• Member Since 12th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen Aug 13th, 2013



Constructive Criticism Appreciated
In the distant future, as the war between the ponies and Nitkans continue, a young army mare named Kada must find her way through her struggles in the center of a ravaged Equestria.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 5 )

"She ran as fast as she could, knowing full well that the it would be right behind her."
In the sentence, if you were referring to the insect being called an "It" i would suggest full capitalizing it. For example, As the IT approached...
There wernt very many spelling errors, but the ones that were here were small. It did seem to go a little fast, going from a weapons count to a full on-out battle. I can see that you listed 'other' when the ponies apear to be OCs (original charters). It would also seem that the insects would destroy the everfree forest along with the rest of Equestria. The way you decribed it in the description, it would seem like every thing would be sandy or ruins. As of the mane six being dead, i would think that an alicorn twilight would be here, unless she died...?
But it is a great consept, so i fav it, i''l add it to read it later, i thumbed it up, and i will be excepting more.
5/5 mustashes! :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

Not much to correct here! Just a lack of commas and two spelling errors. But they were so small that i almost skimmed over them! This is a great story, and i should reccomend putting it in some groups! It is still moving a little fast, but i believe you can slow it down if you try!
6/5 mustashes! :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

Y'know, I really have to give a note of appreciation. Your indentation and punctuation is pretty much spot on!

It's really good for a first! Don't ever give up! :twilightsmile:

Well done for a short chapter. You've set up a war quite nicely, emotionless. That's all a war really is about.

I see you've also made it post-season one only, ignoring season two in total (with your reference to NMM). And a new breed is always nice. Keep it up.

I don't have much criticism other then that. Rating: 7/10, with 1 as utterly unreadable, and 10 as more than compelling.

"they will be remembered, they fought bravely." Kada thought.

^ Capitalisation

Her friend replied with a quick nod. "Okay, then we shou---agh!" Pip screamed at the top of her lungs as Kada realized just what happened. A Nitkan had crept up behind her, crawling low on the ground, and just dismembered one of her friends hind legs. Pip fell, still screaming in an intense pain and Kada caught her before she hit the ground, in total shock.

OOH. Ouch.

And with that, Kada's world turned white.

Oooh... dammit. And I already felt your character. That was fast.

Overall, based on these two chapters, you seem to grasp the concepts of writing pretty well. Pacing wasn't too shabby, and you did wow me with certain twists... albeit them being fast... so you get to maintain that 7 until you have more chapters out.

With utmost profession for perfection and passion,
Ice Cube.

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