Behind Closed Doors

by OrphiusOlyandra

Chapter 7

Startling New Discoveries

Startling new scientific evidence from Professor Crack Pot has confirmed the long held rumor that gryphons are more aggressive than ponies and perform worse in schools across all subjects. In this longitudinal study started since the beginning of the gryphon civil war, Professor Pot tracked gryphon performance across five broad categories ranging from mathematics to Equestrian history. In all cases, the gryphons underperformed, in some cases up to eighty percent. The only area that gryphons performed better was in the area of physical education, something Professor Pot attributed to their natural predatory nature and aggressive behavior.

These findings were further supported by the percentage of the gryphon population that has been arrested. In cities such as Canterlot and Manehatten, this number was ten times that of ponies relative to current populations and often for much more violent crimes such as murder. With the recent influx of gryphon migrants, Professor Pot predicts crime will increase as a result. When we approached The Crown for comment, they declined to give a statment.

See Page 3 for a full interview with Professor Pot.

Normally, I’d be pissed off if I walked into a room and everyone started talking about me behind my back, but in this case it sorta made sense, and I was distracted enough that I didn’t give a shit. A gryphon in Canterlot Castle attending a meeting about gryphon refugees who had the ear of Princess Luna herself was actually something that deserved a bit of chatter. Really though, the main reason I wasn’t getting angry at the ponies casting ‘subtle’ glances at me was because I was already pissed off at myself.

I can still barely believe that I scared Trixie so much she flashed back to her abusive shit-stain of a mother. I could taste acid from my stomach crawling up my throat just thinking about Trixie hyperventilating and running around the kitchen like that. Heck, she gave me a beer. She got a beer from... somewhere, and shoved it in my face to try and calm me down. I hadn’t asked her about it, but I can’t help but imagine that’s what she or her father did for Trixie’s mother.

You know what’s really messed up about it though? Now I’m wondering if Trixie’s with me because of unresolved mummy issues. That would be so fucked up I’m not sure I could ever look at her like that again.

Yeah, just bail on the mare that’s using you as a psychological crutch. Real classy.

I grit my jaw at that comment as we passed a couple of guards at the entrance. Wearing sunglasses all the time made me feel like a douchebag, but at least it was better than the stares I got for having messed up eyes. The guards must have been on the lookout for me or something, because when one of the pegasi saw me, he flew straight for Luna and Celestia and said something to them while glancing back at me.

I tried to ignore the hairs rising on the back of my neck as Luna’s eyes shifted to me. Trixie found a seat, and I planted myself next to her. It was right about then that I realised I’d be spending the next hour or so in a room with Luna.

How the fuck did Dash talk me into this?

“You alright? We can leave if you prefer,” whispered Trixie as she glared at Celestia from her seat.

I thought about it for a second, before I said, “Maybe that’s a good-”

“Don’t tell me you're planning on bailing already, G?” Dash plunked herself down in the chair next to me. “Wimping out so soon?”

I rolled my eyes. “Screw you, Dash. If it means avoiding a fight between me and Luna, it’s probably the smarter thing to do.” I glanced over at her, and noticed she was still coated in bandages and smirked. “You okay? You can still eat solid foods, right?”

“I can still kick your fat flank,” she shot back.

“Hey, Dash, I promise if things get hairy I’ll fly you out of the firing line. Wouldn’t want you getting beaten up by anymore mean little colts.” I nudged her with my elbow.

“Please, they’re still in bed.” Dash glanced over at Trixie who was still busy glaring at the two alicorns. “And I still don’t believe you two are dating.”

“Hey!” I jabbed her with a talon hard enough to make her wince. “Woops. Sorry. Look, if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say it. I’m definitely not getting caught in the middle if you pick a fight with her.”

“Just saying. Didn’t take you for being into mares like her was all.” Her ears perked up and she sat up in her seat. “Oh hey! It’s Vinyl. Over here!”

I glanced ahead, and saw DJ Pon-3 walking next to some grey earth pony and a blue coated, black maned unicorn. Vinyl’s ears perked at Rainbow Dash calling her name, and looked over her shoulder at us. For a second she looked confused, then a big grin came over her face and she started leading her friends towards us.

“Didn’t she help put you in hospital in the first place?” I asked as I crossed my arms.

“You mean she made the night awesome,” said Dash before turning to the unicorn, “Hey, who’s your friend?”

“This is Octavia and this is...” she glanced over her shoulder at the blue unicorn before she shrugged and said, “Bluey.”

The unicorn blinked in surprise at that and stiffened like someone dumped a bucket of cold water over her head. She looked like she was about to start shouting when Octavia put a hoof on her shoulder and shook her head. After a moment, I saw her mutter ‘whatever’ and sullenly trotted after Vinyl.

For some reason I doubted Bluey was her real name.

Vinyl grinned as she came closer and held out a hoof for Dash to bump. “You’re looking messed up. Hope the pain killers make up for it.”

“Nah, Applejack had to be all boring and crap. Maybe I’ll take you up on the drinking offer though, haven’t partied like that in a long time. You and Pinkie should throw a jam sometime,” chuckled Dash.

“She’s not here is she?” Vinyl glanced around before shaking her head and sitting down on the other side of Dash. “That mare’s fun most of the time, but I wouldn’t want to be the one sitting next to her for the next hour.” She glanced over at me, and held out a hoof. “Vinyl Scratch.”

“We’ve met.” I answered flatly.

Her grin faltered for a second, before she looked across at Bluey then back at me. “Right, sorry. Octy’s always worried that the alcohol’s killing my brain cells, maybe she’s right.” She chuckled and shook her head. “Sorry if I didn’t make the best first impression.”

I didn’t answer her, just shrugged and bumped her hoof. “Whatever.”

Trixie elbowed me in the stomach.

I rolled my eyes, but tried to sound more polite. “Sorry. Vinyl, this is my marefriend, Trixie.”

“You got thrown out last time,” said Trixie. “Next time, throw in some fireworks.”

“Hey, I’m a musician not a firebug.” She chuckled good naturedly, before shaking her head and saying, “Besides, I only came to this thing because Octy wanted me to. Speaking of which,” she put her hoof around the grey earth pony. “Meet my marefriend, Octavia.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Octavia smiled politely at Trixie and held out her hoof. I couldn’t help but notice her trying to avoid looking at me as she did.

“Something wrong with my date?” growled Trixie.

“Oh, no not at all.” Octavia smiled pleasantly. “I just... Uh... Well, I have heard of her in the papers and I’m not sure what to say.”

“I’m sitting right here.” I pointed out flatly. “Who says you have to treat me any differently at all? You’re dating Pon-3 here and she’s in the papers all the time.”

Octavia looked like a convict caught in a flood light for a second there, before she replied. “My apologies to you and your marefriend. I wasn’t trying to be rude.”

“Bah, don’t pay attention to Octy, she’s just got a silver spoon shoved up her flank,” said Bluey.

“I know the type,” I replied. “You should have seen how badly my mother took it when she found out about me and Trixie. She warmed up eventually, but still, awkward.”

“Don’t remind Trixie. The things your mother says.” A shudder passed through her frame. “Trixie still has nightmares from that.”

“So is speaking in the third person like that deliberate, a speech impediment, or is Equestrian just your second language?” Vinyl asked and shifted in her seat.

“It’s called showmareship, something you obviously do not understand,” she shot back, though I could feel the small shiver that ran up her spine at the question.

“Hey, hey. I’m just asking is all.” Vinyl held up her hooves. “I think it sounds kinda hot. You’ve got that whole fem-dom thing going there. Da, you will obey the Vinyl Scratch.” She said in an exaggerated Stalliongrad accent.

“Vinyl!” Octavia hissed, and only got a shrug and a grin in answer.

Beside us Rainbow cracked up laughing while Trixie blushed bright red, pulling her hat down to hide it.

I glanced around to make sure no one else was listening in before I leaned across and growled, “Listen, things will go better for you if you don’t bring that up again? It’s something she’s working on, and you’re not helping.”

“Hey!” Vinyl shifted away from me, her grin dropping. “I was just making a joke.”

“And I was just making a suggestion.” I replied as I leaned back into my chair, then I turned to face Trixie. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” she mumbled and snuggled into me, leading to some very angry looks in my direction.

“Sorry.” Vinyl said after a moment, and she sounded genuine. “I wasn’t trying to make things awkward.” Then she stood up and shouted out at one of the ponies that was glaring at me and Trixie. “Hey! You want to come over here and say something about it?!”

Octavia grabbed her and pulled her back into the seat. “Vinyl!” she hissed. “You’re not getting us thrown out again.”

“Hey, that wasn’t even me the first time,” she muttered back sullenly, before looking back at Trixie. “Look, I’m sorry. I swear I wasn’t trying to make a scene, sometimes I just don’t know when to shut up.”

“Something I know all too well,” laughed Bluey. “Seriously, the things she thinks.”

“‘Thinks’?” I frowned at her. “You using mind magic on her or something?”

“She doesn’t think before she speaks,” said Bluey. “Anything she says is what she thinks.”

I glanced over at Vinyl, who shrugged at me, before turning to back to Bluey. “I can believe that.”

The sound of a thunderclap grabbed everyone’s attention.

“The meeting will now start,” announced Luna over the crowd of ponies.

Just the sound of her voice put me in a bad mood. I grit my jaw as I leaned back in my seat and glared out the pony I hated most in the world.

Funny how you hate her so much when she’s the reason you met Trixie.

I clenched my jaw harder. I had plenty of reason to hate Luna, and she only ever gave me one reason to thank her. She never even apologised about what happened.

Oh, isn’t that big of you. You’re sulking because she never said she was sorry about what happened when she’s been doing nothing but try to make up for it these last few months.

That was complete bullshit. That was just Luna convincing herself that I might want something to do with her, and that she could somehow use me for whatever sick plans she had in her head now.

Do you have any idea how paranoid you sound?

“Shut up.”

“Excuse me?” I suddenly found myself on the receiving end of Celestia’s stare.

I blinked in shock, before looking around and realising that the entire room was looking at me. Fuck... I just said that out loud, again. Luna looked like she was trying not to roll her eyes at me.

“Uh... sorry. I uh...” Had an argument with a voice in the back of my head? “Uh... continue?”

Celestia gave me a very flat look, before turning back to the crowd and serenely continuing, “As I was saying. Today we are here to continue the discussion on the proposed zoned hunting areas, and introduce the topic of refugee housing and employment. As before, this is merely a discussion, and nothing said here is official policy. My sister Luna will have the floor first, and then open up the discussion for others to contribute. Just as last time, any who fail to respect the opinions and input of others will be escorted outside.” A glance was directed at me, or maybe it was at Vinyl Scratch. “Now,” she turned and looked at Luna. “Sister, if you’d please.”

“We think we shall sit this one out tonight,” she said with a wave of her hoof. “Perhaps We shall open the floor immediately.”

Celestia paused for a moment, before turning back to the crowd like nothing had changed. “Very well, we’ll start with open discussion on the proposed hunting scheme. If you’ve spoken your piece at past meetings, please, hold your input until those who haven’t been heard yet have had their say.”

Some stallion with a Manehattan accents stood up. “I’m not sure I like this idea you’re proposing. What happens if we get more gryphon refugees and we need to open up more and more hunting zones until all of Equestria’s just open season?”

I literally facepalmed at how dumb that was.

“Also, I’m still not sure why we’re feeding them out of our own pocket anyway. Maybe we can put them to work and have them earn their keep?”

I grit my beak, and fought the urge to yell at him.

Another pony stood up, and spoke out. A mare who sounded Canterlot born. “I’m not sure I agree with your idea entirely, but it has some merit. Why don’t we simply hire hunters and butchers from the Kingdom, allow them to open up shop and then provide the gryphon refugees with the opportunity to work for coin and purchase their own food? If they’re too lazy to work, then that’s their issue, but if they spend their time productively they can earn the means to support themselves.”

The worst part of that suggestion was how she managed to sound like she had a halfway intelligent idea.

“Hey, how about we make you a productive member of society!” yelled Bluey.

Celestia turned towards her. “If you have something to contribute, do so in a respectful manner that encourages discussion, otherwise you will be asked to leave.”

“I’m just saying that if that’s your logic, you might as well toss out all the so called ‘unproductive’ members of society. Like, I dunno, nobles?” The mixture of laughter and guffaws made her grin wider. “Just tossing it out there is all.”

Celestia eyed her up and down for a moment, before she turned to face the rest of the audience. “Does anyone else have something to contribute?”

After a moment, I sighed and stood up. “Yeah, look, I have to say I think your zoned hunting areas idea is a pretty bullshit solution.”

Did a pony just faint? Seriously?

I rolled my eyes and continued. “It’s a strictly temporary answer to a much bigger problem than you’re making it out to be. Your idea is that you just have these areas open until you can process the influx of hunting license requests, right? Well there’s a few problems with that. The first is that the problem won’t go away once you’ve given out enough hunting licenses. Not all gryphons are hunters, in fact most of them aren’t. Pretty much the entire Kingdom was fed through the farms and fishing industries, not local hunting. You’re gonna need something permanent if you plan on having these gryphons staying in Equestria for longer than a few months.”

“Very well then, how would thou propose to help diffuse this situation then?” asked Luna and I clenched my fists and took a calming breath. Oh, goddesses just being in the same room as her was getting on my nerves.

“Uh... Well, the hunting zones idea isn’t a terrible one, I guess. I mean, it at least helps the problem for now? So yeah, enact that. But like I just said, what you really need to sort this out is farms and fishing boats. I don’t know the numbers, but you’re talking about what? Maybe half the population of Canterlot scattered across all of Equestria over the next year or two? Probably more... Whatever, I dunno the numbers. The point is, who knows how long this war’s gonna last? What you need to do is give your existing farms some encouragement to start raising poultry and swine and other animals like that. Then you buy those animals from the farms and distribute them among the refugees or something...” I scratched the back of my head. “Look, I don’t really know the details of how this would work, but it’s the direction you want to be moving in if you’re talking about any kind of permanent residency.”

Luna seemed surprised I could actually string together two sentences, but she nodded slowly. “Sister? What dost thou think? If thou moves past Gilda’s... articulate speech, there seems to be some truth within her words.”

“Go suck yourself, you fat bitch.” I muttered and sat back down causing Vinyl to smother her laughter.

“It appears to hold some merit. I’d have to talk to the minister of agriculture and some of the rural nobility, but it sounds like a matter worth looking into.”

“You can’t do that! What about the ecological fallout? What’s more, the animals that the gryphon suggested have emotions and thoughts just like the rest of us. How can we in good conscious rear them just so that they can be slaughtered and eaten?” said a pegasus, and almost everyone nodded in agreement.

“Pigs and chickens aren’t sentient, numbskull.” I stood up again and called out to him. “Plus, Equestria already produces more than enough grains, fruits and vegetables to feed itself and sell the surplus. You’re gonna be doing more damage to the environment by letting them hunt en masse than just converting some of your existing farmland into a way to feed gryphons. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out.”

“Fish?” asked another. “Perhaps we could compromise and go more for fishing rather than... poultry?”

“Maybe. Look, I dunno anything about fishing, but I guess it could be cheaper in the long run for Equestria. If you can get enough fish coming in, then sure, look into that too. You’ll still probably need some poultry and swine though, and you’ve already got what you need to get that up and running. You already have chicken farms, and I saw pigs the last time I was at a farm. I’m not even sure what the pigs were even doing there, but whatever.”

“But-”

“That’s barbaric!” yelled some idiot. “We’ve lived thousands of years in harmony with those around us and now you want us to change the very foundation upon which Equestria lies.”

“Nations rise and fall, cultures live and die.” I shrugged. “Last year the Gryphon Kingdom was a stable monarchy, this year it’s a warzone. Circumstances change, so what? You’ve lasted a thousand years? Well that’s a pretty good run and all, but it’s not like your way of life is sacred or some shit. Before that you had the three tribes, and if you asked an earth pony what he thought of sharing land with unicorns, you can bet your ass he’d be bloody offended by the idea. Now you’re offended by the idea of gryphons sharing land with you.” I balanced the two ideas out on invisible scales with my claws. “So, you’re basically a racist, tribalist piece of shit. Congrats.”

“I think what my friend is trying to say is that harmony with all living things has always been an important part of Equestria culture and you’re asking us to simply toss that aside,” said “Prince” Blueblood. “It would be like asking you to throw away your... important cultural values. Now I understand this is a highly emotional topic for you, but please, refrain from lashing out in such a manner. We are having a civil debate here.”

I snorted at him. “If I had ‘important cultural values’ I wouldn’t be here. I’m female, in case you haven’t noticed.” I rolled my eyes, and thought about what he said for a second. “Look, you’re looking at this the wrong way. No matter what happens, and I mean no matter what, this civil war’s gonna impact Equestria in some way. There is no perfect solution that’s gonna fix everything and make it all good again. What I’m suggesting is the only way of saving gryphon lives without making things any worse than they have to be. Look, have you got a better idea? ‘Cause I haven’t heard or read any suggestions from you that weren’t ‘pretend there isn’t a problem ‘till it goes away’.”

“Caution is a virtue, and in delicate situations such as these a light touch is necessary. My suggestion is a simple one, gryphons can eat various fruits and vegetables. They shall continue to eat fruits and vegetables, supplemented by fish and hunting reserved for special occasions.” Blueblood smirked at me. “How’s that for a suggestion?”

“Down right fucking retarded,” I replied. “Eating meat isn’t optional for gryphons. We need that to survive. The fruits and grains supplement our diet, but we can’t live off of them. Without meat we get sick and die.”

“Technically that’s because you don’t get enough of the correct nutrients in your diet.” I just stared at the other unicorn. Seriously, how many unicorns were there? “What? I’m a scientist, can’t a scientist have an interest in politics?”

I shook my head, and shrugged, mostly because I couldn’t think of a way to argue against that second part. “Look, gryphons are predators, born and bred. We get the nutrients we need from meat, and we’re not equipped to get them from anywhere else, at least not for any longer than we have to. If you’re not gonna feed the gryphons, they’re gonna feed themselves without your help, and that would just turn meat into a currency. Someone, most likely someone who isn’t afraid of breaking the law, will take advantage of that.”

Blueblood ground his teeth and glared at me. “Did you miss the part on fish? Fish would be more than enough!”

I smirked at seeing him so pissed off. “Maybe, I doubt it, but maybe. Look, you’re talking about a lot of gryphons, thousands of them at least. Do you honestly want to rely on the one way to feed all of them? The Gryphon Kingdom lasted as long as it did on a variety of food sources, not just one or two. Personally I really doubt that you can get enough fishing boats going to feed every gryphon coming in from the Kingdom. Besides, what difference does it make? Fishing or farming, either way you’re killing animals. I mean, if you can find a way to feed the dogs and cats that half the country keeps as pets, the least you can do is offer the same bloody thing for, you know, actual sentients.” After a second I added, “Sentients that have stood in as allies to you guys for freaking centuries, in case you’ve forgotten.”

“At least I’m the one looking for compromise rather than going ‘I’m right and you’re wrong and you should all bend over for us’!” yelled Blueblood. “This is what I’m talking about, this attitude of yours. Of all gryphons. You just take and keep on taking without end, even now you’re still taking.”

I felt my hackles rise at that comment. “Listen, everyone here knows you’re the biggest goddess damn elitist alive in Equestria, and I’m sure most of the earth ponies here would love to tell you go take a pike up the ass. Anything you have to say about any race is completely invalid, when you already hate half of your own. You’re talking about gryphons like they’re a plague when you’ve done more to hurt the Equestrian working class than any gryphon has.” I was seething, and clenching and unclenching my fists.

“That is enough,” said Luna. “Insults do no one any favors.”

Turning to her I snapped, “Oh, go fu-” I bit down the rest of my insult, and took in a deep breath. Goddesses damn it, her voice was just... Argh! It brought back so many freaking memories at once. I kept remembering being forced to watch while Trixie cast the spell that nearly killed her, or Trixie being stabbed by some brain-dead gryphon. After a moment or two of breathing, I forced the memories from my mind and looked up to see Luna looking at me sadly. “Don’t look at me like that,” I spat at her. Most of this shit was her fault anyway.

Out the corners of my eyes, I saw guards move towards me, but a shake of Luna’s head called them off. From the utter silence of the room and the way quills scribbled on paper, I realised I’d just made the front page again.

Shit.

How did you think coming here would result in anything else? Just how stupid are you? Honestly, it’s a miracle you didn’t flip out and try to murder Luna.

I glared at the guards around me, before looking back at Luna. I unclenched my talons and sat down without saying anything.

“You alright?” whispered Trixie as she hugged me.

“Yeah. I’m not gonna flip out or anything just yet.”

“Want to leave?”

“In a bit, I want to see where this goes first.” That was complete bullshit. I just didn’t want to give Blueblood the pleasure of seeing me run away like a little bitch.

After a moment, Vinyl stood up. “Personally, despite the major anger issues and weird vibe I’m getting between Luna and Gilda, I think that Gilda has a point. I mean, as the only gryphon here, doesn’t she know their side of things better than we do? Should we really be having these meeting about gryphons if we’re gonna ignore what an actual gryphon actually has to say?”

“Of course not, but when a gryphon is being as stubborn as she is, there is very little we can do about that,” replied Blueblood.

Vinyl snorted at him. “Stop trying to make it sound like you’re any more reasonable than she is. You’re the one that brought in racism about gryphons taking our stuff or whatever. Heck, I know earth ponies and pegasi that’d punch you in the face if you said the same thing about them.”

“I did no such thing, how dare you even insinuate that!”

“You totally did.”

“I am merely voicing the opinion of the general populace and of those who are too afraid of speaking out for themselves,” he finished with a glare.

“And she’s just voicing the opinions and needs of gryphons. Besides, what have the ponies you represent got to be afraid of? If they have something to say, they can say it themselves. Unlike the gryphons, they actually get to be represented by more than one pony—well, sentient—in this stupid debate thingy anyway. They don’t need you to talk for them.”

“Hmph. Shows what you know about politics.”

“I thought Luna just said we were supposed to be done with the name calling?” Vinyl grinned. “Because if you get to say that to me, I get to say you’re an elitist douche and I wouldn’t piss on you if someone set your mane on fire.”

“If either of you two continue, We will have Eclipse escort you out. Forcibly if necessary,” said Luna flatly. “Two new speakers please.”

“Yeah, I’ve got something to say, you all suck. Every single last one of you. I mean, freaking Tartarus! They’ve stood by us for years, every single time crap went down and now that they’re in trouble you’re just gonna back off?” yelled Dash. “You should all be ashamed of yourselves.”

A blue unicorn mare stood up, and gave Rainbow Dash a haughty look. “I’m not sure history’s informing your opinion on the matter as much as your history with this gryphon. We all became aware of your proclivities when you had your spat with her in the castle halls.”

“Oh boo hoo, there’s some rumor going around of me having fucked a gryphon. Well guess what, at least I’ve had sex unlike you,” said Dash.

She harrumphed. “I was merely saying you should keep your private preferences separate from politics. You have no right to insult all of us, when your ‘enlightenment’ comes from your bedroom.”

“Joke on you then, I’m straight! Oh, what’s that? Huh? Sorry, can’t hear you over how much of an idiot you are,” said Dash. “So, wanna call me a gryphon next? How about a changeling? I mean, you can’t look even more stupid than you are now.”

“You can tell us, and yourself, that as much as you like,” the mare replied with a roll of her eyes. “In any case, what do you know about history? You’re hardly playing the role of the intellectual.”

“Because we need a PhD to talk about basic history every foal knows, right?”

“You’re certainly acting like a foal.”

“That’s enough from the both of you.” Celestia interjected. “In fact, I believe that’s enough from everyone. It seems we cannot manage a calm discussion about this, so there’s no point in discussing it at all. We were going to bring up gryphon housing, but perhaps that’s not the best idea at the moment. Luna, unless you have anything to add, I suggest we end the discussion for tonight.”

“If We must,” sighed Luna. “Night Court is dismissed, you may all leave.”

I didn’t need a second invitation. Immediately, I stood up and headed for the doors. “Come on, Trix, let’s bail.”

“Agreed. Here’s to hoping Blueblood turns up at Trixie’s next show,” she growled.

“Here’s to hoping he turns up dead.” I replied and glared at him as he walked away with his nose in the air. After a second, I glanced at Dash. “Thanks for saying all that by the way. It would have worked if that stupid bitch hadn’t turned it into a catfight.”

“She’s an idiot and you’re a friend.” Dash shrugged and looked away. “Just don’t tell her I’m not actually straight.”

I smirked and bumped her shoulder. “Well, most ponies seem to think I’m a male anyway. You could probably convince her that screwing me makes you straight or something. Not that we ever did that.”

“Can you imagine how awkward that’d be? Especially the kissing,” said Dash.

“I dunno, Trixie seems to enjoy it.” I glanced over before I stepped closer and put my wing over my marefriend, before looking back at Dash. “But still, me? With you? Nuh uh. You couldn’t pay me to do that.”

“You saying I’m not hot enough?” asked Dash.

“Hey, don’t look at me, I’m not getting involved in this one,” said Bluey.

“Nobody looked at you,” I frowned at her.

“Hey, I’m talking to you. You saying I’m not hot?”

Rolling my eyes, I turned back to Dash smirking. “Look, maybe in the right light, and if I didn’t have a marefriend, and if you wore a bag over your head, and if I was drunk out of my mind, maybe I’d toss you a pity fuck.”.

“As if you’re so hot yourself,” grumbled Dash.

I chuckled, “Hey, who here’s single, and who’s dating a total ten.”

Trixie immediately snuggled into my side and kissed my neck, causing Dash to gag. “Oh dear Celestia no. Trixie is not a ten.”

“If she’s not a ten, then you’re lucky to be a five.”

“Oh please, I’m totally an eleven out of ten. You’re just blind,” said Dash.

“Well, I’d totally say tha-”

“Vinyl.” Octavia warned.

The DJ paused. “Um... nevermind.”

Shaking my head, I put on my best ‘reasonable’ sounding voice. “Listen Dash, I’ll admit that objectively you got that whole ‘cute tomboy’ thing going on, and the attitude and mane helps, and it works for you, but nuh. Not enough curve, and you’re way too short.”

“Whatever.” She rolled her eyes. “If you two start kissing, I’m leaving.”

“That an offer?”

“Trixie seems to think so.” My marefriend nuzzled me lightly before her lips brushed up against my beak. “Trixie has heard about this really nice gryphon restaurant that’s nearby...”

Octavia stepped forward. “I’ve actually been there, and I must say I recommend it.”

“Wait, when did you go there?” Vinyl trotted up next to her.

“Oh, Bluey took me there.”

“What?!” Vinyl sputtered and spun around and advanced on Bluey. “You what?! You took Octy on a date?!”

“I didn’t!” yelled Bluey as she scrambled back. “It wasn’t a date!”

“Wait, that was the night she was totally hammered, wasn’t it?!” Vinyl jabbed a hoof at Bluey. “You totally went on a date and got her drunk!”

“What? No! Of course not.” She began backing away nervously, eyes darting everywhere. “I have no idea what you’re even talking about.”

“You!” Vinyl shouted and dived for her. “I’m gonna kill you! We had a deal! No touching! None!”

“I didn’t touch, I didn’t touch!” The blue unicorn began running away, but Vinyl was hot on her hooves. “Octavia, tell her!”

“That’s enough, Vinyl!” Octavia huffed and stepped between the two of them. “Nothing happened.”

“Lies!” Vinyl shouted, and tried to step past her, but Octavia grabbed her tail with her teeth. “Come here! I only want to strangle you a little!”

“-inyl!” Octavia growled around her mouthful of tail. “S’op!”

I glanced between Trixie and Dash. “Should... we stop them or...?”

“Leave them. This is entertaining to the Great and Powerful Trixie,” she said.

“Really? You still talk in third person?”

“Silence nave! How dare you insult Trixie? She shall-”

“Enough!” I shouted out and stepped forward to snatch Vinyl’s tail with my talon, and pulled her back, before turning to Trixie and Rainbow. “You two stop fighting.” I pointed a talon down at Vinyl. “And you stop acting like an idiot. You’re not actually gonna kill her, and if you try again I’ll knock you flat out unconscious.” I glared at everyone present. “I’ve had enough drama for one night, and I’m not gonna put up with any of you fighting. Understand me?”

Trixie gave me her large innocent eyes and I shook my head at her.

“Nuh uh, not working! Pull that face all you want, I’m still not siding with you. No more fighting, period. I’m not gonna put up with it from any of you.”

“I’m your marefriend! I should get special treatment,” she muttered.

I rolled my eyes at her. “I’m sure you’ll make me suffer for it later. Now, Dash, say sorry to Trixie for making fun of her.”

“Whatever,” said the pegasus with a shrug.

I stepped forward, and growled into her face. “Dash. I’m not kidding around, if you don’t apologise to her now you can go home. It’s something she’s been working on, and it’s something she’s sensitive about. I’m not putting up with crap from either of you right now.”

“Fine. Sorry. Whatev’s.”

“Good enough,” I muttered as I turned around and looked at Bluey. “Now you say sorry to Vinyl for breaking whatever agreement you had with her.”

“Fine. Sorry,” she sighed.

I turned to Vinyl. “And you. Trust your marefriend and stop making my night more painful than it has to be.” I turned to Octavia. “And you... don’t go on dates when your marefriend’s the jealous type.”

“But I-”

“I don’t want to hear it!” I interrupted her, and turned around to face Trixie again. “So, you were saying something about a restaurant?”

“Trixie isn’t sure after the way you mistreated her. Not even turning a blind eye when it’s your marefriend? You should be disappointed in yourself.”

“Fuck that noise.” I replied and put my wing over her back. “We’re going out to that restaurant whether you like it or not.”

“So now you’re kidnapping Trixie?” She cocked an eyebrow up at me, but leaned in.

“Damn right I am.” I looked at the rest of the ponies in front of me. “The rest of you can do whatever as long as it’s not bugging me.”

Trixie leaned up and ran her lips along my neck and jaw line before whispering in my ear, “Sounds like fun.”

“I thought so too,” I replied before nodding at the others. “Anyway, later Dash.”

“Oh geez, get a room you two, that’d disgus-”

Next thing I knew Trixie’s tongue was in my mouth and we were sharing a sloppy kiss. I kinda fought it at first, but after a moment I gave in and tried to slip the tongue back before she pulled away and smiled at me coyly.

“…Yeah. I’m leaving. I could have lived without seeing that,” gagged Dash and turned away. “Later G.”

“Later,” I said to her as she trotted away. I glanced back over at the other three. Octavia looked pretty green, but Vinyl was smiling and Bluey merely rolled her eyes. “Nice meeting you, now go away.” I frowned at them.

Vinyl grinned. “Hey, don’t mind me, I’m happy to just watch.” Octavia rammed a knee into Vinyl’s side. “I mean, yeah, good night.”

“Have a good evening,” Octavia said cooly.

Bluey nodded and began walking in the other direction to everyone. “Sorry, but I’ve got crap to deal with. Have fun you two lovebirds.”

“Alright Trix, let’s go.” Turning around, I led us to the end of the street before I paused and glanced at her. “Uh... I just realised I don’t know where the restaurant is.”

“Of course not, why is Trixie so surprised? Follow the great and powerful one, my little gryphon,” she smirked as she moved ahead of me.

I rolled my eyes and walked along behind her. “And you’re back to speaking in third person.”

She blinked in surprise before shrugging. “Is that a bad thing? Trixie likes reserving first person for private moments.”

“It makes everyone think you’re crazy, Trix. If you’re on stage or have an audience, then go for it, but why does it just have to be for the two of us? Not that I don’t like it, I find it kinda hard to think of you without it, but isn’t it something you’ve been trying to work on? You keep lapsing back into it, and it doesn’t even seem like you notice.”

“It’s an old habit you know,” she huffed. “Those are hard to get rid of. It’s a part of me like my cape and hat.”

“Hey, if that’s what you want then I’m fine with it, I’m just trying to look out for you. I know Vinyl’s speech impediment comment got to you.”

Trixie shifted uncomfortably, lifting my wing so she could wrap it around her. “I’m used to it, I don’t mind.”

“I’m used to killing and fighting, doesn’t mean I should have to be. Look, if you’re really fine with it then I’ll drop it, but you seem kinda... I dunno, sensitive about it.”

“Don’t worry about Trixie.” She smiled up at me and licked my cheek. “Let’s just have fun tonight. With all the craziness lately, we deserve a night off.”

“Amare to that,” I smiled back at her. “So, where is this place anyway? And are we actually gonna pay for the meal this time?”

That got a laugh out of her. “If the food’s good enough.”

“Hey, we’re kinda famous now. I’m not sure we could really get away with that these days.”

“You don’t know until you try,” she chuckled and sighed. “Though I am tempted to pay just because it means you get some properly cooked meat for once.”

“Hey, you’re getting better. I mean, I’ve never met a pony who could cook meat half as well as you could. Some decent meat for once would be nice though, I’m getting sick of all the cheap preserved crap.”

“Or you could cook more often,” she chuckled and nudged me playfully in the ribs. “Trixie must say your vegetarian dishes can make any mare drool.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I waved that off and scratched the back of my head. “I still don’t like cooking. I mean, I like making something nice for you, but I don’t really like being in the kitchen.”

“But you’d look so cute in an apron,” pouted Trixie.

“I’ve never worn an apron,” I replied with a frown, “And I sure as heck never will.”

“I know, don’t remind me,” said Trixie. “But if you cooked more, you’d have more delicious meat to eat rather than leaving it up to me.”

“I don’t like doing it though,” I replied and shifted uncomfortably. “It’s so... I dunno. I just don’t like it.”

“Too feminine?” she said.

“...Maybe,” I muttered. “Look, it just makes me feel like a ditsy, retarded...” There was no other word for it, really, “Female.” I finished, staring at the ground.

I felt my head being tilted up and her lips found my beak. After a couple seconds, she finally pulled back and held me close. “Regardless, you’d be my ditsy female.”

“I might be able to live with that,” I replied with a smirk. “But I’m pretty sure we both know who’s the mare in this relationship.”

“Oh? Is that so?” She cocked an eyebrow at me. “Tell me then, who is the mare in the relationship?”

“Well, given that you’re, you know, actually a mare... you?”

All I got was a very flat look.

“Look, you have to admit that I’m way more stallion-ish than you are. I’m not saying I’m in charge or anything, just that you’re the one that’s...” I groaned and looked directly at her. “Look, I’ll probably be wearing a suit at the wedding and you’ll be in a dress. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Only because of how hot you are in a suit,” she said. “Plus, Trixie would look far better in a dress than you.”

“That’s not what I meant. You don’t want to be my bitch, and I don’t want to be yours. There isn’t anyone ‘in charge’, but I’m easily less of a mare than you are.” It was only when I saw that mischievous smirk of hers that I realized I had been played. “You suck, you know that, right?”

Trixie burst out laughing and pecked my cheek. “Love you too. Now, how about that meal?”

“You’re the one leading the way.” I muttered, and waved a claw ahead. “How far are we from this stupid place anyway?”

“Just around the corner. Why? Is someone getting hungry?”

“Someone’s getting sick of being picked on,” I mumbled, following her around the bend.

“Awwww, shall Trixie kiss you better?” she giggled.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.” I paused out the front of the restaurant and raised an eyebrow at what the sign said. “‘The Sun’s Concord’?” I snorted, and followed Trixie through the the front door. “Real cute, seeing as how we’re just a few streets from Canterlot Castle.”

I froze as we came into the main hall, and I blinked as I looked around at the massive life sized artworks on each wall. “Okay, this is seriously cool.” Padding around the room, I took off my sunglasses as I examined each of the frescos. Massive, insanely detailed pictures showing famous scenes from gryphon history and mythology. Eventually I came to a stop in the center of the room and kept looking around. “I like this place already.” After a second, I smirked and nudged Trixie. “Hey, how much do you want to bet this place is owned by a Red Ends family?”

“Red Ends... That’s the artistic clan right? Dramatic and stuff?” Trixie slowly turned around on the spot. “Definitely seems to fit. So? You going to walk Trixie through this, or will she be forced to figure it out for herself?”

“Umm... Alright.” I frowned as I walked up to a big picture showing Discord and Celestia, as well as gryphons emerging through a dark portal. “The story starts here. Uh... Pretty sure this is the creation of gryphons by Discord, by mixing lions and eagles. Each clan tells it a bit differently, but the gist of it is, Discord wanted children as twisted as himself the way Celestia had ponies, so he created minotaurs, gryphons and a few other beasts like manticores and cockatrices. When the original gryphons, the titans, resisted his chaos and formed organised tribes, he was disgusted with us and abandoned us. The Red Ends like to say we helped Celestia fight against Discord, the White Beaks say we fought alongside him, and the Black Eyes say some of us fought with and others against. The Great Scars never gave a shit one way or the other.”

“Lovely. And this one?” asked Trixie as she pointed to a painting of fifteen gryphons lying on the ground, all dead. One had an axe buried in his head, another had blood leaking from two gaping eye sockets, and most of the others were similarly violent.

“This is the death of the original titans,” I looked between them. “It’s been awhile since I’ve read the Red Ends’ version of the story, but I’m pretty sure it involved them all dying in honorable battle one way or the other, kinda repetitive and bland. The Black Eyes say they all killed each other with infighting, and that’s why we have the tribes today. The differences in their views led to the race splintering, and different tribes following the memory of different titans. I’ve heard all the different stories at one point or another, but the only one I really liked was the White Beaks. According to them, the first of the titans to die, Annibal, was the greatest warrior who ever drew breath. He was so mighty and so fast that he could fight a bunch of full grown dragons at once. He died when he bragged he was the mightiest being alive and that no one could defeat him. A passing crow with one missing eye heard him bragging and took offence, so it ripped a large chunk of skin from the back of his neck. The wound festered, and he died. The end.”

Trixie’s eye twitched. “So here Trixie was, thinking that it could make an interesting story to tell at Trixie’s next show and it ends like that. You should never tell a tale. Ever.”

I shrugged. “I always liked that one. It just means anyone can die, no matter how safe or strong they like to think they are. No one’s invincible.” I padded around the room a bit longer. “The rest of these are similar. Different chunks of mythology and legend until we get to here, where it turns into actual history.”

“And where is here?” she asked.

“This would be the start of the Gryphon Kingdom and the end of the tribes. This is where the Black Eyes signed the Sun’s Concord with Celestia, agreeing to help her in the war against Nightmare Moon in exchange for land and an agreement that Equestria never tries to take gryphon territory again. Wasn’t long after that the Black Eyes became royalty thanks to Abilo of the Great Scars.” I moved to the next painting and smiled at it. “Which is here. I love this story. Alright, so Abilo was a Great Scar, back when we were easily the least involved clan in the war. We didn’t give a shit about Nightmare Moon, or Celestia, or any of that crap. We only got involved because we owed it to the Black Eyes for a bunch of reasons, and even then we sent as few warriors as possible.”

I pointed a claw at a painting of an armored gryphon, standing in the center of the image with a blue stripe painted across his chest. “See, he was chosen by his tribe to represent the Great Scars among the Wide Eyes, which back then were just a bunch of gryphons from all the tribes headed by the Black Eyes that hung around in Equestria, making sure the ponies weren’t about to attack us. Abilo hated his job. He didn’t want to spend a second more in pony lands than he had too, which ended up being most of his life because his father hated him and refused to let him come home.

“The thing about Abilo though was he was the first to ever really figure out how to organise gryphons into an effective military unit, rather than just a bunch of tribals charging at each other. Because he hung out with ponies so much, he figured how they fought wars and how to apply that to gryphons, and eventually returned to his tribe, killed his father and older brothers, and became chief. Then he ignored every tradition we had and restructured the entire tribe into more or less what we are today. Even though he couldn’t read or write, he wrote the rules on what gryphons still think of as proper war today. The Black Eyes manipulated him from there into conquering all the remaining tribes that refused to accept Black Eyes leadership, and basically thanks to him became the undisputed royal family of the Kingdom. If he was more ambitious and less honorable, he probably could have ignored what they said and just made himself king.”

I turned around to Trixie and saw the massive grin on her face.

Blinking in surprised I asked, “What?”

“You are such a geek,” she said fondly.

“What? No, where the heck did you get that from?” I frowned. “I’m Gilda, remember? The idiot. How am I a geek?”

“You fangirl over Slight and you just rambled on about this for who knows how long. You’re a mythology geek.” Both hooves were around my neck and she snuggled into my front. “And that is not a bad thing. It’s cute.”

“I’m not cute,” I muttered as I struggled out of her grip. “I just like these stories, doesn’t make me a geek.” After a second I pointed a talon at her. “You’re the one who’s a pony, you’re cute, not me.”

“Correction, Trixie is hot and cute.” She fluttered her eyelashes at me. “And you say that as though being a geek is a bad thing.”

“Well it doesn’t matter, because I’m not one anyway.” I frowned at her and explained, “My old Elder used to tell me those stories a lot, and... I dunno... It’s just... he was like a dad to me when my real dad wasn’t there. These legends always helped me feel like I was still connected with him, even when I was in alone in Equestria. It’s just... I dunno, nostalgic for me or something.”

“Alright, sorry.” Taking a step back, she smiled at me. “Maybe you could tell me some more stories sometime?”

“Yeah, I might like that.” Stepping closer, I put my wing over her shoulder and walked towards the door. “Now come on, I’m starving.”

I went to walk through the doorway when my face smacked straight into it. Blinking in surprise I took a step back, and stared at what I’d thought to be an open door that was actually just a painting of an open door.

“What the fuck?”

Trixie just laughed at me. That was it, no helping, no concern, just laughter.

“It looked like the way out!” I muttered and felt my cheeks burn. “You fell for it too, I just walked through it first.”

“Mmmmmmmmhm.” It was impossible to stay mad at her though when she had that smile on her face. “Shall we get some food for you?”

“Yeah, whatever,” I mumbled as I rubbed my beak where I’d banged into the wall. “Who paints a wall to look like that anyway?”

“Trixie finds it rather amusing. Remind me to bring it up with the owner of the bar, and it’ll fit in with her illusion routine perfectly.” She took a long slow look around the room. “Ah yes, this corridor should be the correct one.” Stepping forward, she easily walked through without a problem. “Ha! Solved by the Great and Powerful Trixie.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I muttered and followed her through.

Or I would have, if it was actually a doorway and not just another painted wall. My face smacked into it again, and I heard giggling behind me. Turning around, I saw Trixie dispelling her invisibility spell and laughing at my expression.

“You suck.”

“Master of illusions in this place? Trixie likes it already,” she chuckled and gestured for me to follow.

“Nuh uh, I’m not falling for that again.”

“A good trick is never used twice,” she chuckled. “Come on, I thought you were hungry.”

Reluctantly I followed after her, and carefully reached through the doorway before following in behind her.

“You’d think we would have seen a waiter by now or something,” I said. “Shouldn’t they have one in the entry room?”

“Maybe it’s a test to keep the idiots out,” said Trixie. “If so, this place deserves at least three stars.”

We approached a desk, and a gryphon sat behind it, smiling at us pleasantly as we approached. He was average sized for a gryphon with white feathers and a brown coat. His crown feathers and the patches around his eyes were red, and he seemed pleasant enough.

“Hi, table for two,” I said as we got closer, before glancing over my shoulder. “Nice lobby by the way.”

His eyes flicked between Trixie and I. “Alright, we’ve got a table for you in the corner.”

“You trying to imply something there, buddy?” I frowned and glared, not that he could see because of my sunglasses.

“Of course not, merely indicating a table for you,” he said through grit teeth.

“Are there other tables available?” I asked flatly. “You don’t look real busy.”

“We are,” he said.

“Uh huh, sure. Who booked that table then?” I pointed at a random table near the middle of the room that was completely empty.

“A couple. Unicorn and earth pony. Two mares.”

“And that one?” I pointed at another. “I’ve seen that look you just gave us a thousand times before, so stop trying to pretend you’re not disgusted, alright? Just give us a decent fucking table and take our bloody business.”

“Lady, the table I offered is by the window with an optimal view of the sunset if your timing is correct.” He gestured at another table. “Please, we are all professionals here.”

Gritting my jaw at his tone, I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down, not that it was really working. “Just get us a goddess damn table.”

Feeling a bit sensitive? Are you ashamed of Trixie now? Or is your day just not complete without pushing someone around?

I would have told myself to be quiet, but given the last time I tried that I ended up telling Celestia to shut up, I decided to just ignore myself.

“Gladly.” He stood up and showed us to our table. “Drinks madam?”

“None for me,” I glanced at Trixie. “You want something?”

“A bottle of water,” she said as she idly flipped through the menu. “Also, Trixie wishes to speak to your manager.”

“Trix, don’t.” I settled into the seat and opened up the menu. “It’s a hassle we don’t need, and for all we know they’re just as likely to throw us out as take our side.” After a moment I turned to the waiter. “I’ll take the venison with the wild herb sauce.”

“Trixie will have the pumpkin and walnut ravioli. More mistreatment and Trixie will talk to your manager.”

“Trix, stop threatening him. We don’t exactly have a lot of weight to throw around unless we want to start actually throwing our weight around.”

“We have plenty of weight to throw around,” she said as she tossed her menu to the waiter.

I raised an eyebrow at her. “Really? What? Are we supposed to badmouth the restaurant to some reporters or something?”

“Reporters, Luna, Rainbow Dash, Vinyl, Octavia... We know a lot of famous ponies.”

“Not Luna.” I frowned and glared down at the table. “We’re not talking to her.”

“Very well, not Luna, but Trixie’s point stands.”

“Let’s not talk about that,” I shook my head and tried to smile at Trixie. “I just want tonight to be simple, nice, and go to bed feeling like I’ve done some good for once.”

“Mmmmmmm. Maybe we should have a nice bath tonight. Shame we don’t have a spa, that would do wonders.”

“That sounds great to me. Maybe we could try out some of those bath salt thingys that mum sent us the other week. I mean, I know they came with that uh... you know, that book, but those salts and shit are probably fine.” I frowned. “Unless they’re like, an aphrodisiac or something... Actually, fuck it. Let’s just throw the salts out.”

“What is wrong with your mother?”

“What’s wrong with my family in general?” I chuckled and scratched the back of my head. “I swear, there wasn’t a single one of us that wasn’t a weirdo in one way or another.”

“Your mother is far too... Actually, let’s get off this subject, Trixie would rather not lose her meal.”

“I hope she’s doing okay up there, you know, with everything that’s happening. I mean, I know things haven’t gotten violent yet, but it’s just a matter of time and she’s a Great Scar and... Shit, I seriously hope my old clan stays out of this one.”

“Maybe we should have her come down to Equestria? It’s bound to be safer...”

“Uh... Maybe. I mean, I’d be glad to know she’s safe and all, but that’s her home and she’s been living there for years. Maybe we’ll ask her if she wants to come down, but we don’t have to pressure her if she doesn’t want to. I could probably help get her a working visa as a teacher or something.”

“That’s a good idea. It’d be nice to be get closer to your mother. Just... not too close.” Trixie’s ears suddenly perked up. “You never told me what the larger crown feathers meant!”

“Hey!” I flinched and glanced around. “Keep it down, this is a classy place, Trix. Gryphons don’t want to hear crap like that while they’re eating.”

“Well then tell me what that was about!”

“It’s just uh... Urgh... Look, among some of the northern clans there’s an old tradition going back ages to... a long damn time ago, where... basically, a wife that was in the tribal elder’s harem would fuck any gryphons that made the elder happy, right? To signify their rank and role, they grew their crown feathers out really long and dyed them their husband’s colors. Because all of the elder’s wives were gorgeous, and because they all wore their feathers like that, it became a turn on, and eventually the whole ‘long crown feathers equals sexy’ thing spread to all the other tribes when the Black Eyes broke down most of the old tribal barriers. Basically, by having your feathers that long, you made yourself a sex item or a hooker depending on how you look at things. And combined with the disguise you were using... well...”

Her eye twitched before she drowned her drink in a single long gulp. “Remind me to kill your mother.”

“And here I thought we were talking about saving her from the war,” I chuckled. “Look, she probably thought it would help you get me... you know, ‘going’ or something. I’m sure she thought she was doing you a favor.”

“As if Trixie needs such frivolous illusions to make herself beyond desirable,” she said with a toss of her mane.

“Well, we haven’t actually done it yet, and it’s not because I don’t think you're pretty enough.” I scratched the back of my head. “And I’m pretty sure you think I’m easy on the eyes, so... Why haven’t we... you know, done that yet?”

“Well... um...” Trixie went bright red as she looked away, her hooves rubbing together.

Just then the waiter came back with our food. He didn’t say anything, just placed the dishes on the table, bowed politely, if stiffly, and walked away.

I grabbed my knife and fork, and cut into my food, enjoying the smell. The slightly bitter herbs tasted just right mixed with the slightly rare venison, and it was easily the best thing I’d eaten in a long time. After that I just tucked in, and it only took me a few second before I was halfway finished with it. Then I tried to slow down, but with how hungry I was and the delicious, slightly gamey taste I was still wolfing it down like it was the last thing I’d eat for a long time.

“Tell you what,” I said with my beak full, “If your veggie crap tastes as nice as this, we should come here more often despite the asshole waiter.”

“Agreed,” she said happily.

I took a long drink of water, before looking at her. “Anyway, you were saying something?”

“N-No?”

I stared at her for a moment, before I shrugged. “If you don’t want to talk about it now, that’s fine, but... maybe we should talk about it? I mean... is it my fault?” My beak turned to a frown at the idea. “If it’s something I’ve be-”

“Of course not! It’s just... Trixie...” She flushed and looked away. “Trixie’s been trying to not be sexual since it’s, you know, it’s not actually what relationships are about like she thought and, well... um...”

I swear, if I ever meet either of Trixie’s parents I’ll punch both of them in the face. “You’re... worried that... what, it’ll ruin things between us?”

“Maybe...? Trixie isn’t certain, that is, I don’t know what’s... normal...?”

I fidgeted in my seat and took another drink of water. “I... Well... uh... shit... Look, I wouldn’t know what normal is either... I mean, I’ve never been in a real relationship before and... I’m pretty sure we both know I’m really not... secure when it comes to that... but... Maybe we need to just try? I mean, not tonight or anytime soon, but when things start to heat up next we just let things escalate and... see where it goes. If it makes problems we can deal with them when they arrive, right?”

Yeah, because this is a normal relationship. Face it, you’re two damaged freaks, and together you’re not any better. You’re just setting her up to hurt more.

“Shut up,” I hissed under my breath and hid it with another sip of water.

“Y-Yeah.” Her face was red enough to light up the room. “Is it hot in here or is it just Trixie?”

“Yeah it’s just you.” I smirked at her. “You are freaking hot.” She turned even more red. Hah! This totally had to be why Trixie was always trying to fluster me. This was fun, I should try it more often.

“O-Of course Trixie is. Did you expect anything less?” she asked.

“I dunno, Trix, what were you expecting? I mean, you’re the one that suggested we go to a restaurant. Were you planning on making this go somewhere?”

“Silence!” Good old Trixie. “Trixie will not be treated thusly.”

“Hey, we’re just talking, Trix. It’s not like we’re actually doing anything.” My smirk turned into a grin. “I thought we were just talking about the temperature? Weren’t you saying you were feeling a bit hot and ready to go?”

She glared at me and returned to her meal, though that didn’t stop the red tinge on her cheeks.

Chuckling, I went back to eating and I was done with it way sooner than I liked. After that I sat in silence, waiting for Trixie to finish her food while I poured myself damn near twenty more glasses of water.

Damn it, she was a slow eater.

I tapped my claws on the table and wished I hadn’t eaten so fast. Maybe I should order another meal while she’s waiting or something? Then I thought of having to deal with that asshole of a waiter again, and thought better of it.

Was he really being an asshole though? Can you read minds these days? For all you know he was honestly trying to give you a table with a nice view.

Fuck me dead, shut up! I grit my beak and massaged my temples. I must have hit my head harder than I thought in that lobby, because I was getting a nasty headache.

Trixie merely cocked an eyebrow at me, but went back to her meal in silence.

“How’s the food?” I asked her, trying to distract myself from the pressure in my skull.

“Let’s just say Trixie is thinking of paying,” she replied.

“We kind of have to pay, Trix. Didn’t we already talk about this?”

“Trixie’s rating system is so much better than the critics though! Blow it up, run away, or pay. Simple and straightforward.”

“And illegal, and it’s not like we’re exactly short on bits. We’re not rich, but we’re not really struggling. There’s no good reason for us not to pay.”

“Yeah, yeah, all Trixie hears coming out of your beak are excuses as to why her system should not be adopted everywhere.” She smirked at me and took a bite out of her meal. “Do you want to share? Trixie thinks there’s a bit too much here for her to actually finish by herself.”

“Fine by me,” I pushed my plate towards her so she could move some food to it. “The servings here are actually pretty decently sized. Equestrian restaurants always have these stupid tiny little meals.”

“Yes, Trixie recalls you whining about it in the past,” she said as she gave me half of her portions. “Or maybe you gryphons simply eat too much.”

“Hey! It’s not my fault that there’s more of me to feed than you,” I replied and tucked in. “And gryphons usually only eat one or two big meals a day, rather than three.”

“Don’t remind Trixie, cooking for you is a chore.” She sighed and rubbed her temples. “I swear, we spend most of our money on food to feed that endless pit of yours.”

“Hey, it isn’t that bad.” I muttered as I polished off my plate, then licked the remaining sauce off the knife. “Like I said, we’re not poor just... not rich, exactly.”

“We make enough,” she said with a flat look at me. “And learn some table manners. Just because Trixie lets you get away with it at home, doesn’t mean it’s polite in public.”

“If they want to complain they’re free to.” I replied and dropped the knife and fork onto the plate. “And what do you mean, ‘enough’?”

“As in we can pay the bills, go out occasionally, and don’t have to budget every single last bit,” said Trixie.

“You make that sound like it’s a bad thing,” I frowned.

“A mare will never complain about having more money,” she said before resting a hoof on my arm. “Look, it’s fine. Trixie is happy and that’s what matters. Money doesn’t matter alright?”

“You don’t sound happy.”

She leveled a flat glare at me. “Trixie watched money matters destroy her family. As far as Trixie is concerned, bits don’t matter, the gryphon matters. Stop being an idiot and stop focusing on the money. I’m happy alright?” Just for emphasis she kissed me lovingly on the beak. “Now stop being an idiot.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled back. “I just worry that you’re not happy with the way things are is all. I mean, I know things aren’t perfect, and I haven’t been helping much lately.”

And that time you made her flashback to being abused by her mother. You know, just this morning. Remember that?

“And... what happened this morning, too.” I gulped and couldn’t even meet her gaze. “Oh fuck, I’m so sorry about that.”

The sound of a chair scraping across the floor reached my ears and after a second, two legs wrapped themselves tightly around me. It was a moment later and I was holding Trixie close to me, and before I knew it, I was sobbing into her shoulder. I can’t even remember the last time I cried like this. She simply held me close and rubbed my back lightly, whispering something in my ear.

And now you’ve taken her out to some restaurant in a pathetic attempt to make up for it. Is there a single way that you’re not completely pathetic? How long until you actually hit her? What will you do to make up for it then?

“I’m so sorry, Trix. I’m so fucking sorry. I swear I’ll never touch you. I couldn’t.”

Yes you could. You killed Grace easy enough when the chips were down, what would it take to make you turn on Trixie?

“I know... it’s fine.” She kissed my cheek gently. “I love you and trust you.”

“But you shouldn’t,” I swallowed and looked into her eyes. “Damn it Trixie, you can’t trust me. I can’t trust me, I... did that. This morning, I was so damn angry for no good reason, and there’s this voice in the back of my head always reminding me how close I am to snapping all the time, and this morning you gave me that beer and now I’m thinking I have more in common with your mother than I thought, and I know that I could hurt you worse than she did. I don’t want to, but if I could kill Grace when the chips were down, what’s to stop me doing the same to you? And now I’ve taken you out to this shitty restaurant to try and forget everything... Oh, fuck me I’m pathetic.”

And now you’re bawling like a cub in a public place.

“Please, Trixie took you out tonight.” She simply held my head against her chest, nuzzling me tenderly. “And I do trust you, and that’s all that matters, so stop this stupid babbling this instant.”

It took a moment or two, but I wiped my eyes and sat back in my chair. “You’re right, you’re right....” I took a calming breath that almost sounded like a sob, and grinned at her weakly. “Fuck, look at me crying like this. You were the one that almost got hurt, not me.”

“Neither of our lives have been simple, you know. You deserve to let go every so often, you know? You can’t always be the tough one.” She smiled sweetly down at me and I found myself returning it despite everything.

I opened my beak to answer when I was interrupted by a polite cough. My head snapped to the right, and I saw the waiter standing there.

“Excuse me Ma’ams, but yo-” His beak was suddenly gone and Trixie glared up at him, her horn still humming with power. He stumbled back, shock in his eyes as he desperately fumbled for his beak. He lost balance and collapsed into another table sending a vase of flowers flying.

It took me a moment, but I realised I was laughing my ass off. For some reason his reaction combined with everything that had happened in the last few minutes seemed utterly hilarious. Trixie looked at me in concern as I slowly stood up, swallowing another bout of chuckles as I approached the waiter.

Crouching down in front of him, the laughter died in my throat as Anger screamed in the back of my mind. Taking my sunglasses off, I grabbed him by the scruff of his suit and pulled him up so he was staring into my eyes. The shadows danced under my grip and a black film spread out from my claws over the front of his uniform.

It was at about that point that I realised I was already planning where to hide his body.

“Gilda!” My head snapped back to Trixie who was looking at me in a mixture of fear and concern.

My talons pierced his jacket and he whimpered at me before I let him go, and he fell back to the floor. I let out a deep breath, calming myself again, before I put my sunglasses back on and turned back to Trixie.

“Give him his beak back, Trix.” After a second I snorted, and asked, “How’d you even take it away from him anyway?”

“Maaaaagic,” she chuckled before looking at the waiter. “Depends, do you promise to behave?”

I heard his muffled shouts of agreement, and I assume he nodded but I didn’t actually see it.

“Very well, do not make Trixie regret it,” she said as his beak reappeared. “Now leave.”

I heard him frantically scramble away, and after a second I shook my head and chuckled. “Maybe next time we come here the service won’t suck so much.”

“Trixie can hope,” she said as she pulled me close. “You okay?”

“I kinda wish he threw a punch at me,” I replied and wrapped a wing around her. Together we started for the exit. “I seriously need to find a way to blow off steam.”

“Trixie can think of some ways,” she said with a wink and bump of her hips.

“I meant by punching something, but eh, I won’t say no to that.” I stopped by the counter and threw forty bits down. Probably enough to cover the meal but I wasn’t certain.

Her cheeks went red once more. “You were meant to get flustered!”

“Sorry, I’m still just trying to think of a way I could start a fight or something and not get in trouble,” I replied and we walked back through the lobby into the street. “Maybe I should buy a punching bag?”

“That could work. It’d help keep you in shape as well.”

“I know...” Frowning I shifted my arms and shoulders. “I think I’m starting to lose my edge. I need to start working out again before I start putting on weight.”

“You sure you haven’t already put on weight?” She poked my belly playfully.

“Yeah, I am sure,” I muttered down at her. “Like you can talk, you’re getting even less exercise than I am.”

“Are you saying Trixie is fat?”

“Nope.” Even I wasn’t that dumb. “I’m just saying if you’re worried about me getting pudgy, I shouldn’t be the only one you’re worried about.”

“You just want to watch Trixie while she exercises.”

“Ooh, you caught me,” I replied sarcastically. “That was my evil plan all along. Besides, you’d probably want me to watch or something, I know you like the attention.”

“So now you’re saying Trixie is desperate.”

Ah shit. Fast talking now, fast talking. “Uh... I think that... you’re just...” Insecure and need the attention to deal with that? “Uh... Hey, the music there was pretty good.”

Trixie laughed at my reaction before kissing my neck lightly. “Well the meal was delicious as well. Shame you didn’t wear your suit though.”

“That thing makes me look like a penguin or something. And if I’m wearing my sunglasses it makes me look like a henchman from Daring Do.”

“But you look so hot in one,” pouted Trixie.

I coughed into my claw and looked away. “Well it’s better than a dress. But I can never do the stupid ties.”

Trixie paused mid step, looking at me curiously.

The way Trixie looks at me while I’m wearing a suit makes me freaking nervous. She gets downright predatory, which is kinda scary and hot as all fuck at the same time. No way in Tartarus am I going out in public in one of those things so I can blush and stammer every time she licks her lips.

My face turned red just thinking about it. “A-anyway, we should probably head home. It’s almost your bedtime.”

Once more she laughed. “Don’t worry, you’d look horrible in a skirt.”

“That wasn’t what I was thinking about,” I muttered.

“Oh?” Her grin made me gulp. “Then what were you thinking of?”

“Uh...” Shit, shit, quick! Before she gets any ideas. “Sandwiches?”

“Of course. Sandwiches.” She looked at me flatly. “Always sandwiches.”

“I have absolutely no idea why I say that when I get flustered,” I frowned, shaking my head as I looked up the street.

“So, you going to tell Trixie the truth now?”

“Y-yeah, ham goes great with lettuce and tomato.” I started to walk a bit faster, pulling ahead of her so she couldn’t see my face. “You should try it sometime.”

“Oh, is that so?” My ears burnt at the amusement in her voice.

“Y-yeah.”

Somehow, she managed to worm her way under my wing, her hoof running long my chest. “You sure?”

Fuck. How did she turn this around so fast? I thought I was the one getting her flustered!

“Uh... I forgot the question.’

The chuckle made me blush even more, but at least she stopped stroking my chest. “Whatever you say.”

I coughed into my claw. “A-anyway, let’s get back to our apartment.”

“Someone’s eager to get back. Any particular reason?”

“I wasn’t thinking of that!” I blurted, before groaning and facepalming.

“So you weren’t thinking about sandwiches?”

“I-I-I... what?”

Next thing I know, her lips are pressed against my beak. A second later, she pulled back and grinned at me impishly. As I stared at her blankly, she walked away, no doubt deliberately swaying her hips at me.

It took me a few seconds to get my brain working again, before I slunk after her grinning. Maybe tonight hadn’t quite gone like I’d planned, but it sure as heck wasn’t all bad.

Comments

[OrphiusOlyandra]

Super late chapter. Sorry about that. Now excuse me while I go back to slaving over my pony project.

[TheLordSiffer]

3227445 Late indeed, good sir.
The wait was awful.
Still enjoyed it, keep 'em coming.

[Carnifaxy]

This restaurant just can't get any respect from its customers, can it?

[RanmaChaos]

Great!!

[Phaoray]

Glad to see this update, they were coming so quickly before that I was starting to worry something happened between you two. : ) Per norm I loved this chapter, I think Gilda may actually start considering actually talking to her therapist if this keeps up. It seems like she has had some pretty positive thoughts or at least revelations on what has happened so far and what her emotional issues is causing on Trixie and herself. Mind you Trixie seems like she should see a therapist almost as badly, but hey one thing at a time.
Loved the debate, and yeah that restaurant has no luck. Last customer asked racist questions, this one thinks the waiter is racist *not saying he wasn't but there wasn't exactly enough proof besides a look and what Gilda considered a bad table*.

[CommanderBigMac]

YAY new update! I was wondering when it would come out.

The way Trixie looks at me while I’m wearing a suit makes me freaking nervous. She gets downright predatory, which is kinda scary and hot as all fuck at the same time. No way in Tartarus am I going out in public in one of those things so I can blush and stammer every time she licks her lips.

This ^ was pure gold, love it

[OrphiusOlyandra]

3227805 Well hopefully once I reveal what I've been working on, it'll make up for it.
3228415 Nope!

3228655
Nah, it was a combination of me working on a project, Doom (our editor) taking a break and y1 having issues on his end. Hopefully we'll be getting back into the swing of things relatively soon-ish, though that depends on how fast Doom can edit 10,000 chapters (the answer is, not fast enough).

3228821 What can I say? Trixie enjoys what she has and y1 can write an awesome Gilda.

[DoomManta]

3229863 As soon as you start paying me, I'll start editing full time. Until then, you'll just have to settle for a week or three between chapters.