Chapter One: The Gift
Chapter One: The Gift
It was a beautiful fall morning in Ponyville. There was a slight nip in the air, though the sun was shining brightly and a soft breeze wafted the brilliantly colored leaves littering the ground into the air. Applejack breathed in deeply, her eyes closed as she took in the fresh morning air. She was hitched to a cart of apples and was bringing them into town to sell. The cart was heavily loaded and represented the last of the fresh apples for the season. Apple Bloom skipped along beside her, for once helping her big sister out.
“Hey sis,” Apple Bloom chirped as she hopped in front of Applejack for maybe the fiftieth time.
Applejack opened her eyes and smiled at her sister, “What is it, sugar cube?”
“When we get into town, can I go find Scoot and Sweetie? Scoot had these plans yesterday about how we can get our cutie marks that almost surely cain’t fail!”
Applejack rolled her eyes, “I thought y’all were gonna help get these apples to market. Y’gonna bail on me now?”
Apple Bloom cringed a little, stopping her little skipping game for a second, before an idea seemed to occur to her, “What about after?”
“Sure thing, ‘Bloom.” Applejack smiled as her little sister performed a little pirouette of joy. “Now, take a look at th’ order sheet and lemme know where the first load gets dropped off.”
Apple Bloom trotted up to the cart and hopped up to the seat, checking the clipboard resting on the seat. She ruffled through the pages and scanned through the orders. “Looks like Pinkie Pie ordered a couple barrels o’ Fujis and Granny Smiths,” she reported, “then Ms. Cheerilee at the school put in an order for four barrels o’ Red Delicious... Hmm. Looks like Twilight put in an order for a couple barrels too.”
“Really? What kind did Twilight want?”
“One barrel of Granny Smiths and a barrel of Cortlands. No Red Delicious this time. She must be on a diet again.”
Applejack chuckled. “She needs t’stop worryin’ so much. She looks fine just the way she is, though I gotta say that the Cortlands are awful sweet this season. I don’t know how much of a diet Twi’s gonna be on with a barrel of ‘em.” She considered for a moment then asked, “So that’s the school, Sugarcube Corner, then the Library. Anyone else or is the rest just goin’ to the market?”
“Naw, just the first few stops, sis. Ms. Rarity even put in an order for a barrel o’ Pink Ladies. Then Mayor Mare had an order for six barrels o’ mixed crop. Wow, six barrels? Is the Mayor plannin’ a party?”
Applejack shook her head, “Nah. She’s jest getting’ ready for Nightmare Night. Apples’ll keep a good while an’ you know how the Mayor likes to be prepared.”
Apple Bloom nodded absently, not really focused on the clipboard any more. She pointed a small hoof down the road, saying, “Hey sis, looks like somepony’s on the road ahead!”
Applejack turned her attention back to the road ahead and squinted her eyes. Sure enough, far down the road around an oxbow bend and just visible through a gap in the trees, she saw a pony walking along in a slow, meandering gait, something hovering in front of the pony’s face. “Looks like Twi’s comin’ to us this time,” Applejack chuckled.
Apple Bloom hopped down from the cart and dashed up the road calling enthusiastic greetings to the lavender mare ahead of them. Applejack kept trudging along, pulling the laden cart at an even pace so the apples wouldn’t bruise. She smiled to herself at the thought of her little sister hopping around the absent-minded librarian, one of her five best friends. Twilight was always into some book or other and it always took her a minute or two to pull herself out of their pages before she could function socially. She could just imagine Apple Bloom’s effect on Twilight as the little pony danced around asking a dozen questions and moving on to another dozen before a single question could be answered.
She heard Apple Bloom’s piping voice from up ahead peppering Twilight Sparkle with the predicted barrage of questions, “…know that earth ponies cain’t do magic magic like unicorns can, but can a pony get her cutie mark for magic if she tries really hard? Do you like my new bow? Applejack gave it to me yesterday and I been jest dyin’ to show it off! Have you seen Scoots and Sweetie Belle? We’re gonna get our cutie marks for sure today, I just know it! What book are you reading? Is it about cutie marks?”
Sweet Celestia! Thought Applejack, That little filly has more questions in her’n a dog has fleas! I best hurry up a pace and help poor Twi out ‘fore she does that little eye-twitchy thing. She picked up her hooves and stepped up the pace a bit, still keeping the acceleration smooth to avoid bumping the apples too much. Before too long, she had caught up to her little sister and was able to slow down a bit.
“Well howdy there Twilight!” She called, suppressing a chuckle at Twilight Sparkle’s frazzled expression.
Twilight brightened when she heard her friend’s greeting. “Oh, Applejack! Hello! How are you today?”
Apple Bloom had stopped her litany of questions and chatter and shot her big sister an irritated look before sulking for a moment, muttering to herself, “And now I won’t get answers to any o’ my questions!”
Applejack chuckled, “Fine and dandy, Twi, n’ you?”
“Oh, I can’t complain. I’ve just gotten a new shipment of books in from the Canterlot Royal Library a couple days ago. I was really digging into them, but I guess I must have lost track of time a little… Spike threatened to stop cooking if I didn’t get out and let him put away some of the books.” She laughed a little and rubbed a hoof through her mane self-consciously. “So now I’m taking a walk. I could have sworn I was heading into town, though…”
Applejack rolled her eyes, “If y’took yer nose outta them books every once in a while, y’might see where you were goin’!”
“It’s ironic you say that, as this book is about navigation techniques for overland travel…” Twilight trailed off, an embarrassed blush coloring her lavender cheeks. “Well, I meant to go into town. I think I’m supposed to meet Rarity for lunch over at a new café in town and I didn’t want to be late. Oh, hey, that reminds me! Do you want to join us? Rarity said she’d try to get Fluttershy. And of course you can bring Apple Bloom,” she said, smiling at Apple Bloom, who perked up immediately.
“Oh, I don’t know, Twi…” Applejack hedged, “I got all these apples to sell and deliveries to make, too. ‘Sides, you know Rarity’s tastes’re a bit too fancy for a honest country pony like yours truly. I don’t know if I’d fit in too well.”
“Oh, c’mon Applejack!” Apple Bloom piped in, “pleeeeeeease? You never take me on grown-up stuff!”
Applejack sighed. “What about yer friends, little sis? Won’t Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle miss you?”
“Well, I guess…” Apple Bloom looked a little guiltily toward Ponyville, “But they’d understand! Besides, if Rarity’s gonna be there, Sweetie’s prob’ly gonna be there too!”
“Rarity did mention that she’d be bringing Sweetie,” said Twilight brightly. “She said something about preventing Sweetie Belle from burning down the boutique for lunch.”
Applejack glanced over at her little sister whose eyes had gotten big and pleading. Her bottom lip even quivered in a full-on pout. “All right, all right,” she grumped, “We’ll go. But we need t’ make the deliveries first.”
“Wooohoo!” whooped Apple Bloom, jumping up in the air in a full back flip.
Applejack rolled her eyes again and turned back to Twilight, “So do you wanna walk with us into Ponyville? You keep on goin’ like you are, you’ll most likely end up in the middle of the West Orchard somewhere surrounded by the Red Delicious trees!”
Twilight blushed a little, “Oh, so you noticed that, huh?”
“Sure did!” Applejack winked, “But just between us fillies, I don’t think y’need it, sugar cube. You’re fine just the way y’are. ‘Sides, the Cortlands you ordered are nearly as sweet as the Red Delicious this year. Granny Smith’s been making apple preserves from ‘em and I swear y’cain’t tell the difference.”
“You’re too kind, Applejack,” said Twilight brushing it off, “but the star pupil of Princess Celestia has to keep up appearances! At least, that’s what Rarity always tells me. ‘Image, my dear Twilight,’” Twilight’s voice took on the overly dramatic and faux-French tones of their friend, “’Image is everything!’ So I’m giving it the old college try.”
“Pffff,” snorted Applejack, “Don’t pay no mind to Rarity, Twi! Leastways, not enough to stop you from eatin’ a good apple.”
Twilight ran her hoof through her mane again, a nervous gesture which Applejack found quite endearing, “I suppose you’re right… Anyway, I’d be glad for the company on the way back to Ponyville!” She levitated her book into her saddlebag and fell in beside Applejack.
The three ponies laughed and talked all the way into Ponyville, just enjoying each other’s company and the fine Fall day. “Well, it looks like our first stop is comin’ up,” Applejack said. “We’ll meet you n’ Rarity over at the café ‘round lunchtime!”
Twilight nodded happily and her horn lit up as she pulled her book out from her saddlebag and opened it back up, “See ya then!”
Apple Bloom waved her hoof after Twilight and then started looking around Ponyville for her friends. The town was bustling, even though it was still fairly early in the morning. Ponies strolled together down the cobbled streets or stood together in little groups talking. Good-natured greetings and a general lively hubbub filled the autumn air with a low buzz of activity. Applejack chucked Apple Bloom on the shoulder gently, “C’mon Bloom. We gotta get on over to Sugarcube Corner. The Cakes’ll be wantin’ their shipment of apples. And maybe you can get Pinkie Pie to give you a free cupcake.”
“Woohoo!” Cheered Apple Bloom, leaving off her search for her friends, “I love cupcakes!”
~*.*~
They arrived at Sugarcube Corner and pulled the cart along to the service entrance round back. Apple Bloom jumped up and rang the bell. It didn’t take too long before the door was opened and they were greeted by Pinkie Pie’s poofy mane and cheek-splitting grin. “Apples!” The pink pony cheered. “I love apples! And Apples!” She bounded out of the bakery and jumped up into the cart, rooting around the various barrels. “Ooh! These are perfect Applejack! Just what I need for my latest creation… The Chocolate Apple Explosion!”
Applejack raised a questioning eyebrow, “Apples and chocolate? I love apples as much as the next pony. Well, probably a whole lot more’n the next pony. Anywho, point is, apples n’ chocolate don’t sound all that appetizin’ to me.”
“Of course not, silly!” Pinkie giggled. “That’s ‘cuz you forgot to add the explosion! Everything’s better with explosions!” The pink pony bounded down from the cart and helped Applejack unhitch herself from the harness.
“Right,” deadpanned Applejack, “how could I forget about the explosions?” She climbed up into the cart and pulled out the ramp. Then she checked her order form and found the barrels with Sugarcube Corner labels. She hammered lids down on them and tipped them on their sides, rolling them down the ramp and onto the street outside of the bakery.
Pinkie meanwhile, had produced a bag of balloons and was creating a menagerie of balloon animals for a giggling Apple Bloom. The animals were extremely short-lived, however, and every time they popped, an explosion of confetti rained down to Apple Bloom’s hysterical laughter.
“Pinkie,” wheedled Apple Bloom, “you got any cupcakes for your favorite Apple?” She smiled a big cheesy grin up at Pinkie.
“Hmmmmm…” mused Pinkie exaggeratedly, “I might have a cupcake or two for my favorite Apple. But who’s my favorite Apple?”
“Me! Me! It’s me!” Apple Bloom hopped up and down, twirling and dancing around in front of Pinkie.
Pinkie tapped a hoof to her chin, an expression of utmost concentration on her face, “Who could it possibly be?” She mused. “Ah! I know! It’s Big McIntosh!”
“Awwww,” groused Apple Bloom, “That ain’t fair! Big Mac’s always yer favorite!”
“Well,” said Pinkie, blushing a little, “he is…Big! But I’ll get you a few chocolate cupcakes if you give your brother a couple apple turnovers I baked for him this morning!”
Applejack almost tripped over her hooves as she was rolling the last barrel of apples down the ramp. “You sweet on Big Mac now? I thought you had a thing for that musician mare… what’s her name… Lyra?”
Pinkie blushed and giggled again, “Oh, sure. Lyra’s a blast! But I also like Big Mac!” The pink baker skipped into the bakery, humming to herself, leaving Apple Bloom scratching her head.
“Sis,” she asked, “what’d you mean she’s sweet on Lyra? Ain’t Lyra a mare?”
“Sure she is,” answered Applejack, setting the last barrel upright next to the others and pushing the ramp back onto the cart. “But love is love. It don’t care much for mares or colts and strikes where it wills. T’ ain’t nothin’ wrong with two mares in love. Two stallions, neither.”
Apple Bloom shrugged. “Makes sense to me, I guess. Say, sis, is there anypony got your eye?”
“Nah, sugarblossom,” said Applejack, “I ain’t got time for none of them romantic shenanigans. I got enough on my hooves what with the farm an’ all.”
Pinkie came back out of the bakery then with two bags clutched in her mouth. She set them on a barrel and giggled again, “There you go! That’s a dozen chocolate cupcakes for my favorite,” she rubbed Apple Blooms head with a hoof, “Apple. And a few apple turnovers for my other favorite Apple!”
“Yay!” Apple Blossom cheered and snatched up the bags eagerly, hopping up into the cart to dig into her treats.
Applejack laughed and gave Pinkie her clipboard, “Just sign here, Pinks.”
Pinkie signed the order form and Applejack tossed the clipboard up into the cart. “Oh! Pinks?”
“Yeeeeees?”
“Me n’ Twi n’ Rarity ‘re gonna be eatin’ lunch at the new café in town, you wanna join us?”
Pinkie’s face brightened, her already wide grin growing even wider, “Oh yes! It’s supposed to be a great little place! They do things with vegetables that I’ve only ever heard of whispered in legends and stories of the old times…”
“…Right,” said Applejack a little worried now, “Uh, sounds good. Where is this place anyways? Twi forgot to mention that little detail earlier.”
“Ooh! I know this one! It’s down by the spa and it’s called Café Rodeon! Yes! Pinkie’s the winner!”
“Okay, thanks Pinkie. We’ll see y’all there come lunchtime!” Applejack hitched herself up to the cart again and walked down the street with Apple Bloom happily munching on chocolate cupcakes and waving to the pink party pony.
The rest of the deliveries went quickly and smoothly, though they did have to drop off Rarity’s barrels at the Carousel Boutique as the prissy fashionista was out. A note was stuck to the back door which read, “Out at the spa. Please leave deliveries at the back door. ~R.”
The two ponies offloaded the two barrels of apples at the back door with an invoice that they pushed through the mail slot. As Applejack was hitching herself back up to the cart, Apple Bloom asked, “Hey sis, how come you never go to the spa?”
“Oh, I don’ know sugar beet. It’s a lot o’ bits for pamperin’ and there’s other things to save money for,” Applejack replied a little absentmindedly. “The fence on the south pasture needs mendin’, the roof’s leakin’ a mite in heavy rain so there’s shingles to buy, then the cider press ain’t getting’ any newer, and there’s money t’ save for when you go off to school, if that’s what you want…”
“Yeah, I know all that, sis, but Sweetie Belle says that Rarity takes her there all the time and it’s amaaaazing!”
Applejack chuckled softly, “I’m sure it is, Apple Bloom. But it ain’t my cuppa cider. It’s just too fancy for a simple-“
“-country farm pony. Right.” Apple Bloom interrupted, a little edge of sarcasm in her voice. “But you deserve something amaaaaazing, sis! You’re the best big sister ever and you don’t do nothin’ for yourself! It ain’t fair!”
“Well bless your heart, blossom, ain’t you just the sweetest thing on four legs! Don’t worry none about your big sister, Apple Bloom. I got everythin’ I love and need and don’t want for nothin’. It’s enough and more’n’ enough for anypony to have all the blessins’ I do!”
Apple Bloom folded her forelegs stubbornly, “I still think it ain’t fair. Couldn’t you ask Rarity to take you sometime though?”
“It ain’t polite to invite yourself somewhere,” remonstrated Applejack sternly, “and I been brought up better’n’ that. And so have you! If Rarity wanted to take me to the spa, I’d say ‘no thankya’ ‘cuz an Apple also don’t accept charity. We work hard for our bits and we-“
“-pay for what we get.” Apple Bloom rolled her eyes, “I know, big sis. Still, you deserve it!”
Applejack chuckled and winked at her sister, “Well thanks, sugar cube. It means a lot to hear that from you; now let’s get these apples to market. Big Mac’ll want his apple turnovers and he’s bound to have the stall set up by now.”
~*.*~
Applejack and Apple Bloom made their way into the market, slowly maneuvering their way through the press of shopping ponies. Lyra Heartstrings was singing and playing her lyre with her instrument’s case open in front of her. Applejack noted the musician had already collected a fair amount of bits as she performed and she smiled to herself, Now that’s a pony who can keep her hooves on the ground, even if her head’s up in the clouds, she thought, Lyra must be one of the best musicians in Ponyville and she still plays the market! Ain’t no type o’ livin’, but ya gotta admire her humility. The smell of grilling vegetables mixed with spiced wine, cider, and wassail along with a pungent mélange of spices from various other stalls. The warm smell of ponies—a mix of hay, sweat, and fresh air—mixed nicely with the nip in the morning air and Applejack felt her heart swell with love for this place her family had made their home.
She edged the cart through the crowd and up to the Apple family’s stall. Big McIntosh was already there, selling the various finished goods produced by Sweet Apple Acres. There was apple butter, apple scented candles, apple honey, apple pies, dried apples, hot and cold cider (both hard and soft), apple bread, apple preserves, and a dozen other apple-themed goods prepared by Granny Smith and the other Apples when they weren’t out in the orchard. “Howdy there Big Mac,” Applejack greeted her big brother cheerfully, “Sales been goin’ okay?”
Big McIntosh considered the question for a moment—as he did with anything—and responded, “Ayup.”
Apple Bloom jumped down from the cart and onto her big brother’s shoulders, giving his neck a fond hug. “Howdy there big brother! Happy to see the two prettiest ponies in Ponyville?”
Big Mac chuckled and nodded, “Ayup.”
“Quit bein’ such a chatterbox and help me get the rest of these barrels unloaded,” interrupted Applejack, finally unhitched from the cart and pulling out the ramp.
A few minutes later, Big McIntosh and Applejack had gotten the cart unloaded. Apple Bloom suddenly remembered something and hopped back onto the cart, grabbing the little bag Pinkie had given her earlier that morning. She tossed it to her brother and, in a sing-song voice said, “Pinkie Pie sends her loooooove! Big Mac and Pinkie, sittin’ in a tree…”
Big Mac caught the bag in his teeth and blushed. He set the bag down on a barrel and nosed it open, eyes widening in appreciation at the treats nestled within. “I don’t get it, Big Mac,” Applejack said grumpily, “you won’t touch Granny’s apple turnovers, but Pinkie makes ‘em and you gobble ‘em up! What gives?”
His mouth full, Big Mac just gave a noncommittal grunt and shrugged his massive shoulders. “I know what it is,” chimed Apple Bloom, “it’s ‘cuz he’s in loooooove!”
Applejack rolled her eyes as Big Mac ignored them both and munched on his snack. “Hey sis,” Apple Bloom piped, “can I have some bits for the market? We got some time ‘fore lunch and I wanna see if there’s anythin’ for Twilight in the market t’ thank her for invitin’ us.”
Applejack pulled her Stetson off and rummaged inside of it with a hoof and pulled out a small bag of bits. She emptied a few golden bits out of it and handed them to her little sister with a smile, “Now that’s right sweet of ya’ Apple Bloom! Fluttershy’d better watch it, ‘cuz your gunnin’ for the Element of Kindness. Now git on little pony; me and Mac have business to discuss. Keep outta trouble and meet me back here ‘fore noon, okay squirt?”
“Yes ma’am!” Apple Bloom grabbed the money and trotted off into the market.
“Now Big McIntosh,” Applejack said with syrupy sweetness, “let’s have a little talk about Ms. Pinkie Pie…”
~*.*~
Apple Bloom wandered through the market, looking at the various stalls with a critical eye. Now what would Twilight like? She thought. Books, duh, but she’s already got a library full of ‘em. She passed several stalls selling perfumes, jewelry, and other frilly accessories. Nah. Ms. Rarity’d want somethin’ like that, but Twilight’s not really into the girly stuff.
“Apple Bloom! Hey Apple Bloom!” A familiar voice called out over the general din of the market, interrupting Apple Bloom’s train of thought.
“Oh, howdy Scoots!” Apple Bloom called happily. She ran over to her pegasus friend who was practicing tricks on her scooter by the fountain in the market square.
Scootaloo stopped her scooter and grinned as one of her best friends trotted up. “Watcha doin’ today, Apple?”
“I’m gonna go with my big sister to that new café, Café Rodeon with Ms. Rarity, Twilight, Ms. Pinkie Pie, and maybe Ms. Fluttershy. I’m tryin to find a present to give to Twilight to thank her for invitin’ me and my sister.”
“I guess that’s pretty cool… Oh hey, is Rainbow Dash gonna be there!?” Scootaloo asked, suddenly interested.
“I dunno, maybe. When my sister n’ her friends get together, Ms. Rainbow Dash’s usually in the mix.”
Scootaloo grinned, “Hey, can I come? It’s been two days since I saw Rainbow Dash. That’s way too long to not see Equestria’s awesomest pony!”
Apple Bloom shrugged, “Sure, I guess. Sweetie Belle’s gonna be there, so it’s not a mares-only lunch. C’mon, help me find somethin’ for Twilight!”
“Okay, Apple,” said Scootaloo smiling, “got any idea what you’re gonna get for Twilight Sparkle?”
“Not yet,” said Apple Bloom, turning and beginning her circuit of the market again. “But I’m sure we’ll find something!”
~*.*~
“Oh, c’mon Apple Bloom,” moaned Scootaloo, “it’s been like, twenty minutes and we’ve seen every stall in the market and you haven’t bought anything! Booooring.”
“But I don’t wanna get Twilight just anythin’,” Apple Bloom explained, “it’s gotta mean somethin’.”
“Why? Why can’t you just get her a book and be done with it? She loves books! She’s the town librarian!”
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes, “Duh, she’s the town librarian! She has a bunch of books! No, it needs to be somethin’ special.” She scanned the market stalls yet again and found her eyes settling on one particular stand that she hadn’t really paid any attention to before.
“Hey, let’s go over there,” she said, pointing to the stall.
Scoots followed her friend’s pointing hoof, squinting her eyes, “What, the plant stand? What would Twilight Sparkle want with a plant?”
“Just c’mon! I think I have an idea!” Apple Bloom cantered over to the stall, not waiting for her friend.
The stall was run by a cheerful Earth Pony mare named Spring Blossom who had a pale cerulean coat and a soft butter-yellow mane and tail which were brushed out and braided with dozens of bows. She greeted the two fillies warmly and asked, “What can I help you two fillies find today?”
Apple Bloom studied the wares on display with a critical eye. There were dozens of different plants and flowers in various pots, all at various stages of growth. “Ummm… I’m tryin’ to get a gift for a friend,” she said, “but it’s gotta be special. I kinda had an idea that a plant would be a good present.”
Spring Blossom nodded her head, the bows all rippling in sync with her movements, “Oh yes, plants make lovely gifts. They can last for quite a long time, are quite beautiful, and they give back to the earth.”
“See?” said Apple Bloom, sticking her tongue out at Scootaloo, who rolled her eyes, “I told you!”
“Is there any plant in particular that you were thinking of giving your friend?” Spring Blossom inquired.
“Well…” Apple Bloom searched her imagination, trying to think of the best plant. Then it hit her and her eyes lit up, “D’ya have any apple trees?”
Spring Blossom laughed brightly and nodded, pulling a small pot from the back of the stall with a sapling growing from it. “It’s one of our perennial favorites. You’re lucky, this is the last one I had in the nursery. We’ll have to grow some more in the greenhouse over the fall.”
Apple Bloom paid for the sapling and then took off the bow which tied held her mane back and tied it around the pot. “There, perfect!”
Scootaloo rolled her eyes and flapped her wings, “C’mon already! Let’s go meet your sister so we can go eat!”
Apple Bloom followed her friend, the gears in her head turning. Now, my sister says she don’t have no time for romance, but she cain't be right all the time. ‘Specially when I catch her sigh'n when she's lookin’ at that picture of her an’ her friends. Twilight’s always been real nice to my sister an’ it’s already like she invited us on a date! Sis said love didn’t care if you was a mare or a stallion… And with this present, Twilight’ll have to ask my sister about how to take care of it. She giggled at the thought, And if I know my sister, I know she’s gonna want to make sure Twilight’ll take good care of an apple tree!
~*.*~
Applejack cocked an eyebrow at the scraggly little sapling in the little pot her sister had balanced on her back. She thought it was a sweet gesture, but Twilight Sparkle was no gardener. “I think it’s right sweet of ya’ to buy Twi an apple tree, but, uh… Why an apple tree?”
“Because, sis, it’s the best plant! Duh!” Apple Bloom rolled her eyes at her sister’s denseness. “And Twilight’ll like it the best!”
“…Of course.” Applejack shrugged and dismissed the issue. “Ready t’get goin, sugarplum? Scoots, you comin’ too?”
Scootaloo and Apple Bloom nodded enthusiastically. “Then c’mon, you two. Let’s go eat some lunch with the girls.”
~*.*~
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Not an Applejack/Twilight Sparkle fan?
okay i liked it so far, keep up the good work.
Purple freckles?
Pretty cute. There's a missing paragraph break or two, and you should really put inner thoughts in italics to distinguish them from the regular prose, but Apple Bloom is quite well characterized, and I like the premise of her playing matchmaker for her sister. (It wouldn't be her first time doing so for one of her older siblings, after all!)
I don't think I like the idea that Apple Bloom hears AJ crying for loneliness at night. That seems a bit too desperate to really be in character for her, and it isn't really necessary to motivate Apple Bloom to try and set her up. An offhand comment from Applejack while she explains the 'sweet on Lyra' thing would have served just as well, and would have been a lot more in character for her.
But otherwise, this is a nice, sweet story, and I am interested to see where it goes.
Fun drinking game: 1 shot for every "ms.Twilight Sparkle"
2703536
Thanks for the suggestions, Esle! I had this formatted correctly in MS Word, but forgot to check for the italics in the draft which was imported to FimFiction. I'll make the corrections. I also agree with you about the line where Apple Bloom is thinking about Applejack crying herself to sleep... that was a bit much, but I was feeling a bit mushy at the time. It'll likely get changed.
2703572
Yes, I know, it gets a little ridiculous. But trust me, this is how kids are brought up to regard their elders (at least in my experience) in the South. I know that there's not a real analog for the Southern US in Equestria, but Applejack has the accent, so I assume a lot about her upbringing from it.
2703547
Thanks for the comment! I agree with you about pacing of ships, but I want there to be firmly established reasons for this to happen. I don't really want these feelings to just come from nowhere. To me, I'd rather take some time establishing character in these early parts so that the relationship becomes more believable later on.
Seems we're off to a great start here, definitely tracking this one.
Okay, I've fixed the formatting to allow for italics on word emphasis and inner dialog (thoughts). I've also made a little change which characterizes Applejack a little better (thanks Esle!) Keep the comments comin'! It's thrilling to see them rollin' in!
I'm definatly tracking this one. I could always use some AppleSpark.
:
Ecchem.
I could feel my mind falling into the gutter and just rolling around.
And part of that is teaching Twilight all about a good root! Yep, Applejack is going to love teaching Twilight all about a good, healthy rooting.
Also, it's Ms Sparkle, or Twilight, but not Ms Twilight Sparkle. You keep using both parts of her name and it's a bit jarring in informal speech. Other than that worth my time to read.
2703500...Symbolism?
Nice cover image.
great start, you really nailed the characters down
I just hope that apple blooms little stunt doesn't make too much of a mess...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a huge fan of how you wrote AJ's thought processes...
2703960
I agree with your assessment regarding Apple Bloom's use of Ms. Twilight Sparkle. I'll tone it down a bit and stick to one or the other.
Also, it's hilarious that you're getting these double-entendres from the story as I totally didn't intend for them to be taken that way! It makes it all the better!
2704298 & 2704324
Thanks for your comments! I've been trying to stay true to the characters. It's really gratifying to hear that some of you think I've done a good job.
Nice start, can't wait to see how it pans out.
2704382
My only "grievance" with your take on AJ is that yours for some reason makes me associate her with Louisiana, as opposed to Texas... I have no clue why...lol It's not an actual grievance for the record, it's just a little odd to me.
2703960
I took your advice and edited Apple Bloom's references to Twilight as Ms. Sparkle (or Ms. Twilight) then read it aloud and you're right, it flows much better. Thanks for the insight!
2705018
Hey, it was totally selfish, so don't thank me. Obviously I only did it so I could enjoy reading your story more.
See? Selfish.
2704413
Y'know, it's funny, but I've never been to Louisiana. I was kinda worried about the Apple family's accent because I'm not all that familiar with the Texan idiom. I'm from the Southeastern US (NC), so I was really worried their accents would have more of a North/South Carolinian bent. Though if you hear Louisiana in her voice, that's certainly something unexpected! I'm hoping to improve as I go, but I can't promise anything; I'm just surrounded by too much of one kind of Southern for me to easily reinterpret it in another.
Applebloom as matchmaker? Hmmmm.
Sounds fun and not at all going to go wrong.
I'll watch this.
~Skeeter the Lurker
A fun start! I have to admit, Apple Bloom has a pretty clever idea for making her sister and Twilight spend time together. I'm looking forward to seeing how it works out..
that is actually quite subtle for applebloom I guess when it isn't for a cutie mark she has some pretty good ideas, and all those things on the farm that need fixin she can do herself, once she finds her special talent that is.
Very enjoyable first chapter
Can't wait for more!!!
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m81njlVf411rqknsjo1_500.jpg
That is all.
If you need a critic, I'm up for grabs. Message me please?
2705446
Not sure what you're sayin there buddy. Perhaps a little context?
I don't get why Apple Bloom always says "Miss" before the names of Applejack's friends. She never does on the show.
I don't really know what it means either. Being random is kinda my THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG.
2705491
The 'Ms.''s are taking a little getting used to, they seem strangely out of place. Otherwise it's a good start and earns a watch from me.
I'm likin the premise here, and I see a lot of potential for this story. You seem to have a very firm grasp on the personalities and mannerisms of most of the cast, and your prose is solid. Aside from a formatting hiccup here and there that took me out of the experience, I really have nothing to complain about. No upvote yet, but I will be tracking this one.
Really liked this, it was sweet and adorable! Can't wait for more.
Not bad, not bad at all, still need some works, with the dialogue, and Applejak needs to tone down the number if nicknames
2705446
your comment just made my day. lol!
The only question I have for this story is, are there diet apples?
(The whole Cortland/Red Delicious thing)
PinkieMac, I like it. Of course, Pinkie would probably aiming for a 3 way with Lyra. Pinkie would most likely be bi.
Not many authors can write Applejack's dialogue very well. I'm happy to day that is not the case here. This is one of the best examples for how Applejacks speaking should be written. All without a single "Ah" in sight. Well done!
The premise to the story seems interesting. I'll be curious to see if there's any truth behind Applebloom's observations.
2703603
I have lived in the South my whole life, and I agree that this is true... two generations ago. Of course there are still pockets of it, but much of the South has gotten away from that, in my estimation. It wouldn't surprise me if it's more prevalent in the more rural areas, like in middle-of-nowhere parts of Mississippi and Alabama. (They really know how to cook chicken there, for serious.) So it's a perfectly reasonable assumption for this story.
2706423
In reality, there aren't diet apples, no. But I thought it'd be a bit of a silly conceit for ponies to diet by going off Red Delicious and onto a type that isn't as sweet (which is patently ridiculous in its own right--to me, Red Delicious apples are too grainy for real enjoyment). It's just a bit of silliness in my worldbuilding.
2705648
It seems to be getting in the way with most peoples' immersion in the story, so I'm considering taking the 'Ms.' out of Apple Bloom's dialog. To be honest, at first it was a device to differentiate Apple Bloom from her sister, but I think I've got a firmer grasp on their voices, so I think I can take 'em out without ruining the character.
2705366
Oh ye of little faith. How could she not work her cutie mark into it? That wouldn't be in line with her character at all! Just wait 'til the next chapter. ;-)
>>Everyone
Thanks for your continued suggestions!
There was a whole part where Appleboom hears Applejack cry at bed and do a little stunt or something? Was it a cut chapter that's been redone or something?
2706783
Actually, I did cut that part. I thought it wasn't very Applejack. However, Applejack's loneliness (due to the loss of her parents) will come back into the story.
*Edits made to kill off the word 'Ms.' from Apple Bloom's vocabulary.
This is a very good fanfic, and I love AJ, and am glad to see her dialouge written so well. This definately seems like it will turn out very well.
2706803
You... did quite nice...
Provided you wanted to emphasize the way Apple Bloom sees Twilight, which might have contributed to the idea of a gift.
Good!
Edit: Just read the beginning of the next chapter... oh, hey! You wanted!
I do remember seeing some Ms. as well as not Ms. out here. It seems like it's quite nice on the proportions overall, but some ponies get more than others. Specifically Shy and Dash. Though both only get named by AB once. Pinkie has one (not counting AJ talking to Mac), Rarity has three, Twi, obviously none.
It simply is concentrated in this one and a bit of sentence here.
Aanyhow, interesting, moving to the next chapter.
I just read the first chapter, and I really like it!
It's got witty dialogue, and the characters are very well developed and in-character. I really like the plot, too. It's very cute! 
Keep it up!
I really hope Rainbow Dash does end up going to lunch with them. Not only would it make me happy, but it would also make Scoots happy, and going without Equestria's awesomest pony for a while really sucks.
But even if it doesn't include her.. I'll still read, of course, because I'm enjoying this fanfiction so far.
Missing an apostrophe, and now it appears Apple Bloom has new competition for favorite Apple.
Great, but...
What happened to Bon Bon?
...the cupcakes...
Ooooo...i like where this is goiiiiing
Any particular reason "the time" is out of italics?