Rarity burst through the front door of Carousel Boutique, turned and immediately locked it. With a girlish squee, she closed the curtains, casting the first floor in a deep purple hue. She glanced at the clock and her scheduling book to make sure she had a decent block of free time ahead. Satisfied, she took a quick breath and cast the focusing spell Twilight taught her. Her eyes closed, then tightened as her brow began to sweat. The magic began to release from her horn, working it’s way around Rarity’s body. Swirls of blue and white energy intertwined and surrounded Rarity. Once the two tails met she worked the magic to form a ball around herself. The magic entered Rarity’s body and slowed her physically and transferred the energy to her mind.
Time seemed to speed up and slow simultaneously as Rarity felt her body slowly weakening. She allowed the familiar sensations tingle up her spine as she layed back on her sofa and closed her eyes as the world around her slowly turned black.
Rarity awoke some hours later, letting the magic leave her. After a moment of deep breathing she opened her eyes with a snap. Her horn sparked and various fabric supplies filled the air. They moved about like angry hornets, obeying Rarity’s every command quickly and precisely. Standing in the eye of the storm, Rarity laughed out loud and ignored the slight twitch in her eye as she directed the fabrics as if they were grand avalanches. Cloths cascaded from the shelves and were funneled towards the sewing machines which spat used spools about the room. Scissors moved with such speed and grace that they created a little song as the air resonated with their movements. The accenting fabric was simultaneously situated on the drawing board, letting the various markers forever stain the rich fabric.
Rarity sat with bloodshot eyes and veins throbbing in the middle of the chaos. Her mane looked disheveled from the amount of heat and static her magic was generating. Her eyes constantly twitched and her pupils began to shrink ever so slightly. Rarity paused for a moment and double checked all of her measurements, talking to herself as she did so in hushed whispers. Satisfied with her work so far she wasted no time and brought in the manikins. The various pieces of cut cloth descended upon them before they came to rest on the floor.
The needles weaved the thread through the cloth effortlessly and relentlessly, bringing together Rarity’s latest masterpiece. The tiniest bead of sweat began to form on her brow but she ignored it, laughing out loud as she crafted four sets of custom made working clothes. Time was meaningless to her, the only thing that mattered were the clothes and her desperate desire to finish them.
The creations slowly began to bear fruit as Rarity stitched the fabric together. AppleJack’s work clothes were the first to be finished and featured long denim legs with special hoof shoes. Big Mac’s were designed with a strong yet light fabric that would whisk away sweat and allowed for extra padding in key places. Granny Smith’s didn’t really have anything special, but Rarity supposed it was the thought that counted more than anything and that made her clothes special. Sweetie Belle’s was a combination between AJ’s and Big Mac’s except instead of extra padding Rarity added a small backpack that could hold water to help keep the little filly cool while working. Rarity paused and took a step back to admire her work and was pleased with how practical she made everything. A nagging feeling in the back of her mind made left her thinking that something was missing. She pondered it for a moment and suddenly she knew what was missing. In a burst of creativity she levitated two bow ties and a matching bandana. She placed the bow ties on the two mare’s outfits and let the bandana hang from the neck of Mac’s. She took a quick look and decided that, while the outfits were not properly fitted, they were finished to her satisfaction.
The bulk of her work completed, Rarity released the magic that allowed her to focus. Nothing seemed to happen at first but slowly a bluish aura started to leave her body like so much excess heat. The magic only left her for a few seconds but the effect was immediately noticeable. Her once crisp eyes had a dull and lazy look about them and her mane was noticeably frazzled. It didn’t take long to notice that she had lost several pounds in the process and her rib cage was slightly more noticeable than before. The next thing she noticed was a peculiar smell, one that she knew of but one that never came from her. It almost smelled like... hard work. Upon this realization there was only one logical conclusion that was as inevitable as it was unavoidable, it was time for a spa date.
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Fluttershy was outside enjoying the sunshine and wonderful sounds of nature in her modest garden. She hummed to herself while she collected some herbs that she planned on using for her dinner. Her hooves lightly caressed the leaves and she inhaled the sweet scents left behind. As Fluttershy worked her way through the garden she paused every once in awhile to pull out the stray weeds which seemed to spread like wildfire. Taking extra care she dug her hooves into the soft, cool soil and gently dug the roots from the nurturing earth. She placed them into her saddlebag and yawned. She glanced up at the sun to get a rough estimate of the time and turned back to her garden with a sense of tranquility. She wiped the small amount of sweat from her brow and continued her work, pausing every few minutes to sample some of the delicious berries growing nearby.
Fluttershy picked several berries and savored their flavor as she worked them over in her mouth. A soft pat on her hind leg startled her a bit as her cheeks turned to a delightful shade of rose.
“Oh, Angel, you startled me. I’m sorry that I didn’t brush your coat like I promised, but now isn't a good time.”
Angel tapped Fluttershy again while making some distinctly feminine motions with his hips and pointed towards the front gate. Fluttershy just looked at him, trying for the life of her to understand what got into that rabbit. Seeing that he clearly wasn’t getting through to her, Angel tried again only this time he ruffled his coat and started digging up the entire garden, pausing every so often when he dug up a large rock. He hugged it and let his eyes light up dramatically as he gave it a kiss. He then pointed urgently towards the front gate. Fluttershy only stared at him, completely at a loss as to what kind of illness angel could possibly have, let alone what kind of medication could treat it.
“Ok Angel, that’s a very nice game you made but I think it’s time to go inside and take a nap.”
Angel face pawed and decided to take a more direct route and started pushing Fluttershy to the front gate.
“Now now Angel, I understand you need your exercise but I don’t want you to hurt yourself. Why don’t you try pushing one of your rocks instead?”
Fluttershy moved the leg Angel was pushing on and immediately he face planted into the dirt. He bounced back up and dusted himself off and jumped on top of Fluttershy’s head. He grabbed at her hair, taking two large strands and jerked them towards the front gate. Fluttershy’s front hoofs obeyed and moved in sync with Angel’s commands. Fluttershy tried to get her legs back under her but they wouldn’t stay still. She swayed and tumbled towards the gate while making a pretty good impression of a drunken sailor. Angel sighed in relief as Fluttershy saw what he had been so desperately trying to communicate. He hopped off Fluttershy’s head, gave a quick salute and scurried off into the bushes, leaving a slightly dumbfounded Fluttershy in his wake.
She quickly regained her composure as a slightly unsightly Rarity urgently approached her.
“Fluttershy, good news. I Finally finished AppleJack’s work clothes hehe, and it only took four hours. A new personal best.”
“Oh, well I see...”
“You wouldn’t believe how quickly it all happened. Why just over two hours ago I came out of the trance spell Twilight taught me and”
“What’s a trance spell?”
“everything simply flashed before my eyes. I knew exactly what to do and it flowed so smoothly. You do understand my limits with magic? I was able to”
“Well, sort of but not really.”
“effectively double the amount of things I could levitate and”
“Um... Rarity?
“the precision of the stitches were just so easy it’s like”
“you look a little... off today. Are you alright?”
“I wasn’t even trying. Oh, what was that? Yes I do seem rather down in the dumps. Nothing a quick spa date couldn’t fix, right?
“Oh, well... you see... now isn’t”
“Please?”
“exactly the best time. I have a lot”
“Pretty please?”
“of food to prepare for dinner tonight and I”
“Please please please pleeaassseee?”
“just don’t think I have the time right now.”
Rarity gave Fluttershy a convincing puppy dog stare knowing that it was only a matter of time before a Fluttershy would give in. She held the stare for a few seconds and gauged her resistance and seeing weakness, she intensified her efforts substantially. Another few seconds and she would all but have Fluttershy in her hoof. Putting on the final show was all too easy. All she had to do was quiver her lip a bit and widen her eyes as large as possible and three, two, one...
“Oh, alright. I go to the spa with you. I do feel a little dirty after working in the garden.”
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“Fluttershy, you simply must try this massage. It’s simply divine.”
“Oh, well... I would love to. It’s just that I don’t have the bits for something like that right now.”
“Nonsense darling, I have more than enough bits for both of us.”
“Well, if you’re sure you can afford it then I would be happy to try a massage.”
Fluttershy smiled as she relaxed on the couch and gave a small sigh of pleasure as Lotus’s hoofs worked around her wings. She was soo caught up in the massage that it took her a moment to realize Rarity had been talking to her the last few minutes.
“and then Sweetie Belle managed to cover her entire room in glitter.”
“Oh, that sounds messy. I remember this one time that Angel-”
“Then her friends came over and somehow Applejack convinced me it was a good idea to go to the farm. I can’t even mention how dirty I felt and my hoofs were completely ruined.”
“But you hate physical labor. How did you manage to get through it?”
“Well, I used magic to help speed things along.”
“Oh, my. You do know that’s bad for the trees, right?”
“Well... yes, but my hoofs were practically bleeding. Surely you understand?”
Fluttershy looked at Rarity’s hoofs and rolled her eyes slightly. “Of course I understand, but you should have just told Applejack. I’m sure she would have found something else for you to do.”
Aloe and Lotus were putting the finishing touches on the massages while Quake began setting up the hoof soaks. Aloe and Lotus finished the massages and guided Rarity and Fluttershy towards the shelf which held the various treatments for the soak. Rarity simply walked past without giving the shelf a first glance and simply said “The usual.” Aloe was in the process of mixing the various salts and oils for Rarity when she noticed Fluttershy staring meekly at the shelf. She paused and looked up a Fluttershy and offered her a friendly smile but went back to her work when she saw Fluttershy look away and hide herself in her mane. Fluttershy looked back at the various bottles when she felt Aloe was concentrating on the salts. A moment later, Lotus approached Fluttershy and was about to tell her the hoof bath was ready but paused when she saw the perplexed look on her face.
“Is there something I can help you with?”
“Oh, well... I was uh, just looking... and I think I will just skip this part... if that’s ok with you?”
“It’s not a problem at all, but if you change your mind just let one of us know ok?”
“Oh nonsense,” Rarity called from the other room. “Fluttershy, you must try the bath salts. They are utterly magnificent. Lotus, could you be a dear and put whatever Fluttershy selects on my tab?”
“If that is your desire, then it shall be done.” Lotus then turned to Fluttershy and indicated the shelf of luxurious hoof treatments. “Have you made a decision, or should I come back in a few minutes?”
Fluttershy hadn’t made a decision. In fact, she didn’t even know how to pronounce half of the words she was reading. But she didn’t want to fall too far behind Rarity and so she simply pointed to a random bottle that she hoped wasn’t the most expensive and watched as Lotus pulled it from the shelf.
“If you would kindly follow me, Aloe will prepare your selection while I prepare your hoofs. This way please.” Fluttershy followed without making a sound and was escorted into the next room where Quake was working on Rarity’s hoofs. Lotus indicated where she would like Fluttershy to sit and began to lightly file away the calloused skin.
“Thank you Rarity, I wasn’t expecting to get to try the bath salts. I hope I didn’t put you too far back with my choices.”
“Not at all dear. But where were we?”
“Something about your hoofs?”
“Oh right. Well naturally Applejack caught me using magic and I felt awful so I decided to make her entire family a brand new set of work clothes, as an offer of forgiveness. In fact, I was planning on making the delivery right after the spa treatment. Would you like to come with? I can’t wait to see the surprised look on their faces when I show up with my latest creations.”
“Well, I don’t think I can. I was planning a special dinner tonight and it needs a lot of time to properly cook. I just don’t think I’ll have enough time to do both today. You understand, don’t you?”
“Of course I understand. I dabble a bit in cooking myself and there are countless stories I could tell you where my impatience got the better of me.”
Quake and Lotus finished the final touches on their hoofacures and without so much as interrupting the conversation they made it clear that the hoof soaks were ready. Rarity took the lead and Fluttershy followed behind her. Quake indicated which tub belonged to who while Lotus made her way to the front of the shop. Quake disappeared behind one of the many curtains when she saw that the two guests were enjoying their soaks.
“Oh, well... I’m glad you understand. I was wondering how the dress is going. You know, the one I modeled for you.”
“Well, it’s sitting in front of the store, but nopony has seemed overly interested in it yet. That is understandable because it’s only been a few days and I have been a little busy with Sweetie Belle and making the Apple’s work clothes. Perhaps it is time to start marketing to other towns.”
“It’s ok Rarity, I was only curious.”
“Nonsense. You have the right to know how the sales are going. I admit, they are rather slow at the moment, but nothing a quick advertisment can’t fix.”
“You don’t have to do all of that for me. Whatever you want to do is fine.”
“Oh but I must, otherwise I couldn’t enjoy the simple pleasures in life.” (zoom out for luxurious spa, complete with golden toilet ^^)
“Well, if you say so.”
The girls enjoyed a moment of silence. Rarity sighed contently and let her mind wander through some possible dress designs while Fluttershy began to melt into her spa. Her eyes started to get heavy and she snapped awake several times before she stopped worrying about it and let her body slowly find the bottom of the tub. Rarity was about to tell Fluttershy about an adorable thing Spike had done for her but stopped and smiled gently when she saw how relaxed her friend was.
She couldn’t help but giggle when she heard a soft purring coming from Fluttershy. For the first time during the spa date, Rarity decided to take Fluttershy’s lead and found the bottom of the bath. Rarity caressed her cheek against the edge of the tub and let out a soft moan of pleasure. She let her eyes go out of focus and simply enjoyed the faint sounds of trickling water and wind chimes. Rarity could feel her eyes getting heavy, and she didn’t try to fight it, instead she gave herself fully to the bliss and reveled in it.
Rarity was soo relaxed that she didn’t notice when Aloe came in to check on them. Aloe smiled softly to herself, slowly made her way back to the front, and started to ring up the sales on their bit processor. The sounds of the buttons clicking was relaxing in it’s own way and Aloe found a small measure of contentment as she watched the numbers climb. The climax of course was the glorious ring, loud, clear, and it always brought a smile to Aloe’s face. She double checked to make sure everything was correct, paused for dramatic effect, and pulled the handle. The ring resonated throughout the store like it normally did, but for some reason it always seemed sweeter when Rarity’s name was on the bottom of the parchment. She took the papers in her mouth, and with a slight spring in her step, went to go wake Rarity and Fluttershy from their unexpected naps.
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Rarity could literally feel her mind start to slow down and gradually shut down. She decided to turn it into a game, trying to see how close she could come to sleep while still being awake. She was getting quite good at it, allowing her senses to shut down one by one. Rarity was in the middle of a particularly challenging balance between consciousness and sleep when she heard a loud but short ding echoing throughout the whole store. The sound snapped her awake instantly. Her eyes shot wide open and her pupils shrank slightly as her pupils dilated. Rarity jerked her head towards the sound and she blushed slightly at Aloe. Rarity saw the papers in her mouth and knew that her spa date was over. She gave a small signal to Aloe to let her know that she would be along shortly then turned her attention towards Fluttershy.
Rarity rubbed the base of her wings in a pattern that she knew was relaxing. A soft sigh escaped from her lips and her back arched and tensed up as if begging for more. Rarity gave a steadfast sigh and began rubbing harder, digging her hooves into Fluttershy’s muscles in a more determined effort to gently wake her friend. Fluttershy woke with eyes half open and managed a quick “Oh, my...” before her head settled back into it’s original position. Rarity slowed down when she saw that Fluttershy was awake and stopped when she put her head back down.
“Ohh Aloe, please don’t stop.”
“It’s me Fluttershy.”
“Hmmm...”
“Rarity?”
“OH Goodness! Rarity, what are you doing?”
“Trying to wake you up. It seems that you fell asleep in the hoofacure tub.”
Fluttershy gave a slight blush and tried to hide herself in her mane. “I did?”
“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about darling. I fell asleep too. But, Aloe did come in to give us the bill.”
Fluttershy glanced out the window and checked the time based on the angle of the sun. “I suppose it is getting late.”
“Shall we go?”
“After you.”
The two got up and dried off while laughing at how shriveled their skin looked. Rarity grabbed a towel with her magic and helped Fluttershy with the difficult spots and Fluttershy returned the favor. They deposited their towels in the appropriate bin and helped themselves to the complimentary soaps on their way out. They both trotted towards Aloe who was eagerly awaiting them behind the register. Fluttershy put a small pile of bits on the counter and felt a tad guilty for accepting so many extra treatments from Rarity as she watched her empty her bit pouch and write a check for the rest of the bill. The two then made their way outside and felt the warm glow of the sun on their thoroughly refreshed coats.
“It was good catching up with you Rarity, we really should do this more often.”
“I wish I could, but work has kept me pretty busy lately. Which reminds me, I still need to deliver Applejack’s work clothes.”
“Oh, well don’t let me keep you. Thank you for the spa date... it was nice.”
“You’re very welcome dear, think nothing of it. But I really must be going.”
“Of course. See you later.”
“Ta Ta darling.”
I thought about that a little... (because I've got my own problems with making characters talk).
The problem for me to try and speak about that subject is that I just don't read characters talking the same way you probably do... because it's not in my language and even if it's still close, I don't think I understand the slight differences in the way things are being said.
But still, I wanted to know... maybe the reason the way the characters talk is flat (I don't know if it is, as said, I'm not really fit to judge that) is just that you use dialogue when you aren't giving useful or important information. If I take that last exchange between Rarity and Fluttershy:
We do learn that Rarity will go deliver Applejack's work clothes (won't spoil what is really going to happen) and that Fluttershy thought the spa date was nice. But how is this pertinent for the reader? It doesn't allow to learn anything new or confirm an information already received. Or there is something hidden between that "it was nice", but I don't think so (it seems it's just the way Fluttershy talks).
A dialogue may be flat if it doesn't bring something new to the reader. Related to the story, or just a joke or set/help set up an atmosphere.
If the things the characters (here ponies) talk about doesn't bring anything to the reader (even if they must have said something at that moment), I would advise to just use indirect dialogue.
"They both said goodbye and went their own ways."
I personnally love indirect dialogue (mostly because it allows me not to have to master direct dialogue, which I just can't use correctly).
If you want to use direct dialogue anyway, you'll need to use the dialogue to set up an atmosphere or give something about the characters. Repetition is usually very useful in that sort of circumstances (I've got to go... I've really got to go... I'm going now... I'm gone, see, not there anymore...). Or allusions to what just happened or is going to happen (I'm going back to one of my old comments about that part here, yay I'm consistent ). For example, an allusion to what just happened in a positive way: "I'm going home finishing my sleep." or in a negative way "No, really, thank you, I could have never afforded it."
Well, I've got to go back to work (I'm kind of late... not that it matters, but I can use the "lesson zero" episode and apply it, but with real consequences). So to conclude, I don't know much about direct dialogue, I try not to use them as much as possible, so if what I wrote there doesn't help, well, sorry. I tried. Otherwise, well... I would like to know the thoery behind how you build the dialogues, because I also struggle with them (wanted to take some example there, but that goes against my principles).
Okay, I've really got to go now.
Really...
Now.
Bye ^^.
3016186
That was great. I was running late for work too when I was reading your comment.
Ok, I think you are right. It's the tail end of things and it's so predictable it's flat. I will have to read your stories to get a sense of what you mean by indirect dialogue (something that I will probably use a lot once I figure it out). As to how I set up my direct dialogue, I'm afraid I won't be of much help. All I do is look at my notes to see where I want the story to go and what the scenes should be accomplishing, set my characters in their places, and let it happen. I guess it all comes down to "how far can you get into each character's head" and "how well can you combine the character's personalities and values to achieve the affects you wanted." Beyond that I don't know what else to say except read a lot of other people's stuff and see how they did it and try to understand why it did what it did.
I have always loved animated movies and grew up with such classics as Toy Story, Shrek, Cats Don't Dance, All Dogs go to Heaven, and The Pebble and the Penguin. Granted some of these may or may not fit the definition of "animated" but the point is they were all great stories with great characters. Some other really good ones that I almost never get tired of watching are: Rio, Mega Mind, Cars, Surf's Up, Wall-E, Rango, Emperor's New Groove Ratatouille, and Happy Feet. On my to watch list are: How to Train Your Dragon (had to go to work right when it was getting good) Kung Fu Panda 2, and Toy Story 3 (which I thought was way over-hyped when I first saw it but now I want to see it again because I am thinking it was a lot better than I thought.) Point is all of these movies use dialogue and character interactions (values, expectations, personalities) very well. Not to mention that, as expected, the characters change rather quickly and the transitions are handled very well (I only bring that last one up as a tangent because I feel that we both tend to take our time and prefer to slowly change our characters.) I also find the subtle humor that is tastefully (other times not so much) integrated throughout just makes the movies thoroughly enjoyable.
Coming back to the point I was trying to make, try watching some of those movies and pay attention to how the characters talk to each other. I'm going to hazard another guess and say that you are from Germany? (Did I win? ) in which case I don't know if some of the meanings and voices (a huge deal when it comes to translated movies, at least to me) would be lost, distorted, or otherwise different. I couldn't ask myself to watch a movie in a different language (without subtitles, although it wouldn't be as bad) because I am terrible at languages (have I told you my Spanish story yet?), but if you ever get that feeling and have nothing better to do... , Like a Boss.
3017492
There are way better stories than mine to learn about the indirect dialogue .
In my opinion, the rule is:
*if the way the character says something (for example the exact words that character uses) is important, then use direct dialogue
*in any other case, use indirect dialogue.
Also, rely on indirect dialogue to compensate the flaws. For example, if I want to make a very charismatic character tell a big speech to motivate or convince other characters, I can write the speech (and fail miserably at meeting the expectations of the reader because I'm not charismatic and I don't know what words to use) or I can use the indirect dialogue:
"She began to talk, slowly, and her imperative voice covered everyone else, muting the opposition in a powerful submission. In all that chaos, it seemed like her voice was a light which would bring them the safety and hope for victory they all wanted. For a moment, the idea of death seemed to fade away and fear left to give its place to a new and warm feeling of pride. Because, hearing her words, everyone was beginning to remember who they were and why they had come here, in the middle of nowhere, so far from their home. She reminded them of their vows, of the meaning of a loss, but even more whe reminded them of how strong they were together, how how much they had accomplished until now against all odds.
And slowly, but surely, all those men and women who were listening began to believe in her, but more importantly, they began to believe in themselves once again, just like they had done when leaving their home, so long ago..."
This is an example of indirect dialogue (rushed, but still...). The character has spoken during the whole thing, but I've never said exactly what she said. I said the subject she has handled ("we are not going to die just yet" and "we were honorable warriors once" then "you swore to protect..." and finally "we went so far and we can do more"...).
I could also have said:
"She told them they weren't dead yet and weren't going to die just like that. Then, she accused them of having become a bunch of cowards after having been such great warriors. She reminded them of the vow they had made before their departure and how much they had done, sacrificed and accomplished with those sacrifices to come so far, to this point, closer to victory than they had ever been."
Indirect dialogue is a mix of:
- giving the information the character communicates (seconde example)
- giving the reaction from those who listen (first example)
The second example lacks the reaction of the listeners, which makes it very weak...
Well, that's at least how I see and try to use the indirect dialogue. A cheap way to escape having to write actual dialogues (which makes my fantasy about writing an mlp fim episode absurd. It's not in my nature to write dialogue when an mlp fim episode is probably entirely written around the dialogues of the characters...)
(yes, I've got weird fantasies, but that's the goal, dream that we are what we are not and escape reality for a moment, even if reality is actually pretty great (at least for me, depending on the point of view)).
No. I shouldn't try to hide that, so I live south from Germany, east from France, North from Italy and West from Austria. In other words, I'm from that tiny island called Switzerland (I'm way too proud of it...seriously too proud). But I watch my movies in english now (easier to find as in french ('cause I usually speak and think in french) when looking for more obscure things).
No ^^, care to tell it? (yay, story time!)
I personnally learned english on the internet (school only got me so far...), reading cartoons and watching movies. And I'm trying to learn to write in english here. Try the simpson in french, the translation is actually better than the original voices (but that's the only example where it's better in french. Otherwise, it's generally better in english).
I didn't watch a lot of movies in german, but I liked the way they made the germans actually speak german in "Iron sky" and some WWII movies are better in german when it takes the german point of view.
I kind of envy you. I usually have to do a complex thinking about what trick I will try to use in order to bring the needed information I want to communicate, then I've got to find a transition, then make all the logical connections, make sure it's coherent and when it all seems to work, I find out I had made the wrong choice from the very beginning...
Unless I just rush a story without even knowing where it comes from. In which case I just try to keep the storm under control while it lasts.
3018027
I just had some toast with butter and a lot of cinnamon sugar on top. Point is, I'm sugar crashed right now so if I sound off... that's why.
I see what you mean about the indirect dialogue. I will equate it to a painting made with a broad brush vs. a fine detailed brush. Each is good, but in it's place... if that makes sense. Looking back there are quite a few places where a broader "brush" would have been less... more... ummm... . you know what I mean.
Right, Spanish story. So I was struggling with a concept and went in to the teacher's office to get help... everyday, for about an hour. I was making slow progress and eventually started to look a bit like and and maybe on the inside . The day before the test the teacher focused really hard on one subject for some reason and then gave me a worksheet on that subject telling me to do it at home and then we'll review it right before the test. Test day, the teacher holds true and now I feel like , bring it test. I get it, flip to that subject and went , that was the exact same worksheet we just went over... and I know the answers . Well, turns out I still got half of that subject wrong. I Spanish.
Eh, not a lot of places you can go with that.
3018329
I totally agree with that, so it probably makes sense.
I love it when the teachers decide they want us to pass the test.
Oh well... I see you obviously just wanted to remind the teacher about his moral obligation to treat every student equally. That's very kind of you to have held your principles there .
3020509
Two people (or ponies) going their separate ways is one of the biggest source of emotion in litterature (and in real life as well... oh the memories ^^). But I also kind of see what you mean there.
I'm still convinced it could be exploited (and as I love to repeat myself:) would it be to:
- repeat the crucial information given right before
- help set up the atmosphere with allusions
- create the transition by giving a hint for what is going to happen
- create a little subplot ("gimmick"? Not sure about that word) with Rarity saying goodbye the same (weird) way every time
- just have fun and explore the dynamic of "goodbyes" (beginning to discuss how hard it is sometimes to find the correct way to say goodbye in order to let the other go with a good impression and not end on a bad feeling (happened to me yesterday actually )).
- show how hard it is to say goodbye indirectly through the characters (Fluttershy being very shy, she could be struggling with the fact. Just need to be very subbtle to have that subplot not become too important in the eyes of the reader)
- insert a joke (I'm really bad with joke, but just imagine Pinkie Pie having to say goodbye in an awkward moment and you should see what I mean)..
- have a meta discussion about the place of dialogue in stories (yes, we can actually discuss what we write and how we write in the story itself. But I wouldn't adivse to do it ).
... I guess I'm going too far here. I really tried to understand you comment. And I think you meant "You just want the two of them to say goodbye. It's simple, it's meant to be flat because goodbyes are that way, so no need to overthink it."
And in that regard, you're totally right. I felt like I had to point out we could exploit two characters saying goodbye, but I can understand that some times, if two characters say goodbye, then it's all there is to say there.
3020509
True, unless you use some of TwiwnB's ideas. Some of which would be easier than others, depending.
3020703
That... or I really suck at Spanish. Truth be told, I like your explanation for my deficiencies much better.