Behind Closed Doors

by OrphiusOlyandra

Chapter 4

The shining knight of the Night Guard not so shining after all

Fresh questions were raised tonight after our sources have revealed a nightkin was mugged last night. Considering how common place muggings have become over the past couple of years, there is an expectation for guards to be able to defend not only themselves from such common occurances, but others as well. If a guard cannot protect themselves, then how can they protect others? This very question was presented to Princess Luna and her replied in an official statement saying, "We have full confidence in Our guards and would gladly place Our life in their hooves." While this may be great for an all powerful and immortal alicorn, it is something the rest of us do not have the pleasure in having.

Perhaps most concerning is that the nightkin that was robbed was none other than Sergeant Eclipse, the highest ranking nightkin currently in service. If this is the state of the Lunar Guard, a division created to ease the stress on the Day Guard (formerly just known as the Guard), we must question if this will in fact make the night time safer for everypony. With this in mind, we used the Information Act to gain access to the number of arrests made these past months since the introduction of the Night Guard. These sources, that are freely accessible to all, show that crime has been on the rise since the introduction of the Night Guard and experts predict the trend to continue increasing. When we contacted both guard departments, they declined to answer.

Few things were worse than being ordered around by Chrysalis, but meeting the nightkin that you ripped off and totally embarrassed? Yeah, that really takes the cake and trust me, I know something about cakes, it’s pretty much necessary when Pinkie Pie’s a friend. Sure, he wouldn’t recognise me, but I still found myself staring at the gate, shifting from hoof to hoof wondering if I should just wait until the guards changed. I mean, there was nothing weird about me standing around for hours on end, right?

Well... only if Chrysalis didn’t find out about it, which was pretty much impossible. I mean, bloody Tartarus, she’s like the queen of spies or something, she probably already has a changeling in every conceivable position in Canterlot by now. Personally, I think Pony Joe is an escaped changeling in disguise, because there is absolutely no way he could make donuts that good except by infusing them with pure love.

After another minute or two standing there like a lump, I began walking forward despite my shaking limbs. Eclipse immediately glanced at me from the corner of his eyes, but otherwise stood perfectly still at his post. Beside him, his unicorn buddy snickered behind a hoof.

“Yeah, real professional,” I muttered under my breath causing Eclipse to crack a smile. Clearing my throat, I said, “Hey there, looking for Rainbow Dash. You know, Element of Loyalty and all that jazz? Tell her the one and only DJ Pon-3 has come to see her.”

Eclipse, glanced at me, before looking over at the unicorn. “Private, go see if the Bearer of Loyalty has any plans on seeing Vinyl Scratch today.”

The unicorn rolled his eyes, but turned around and walked away, muttering under his breath.

Eclipse just sighed and looked ahead. “As long as you actually have a meeting arranged, this shouldn’t take more than a few minutes. Thank you for your patience, ma’am.”

“Oh come on, stop being so uptight! Loosen up a bit, shake out those wings and flash us a smile. Come on! I wanna see if you’ve got fangs.” I poked him in the chest.

“The Royal Guard doesn’t have a sense of humor that I’m aware of,” he replied calmly. “Any complaints about that can be addressed to the palace barracks.” I thought I might have seen amusement in his eyes, but it’s kinda hard to tell with the weirdly shaped pupils and all.

“Was that a joke? That was a joke wasn’t it?” I leaned right in so my face was up against his. “Also, your eyes are cool.”

“Ma’am, any closer and this might constitute sexual assault.”

“Hm...” I grinned at him before backing off. “Shame I’ve got a fillyfriend, otherwise I’d seriously consider taking you up on that offer.”

“That wasn’t an offer, Ma’am, it was legal counseling.”

“Sounded like an offer to me,” I replied, “A totally hot one, might I add.”

“Any perceived ‘offer’ was entirely unintended, perhaps you should consider that you’re not as charming as you think.”

A dramatic gasp escaped as I swooned on the spot. As I went to topple over, he immediately caught me in his hooves and I grinned up at him. “Good catch.”

He returned me to my hooves and went back to standing at his post. “Civic duty, ma’am.”

“Awwwww, come on, hold me a bit longer,” I pouted.

“I feel compelled to remind you that you’re already in a relationship, however that’s not strictly a legal matter.”

“You seriously need to get out more. Your flirting skills are terrible and you do not know how to treat a mare right at all.” I flicked my tail into his face. “Now where’s your buddy, didn’t you say he’d be back by now?”

“There may have been complications, for example, if you didn’t actually have an appointment with Lady Rainbow Dash .”

“Oh boo hoo, relax a bit! Look at me, no rules and I’m fun whereas you’re... well, need I say it?” I finished.

Just then, the unicorn guard returned. “She does have an appointment.”

Eclipse nodded and turned to me. “If you think you won’t be able to find your way, I’ll have an escort arranged for you.”

“Yeeeeeaaaaaaah, I need an escort, and guess what? I pick you!” Before he could react, I snatched the helm off his head and began racing through the gate and up the stairs. “Come on, mister tall dark and mysterious, catch me if you can!”

I heard the flapping of wings, and saw Eclipse land at the top of the stairs in front of me. He turned around, an amused smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he watched me trot up the stairs.

“You know, flying is cheating right?” He simply held out a hoof for the helmet, but I booped him on the nose and danced back. “Nuh uh, either you play fair or you don’t play at all, in which case I keep this very nice souvenir.”

“Stealing from the Royal Guard is a criminal offense, ma’am. The total worth of that helmet is nearly one hundred and twenty bits, which could result in a few months’ jail time, more if have a history of theft.” He smiled, and his fangs showed a little. “I would prefer it if you returned the helmet.”

“I’m sure you would, but you look better with your mane down. Tell me, do you condition? It looks like you condition.” My eyes flicked to the left, and I just knew he noticed, after all, he was a guard.

He rolled his eyes, which kind of surprised me, and turned around, walking into the palace. “Ma’am, we’ll be late for your appointment. My grooming habits are none of your concern, unless it precludes professional misconduct. In which case, a complaint can be placed at the castle barracks.”

“Booooooring,” I yelled. “And I might just do that. After all, aren’t Guards meant to be rough and tumble lot? Who’s heard of a Guard with a silky smooth mane?”

He didn’t answer, just kept trotting into the main hall, and took a right up a flight of stairs. He led me down a few corridors, up another set of stair before coming to a halt in front of a set of double doors. He paused to look at me and held out his hoof.

“My helmet, ma’am.” The corners of his lips were turned up in a tiny smile.

“Nah, you didn’t play so you don’t get your prize,” I said as I moved towards the door, making sure to keep my eyes on him at all times.

He just smirked slightly, and rolled his eyes. Before I had time to react, he darted forward and snatched the helmet from my magic, giving a polite bow and trotting away with the helmet under his wing.

“Not fair! Cheater! You so cheated!” I yelled after him turning more than one head in the process.

He just ignored me and kept walking.

A moment later the double door in front of me opened, and Rainbow Dash popped her head out. “What’s the big idea? Why are you shouting?” she sounded annoyed.

“Noooooooothing,” I chuckled as I brushed past her.

Dash closed the door behind us, “Whole lot of shouting for a whole lotta nothing,” she grumbled before turning to face me. “Anyways, what do you want?”

“Nice pad,” I said as I threw myself into a chair, tossing my hind hooves onto the table. “Could do with some more color and light though. And some subwoofers. A lot of subwoofers.”

“Subwoofers? Please, I’ve been trying to get a proper cloud bed in here since forever and they keep stalling me with their paperwork and bleah. I get enough of that in Ponyville, I didn’t come here to do more!” With a strong flap of her wings, Dash sailed over me and landed on her bed. “So what do you want?”

“Can’t I pay the second hottest mare in the room a visit?”

Dash snorted and glared at me through her mane. “Please, if anything you’re the second hottest mare in the room. This flank? Second to none.”

“As if! I’ll have you know I’ve turned gay stallions straight and straight mares gay,” I said. “Have you seen my groupie? This piece of flank is prime picking.”

“More like you flank is as large as your ego.”

“What did you just say?” If there was a dangerous edge to my voice, it was probably because I was trying not to murder her right there and then.

“You heard me.” Dash leaned back, looking even more smug than before. “Your flank is as fat as your ego.”

“I’ll have you know my ego is a perfectly healthy size.”

“If by perfectly healthy you mean the size of the palace.”

My eye twitched, not that she could see it. Sadly, that also meant she missed out on a death glare so powerful it would have banished Nightmare Moon in a second. Elements of Harmony? Who needs them when my patented death glare was on the job!

“Aaaaaaanyways,” said Dash as she relaxed once more. “Why are you here? Seriously this time.”

“I wanted to help out. Remember?”

The pegasus merely sat there, tapping her chin a couple of times. “Not really, no. Got pretty smashed that night, you know. I remember meeting you and saying some stuff, but I have no clue about what .”

“Oh.” I cleared my throat. “Well you said I could help you help the gryphons and stuff.”

“Oh! Right, yeah, that.” Dash smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of her neck. “Yeah sure, I don’t see any issues with that. You should know I’m working with Princess Luna though, so it’s not like I’m calling the shots or anything. I’m just...” She made circular patterns in the air with her hoof. “Helping out I suppose you could say.”

“Loyalty and all that?” I asked.

“Loyalty and all that,” she echoed with a nod. “Our current goal is to rope Gilda into the whole deal so she can act as a figurehead. Knowing that flip-flop, she’ll be bursting in through the door any second now unless Trixie has totally gotten her whipped.”

“Trixie? Gilda?” I asked. In all seriousness, I should have been born an actor.

“Yeah, the gryphon in the news with the totally not nightkin eyes and her marefriend who’s totally an egotistical bitch.”

“But why?”

“I dunno, ask Luna, she’s the one calling the shots. I’m just in it to help out a frien-”

Right that moment, the doors to the room slammed open and in stalked a massive, butch gryphon...ness...? Yeah, h-she was definitely a female and with enough muscles to put Eclipse to shame.

“Dash, I’m gonna pull your guts out you fucking ass!” she shouted as she stalked towards Rainbow. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing giving out my goddess damn address like that?!”

“So you can work as a pimp?” I said before either could say anything.

The gryphon paused, turning to glare at me and I could see my reflection in her sunglasses. After a second she turned back to Dash. “What the fuck is your problem, dude? I swear to Celestia, if you’re the one who told those reporters where I live, I will break every single bone in your wings. It better have just been the one gryphon.”

“Nah, wasn’t me,” said Dash before turning to me, “And can you imagine her as a pimp? Actually, I can...”

“Fuck you, Dash! You do not just send random strangers to my house like that! For all you knew, she could have been a bloody changeling or a Wide Eyes or worse! And even if she wasn’t, what the fuck made you think to throw her at me in the first place!”

“Come on, she was a gryphon in need-”

“So you should have sent her to a bloody lawyer! Not my goddess damn doorstep!”

“Oh sure, because a lawyer would totally take on a gryphon,” I said as sarcastically as I could manage.

Gilda glanced over at me. “DJ Pon-3, right? Vinyl Scratch?”

“The one and only,” I said.

She snorted and turned back to Dash. “Seriously, dude. If any more complete strangers show up at my home, and I find out that you sent them... I’ll...” She paused after a moment, shifting awkwardly.

“You’ll do what?” said Dash.

“Fuck, I don’t know, but it’ll be bloody violent,” Gilda snapped back at her.

“Angry make up sex?” I suggested.

Gilda glared at me then paused, a small smirk growing over her beak. She turned back to Dash. “I’ll go to the papers about that time in flight school that you...” she trailed off and glanced at me, but turned back to Dash. “Not gonna say it in front of her, but you know what I’m talking about. With the spatula.”

“Wha-What? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Yeah, and I’m a freaking minotaur.

“Sure you don’t. I mean, I’ve practically forgotten about it too, and the three hours it took me to cover your ass cleaning up and ditching the entire kitchen’s worth of shit.” She smirked. “It’s not like I remember any of that,” after a moment she grinned and added, “Or kept photos.”

“Bet you clop to them still,” she shot back.

Gilda cringed and stuck out her tongue. “Dude. Fuck no. That shit was messed up.”

Dash burst out laughing. “You totally did. And don’t make it sound like you’re so pure, I’ve got enough dirt on you as well. Like a certain mishap with a certain fruit you now refuse to eat.”

Gilda flinched. “Nowhere near as bad. The papers won’t care half as much about what some random gryphon did in flight school compared to what the best young flier, Element Of Loyalty, Equestrian hero Rainbow Dash did.”

“Says the gryphon who just made the front page and has reporters camping out on her doorstep,” countered Dash.

“Actually, I’d love to hear what both of you got up to,” I said with a grin.

Gilda just shook her head. “Whatever. I’m just saying, don’t send any more gryphons, ponies, minotaurs, nightkin, horses, dragons, deities, or anything that can string two thoughts together to my apartment again. Alright? I’m not cool with that.”

“I dunno about that, G, I mean, you certainly helped that gryphon,” said Dash.

“She broke down crying at my front door while reporters were taking photos of everything. What else was I supposed to do?” Gilda snarled. “If you wanted to actually help her, you should have sent her to a lawyer, or even just a Guard that’s not racist would have taken care of her. She wasn’t my problem, you shouldn’t have shoved her onto me like that.”

“Not me,” said Dash with a shrug.

“It was you!” Gilda snapped. “She told me herself that a pegasus with a rainbow mane sent her to my apartment. I can only name one pegasus like that in all of goddess damn Equestria.”

“Still not me. Maybe it was a changeling.”

Gilda facehoofed- faceclawed? Face somethinged? She applied an appendage to her face. “Dash, that is so bloody stupid.”

“Your face is bloody stupid.”

This time, I was the one who was facehoofing.

Gilda just shook her head. “Goddesses, you’re an idiot. Whatever. I’m done with this, and I’m done with you.” She turned and walked towards the door.

“Have you even checked out the news this morning?” asked Dash as she gestured at the paper beneath my hooves. “You really should.”

Gilda froze. “Why? What is it?”

“I dunno, ask yourself,” she replied.

Gilda hesitantly stepped over and picked up the paper. After a moment she cursed and tossed it away. “Goddesses fucking damn it. You’ve gotta be kidding me. There’s no fucking way that that’s worth the front page. ‘Random stranger helps another random stranger’.” She turned and glared at Dash. “Fuck you! You got me put on the front page, again!”

“First time was totally your marefriend,” grinned Dash. “Plus, you’re pretty damn famous now if you hadn’t realised.”

“It doesn’t even make any sense!” Gilda ranted as she started pacing, glaring hatefully at the newspaper. “How is that shit newsworthy? That shouldn’t even be in the paper, let alone make the front page!”

“Hey, thanks to the gryphon troubles you’re like, the poster gryphon for gryphon rights and all that,” said Dash with a shrug.

“I only appeared in the papers like, two days ago!” Gilda snapped back. “What, did Luna bribe every paper in Equestria or something?”

“Man, if I was a Princess, I totally use that money to revamp the castle. Throw in some stripper poles, some massive speakers, a spa, you know, the usual stuff.”

“What are you even doing here anyway?” Gilda rounded on me with an annoyed look. “Was Dash planning throwing your problems at me too?” After a moment she snorted. “No, that makes even less sense. Whatever. Why are you even here?”

“I’m DJ Pon-3, lover of all species and totally the hottest mare around,” I said. “That and I wanna help out with the little gryphon problem.”

“So we’re a problem now?” Gilda asked dryly.

“The little racism issue, then,” I said with an eye roll.

“Great. Then tell Dash to leave me alone.”

“I’m afraid that’d be racism,” I said with a grin. “Can’t be racist to pegasi now, can we?”

Gilda just groaned and turned to face Dash. “If this is your version of helping, it’s not working. You know me, you know I’m pretty much the worst possible representative for gryphons.”

“There are worse,” she said with a shrug.

“Name them,” Gilda snapped back. “‘cause I sure can’t.”

“Trixie?”

Gilda snorted. “Look, if you’re trying to help me then stop, because it’s not helping. If you’re trying to help gryphons then stop, because it’s not helping. If you’re trying to get back at me or Trix because of what happened in Ponyville, then... Fuck it. I’m sorry about how things turned out, but piss off and leave both of us alone.”

“Why can’t you just be cool!” yelled Dash in frustration.

“What’s that even supposed to mean?!” Gilda snapped back, just as frustrated.

“You’re so fucking selfish, that’s what! Just help people damn it, they’re gryphons!”

“You know what? Fuck you, Dash! You know what I want? To be left alone! To settle down with the fucking mare that makes me happy. If that makes me fucking selfish, then fuck it! I’m selfish! And don’t act like you’re any better.”

“Yeah well, at least I’m trying,” snapped Dash. “You could do so much, but noooooooo.”

“Oh, aren’t you just so fucking full of it. How many fucking years were we best friends for? How many times did I cover your ass, or you covered mine? How many times did we get into trouble together, or sneak out to drink shitty booze? We were practically sisters, and you pissed that all away in fifteen fucking seconds. You don’t have any say about what I should or shouldn’t do with myself. Your opinion on what ‘good’ I can do is worth exactly shit, and at least that can be used as a goddess damn fertilizer.”

“Hey, at least I tried to get in touch with you! I wrote to you and you never replied. I fucked up, but you did too you know.”

“Whatever!” Gilda snapped back. “Leave me the fuck alone, and stay away from Trixie.” She turned around and stalked out of the room, calling over her shoulder, “And if Luna’s putting you up to this, tell that cunt she can die a hole!”

“Oh come on!” yelled Dash after her, turning more than one head. “You’re the one tossing this away!”

“No! I’m just sick of having it tossed at me!”

“I thought we had something special,” I added causing a bunch of whispering to start.

“Shut up!” yelled Dash as she kicked me into her room as she blasted off after Gilda and I quickly followed.

“Stop fucking following me, Dash!” Gilda shouted from up ahead. “I’m done with this.”

“No! Unlike you, I actually want this to work.”

“Well isn’t that goddess damn sweet! I’m fucking tearing up!” Gilda spat sarcastically.

“Oh fuck you!” Dash suddenly stopped and I almost ran into her. “Fine, get lost then, I’m done with this shit.”

“Great!” Gilda shouted as she went further down the corridor, her voice still echoing up towards us, “If I see you again, I’m filing a restraining order!”

“Fuck you too!”

“Go suck a fat cock!”

“You’d love that, wouldn’t you!”

“Doesn’t even make sense!”

“Says the gryphon who clops to pictures of me!”

Half of me wanted to step in, while the other half wanted me to stand back and enjoy the show. Especially the way the nobles blanched and the guards tried to keep a straight face.

Gilda response was muffled beyond recognition as she finally went out of range for shouting. I think she might have said something about ‘getting them printed’.

“Fuck her,” snapped Dash as she stalked back to her room.

“Um...” I glanced between her and Gilda. Somehow I got the feeling things were going to end badly for me if I pissed both of them off. In the end I decided to go for the old standby of “Want to go get drunk?”

“Yes,” said Dash. “Bloody, fucking, yes.”

I was still muttering and cursing to myself as I landed on the roof to our building. The reporters that crowded us yesterday were mostly gone, so that was good. Less chance of me murdering someone.

“Bloody Dash,” I muttered. Fuck, it felt like I’d been punched in the gut with the blood pounding in my ears, and Anger screaming in my head. There was honestly a good chance that I’d murder the first reporter that spoke to me.

“Miss Gilda, any comment on the reports of the fight between you and Rainbow Dash in the Castle-”

I roared, and before I even realised what I’d done it, I had the pony pinned to the ground with my talons around his throat.

“How the fuck did you even hear about that!” I snarled into his face. “That barely happened five minutes ago!”

Cameras were snapping like crazy, and all the reporters floated around, hoping to get the photo of some poor shmuck being murdered by a crazy gryphon. He whimpered, and I realised I’d lost my sunglasses.

After a moment, I let him up, muttered an apology, and stalked down the stairs. No more reporters got in my way or hounded me with questions, but they followed at a distance snapping photos. It was way too long before I yanked the door open and slammed it shut behind me.

“Fuck I need a drink,” I muttered as I walked into the kitchen and yanked open the fridge. No beer, no hard drinks, nothing I actually like, just a carton of box wine for Trixie. Goddesses I hate that stuff. I pulled it out of the fridge and set it on the counter, before I grabbed a coffee mug from a shelf and filled it to the brim with shitty cheap wine that had a bad aftertaste.

Sitting at the counter, I downed the entire mug and scrunched up my face at the taste.

“Went badly?” asked Trixie as she wrapped an arm around my waist.

“How can you tell?” I replied bitterly as I filled up the mug again. Goddesses damn it, this stuff tastes bad and it pours slow.

“How indeed,” she chuckled as she laid a hoof on my claw. “Want to talk about it?”

“This stuff tastes like shit,” I muttered and stepped away from her. I threw the mug in the sink, washing the rest of it down the drain. “Why do we even have it?”

“You didn’t want Trixie to grab the good stuff,” she replied as though it was obvious. “Want me to take your mind off things?”

“Well that was a fucking stupid idea.” I snatched the box up and punched a hole in it with my claws before throwing it in the sink. I watched the red leaking out of it for a moment before I snarled and put more holes in the top. “I nearly killed a reporter.”

“Gilda...” The concern in her voice made me flinch.

“I didn’t actually, he just got in my face and I... flipped. I pinned him to the ground and... fuck. I just reacted. I’ve never killed anyone like that before, you know, because I was too pissed off to think straight.”

Yeah, but it’s not like you ever really needed that much reason to maim and hurt anyway. You enjoy hurting others.

That look of concern never left her face, if anything it seemed to get worse.

“Dash and me... I hadn’t expected that to go well, but fuck, I didn’t think it’d go that bad. Dash just...” I growled and made a strangling motion. “Who the fuck does she think she is? What goddess damn right does she have to tell me what I should be doing with my life.”

“Maybe it’s because she cares?” asked Trixie as she held me close, stroking my crown feathers.

“Well, fuck her. She shouldn’t care. I don’t care.” I jerked a claw at my chest.

“Well she does care, just like how Trixie cares, though Trixie obviously cares more.”

“Sorry,” I muttered. “How the heck did she even get to me like that? Fuck, I haven’t been that pissed off since... Fuck, at least last year when, you know, all that happened.”

“Well you two sound close...” Was that a bitter edge to her voice?

“Trix, are you alright?” I asked her, and hugged her closer. “I swear to Celestia, me and Dash were never like that.”

“R-Really? You two seemed close...”

I shifted back and forth. “We boarded together in high school. When she started to get, you know, sexual, I was her wing-mare for ages. We... made out once or twice, just experimenting and shit, but it never went anywhere. I’d clear out when she had a fuck buddy or something, and she was the one that helped me hook up with the first pony I ever, you know, went all the way with.” I sighed and scratched the back of my neck. “Fuck, that was a bad idea.”

“Oh... Trixie totally knew all that. Um... why was it a bad idea?”

“Because... because it was, alright? It’s... fuck, two years later and I still don’t even know if I was the one using them, or the one being used. I feel dirty just thinking about it.” I shuddered and filled the empty mug with water and gulped it down. “It was all just so... sleazy.”

“Mmmmm... Look on the bright side, you’ve got the Great and Powerful Trixie all to yourself now.”

“Yeah...” I smiled at that for a second, before a thought crossed my mind and I frowned glancing at her. “We’re getting married, right?”

Wow. Real smooth.

“Wh-What? Where did that come from!?”

“Oh! Shit, I uh...” I stumbled over my words. “I mean, crap, that wasn’t a proposal! I’m not asking you to marry me now! I’d need a ring for that, or something.”

“Oh, I, er, Trixie, that is, um...” For the first time in my life, I saw Trixie completely speechless.

“I’m sorry!” I blurted. “I just meant to ask if that was the direction we were headed in or something! Like, we’re planning on going all the way with this, with the ceremony and us adopting foals and shit.” I froze, realising how that sounded. “Not that we need to have foals or I’ve planned for that at all! Shit, I sound completely fucking insane, I mean uh... fuck... I mean...” Goddesses damn it, me! How hard can it be to talk! Bail! Bail! Get out of there! “I uh... I uh... I need to take a shower!” I blurted and made for the kitchen door.

“F-F-Foal?” She just stared at me before she suddenly recovered and yelled, “Leave the door open!”

What the fuck did I just talk myself into?

I hopped into the shower, and yanked the water valve open, yelping when the hot water scalded my face and back. Instantly I yanked the cold on and was flooded with lukewarm instead. I groaned and fell to my haunches.

“Fuck, Gilda. Talking can’t be that hard.” I rubbed my eyes and adjusted the water so it was a reasonable temperature.

I didn’t even need a shower, what was I doing in there anyway? Oh, right. Running away from the most awkward conversation anyone ever had. Ever.

Eventually, I didn’t have any more excuses to stay in there, so I hopped out and dried off. When I walked back into the living room, Trixie was still staring off into space with a cup of wine in her magic rather than staring at me while I was in the shower.

Fuck me. What did I just do?

I sat down at the couch, and twiddled my claws, waiting for the inevitable shit storm. Hoo, boy, this was gonna be bad.

“Twenty carats,” she finally said. “No, make that thirty, white gold, and sapphires to match my mane. Sunset, autumn, though Trixie supposes sunrise would also work. And it better be damn romantic, and it has to be done right. Got that? Anything less will be beneath Trixie’s position.”

“I-I... what?” I sputtered. “I don’t... I just don’t... Autumn? As in, Autumn this year?”

“As in Autumn the season,” she snapped. “No lavender, no lilacs, no purple flowers.”

“Wait, so... we’re getting married, this autumn?” I stared at her, utterly confused. “Should I get a pen to write all this down, or... uh... We’re actually getting married?”

“No, not this year, and Trixie isn’t talking about the wedding! Keep up, Trixie is talking about your proposal.”

“Oh, okay... for a second there I thought you were saying no purple foals or something,” I chuckled awkwardly.

Her head snapped over and her eyes narrowed. “No. Purple. Foals.”

I blinked. “Uh... alright?” Fuck me, when did I agree to propose to a crazy mare? Oh, right. Just five seconds ago. “So, white gold ring with sapphires, and it has to be romantic, and at sunset in autumn with no purple flowers. Uh... anything else?”

“Trixie needs to give you some room to be romantic, and to surprise her,” she replied.

“Alright...” Fuck. I don’t do romance. I frowned to myself and muttered, “How am I gonna afford a platinum ring?”

“White gold. White gold ring.”

“Alright, but... aren’t platinum and white gold the same thing?”

She simply looked at me flatly.

“I guess I’ll just buy the most expensive one?” I hesitantly guessed. “Fuck, I’m gonna need a new job.”

Instead of saying anything she decided to slip an arm around me and snuggle into my side. “That would be a start.”

What the fuck did I just talk myself into?

I was saved from more commitments and awkwardness by a knock at the door. Standing up, maybe a bit too quickly judging by Trixie’s pout, I almost dived for the noise.

Yanking the door open, I paused when I caught sight of the gryphon lady from yesterday, and the male standing next to her.

“Uh, hey Leandra...” I glanced the male up and down. “This is your husband, I guess.”

“Gilda,” he said, his voice a deep baritone. “Leandra has said many great things about you.”

“Uh... that’s nice, I guess. So, I take it my advice helped? You got out cleanly?”

“Yes!” I blinked in surprise at the fact that Leandra was the one who spoke. “Thank you so much, you have no idea how much it means to me. To us.”

“Uh... don’t worry about it.” I glanced between him and her. “So... do you want to come in?”

“If we’re not intruding,” he said with a polite incline of the head.

“Oh, fuck no, come in.” I might have sounded a little desperate, but I didn’t care. Anything to end that conversation me and Trixie were just having. I stepped aside and held the door. “Uh, take a seat.”

“Thank you. Leandra?” He stepped to the side and let her enter first.

Waving Leanda towards the couch, I said to Trixie, “Hey, Trix, do we have some coffee or tea or whatever?”

“We have both, which do you want?” she called out from the kitchen.

“Tea?” I guessed, and he politely nodded. I turned and called to Trixie, “Tea, Trix!”

I sat in the single seat across from the sofa, which they sat on, and waited for Trixie to come out with the drinks. It wasn’t a particularly long wait, and I guess it was one of the benefits of living with a unicorn. The chores were a breeze thanks to her and she didn’t even complain!

I took the drink, but didn’t have any. “So, uh... what can I do for you two?”

“We came by to say thanks,” he said before Leandra elbowed him in the ribs. “And to ask for a minor favor.”

I rolled my eyes and fell back in my chair. “Sorry, but I’m gonna have to turn you down on it. I’m already getting too much attention as it is, if anyone finds out I’m just helping strangers for free... Well, you get the idea.”

They shared a look, but it was Leandra who spoke up, “We run a small community group focused on adjusting to Equestrian ways and we were hoping you could give a small talk.”

I blinked in surprise. “Oh... Well...” I scratched the back of my head. “That’s probably not a good idea, sorry.”

“Trixie thinks it’s a brilliant idea,” she said. “Gilda may not be the best option, but you could do worse.”

“Uh... I’m not sure they could, Trix.” I frowned at her. “That’s pretty much the opposite of avoiding attention, and... I never really ‘adjusted’ to Equestrian life, I practically grew up here. And even then, you know as well as I do that I’ve got some serious issue fitting in with ponies.”

“You’re still a gryphon who fits in better than most,” countered Trixie before turning to the couple. “She’d be happy to speak at your meeting.”

“No, I’m not happy to speak at your meeting!” I bursted out. “Trix, what are you doing? We’re supposed to be trying to avoid attention, remember?”

“How? In case you haven’t noticed there are reporters everywhere. If they want a story we might as well give them one and do some good in the process!”

“They’ll get bored and leave us alone soon enough. As long as we don’t actually do anything worth reporting on they’ll realise that there’s no real story here. Eventually, they’ll piss off to find something actually newsworthy.”

“Oh yes, because that’s so likely when you have your pegasus friend and Luna making sure you’re made into a story,” snapped Trixie.

“If I see Dash again I’ll file a restraining order, and Luna just wants someone to be the face of her ‘integrated’ guard. Someone else will take the job, and Luna will forget about us.” Even I didn’t believe that second point.

“Excuse me, if I may be so bold to ask, but why don’t you want to be in the Guard?” asked Leandra.

“Because I hate Luna’s guts, and can’t think of anyone that could actually be worse for that job?” I replied sounding annoyed, and then winced when she shrunk back. “Sorry,” I quickly reassured her. “It’s not your fault, I’m just sick of hearing about it.”

“Trixie still says you should take it and it would help you pay for the ring.”

“I can find another way pay for the ring, Trix. If I get desperate I’ll just hit up some of my old contacts and get a job steali-” I hastily corrected myself, “-In private security. Or something like that.”

For a second, it looked as though she was going to slap me before she sighed and rubbed her temples. “At least you’re learning.”

I shifted awkwardly. “Look Trix, you know why I don’t want to ever see Luna again.” I pressed her hoof against the scar on my chest and looked into her eyes. “You were there.”

“I know, but...” She sighed and rested her head on my shoulder. “I just think you could be so much more than what you are now.”

Internally I groaned. Oh, wait that was out loud. “Trix, I have no idea how or why you or anyone else would think that.”

“Trixie has no idea how you can’t see it yourself.” A beat. “Oh wait, Trixie can. It’s because you’re an idiot.”

“Do you even hear yourself?” I muttered. “One sentence I’m special or someshit, the next I’m a complete idiot.”

“You are special, but you’re also an idiot.” She leaned up and kissed me, slipping in some tongue for good measure. “But Trixie still loves you.”

I caught Trixie’s eyes, and tilted a head at our guests that were looking a bit uncomfortable. “Kinda public, don’t you think?”

“We’re in our house, Trixie doesn’t care.” She looked over at our guests and her eyes narrowed, “What? You got a problem with a pony and gryphon kissing?”

“Nope!”

“Not at all.”

“Nothing wrong with it.”

“At all.”

“It’s cute, isn’t it dearie?”

“Yes, very cute.”

I shifted in my seat, and skulled down what was left of my tea. “So, that’s it? You just stopped by to thank me and ask another favor?”

“Um... yes...” At least the husband had the decency to look sheepish.

I rolled my eyes. “Gee, nice way to show your gratitude.”

“Gilda,” warned Trixie, “play nice.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled. “So uh... what’s the community group you guys run called, anyway?”

“We run the MRWGC: Multi-racial Weekly Group Canterlot branch,” said Leandra.

“Oh, yeah, I know you guys. I’ve had some of your fliers passed to me. You guys did that ‘you don’t need to be a criminal’ thing a few years back. I almost got talked into going to that.”

“Exactly!” Trixie was suddenly in their faces. “Gilda will be most pleased to talk at your meeting on how you don’t need to a criminal and how to turn your life around.” She turned around and fixed me with a stern look. “Isn’t that right, dear?”

“But... I don’t know if I actually have anything I could say about that, I mean...”

“You were once a criminal and now you’ve got a clean slate, are seeing a psychologist and you’re Luna’s most respected ‘friend’ and you have a stable job?” said Trixie.

“But most of that happened because I got blackmailed out of a jail cell and Luna g-”

“Classified information,” she hissed in my ear.

“But the point is I’m not a good speaker at my best, and what happened to me isn’t exactly a good example of ‘you can escape this life if you try’.”

“Do...” Trixie paused and glanced over at the couple. “Excuse us for a second, we need to discuss this in private.”

“Of course,” He nodded at her. “We’ll just wait in the hall.” The two of them stood up and stepped out.

“Does it matter?” hissed Trixie. “They see you as a model, a symbol of what they could be if they tried. If you went up there and talked, imagine how great you could be. Imagine how much you could inspire them and help them take that first step.”

“But that’s not me, at all. Plus, we’re talking about me talking. Me talking. I’ve never been good at that.”

“Then let me help you. Trixie knows all about being on stage.” She moved onto the tips of her hooves so she could kiss me lightly on the beak. “We could help so many gryphons.”

I groaned and looked at Trixie. “Can we really? This is me we’re talking about, Trix. I’m the exact stereotype of what Equestrians fear in gryphons. If one reporter manages to figure out even half of the shit I’ve been involved with, everyone would be worse for it.”

“You were,” she replied, “but not anymore.”

“Maybe, but... Trix, do we really want to do this? If we seriously want to get involved in all this politics and crap, everything we do becomes public. This could be big, really big. And I’ve had enough of that in just these last two days.”

“But wouldn’t it be worth it?”

“I don’t know, Trix. The last time we ever seriously tried to help a lot of gryphons, we didn’t save many and... you know... Grace... died. I don’t want to go through that again, not with you. I can’t- I can’t... I just... What if you get hurt this time?”

She held me close, nuzzling my neck tenderly. “Alright... we won’t then.”

“Thanks, Trix. I just... I don’t trust Luna, and I trust the ‘goodwill’ of Canterlot even less. It’s safer if we stay away.”

“Al-Alright.” A light kiss found a way onto my neck as Trixie slowly pulled back. “Ready to give them the bad news then?”

“Yeah, I’ll tell them. I mean, I’m the one that’s refusing.” I stood up and went to the front door. When I opened it, they were standing there looking awkward under the scrutiny of a bunch of reporters jabbering stupid questions. “Uh, you can come back in.” I held the door for them as they entered before slamming it in the reporters face.

“So...?” asked Leandra worriedly.

“Uh, well, sorry, but no thanks. I don’t feel comfortable speaking at your meeting.”

“Oh... alright...” Without a further word, the two walked out the door, completely ignoring the reporters’ questions.

I blinked in surprise. “Well, bye then,” I muttered as I closed the door behind them. “Some gratitude.”

Trixie merely nodded and began cleaning up the cups.

Comments

[Y1]

We wrote this months ago. I remember nothing.

[OrphiusOlyandra]

This chapter was interesting to write and really fun. You start of with Vinyl-Eclipse (who is the nightkin she ripped off last chapter) and then we decided to toss in RD and Gilda into the insanity and boy was it fun. You've got a pissed off Gilda trying to be serious, an RD who's as serious as RD can get (which is not very) and then Vinyl just being Vinyl and tossing in all sorts of insane, useless and random points into the conversation. I'm surprised Gilda didn't kill her.

And then we get Gilda's section which was cool as well. My favourite bit out of that was Gilda dropping the marriage and foals bomb. I'll be honest, I have no idea why y1 would do that. I have no idea where it came from at all. It blinded sided me as much as it blindsided you. It was, well, I have no words really.

2894419
...
No wonder you don't remember Timmy.

[Y1]

2894431
Timmy. Does! NOT! EXIST!

Anyway, I actually do remember something now. Gilda dropping marriage like that came about from me just... trying to think like her really. When you get into a characters head you sometimes just pick up stray thoughts from them, like I did here. Gilda's stray thought in this case was 'Are we planning on getting married some day?' and she just blurted that question out. It took me a second of trying to think of a more natural way to bring it up in the conversation before I realized Gilda would probably just blurt it out like that.

[DoomManta]

So this chapter Y1 Gilda bickers with Orphius RD while I Vinyl eggs them on; not so different from our normal conversations, really.

Other than that, I'm apologizing in advance if next week's chapter is late, I've been pulling 10ish hour work days for a while now and it doesn't look like that's going to stop soon, so I might not have time to get this edited, but we'll see.

[RanmaChaos]

Great Who's Timmy?

[OrphiusOlyandra]

2894884 With Doom egging them on you mean
2895866 Timmy is... well... it's complicated

[Y1]

2896963
It's not complicated. At all.

[OrphiusOlyandra]

2897252 Yes it is

[Carnifaxy]

I almost missed that this updated! Thank goodness I caught it in time! I hate that it takes so long for new chapters to come out, I just wanna read the entire thing already!

[OrphiusOlyandra]

2897395
Blame Doom. We've written up chapter 15? Something like that. Whatever. Needless to say, we're very far deep in the fic.

[Carnifaxy]

2899849
That makes me very excited, and a little disappointed in my own story output. Keep up the great work!

[OrphiusOlyandra]

2902857 Eh, when you write a collab, you write super fast because of how much fun it is

[CommanderBigMac]

So many lols had been had RD and Gilda fighting was so much fun to read