Prince of the Night, novice writer, Master Arcanist, Aspect of the Moon. Does not appreciate being called 'Prince Moonbutt', but further detests being referred to as 'Prince Inkbutt'.
Prince Artemis is faced with a conundrum. His brother, Solaris, seems to be contacting an alternate dimension through magical dreams, and covertly meeting with an Alicorn Princess that bears a striking resemblance to him. Inspection of this causes the lunar prince to run into somepony he never will forget... himself.
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you have my curiosity ...
Wow. Interesting story. I can't wait for the next chapter. Best of luck. I hope the next chapter comes out soon.
you better hurry up. because I want....
mrwgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/I-Like-It-Another-Thor-Reaction-Gif.gif
Lovely to see the Cross and Arrowverse still going.
This is pretty good!
But maybe you should get yourself an editor, some parts had a few errors.
Otherwise, this story is really promising. Keep up the good work!
Ohhh this is fuuuun..
I'm putting this into my pay attention to lost as I love the idea.
One small correction, but I found the error funny:
"His mind idly played through his conversation with Duck shine,"
Now I'm imagining a lavender alicorn duck...
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Greetings, and thank you, my little ponies!
I am definitely in the market for a good editor and a few pre-readers, so if anypony knows a good one, or could be one themselves, send me a message! As my blog posts have mentioned, this has been a pet project for me over the past year, and I have shared none of it with anypony. Thank you for your concern and mentions to me, I know my keyboard-work has some fault, as always. (Though any of you who thought that Artemis WASN'T speaking to a lavender duck the entire time obviously didn't pay close enough attention)
Intriguing! Though I think the word you want is 'tome', not 'tomb'.
more I like this story
That ending, though! I'm sure Elusive approves
Nice job with the spiders. I think you did a great job with this chapter. Thanks for the update.
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You can imagine how annoying she was to Elusive, detesting "commoners" like all of his friends. I do not think anypony likes Bluebelle that much, but are forced to respect her title and linage. These are the worst kind of royals. I would expel her from my court if she was not distantly related to my brother and I, but "family comes first", for good or ill.
Thank you both, and don't worry, another chapter (or possibly two!) will be following this one, as well as a sequel, so tell everypony! And please, if anypony wished to assist in this recounting, a private message to me is always welcome, for ideas or gossip or editing. Plus, if anypony happens to like ink on their hooves, an editor or prereader would always be welcome!
Spread the good word, and tell your friends!
He he nice story like
I got the perfect music for them going into the vaults and while they go around down there:
4739982 Don't tell me Solaris used his mother's jewel to impress Celestia and court her?
Artemis is gonna be pissed.
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In a way, he did. But instead of using them for their beauty to incite her, he used their world-changing magical abilities to meet up with her.
Oh I do believe he'd find the moon on the other end of the portal... but this is not HIS moon he is standing on.
Can't wait for Luna to pull him out of his misery.
They say, when crossing alternate universes, you feel so close, yet so far from home.
I feel sorry for Artemis. I do like though how the Pink crystal washed out the black and other colors. Great job with this chapter. I can't wait for the next one.
Uh oh..
I think you meant by not be
4936988 Thank you for telling me.
that is so cliche it hurt me.
it was good none the less.
Nice story. Epic fight scene. Great job. I really hope for a sequel. That would be fun to read. Also Solaris and Celestia have to meet in the real world, on on the moon, soon.
4941187 They will be meeting soon enough.
4941105 I felt like a title drop, so the title actually made sense. The sequel(s) ((and maybe prequel)) will not have that name, so I decided to have it make sense now. Also, there will be shipping. Lots of it.
Very good show, old boy, but you need to fix up the spacings near the end.
*rubs chin*
I suppose I need to hurry up on my story, and see how our tales compare, eh?
4943107 I did have the strangest problem with spacing near the end, I shall work on that.
4943114 Good show.
*places a muffin on your head*
4943127 *eats muffin* Banana nut, my favorite.
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4943127 YOUR OFFERING PLEASES US!
4943467 Good!
*places another one there
A quaint story. Mostly good, but a few issues:
1) The crystals showed up and became /THE/ plot device too closely together. It came off as diabolus ex machina. Especially considering how ridiculously overpowered they were. Surely he would realize the danger of having a huge repository of things that only one could make his dark-side super-powered and at least mention this to somebody?
2) The Artemis went from 'angry and frustrated' to 'my nightmare form has already taken control of my body and I have to get it back!' before I even realized there WAS a Nightmare Form taking over(Yes, I saw that he was darkening, but then there was a scenebreak that didn't explain anything). It was ridiculously sudden, and the dude has some /SERIOUS/ issues if a single failure can make him completely flip his shit, especially since he /JUST/ got done venting and purging!
Grammar things.
Chapter 1
my sight. If you want to use mine this way the next word must start with a vowel sound (like a/an and thy/thine in this sense); for example 'mine eyes'
1) Thee should be thou. This is a subject (of the bare clause 'thou hast cometh into my presence'), not an object.
(bare and that-clauses are pretty much the same, but start with 'that'; both can function in their entirety as an object, but still contain a subject, verb phrase, and object)
2) Has cometh should be hast come. It's conjugated with Thou, and don't double conjugate for the subject
(only the first verb should be conjugated for it, in this case the auxiliary verb 'hast').
3) Mine presence should be my presence. The next syllable starts with a consonant sound.
4) Might wanna just scrap the whole 'presence' thing, it's...awkward. something like 'before me' or something that starts with a vowel syllable (so you can use mine) would probably be more appropriate.
(and if not, then the preposition should probably be 'into' rather than 'to')
I am glad thou hast come into my presence.
Chapter 4
its (possessive pronoun, not contraction of 'it is')
This table is your BFF if you intend to have someone use archaic speech. (from wikipedia, with some alterations)
Nominative Oblique Genitive Possessive
1st person singular I, ich me my/mine[#1] mine
plural we us our ours
2nd person singular informal thou thee thy/thine[#1] thine
singular formal [#2] ye, you you your yours
plural ye, you you your yours
3rd person singular masculine he him his his
singular feminine she her her hers
singular neuter it it his/it[# 3] his[#3]
plural they them their theirs
[#1] my, thy, and article 'a' all have '-n' forms mine, thine, and 'an' when the next syllable starts with a consonant sound (NOT letter, but sound. Very important for words like honor, and initialisms for the letters 'U', 'Y' [consonant] and 'F', 'H', 'L', 'M', 'N', 'R', 'S', and 'X' [verb]. It also determines whether the 'h' in words like herb should be pronounced or aspirated.)
[#2] You can optionally just use thou for ALL singular for the sake of your readers. I would suggest just being consistent.
Note that pluralizing one's superior is also the same idea pluralizing oneself for the 'royal we' comes from.
[#3] I would suggest using modern genitive/possessive forms of 'it'. The archaic forms are weird and would just confuse people.
Present Conjugation
Nominative Have Be Regular
I, ich have am (none)
we have are (none)
thou hast art -(e)st[#4]
ye, you have are (none)
he/she/it has/hath[#5] is -(e)s, -(e)th [#5]
they have are (none)
Thou irregulars: (auxiliary) will->willt, shall->shallt, do->dost, (non-auxiliary, subjunctive): do->doest, be->beest
[#4] except on words that already end in 'e', using -est is preferable any time it doesn't make pronunciation awkward.
Should be normally be fully pronounced, unless 'e' is absent completely (makest is mayk-est, not maykst)
-st is an acceptable variant any time it is not awkward, and required if -est is awkward.
If both forms are awkward, as in must, it can be left unconjugated.
if a word ends in -er, change it to -r, then add -est (gathrest, not gatherest). Or not. I doubt most would notice, it just makes the word more pronouncable.
[#5] both forms are valid and used the same as -(e)s is still used.
-eth is used in most cases, even where -s would be used. (most notably except on words already ending in 'e')
Obviously, if you want to emphasize archaisms, you should use the -eth forms.
(except where it's hard to pronounce)
Past Conjugation
Nominative Have Be Regular
I, ich had was -(e)d
we had were -(e)d
thou hadst wert/wast -(e)d(e)st [#6]
ye, you had were -(e)d
he/she/it had was -(e)d
they had are -(e)d
Thou irregulars: did->didst
[#6] same as [#4] above.
Hey I just listened to this, and thought of this story.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKjDjw-m8JE
It is called "Lullaby for a Princess and a Prince" and I believe it would fit well for both Celestia and Solaris in this story.
So how did Luna overcome her anger and go to help Artemis?
Universe: ubs.prey-2.0.m.
Journal of the lunar base "Transtar":
17.04.2*** 8:00: for the first time since the colony was founded, a whole week passed without problems.
17.04.2*** 9:00: after checking all systems, an unusual spectral signal was recorded on the dark side of the moon. By decision of the council, it was decided to send a probe for reconnaissance.
17.04.2*** 9:42: the sent reconnaissance probe discovered deposits of dark crystals of unknown nature
17.04.2*** 10:53: apparently this is our fate that is failing because of the three groups of crystals sent to study the deposit, two were lost.
17.04.2*** 11:38: how does this work begin to annoy me. I'd rather go to pilots than sit here in isolation from the world studying STONES.
17.04.2*** 12:24: important note - all living organisms cantacting with these dark crystals have increased aggression.
17.04.2*** 13:00: previously missing two groups contacted
17.04.2*** 13:13: ...
06.06.#@ы* **:**: those who hear this, those who follow the coordinates * # @ + # caution .. run away from here. run. rage will swallow you. and if not, a more terrible fate awaits you if those who succumb to it find you. I'm afraid
P.S. my first thought after reading this moment
Personally, it seems to me that when the couple acts and thinks the same thing that becomes boring