Chapter 05: Lemonade
Five blips moved across a large screen, which showed a map of Ponyville. Three of the blips were larger than the other two and were colored beige, red, and slate gray. The two smaller ones were blue and orange. The smaller blips were not heading back to HQ. No... they were running away. “Those... IDIOTS!” GLaDOS shouted at the screen. She knew that they failed when the red portal on the ceiling of the prison cell vanished, but she at least expected them to come back with their tails between their legs and face their punishment with some dignity. Now they were running away, and she would have to go out and get them herself. “Ughh...” she sighed to herself. “You know, the entire point of sending you morons to retrieve her was to reduce the risk of being seen and setting the ponies on alert. A large robotic alicorn is not the most inconspicuous occurrence. But I guess it just goes to show, if you want something done right, do it yourself. Let’s just see what they do. I’m sure they’ll make the right decisions, for their own sake...” GLaDOS chuckled menacingly.
The Diamond Dogs stopped to gain their bearings in the center of the town. “Whatdowedowhatdowedowhatdowedowhatdowedowhatdowedowhatdowedo!?” Spot panicked.
“Well, we’re not going back to the princess!” Rover proclaimed.
“But she’ll beat us if we run, and... do things to us,” Fido cried.
“Maybe she’ll go easy on us! Master loves us!” Spot squeaked.
“Don’t you idiots get it? Master hates us!” Rover scowled.
The other two gasped.
Spot covered his ears. “I’m not listening... not listening...”
“That’s why we’re not going back,” Rover insisted.
“But! But she said she’ll find us. She’ll find us!” Spot squealed.
“Oh, she was just saying that! There’s no way she’ll know where we are!” Rover was not sounding as confident as he was trying to be.
“I know exactly where you are, you idiots,” a robotic voice spoke from their collars.
The gang jumped from the surprise. “Princesses!”
“That’s right. Your one and only. I saw your pathetic failure, but I’m willing to forgive you if you come back to the base. If not... well... I’ve got some... things in mind for you...”
”Yes, your all-powerfulness,” Fido begged.
“Yes! Yes! We’ll do anything you say!” the little one barked.
“Don’t you cower to her! She’s been bullying us for far too long!” Rover tried to rip his collar off, but it wouldn’t unlock.
“But, she’s the princess. Doesn’t she have super powerful pony princess magic or something?” Fido reasoned.
“Yes, I do: powers far beyond your comprehension. And I swear by my own name… if you little idiots dare make me come after you, you will suffer.”
The three dogs just stood there. Fido kept chanting something like: “game over” and Spot was pulling on his ears. Their leader’s eyes just widened in total fear as he continued trying to take his collar off, but with no luck. For a few moments, there was silence...
It was then that Rover looked up, and noticed that they were standing right under life-size stone statue of Princess Celestia, which of course, he mistook for his master. In horror, he slowly pointed up at the granite abomination before him. The others turned their heads to the statue.
...
“EVERYDOG FOR HIMSELF!” Rover screamed.
The three ran off in separate directions as fast as they could. But as much as they wanted to, there was no running from her cold, sinister voice. It followed them like a curse.
“Very well, then. You brought this on yourselves. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, because I did. Your punishment will be as severe as possible. I am thinking about it as we speak. Hmm... I’ve got some wonderful ideas. Would you like to hear them?”
The dogs all screamed for her to shut up in their own ways. GLaDOS was more than capable of having multiple simultaneous conversations, as she did with the ponies in the Enrichment Center, but she continued to address them in unison.
“You know what... I think it’ll be better if I leave it as a surprise. Yes, I think I’ll leave it to your imaginations. But in the meantime, let me entertain you with some of the ideas that weren’t good enough for you.”
Rover covered his ears, but the rest were unable to, since they were carrying their portal guns, which they dared not drop out of fear that it would only make their punishment worse. Although Rover was able to take full advantage of his free hands to cover his ears, it only made the speaker around his collar louder.
“First, I was thinking of suspending you upside-down for a few days from the ceiling with a bright light shining in your disgusting faces, a constant stream of water dripping on your scraggly chins, and nothing to eat besides the parasites that crawl within regions that I dare not speak. Then, after you’re broken and tired, the real fun begins. Have you ever been electrocuted? No wait... I don’t think you even know what that is, do you? But don’t worry, you’ll find out soon enough. Let’s just say that it’s the most painful thing you’ll ever endure. And it won’t end anytime soon.”
The dogs tried ignoring her taunting, but the fear was slowly getting to them. By now, they were well spread apart. Fido had made it out by an apple orchard southwest of the town, while Spot portaled near the edge of a dark, spooky forest. Rover however, was still somewhere in town. A glimpse of something orange and something blue in the corner of his eye caught his attention, which was enough for him to stop running. He turned towards a white wall on his left, which had a blue portal and an orange portal side-by-side. Both portals seemed to go to the same place. A sign above the portals read “To Canterlot,” Canterlot... he knew he heard this term before. But where? Wait! The princess. She came from Canterlot, but he recalled that she left there for good, so he decided to go through. It may have been a trap, but it was worth the risk.
GLaDOS continued her taunting, but did not seem to react to him approaching the portal. Rover being in Canterlot while the others were still in Ponyville would make it tougher for her to catch him. Slowly, he scanned the area and crept up to the portals. At this time of night, not a single pony was there. He inched closer to the glowing auras in front of him. He stuck his head through the orange one on the left, and looked around. He looked to his sides, and saw a whole row of portals. Suddenly, the taunting stopped.
The gray blip on the map of Ponyville disappeared. GLaDOS was flying high above the clouds, en-route to Ponyville. The map she saw was no longer on the screen, but was part of a HUD in her vision. She didn’t even know why she had a screen.
“Where did he go?” GLaDOS thought at first. She saw that his coordinate data had shifted northeast by several miles. She zoomed out on the HUD map until she saw his blip. The little rat was now somehow in Canterlot. GLaDOS considered the likely possibility that this was due to a portal transportation network created by the hoofheld portal devices. Her portal devices. She did not like the thought of her portal guns being misused in such a blatantly irresponsible manner. If Aperture had intended for them to be used for transportation, they would have sold them to the public. Portal guns are for testing only.
The mutt’s escape to Canterlot would be a problem, as Canterlot was more densely populated and had a much busier nightlife, not to mention that the princesses (the real ones) lived there. However, her plans only required her retrieval of two of the Diamond Dogs, who were further out from town. And it was unlikely that they would not be able to portal very far without shooting a portal on a cliff and killing themselves. Knowing their stupidity, she really should have given them some long-fall boots. GLaDOS changed her mission objectives to only retrieve the two Diamond Dogs in the vicinity of Ponyville. She continued to taunt them, but split her processing power into three separate communications.
“Do you think you can escape me that easily? Well, I’ve got news for you, I don’t even need you, so you can go wherever you want. But when the time comes, your punishment will be the worst by far. To be honest, that’s perfectly fine with me, because of the three of you, I like you the least.”
Rover continued ignoring her as he hid within Canterlot’s back alleys.
“I’m sorry. What I meant to say is that I despise you the most.”
“You know, my opinion of you is not subjective. Not only am I the most powerful being in Equestria, I am also the most intelligent. I’ve done the calculations, and I’ve determined you to be one of the most despicable beings to exist in this crazy little world. That is a scientific fact.”
“Shall I go over the reasons for you? Let's see, you are a greedy, self-serving, treacherous, insolent, cowardly, flee-ridden mutt. You are the single lowest form of life, as well as the worst minion I could possibly have. At least the others were willing to blindly follow me, but you had to go mess things up. I really should have seen this coming and taken care of you when I had the chance.”
“Oh, well…”
“And I know your deepest secrets. Things that only you know about yourself, or should I say, things you think only you know about yourself. Why did I just tell you that? Because I want you to know that I know... everything... about you. Every thought, every feeling, every action. And right now, you're absolutely terrified of me, and you should be. Because I will find you, and you will wish you never betrayed me.”
The early morning light shined into the library through an east window. Princess Celestia stayed ever vigilant as the purple unicorn under her wing slept. Spike, as well, was sleeping under Celestia's wing close to Twilight. Sometime during the night, the little dragon had asked the princess if he could keep Twilight company as well, to which Celestia had complied without the slightest hesitation. But before Spike went to sleep, she asked that he write to her sister about the details of the situation and to call for an investigation on the kidnappers, as well as to guard Twilight's dreams. Throughout the night, Celestia's beloved student seemed to be at peace. But now that the sun had risen, Twilight Sparkle was tossing in her sleep, silently muttering something well below the threshold of audibility, but not below Celestia's intuition.
“Twilight!” The princess called. “Twilight, wake up!” She rocked the little pony with her wing.
“Please, no,” Twilight murmured.
“Twilight, my faithful student. Please wake up,” she nudged Twilight's small body with her muzzle. Her eyelids peeked open.
“Huh, wha...” Twilight groaned.
“Good morning, Twilight. How did you sleep?” Celestia inquired.
Twilight was still disoriented from waking up. “Oh, I'm... Celestia, did you stay here all night with me?" She looked up at her mentor with loving eyes as a daughter would look upon her mother.
“Why, yes I did, Twilight,” the princess responded. “Last night, I was... afraid. I was afraid for your safety. The thought of losing you...” Celestia fought to hold back her tears. She didn't want to remind her student of the previous night, and attempted to stay positive. “Last night, nothing would have made me happier than to stay by your side and make sure you were safe.” She nuzzled Twilight gently.
Twilight was still groggy from sleep, but the reminder of the gravity of last night snapped her mind into pinpoint focus. “Great Celestia!” she cried.
“Um, I'm right here, you know.” Princess Celestia was rather tired of ponies using her name like that, but the situation warranted nothing more than the snarky comment.
Twilight didn't even hear what the princess said. “We have to talk to Chell. She'll know what to do.” The little unicorn was running around frantically getting ready, leaving Spike to lay on the center of the large bed by himself. “Gotta get ready, gotta tell Chell. Gotta get ready, gotta tell Chell.” Twilight worriedly ran around in circles, unable to contain her nerves. She didn't stop moving until a golden aura surrounded her. When she turned her head back, she saw Celestia's glowing horn.
“It's okay,” Celestia hushed. “We should at least get ready before we leave. Why don't you just relax, and I'll make breakfast.” Celestia reminded herself to write a note for Spike that they would be seeing Chell.
On the outskirts of Ponyville, a large winged unicorn descended from the night sky as a bird of prey descends upon her victim. Through endless acres of apple trees, a terrified creature ran as fast as he could. The hulking beast sought refuge among the orchards, but refuge he would not find.
His collar spoke again, “Didn't I already tell you that I know where you are? And you think you can hide in an apple orchard of all places? Wow, you really are the dumb one.” *Clap. Clap. Clap.* “Good thing I put my slow clap processor in here. I haven't used it in quite a while, which is surprising, considering your idiocy.”
In his fright, Fido instinctively grabbed a large handful of apples and shoved them down his throat as fast as he could. It was the only thing that could distract him from what he feared.
“Snack time?” the taunting menace snickered coldly. “You don't seem to have your priorities in order, do you? At least you didn't lose the handheld portal device. You really don't want to find out what would happen if you did.”
“Lea– leave me alone!” he begged. “Ju– just please... have mercy!”
“Aw, boo hoo,” she mocked. “Is the wittle puppy wuppy afwaid of the pwetty pony pwincess?"
Without warning, the mechanical alicorn dropped out of the sky, shaking the ground. Fido quickly jumped behind a tree, holding his portal gun in one arm and a bunch of apples in the other.
GLaDOS lifted her head off the ground, her glowing yellow eyes scanning the area. An indicator in her HUD showed that the dog was hiding behind an apple tree. The two pieces of armor on her chest retracted, revealing the lens of the laser gun underneath. The lens glowed red and was accompanied by a high pitched whirl. Fido heard the sound and remembered the fiery punishment that followed. Without thinking, he fired a portal on a tree some hundreds of feet away, then below his feet.
The laser's whirl stopped briefly, followed by a blinding light and a deafening roar. The tree that Fido was hiding behind exploded in an incendiary display of fiery destruction. GLaDOS saw his location change instantaneously and knew it was because of portals.
“Don't make this more difficult for yourself. I'll burn down this entire orchard if I have to. And when the poor stupid family who owns this land finds it in ashes, it'll be all your fault.”
GLaDOS crouched into a ready position, then galloped towards the Diamond Dog. The unstoppable machine knocked down a series of trees as she closed in on her target, her razor wings slicing through others. He barely managed to jump out of the way before she could trample him. GLaDOS dug her hooves into the ground, grinding to a halt. She turned around, facing her prey. The air was thick with smoke from the fire, making Fido cough. GLaDOS, naturally, was unaffected.
The turrets on her shoulders opened their bays, and each emitted a laser beam that converged at Fido's heart. She spoke again, but this time, the words came not from the collar, but from her. ”Place the portal gun on the ground and lie face down. I will not harm you if you cooperate. But make a wrong move, and your body will be injected with a paralyzing agent. A rather painful one I might add.”
“Promise you won’t hurt me!” he cried.
“Fine. I promise I won't hurt you,” she lied. “Now come with me.”
“How do I know you won't hurt me?”
“Ugh! I never was a good liar. But I can assure you that I won't kill you. I need for you to be alive. Either way, I really don't see how it makes a difference. You are in no position to bargain.”
They stared each other down for a while, waiting to see who would make the first move. The laser sights stayed fixed on Fido's chest. He looked down at the portal gun in his right hand, and the bundle apples in his left, then he made his move.
Fido chucked an apple at his aggressor, dropping the others in the process. The apple hit GLaDOS on her head just below the horn, making a metallic thud and bouncing off.
GLaDOS looked down at the apple and laughed menacingly. Her computerized voice made her laughter a very strange sound, but it was chilling, nonetheless. “Of all the things you could have done, you throw an apple at me? I'm not even gonna bother stopping you.” She continued laughing. “This is just too hilarious!” Usually, she would provide a deadpan remark against such idiotic futility, but she could not help laughing at how stupid of a move that was.
Fido got angry, and reached down to pick up the other apples, throwing them at all GLaDOS. This only made her laugh harder as they all bounced off her metallic body, except for the last one, which was impaled on her horn.
“Huh?” she stopped laughing and looked at the juicy red apple that was stuck on her horn. A surge of electricity pulsed through her horn, blasting the apple into a thousand chunks and apple juice.
Fido, with no more ammunition, saw that GLaDOS was shifting much of her weight on her front right hoof, so he fired a portal below that hoof. As she started falling, her turrets fired darts at the Diamond Dog before she crashed face first into the ground. Most of the darts missed, but one struck him in the arm. He yelped and pulled it out, but the drug was already administered. His large size made him mostly unaffected by the paralyzer, but the arm he carried the portal gun with no longer worked. He tried running away, but could he could only maintain a fast stagger.
A white robotic hoof stuck out of a portal on a nearby tree. The foreleg swung at the tree, constantly berating it. The sheer force of the appendage was enough to break the trunk’s structural integrity. After enough blows, it snapped like a twig. As the tree fell, the surface could no longer sustain the portal, and it vanished. The hoof was sent back through the portal it pushed GLaDOS back upright.
She galloped to where the dog was running and cut off his path. He quickly turned around, but felt several sharp pains in his back and rear accompanied by the sound of turret fire, then started to lose control of his legs. He managed to limp behind a tree before collapsing. He looked up and saw the robotic white face of the master he betrayed. He picked up an apple and threw it at her head, bouncing off as it did before. The turret bays opened again as GLaDOS fired a few more darts into his chest.
As he began to lose control of his entire body, GLaDOS lowered her head, pressing her sharp horn against his heart with an uncomfortable amount of pressure. “I could easily end your miserable life right now, but as I told you, I need you to be alive. Let's just say it's for your punishment.”
A glowing energy illuminated her horn as she levitated Fido's limp body like a ragdoll. She slumped the dead weight onto her back and secured him in place with some rope that she was carrying. “I just realized something,” she thought out loud. “Why didn't I just install the paralyzing agent into the collars? That would have been so much easier. Well... easier, but certainly not as fun.”
*Knock knock knock*
Chell slept in her bed, blissfully unaware of the events that transpired the night before. The knocking sent her just above the threshold of consciousness, but not enough to alert her.
*Knock knock knock*
She turned her face into the pillow, annoyed by the knocking sound below. She would have groaned if she had vocal chords, but the thought was not conscious enough for the blue crystal in her necklace to register.
*Knock knock knock*
The final series of knocks finally woke her up for good. “Ditzy, could you get that?” the necklace spoke. The voice did not sound as tired as she actually was, since speaking for her took much less effort than it did for most ponies. Ditzy, however, had gotten up more quickly and was already downstairs.
“Chell, are you home?” a worried voice called from outside. It sounded as if it belonged to Twilight Sparkle. Ditzy opened the front door to be greeted by not only Twilight, but Princess Celestia as well.
The sight of seeing the princess at her front door so early in the morning and unannounced was an unexpected sight, to say the least. “Oh! Uh... good morning! Chell's still getting up. May I ax why you want to see her so early?”
Twilight looked uneasy. Ditzy could tell that she had a lot to explain. Surely enough, the unicorn took a deep breath as if she were gathering a mountain of words to bombard Ditzy with. But before Twilight could speak, the princess calmly tapped a hoof on Twilight's shoulder, then started to speak, “Please forgive us, Ditzy. Twilight and I wouldn't have come here so early if it weren't so important.” Celestia paused. She felt bad about knocking on somepony's door so early in the morning, but Twilight insisted that she talk to Chell as soon as possible. Her mind could not be at peace until then.
“Last night, somepony... or someone... broke into Twilight’s home. The intruders did so using portals. I have reason to believe that, for some reason, they were trying to abduct her.”
Ditzy gasped. “Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Are you okay, Twilight?” Ditzy asked.
Twilight was still shaken. “Yes, I just want to ask Chell about the portals. You see, they were different colors than the portals we've seen. I was thinking maybe she might know about them.”
“Hold on, let me go get her.” Ditzy turned around to get Chell, but remembered to offer her guests to come inside. “Come on in! I'll get her.” She flew up the stairs to the second floor, as Twilight and Celestia entered their home. “Chell!” She called .
“Ditzy, there's no post today,” came Chell's voice from upstairs.
“It's Twilight and Princess Celestia,” Ditzy told her. “They're wanted to see you. Somefig happened last night.”
Chell wearily paced down the stairs to greet her friends who were waiting in the entrance room. She was too tired to be surprised by the unexpected visit. “Oh, hey guys.” She noticed that both Twilight and Celestia looked worried. “What brings you here so early?”
Celestia repeated what she told Ditzy earlier. “Last night, someone broke into Twilight’s home using portals. They dropped this.” She used her magic to lift the horn restrictor.
Chell gasped silently. “I can't believe someone would do that. You don't have any idea who it was?”
“No, but the colors of the portals were different,” Celestia explained. “There were two pairs. One pair was red and yellow, and the other was cyan and purple. None of the devices we obtained create portals of these colors, nor have we been able to change them. In your days at Aperture Science, have you ever seen portals with these color schemes?”
Chell pondered for a moment, trying to recall if she ever saw a portal that wasn't blue or orange. After half a minute, she came up blank. “No, no I haven't. I've only ever seen blue and orange, just like everypony else. Did you check the vault? Are any portal guns missing?”
“Last night, I told Luna to check the vault. Since I told Twilight that I would stay with her, I did not go back to Canterlot. However, although the door to the vault requires our combined magic to open, I lent mine to her through spirit, and she took inventory of the vault. And while I stood watch over Twilight, I spoke to my sister in dream.” Celestia paused briefly. “She told me... not a single item was missing.”
“So there are at least two portal devices and a horn dampener that are unaccounted for,” Twilight stated. “Who could have smuggled them away without confiscation? Chell, you were the last one in that facility. Do you know how this could have happened?”
“I... I don't know. I don't even know how I got out. I remember having a broken leg and losing consciousness. The next thing I remembered was waking up in a hospital. I'm not even sure how I escaped. Although if you say you found me by a tree, then I imagine Caroline had something to do with it. But I still don't know what happened. Maybe...” Chell stopped dead. Her heart sank lower than the bottom of the old Aperture Science facility. “No…”
“No... No, it can't be. No, it couldn't have been. Do you think...” She looked at Twilight, who made an uneasy grin and shifted her eyes away. “Celestia?”
The princess sighed. “There is not enough evidence to say what happened, but I don't think that we should rule out the possibility...”
Ditzy extended a wing over Chell in comfort. “It'll be okay. We shouldn't jump to conclusions. There are other possibilities, right?”
“Well,” Twilight pondered, “Owlowiscious saw my kidnappers. I mean, they tied him up, so he must have seen them. I couldn't get him to tell me who it was, but Fluttershy has a way with animals. Maybe we'd know if she asked him.” Only after she said that did Twilight remember Spike giving him the same exact advice the previous night, and she felt foolish for not remembering.
Chell thought back to the vault, and a thought popped in her mind. “Who is the Doctor?” she asked. The question seemed random, and nopony in the room understood why she asked it. Nopony in the room knew who the Doctor was, nopony beside Celestia.
“Why do you ask this, Chell?” The princess questioned.
“Well,” Chell explained,” when we were at the vault, I remember seeing a turret that was confiscated. I wondered who in their right mind would salvage a turret. I mean, turrets are very dangerous. And these ponies were being imprisoned, threatened, and tortured. If I were escaping from the facility, I would not be trying to escape carrying one of those. The nametag on the turret said ‘The Doctor.’ And he lives in Ponyville, but there was no address. What does that mean?”
Celestia gathered her thoughts. “The Doctor is a strange and mysterious pony. I know much more about him than most, but he's a mystery even to me. I'm not sure if explaining who he is would be relevant to the situation at hoof.”
“Well, don't you find it strange that this pony would take something from the facility like that? Maybe he might know of any portal guns that went missing.”
I suppose you may be right. In that case, I'll tell you where to find him. But be warned, he is a very strange pony. He lives in a blue box on the corner of Saddle Street and Rein Road.”
“A blue box?” Ditzy asked, puzzled.
“Yes,” Celestia replied. “That is all the information I am willing to divulge. I don't know if this path will help you, but if you feel that it could give you answers, then you should do what you feel is right.”
Chell confronted Twilight Sparkle. “Twilight, I'm going to investigate this lead. Go find Fluttershy and ask her to ask Owlowiscious who entered your home. I don't want you to worry, but we should be prepared for the possibility that–”
*Knock knock knock*
“Twilight! Are you in there?” Applejack's voice could be heard from beyond the door.
Chell ran to the door and opened it, revealing an out-of-breath Applejack. “Yeah, she’s in here. Why? Did something happen to you?”
Applejack panted. “My orchard! Something's happened to it. The trees. A whole row of them were knocked down. Another one looks like was burned to ashes. Fortunately, that fire didn't spread very far, but the damage was done. I didn't know what to do, so I thought I'd tell Twilight, since she always knows what to do. Ah went over to the library, but then Spike told me she was over here. Then he was tellin' me that something happened last night, and then I thought maybe these things are related.” She turned her head to face Twilight. “Ah’m just glad to see you're alright.”
Terror struck Chell's heart. This news only made the possibility that she was still alive even more likely. “Ditzy, I need to see this Doctor and ask what he knows. I want you to come with me. Twilight, explain the situation to Applejack, then go see Fluttershy. Better yet, tell the others as well. Celestia... can you accompany them?”
“This situation calls for my attention in Canterlot, but it is more important that I help out here first.”
Chell faced Applejack. “I'm sorry to leave so suddenly. I wish I had time to explain more to you, but the situation is urgent. Please forgive my rudeness.”
“Aw, shucks, Chell,” Applejack said to Chell, “you don't have to apologize. Ah understand. Actually, ah don't, but ah still trust you, and ahm sure Twi and the princess will explain everything soon enough.”
“What about Dinky?” Ditzy asked. “Can you guys watch her today?”
“We'll be glad to look after her,” Twilight said.
“Aw, that little one o’ yours is the sweetest little filly in Ponyville, second only to Applebloom,” Applejack joked.
“We would be delighted to watch over your daughter,” Celestia added.
“I think we're good, then,” Chell stated. “We trust that you will take care of Dinky and lock the doors before you leave. Ditzy, are you ready to go?”
Above the canopy of the Everfree Forest, a glimmer of golden light could be seen shining just beyond the east, pushing back the stars and the darkness of night. GLaDOS soared down toward her next target, who somehow managed to get himself lost deep within the woods. He was either incredibly stupid, or just ignorant, for a little creature like Spot would be bound to be eaten alive within a few hours.
The pathetic waste of life she captured earlier was slumped on her back, terrified of the ride, but unable to express it. Down below, Spot kept running deeper into the black forest, barely able to see the twisted roots he was tripping over.
“What the hell are you doing?” the voice in his collar scolded. “Do you realize that you're running to your own death? If it weren't for me, you would be doomed already. You don't even know they way out, do you? Just admit you're lost. And you’ll stay here forever, until something eats you. The Everfree Forest is not a place for those who like being alive, especially for those as small as yourself. It’s filled with timberwolves, manticores, cockatrices, venomous snakes, venomous spiders, giant snakes, giant spiders, giant venomous spiders...”
He ignored her. She could hear his panting as he ran.
“Still running? Well, don't say I didn't tell you so when something eats you. How about this? Just scream if something attacks you. After I assess the authenticity of your scream, I will calculate the probability of being able to save you, then I will decide whether or not your life is worth saving.”
As if on demand, the next thing that GLaDOS heard was what sounded like a screaming filly from Spot’s transmission. After many picoseconds of deliberation, she confirmed that there was an 84.6% chance that his scream was genuine, and a 68.7% chance that it indicated immediate danger. It was also in her best interest to save his life. GLaDOS dove lower, skimming the treetops until she finally reached the target. After she was in the vicinity, she performed one of her signature drop landings, breaking through a thicket of branches on her way down and impacting the ground with a shock that sent the local animals running away.
The descent was not so kind to the poor dog tied to her back, who was scratched pretty badly by the foliage and was in pain from the impact. Had the mechanical alicorn’s legs not absorbed most of the shock, he would have been in a much worse condition. Although the hour was twilight, the thick canopy above let almost no light through, making the forest almost entirely pitch black. She wondered how the little dog was able to get this far in the forest, but if these creatures were anything like dogs on Earth, his sense of smell may have had something to do with it. GLaDOS switched to night-vision, which was aided by infrared thermal sensors that could see through the leaves. She could easily detect the landscape around her, and immediately, she saw what it was that was attacking Spot.
Some distance ahead through the foliage, an enormous serpent was coiling around the tiny little dog. Because her night-vision was monochromatic, she could not see the colors or patterns on the snake, but only make out its form. She estimated that it was about 118 feet 7.38 inches long and had an average diameter somewhere around 3 feet 5.69 inches. Its mouth was large enough to swallow Spot whole. For a moment, GLaDOS was worried that the giant snake was venomous... because then she wouldn’t be able to tell him that she warned him about giant venomous snakes. However, a quick biological scan confirmed that the beast was not venomous. This filled GLaDOS with relief, as she now had unlimited authorization to continually mention that she warned him about this.
The serpent was constricting Spot’s torso, which made his eyes bulge out. Somehow, this did not look disturbing. In fact, it looked like a cartoon. Perhaps it was because it could only be seen through thermal imaging. GLaDOS spoke through the dog’s collar, “I told you this would happen. Now, if you don’t want to become snake food, I suggest you hold your breath.” This advice was not very helpful, as the snake proceeded to swallow the little dog whole anyway. “Oh, well,” GLaDOS shrugged. “I suppose I’ll find another replacement, one who isn’t dumb enough to wander into a forest full of creatures that will eat him.”
She was only joking, but she wanted Spot to understand how stupid this was, even dumber than throwing apples at her. Oh, yeah, there’s a useless sack of meat tied to my back, she thought. After enough time had passed, GLaDOS decided to finally stop delaying. Her fondness for burning things had not been sated that night. She retracted the panels covering the laser in her chest and charged it. A small area around her glowed faint red, and illuminated her in the dark of the forest.
When the laser was charged, she fired a powerful blast that illumined the darkness, which was accompanied by a thunderous roar that shook the woods. The beam burned through trees and leaves and directly hit the midsection of the snake, just between the bulge of its latest meal and the rest of its body. The intense heat focused on a single point on the snake’s underside and penetrated its scales, causing its internal fluids to rapidly boil and explode from the sudden increase in pressure. The trees around the snake were painted red, illuminated by the fires from the burning trees, which were growing rapidly.
The snake’s head and neck were blasted high into the canopy and landed on a branch. The Diamond Dog was still in that section of its body, soaked with digestive fluids. He began to slide out of the newly formed sever, but by the time he stared falling, GLaDOS had taken flight and caught the slime-covered mutt with her telekinesis. Most importantly, the portal device was still safe and secure. She fired a single paralyzing dart at him, then pulled him under her neck and secured him there with some more rope. The winged unicorn ascended from the burning trees to high above the forest. By now, the sun was rising casting a shadow onto the canopy from the rising smoke. The fire was too far away to be seen from Ponyville. She flew back towards her base at the mountain peak, without the slightest care of the consequences of the damage she caused in her pursuit of those fools.
The two Diamond Dogs were lying on cold sterile tables. They were in a small room in the cavern, a harsh bright light burning on the ceiling. They were still fully paralyzed, but also fully awake and alert. “You know, there's an old saying where I'm from,” GLaDOS remarked. “‘When life gives you lemons... make lemonade.’” She paused. “To tell you the truth, I never really understood the meaning of that stupid phrase... at least until now. You see, you are my lemons,” she hissed. Using her telekinesis, she lifted a surgical knife, a drill, a syringe, and two identical disk-like devices that had a wire hanging from one end. Her haunting yellow eyes stared deep into their pitiful souls. “So it's time to make lemonade ...”
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2705657 LOL your right that's y i am reading it in the morning.
its 12:01 AM hear.
Hell yes
No other words need to be spoken.
Great....Atlas and P-Body: RISE!!!
2705596
Is Chell going to get out of this one?
2706398
(This is the closest I could find to Applejack's poker face.)
Very observant. Then again, she did say she'd bring them back. It's a well-known fact that GLaDOS isn't the type to lie.
2706476 has Pen Stroke himself recognized this as the official sequal?
2706617 I contacted him after posting the story, and I'm waiting for a response. Before I was active on FIMFiction, I wrote to his Gmail account a few months ago pitching my story, but never received a reply. I figure it got lost among all of the fan mail he gets. Either way, he'll probably be aware of it soon. I'm really hoping this gets his approval. I've worked hard on this.
A sequel to one of my favorite fics on this site? Favorate, like and read later. Oh also...
Ooh! I loved the first story, this should be good!
Oh, and Liarjack:
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjRmMTRjOTNhOTQ1YjcwNmUxOTAwMDAwMSJdXQ/598__safe_applejack_scrunchy-face_discorded_liarjack_artist-reuniclus.png
2706617 no
Well it was nice knowing those Diamond Dogs.
2707156 Thank you.
2707234 that's right i cant spell wroth shit.
but I'm steal going to read it.
Okay, just reached the end of chapter 5. Story-wise it's great, and going on my watch list, but with the quantity of minor typos, you really need an editor to comb through the entire thing. In this chapter, there were several instances where the start of speech was not properly indicated by speech marks, among other things.
Edit: Just seen 2707234 - while I'd like to, I'm afraid I don't really have the time to do more than comment on things that bugged me. Sorry.
My reaction to the sequel of the first fimfic i read, also the best fimfic ever.
literally.
I AM GOING TO READ THE SHIT OUT OF THIS!
Hey, everypony! I'd like to thank you all for your support!
I've been overwhelmed with so many likes and favorites, that I was unable to sleep last night. 
To be honest, I think much of its popularity can be attributed to it being a sequel to a legendary fic, but the entire reason that I'm writing a sequel to Better Living is because it really, really, really needed one. You just can't have the villain come back to life and vow to get right back to evil without a sequel! 
Better Living was one of the first fanfics I've read, and I really wanted to see the story arc continue. Since it didn't seem that the much-needed sequel was being written, I thought I could write it myself, and I am proud of what I've written.
That said, I'm GLaD that everypony is enjoying the story for what it is. I want this to be a worthy sequel to the original, and considering that the original was written by Pen Stroke, that is quite a feat. I appreciate all feedback and constructive criticism.
Also, if any of you would like to help with this story, I still need an editor. Thank you, everyone!
Also thanks for the grammar corrections. I'm fixing them as they appear.
good thing you know your portal and portal2 history i thoat on one cud see the adventure core get sucked in to space. lolol
2707432
Everything I mention has a purpose to the story.
[youtube=Va_ybK9Qskc]
The video is wrong about the fact sphere. He stays on Earth.
2707467 i know i played portal 2 and i cud see the adventure core get sucked in to space. bu I'm stell on the 1th chapter and it is great so far.
insta-fav!!!
You win my fav.
I haven't read this yet, and I don't you, but you win my fav.
... I might still decide to remove it later, but the point still stands that right now you have my fav. ^_^;
Who's the art by?
... This is awesome. Nough said. I mean srsly. this is awesome... After all the crappy featured box fics... I get this sequel not by Penstroke I hoped it would awesome, it is awesome. You have done a great job creating this sequel and I wish you the best of luck
chapter 2 is better thin i thot it wood be.
2707808
The image is a mash-up of various artworks that I put together in Photoshop. I created the title, which uses the same font as the Aperture Science logo. Likewise, chapter numbers use the same font as test chamber numbers, and chapter titles use the font of the "Laboratories" part of the logo.
The image of Chell is the same that was used for the original story, which can be found here. I modified her cutie-mark to be a portal and replaced the companion cube with Wheatly. I can't remember where I got the image of him.
I found Alicorn GLaDOS here, which is also the source of my Avatar, and my head(f)anon idea of what she looks like.
I chose not to disclose the source of the background yet. You'll see why in a few chapters.
2707822
Thank you. That means a lot to me.
YES YES YES YES!!!!! No romance but still YES!!!!!!!!
Another author attempting to ride the coattails of Pen Stroke... At least it isn't another Nyx story, I suppose. And, it seems you're succeeding so far. Welp, good luck.
is the owner of the corrupted turret the rat man that hide it Aperteure ?
2708144
Ratman died in Lab Rat, remember? That is a cool idea, but I'm trying to stick with the canon of the Portal universe (at least until the point where the duct-taped portal gun malfunctioned).
2708174 ya how did he get the tape? lol
I'm only on chapter 3 but its better than i imagined.
2708182
From Better Living Through Science and Ponies, Chapter 1:
Not even GLaDOS knows.
2708215 lol your right but we wood like to know trots on it.
2708220
I spent an entire weekend writing those lyrics. That was the very first part of the story I wrote. Would anyone like me to post a YouTube link to an instrumental version of "Still Alive" in Ch 1?
I'm doing it anyway. So now you can listen to the song while reading the lyrics.
2708234 but it was steel good
you hit 100 like congrats
2708327
pool.theinfosphere.org/images/9/95/Bender%27s_party_glasses.jpg
2708230
Here's my official explanation for how Wheatly got the duct tape:
He got it from ducks. It's actually "duck" tape.
2708365
lol your to good
if you think wet portal's you Will go far. Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun Pun
2708860 # 3 he almost help her escape. before he went evil.
2707382
I commend your bravery, taking it on yourself to write a sequel to a a brilliant and immensely popular story. I'm just going to point out that Better Living Through Science and Ponies was the very first fanfic I ever read, and remains one of my favourites to this day. As such, if this fails to live up to it predecessor, I will not be especially surprised (no offence, the original was just so good). In addition, I may have to hunt you down mercilessly for daring to think yourself worthy of this task.
Having said that, you are doing well so far (spelling errors notwithstanding) and I sang my way through your version of Still Alive. As such, you are safe for now. Continue at this level of quality and you shall live. Give up or disappoint me and there will be... consequences.
But no pressure, or anything...
*GGAAAASSSSSPPPPPP*....
Yay
Instant Fav.
Will read later and give you constructive criticism.
You know, I remember you saying for people not to favorite this story because you were never going to post another sequel. But I favorited it, waiting for this moment and holding a wee bit of hope. Glad to see my prayers were answered.
2709259 I think you're confusing me with Pen Stroke. I did not write Better Living Through Science and Ponies. This is a fan-made sequel.
the book is vary good better than i inspected hope to see more chapters.