I'm open to suggestions. I've got a head ache, a sore throat, and I can barely breathe, so at this point my only two literary settings are brutal murder and clop.
3001286The Canterlot Killer was referenced in The Secret Life of Rarity, and he has his own spin-off coming at some point.
What in the name of holy hell did your coworkers do to you, Kaidan?
Isn't their mere existence enough?
I am disturbed on a few various levels...
Kaidan, where do you live so I can move as far away as possible from you in a desperate attemp to never run the risk at bumping into you on the street? Okay, to the point now. I thoroughly enjoyed this story so far, yes I'm horrible indeed. I love how Trixie just left Sean to his fate. As a few people commented before, I also sense that Peach will play a considerable role in the future.
Keep it up!
-RUD
Good sir, this is one of the best self-inserts I have ever seen
3002186
Aw, you don't have to that, just don't.... annoy him. Or piss him off. Or bump into him when he's drunk. Cuz he'll probably do something to you and go shoot up his workplace
3001083 Lol
Oh my god you clever bastard. The Canterlot Killer was hinted at in the early chapters of The Secret Life Of Rarity as the only serial killer in equestrian history, and here you go making obscure references to a section of a fanfiction that only diehard readers would remember.
3122529
Yes, it wasn't at all because I had no idea what to call her, and chose to just call her [insert city name here] killer ...
3123524 Shut up. It was still funny to me.