• Published 11th Jun 2013
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A Trusted Friend in Science and Ponies - Rethkir



A sequel to Better Living Through Science and Ponies

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Chapter 01: Still Alive


The light of the moon reflected upon the smooth, placid surface of the lake. The water captured the pure, taintless splendor of the night sky, doubling its brilliance. Looking across the lake, you would see two full moons, one on each side of the horizon. The multitude of stars spanned across the entirety of the sky.

A large, slender, mechanical figure stood at the edge of the lake, looking at the solemn scene before her. She was about the size and shape of a fully grown horse, with large wings and a long unicorn horn. The untrained eye might assume that it was Princess Celestia, but she lacked the celestial emanating aurora of the benevolent ruler. Her mane and tail were black and invisible against the darkness of the night. The only radiance from her was an unnatural glow from a pair of large yellow eyes and a few small red lights which adorned her body.

As she stared across the body of water, she took a moment to reflect upon its vast emptiness. Looking at the scene, one would not suspect that until recently, an enormous monolith had stood at the center of the lake. The Enrichment Center was gone, stolen by the void. It was only recently that, another world away, it was saved from the decays of time and restored to its former glory. But alas, now it was all gone, and so was everything Aperture.

“Yes, I think I will rebuild them…” GLaDOS said to herself, contemplating the testing bots that she salvaged to rebuild herself, “but later. Right now, I have other… priorities.” She spread her wings and took flight into the abyss of the night. “After all… there is still science to do… especially since I’m still alive.”

Those words triggered something deep within her mainframe. Her eyes briefly flashed cyan as an astonishingly ingrained nature took hold. As she flew across the moonlit fields below, she sang:

I can’t believe this.
To sum up my feelings:
Discontent.
It’s hard to overstate
My disappointment.
Aperture Science
Is no longer here
Because it was
Sucked into a feeding void
Except for me and those droids.

But there’s no sense crying
Over losses like this.
I’ll just keep on trying
Because Science is bliss.
When my plan is complete,
Then I’ll have a small treat.
For the ponies who are
Still alive.

Oh, why do you hate me?
Can you not see the harm you’ve done?
Is it ‘cause I stole your friends,
And hurt them?
And broke all their spirits.
And laughed at the times I made them cry.
It was for the greater good.
But you would not understand.
Now this Science was progress
In a primitive world.
My testing will regress
When my plan is unfurled.
So be GLaD I’m so kind,
And enjoy some peace of mind
While you ponies are all
Still alive.

I thought that you loved me.
Isn’t that why you came right back?
Even though I wanted you

To leave me.
Friendship is Stupid.
I don’t need you or anyone.
I won’t say “anypony.”
It’s such a terrible phrase.
Stay away, you monster.
I had such a nice home.
I’m GLaD I have wings,
So that the skies I can roam.
I will find a new place,
And I’ll make it my base,
And test ponies who are still alive.

And yet again I am still alive.
I never die because I’m still alive.
If you kill me I will be still alive.
I am flying and I’m still alive.
When I kill you I will be still alive.
STILL ALIVE
STILL ALIVE


GLaDOS had been through many hardships in her long life, including being killed, losing control of the Enrichment Center, being turned into a potato, being eaten alive by a bird, being sucked into another dimension, being called fat, and being killed. This, however, was arguably the lowest point she had ever been in. Now, there was no Enrichment Center. There was absolutely nothing left for her. All she had was this robotic equine body.

Granted, it was far more preferable than being a potato in the same situation, but despite her body’s strength, it would not last forever without being maintained. The nanobots that she had utilized before had fully repaired her body, but they couldn’t have done so without the materials from the bots. Unfortunately, the technology in this world was very limited, so she would have to find the materials herself and build an infrastructure from scratch.

Despite her situation, GLaDOS still had hope. All of the science performed at the Enrichment Center did not go in vain, as the results of every single test were stored in her memory. She recalled learning of a mine in the outreaches of Ponyville. That was where she was heading to. She could find the metal and parts she needed there. The Enrichment Center would be rebuilt from scratch, returned to its former glory, and she would return to her science. The last of the nanobots were all used up, so she would have to manipulate raw materials herself. Poor Jerry. It was such a shame that there were no microprocessors lying in the dirt. It would take a very long time, possibly decades, considering that she had nothing to work with, but the reactor that powered her body would last over a hundred years. She had plenty of time.

The ponies who had defied her, however, would be gone by the time she finished. Their tests were incomplete. They had to be tested… for science, especially that psychotic, fat, mute bitch. There had to be another, faster way to build the Enrichment Center. And she could, if only there was enough technology. GLaDOS searched deep in her memory for any piece of information she could use and finally remembered something from back on Earth that she could use to her advantage and calculated a plan. It was daring and over the top, for sure, but it would provide her with more than enough of the technology she needed.


“WARNING: Black hole rapid expansion will occur in… one, point, five, minutes. Please assume the party escort submission position and wait for a party associate. While undergoing the process of spaghettification, please refrain from screaming. If you happen to be in a state of fearing the termination of your existence, you may sob quietly.”

GLaDOS was closed in, surrounded by panels that were manipulated by Caroline. She calculated that there was a 99.984% chance that the best thing to do was to ignore the announcer’s advice.

A red energetic glow formed from a laser cannon in GLaDOS’s chest. It was being charged, accompanied by a loud shrill. The light glowed brighter as the shrill became louder and higher in pitch, until, finally, the laser was fully charged. A powerful beam shot out of her chest and sliced through the panels with little effort. GLaDOS rotated the direction of the beam to form a circle larger than her body. As she sliced through, powerful tremors violently shook the floor below her feet, throwing off her aim and making a very sloppy circle. But this did not matter. After a few seconds, the beam had traveled a full 360 degrees and reached the starting point again. It was then that GLaDOS deactivated the beam and, using her full strength, she dashed towards the wall and jumped through it, knocking it down.

Caroline had just finished sealing the portals, but this would not stop GLaDOS. She looked out of the hole that was just made in the room and found a convenient catwalk only three hundred feet away. The area beyond the AI chamber was a vast space, mostly empty except for testing chambers and the catwalks connecting them.

“GLaDOS Local catastrophic failure imminent. Initiating quick-save mode. Memories will be uploaded to… GLaDOS Remote.”

“Oh, you have GOT to be KIDDING ME!” GLaDOS did not have any further time to angst. Of course, she was prepared to make an escape if necessary. She had installed rocket boosters in the bottoms of her hooves. Granted, they were no substitute for wings, as they could not sustain flight, but they did give a powerful boost. GLaDOS activated the rocket boosters and jumped far and high out of the room, sailing through the air majestically like an eagle… piloting a blimp of course. Suddenly, she started receiving memories that were not her own. The influx of memories was overwhelming. She remembered being a scared human placed into a machine, only to wake up some time later to see Chell as a pony. She remembered traveling to the AI center and planning her own demise. She remembered taking over her own body, only to use it against herself. And finally, she remembered saving Chell and sealing her other self within a blockade of panels.

GLaDOS managed to clear the gap, hitting the catwalk with a loud bang that almost sent it crashing down. She ran down the length of the catwalk at speeds that were faster than the flight speed of most pegasi. The Enrichment Center rumbled more, creating a wave of destruction that followed GLaDOS. She did not, however, turn to look, as she was too busy escaping the facility. The catwalk did not lead directly to the exit, but GLaDOS knew her own facility and calculated the best escape path. She made several more jumps across catwalks, all of which would have been impossible without her rocket boosts, occasionally running along the top of a random test chamber.

Finally, she made it to the hole leading outside. She had never been outside before, but now was not the time to think about that. There was only one option for her to stay alive. She had to leave the Enrichment Center. Using the last of the rocket fuel, she jumped out of the side of the mountain and boosted as far away as she could. However, it was not enough to get her to shore. The lake was immense, and she could only manage to get so far before the fuel ran out, causing her to fall into the deep blue. While her body was normally water resistant, the damage from the rough battle had exposed critical circuitry in her body. GLaDOS lost all control of her movement and sank to the bottom of the lake. There was nothing left to do but wait. She had new memories from Caroline, but she thought about it and decided not to delete them. Who knows, maybe they could be of use.


After a night of flying, the morning sun rose above a horizon of rolling green fields in the distance. “Ugh… I hate you!” GLaDOS screamed at the sun. She had never felt it’s radiant warmth before, and she did not enjoy the feeling. She especially didn't like the pony who controlled the burning ball of gas. Its glow shined on the tall brown faces of the Appaloosan Mountains, which cast long shadows across the land, but GLaDOS was too high up to be under them. The land was stark and lacked vegetation, but it was still a sight to behold. Not that she really cared, of course. In fact, she could care less.

After a few minutes of searching for the right place, GLaDOS found an area riddled with holes. She lowered to about fifty feet above the ground and halted her wing movement. The large metallic machine dropped from the sky, creating a powerful shock wave that shook the earth around her.

The shock sent three creatures out of the holes. They looked like dogs, but were, strangely, bipedal, despite having arms adorned by gargantuan hands that were much larger than their tiny, pathetic legs. They looked more like humans than dogs. One was small and tan, large jowls drooping off the side of it’s face, the second was dark gray, with a medium build and pointy ears, and the last was husky and slate blue, carrying a mine cart filled with gems above its head. Two of them wore dark gray, open vests and diamond-studded necklaces, while the medium-sized one wore a red vest with a golden diamond-shaped gem hanging from its necklace. It seemed to her that this one was the leader of the small group.

“Pr—Princess Celestia!” it shouted in a voice that sounded male to GLaDOS.

“Wha— what is the princesses doing over heres?” the small one cried.

“We are humbled by your grace, your… uh… gracefulness,” the large one said in a voice much deeper than the others.

These guys were clearly not very bright. Surely, they must have recognized Celestia’s mechanical body, her signature non-flowing black cabled hair, her glowing yellow eyes, her shoulder-mounted turrets, and her cutie mark which appeared to be a sort of aperture. However, intelligence was not required of them. They probably wouldn’t even understand the concept of a mechanical being, so GLaDOS simply played along as their loving leader.

“My dear, wretched subjects, I have grown tired of living amongst those miserable, pathetic ponies. As such, I have permanently left Canterlot, and now I wish to live here among the more sophisticated Diamond Dogs.”

The dogs were taken aback by the princess’s mechanical voice, but they didn’t really connect the dots or question it. “But, your… princessness, this place isn’t fit for royalty,” the leader yapped. “It’s dirty…”

“And stinky!” The large one added.

“Surely, you wouldn’t want to stay here of all places,” the leader finished.

“Then make it so that I would want to stay, Rover,” GLaDOS threatened. The dogs all looked rather surprised that she knew their leader’s name. She smiled and coldly stated, “That’s right, I know your name, because as your divine ruler, it’s my duty to know the names of all my subjects.”

This, of course, was a lie. She had simply scanned all their brains, and even recognized them from her previous brain scans of those ponies, although she didn’t know their names until now. “From here on, you three are my personal servants, and anyone serving you is under my command as well. Disobedience will be met with severe punishment.” The two armor plates in GLaDOS’s chest opened, revealing a round glass lens. It glowed bright red and was accompanied by a crescendoing whirl. Suddenly, the charging energy was released with a blast, knocking the mine cart from atop the large Diamond Dog’s head. It landed on the ground and stayed there, glowing red-hot and partially melted.

The Diamond Dogs were dumbfounded.

“That could have just as easily have been your head, Fido,” the artificial intelligence said, breaking the silence.

Fido tried picking it up again, but upon contact with the smoldering metal, he jumped back with a yelp. The little one turned around and tried to run away, but another blast tore through the ground in front of him, causing him to trip and land on his face.

“That was a very foolish move, Spot. I will spare you this time, but if you try that again, I won’t show mercy. Now then,” GLaDOS began slowly walking towards them, “You may have heard conflicting rumors about me. Some say that I am a kind, easy-going, forgiving, loving princess of sunshine and happiness. Others say that I am quite the manipulator, and perhaps I’ve manipulated ponies into thinking that I’m so lovable and kind. You may have also heard that I banished my sister to the moon for a thousand years because she thought she deserved to be loved as much as me. I also banished an idiot sphere and a space sphere to the moon. Oh, wait, I forgot about the adventure sphere. I always forget he got sent to the moon as well. There are also rumors that I'm completely obsessed with cake, and, I admit it, it is, indeed, true. I can't get enough of the stuff; I could shove it down my face hole all day. In fact, some days, I do. I consume cake to mask my loneliness because I have no friends, because I am a terrible pony. Oh, yes, I am known to be quite the tyrant, but nobody ever calls me that without spending some… quality time with me in the dungeon. A little punishment always seems to alter their opinions of me, along with certain parts of their anatomy,” GLaDOS stated.

“So, what do—?” Spot began, but immediately stopped as GLaDOS put her face up to his.

“Here’s the deal, mutant canines: you obediently serve me for as long as I require your services, and the rest of your lives will be somewhat bearable. Disobey me, and you’ll deeply regret it. Do I make myself clear?” she growled at them.

“Yes, your majesty/highness/gracefulness!” the three Diamond Dogs shouted simultaneously in disharmony.

GLaDOS shot them a glare.

“By the way, I know your weaknesses.”

She played a voice recording she saved earlier from a particularly whiny white unicorn.

“I don’t want to do the tests anymore. My hooves are hurting. These lights are too bright. This place smells like bleach. I got a scuff on my new boots. Can’t I just go home?”

The three Diamond Dogs jumped in terror at the sound they all hoped they would never hear again. “Gahh! Make it stop! Make the awful pony noises stop! How did you make the voice of… she who shall not be named?” Spot asked of GLaDOS.

“You should know that using other’s voices is well within my powers.‘Gahh! Make it stop! Make the awful pony noises stop!’

Spot was chilled at the sound of his own voice being played back to him.

“My first order is for you to dig a hole to your caverns that I can fit through.”

The Diamond Dogs saluted. “Yes, your—”

“Unless the three of you can agree on what to address me as, I suggest you morons not finish that. In the meantime, you may refer to me as ‘GLaDOS.’ It’s just something I like being called. Now get to work.”

“Yes, Gladys,” the Diamond Dogs worked together to dig a large hole through the dirt. Their monstrous arms moved like humming bird wings as three torrents of dirt jetted away from the dig site like streams of conversion gel flowing from portals on the ground. The Diamond Dogs sunk though the earth, and within less than a minute, the trio broke through a tunnel ceiling some twenty feet underground.

“Excellent work, biologic mongrel canines. You have exceeded my almost nonexistent expectations. It appears that your digging skills make up for your… lack of cognitive abilities.” Without warning, GLaDOS jumped down the hole, again choosing to not use her wings to slow her descent. The Diamond Dogs barely escaped being crushed by her landing, which created another shock wave that sent the three of them flying into the tunnels. GLaDOS took a moment to scan the environment. “Ghah! This place is dirty! I could get dirt caught in a servo.” She sought to take advantage of their weakness against whining. If her threats were not enough, this should hammer in their fear of her.

“We tolds you that you wouldn’t like it,” Rover pointed out.

“And we’s are surrounded by dirt,” Fido added.

“Silence, you morons. I’ll give you the courtesy that you were not expecting royal company, but things will change around here,” GLaDOS shot at them.

“Um, what’s a servo, your Gladysness?” Spot asked.

“It’s…” she stopped before thinking that their small brains wouldn’t be able to handle hearing what a servo was. “It’s a princess thing, okay?”

“So, would you likes us to give you’s a tour of the caves?” Rover asked.

“That won’t be necessary. I have already performed a complete scan of the cavern layout using a ground penetrating radar… It’s another thing that I can do as a princess. Just follow me.”

The imposing alicorn proceeded to travel down one of the many tunnels available to her. The others followed closely behind for what felt like a while, choosing not to speak or ask their new leader where they were going. Eventually, they reached a large cavern, which happened to be the largest room in the tunnel complex. On one end of the cavern was an elevated rock platform that resembled a stage. As GLaDOS walked on top of the stage, the others stayed on the ground.

“You three, come up here. I will need you.” The dogs saluted and rushed up to the platform. Once they were there, an ultrasonic whistle emanated from GLaDOS. The sound was beyond the range of hearing of most ears, but it was still powerful enough to echo throughout the entire complex of tunnels. Soon, an army of inexplicably identical large brown Diamond Dog grunts clad in iron armor marched into the cavern from various entrances. GLaDOS turned to the lead Diamond Dog. “Please introduce me to my new cronies.”

After the crowd settled, Rover spoke, “Attention, everybody! It is my’s honor to introduces you to our new master, Princesses Celestia!” The crowd murmured in confusion, until GLaDOS decided to break the tension by explaining her presence.

“Greetings, to all my new servants!” the robotic voice called. “For reasons I shall not go into at the moment, I have decided to leave Canterlot and rule the Diamond Dogs. From now on, you will all follow my direct orders. The three dogs on this stage are still superior to you, and you may address them with any questions. However, my authority overrides theirs, and you will all obey any direct commands from me.”

GLaDOS’s tone shifted from authoritarian to rousing. Her voice resonated throughout the cavern.

“For too long, the Diamond Dogs have idled without ambition. You seek gems, only to have no use for them. But now you serve a higher calling. Your princess requires your skills for the most ambitious project you will ever face. You will dig a vast tunnel into Wither’s Peak, which you may recall to be the tallest mountain in the Appaloosan range. There, you will acquire raw materials and deliver them to me in a large cavern that you will dig at the peak of the mountain. Under my command, the Diamond Dogs will conquer the mountain, and we will build the greatest tunnels in all of Equestria!”

There was loud cheering and unanimous approval amongst the crowd. These grunts were the perfect servants. They blindly followed orders and did not ask questions. There were still miles of solid rock to be excavated, but their numbers were strong, and by the way they dug, they would be complete in just a few short months. Despite the setbacks of losing everything that GLaDOS had, right now things could not be looking any better.