Fluttershy
Chapter 14
Fluttershy tried her best to do what she asked, she tried to stay positive, she tried not to blame herself but she just couldn’t. Even as they walked, Rainbow’s breathing became heavier; the mare who spent her life pushing her body to the limits was tiring out from walking. Her body rose to an even higher temperature, which she honestly believed to be impossible, but still Rainbow pressed her body against her own tightly, trying to receive any warmth she could. She was dying, there was no way to ignore it now, no way to force it to the back of her mind, pretend it wasn’t her reality. She needed a hospital now and town was still two days away at a steady pace, which was far from their capabilities. They moved so slowly, and Rainbow trying to support both their bodies did little to help the problem, but she refused to do otherwise.
She wanted to cry. More than she could say, more than she could ever express, she wanted to collapse to the cold, muddy ground and sob forever. But she couldn’t, for what would that solve? If she only had hours left with her love, they shouldn’t be spent crying. Besides, crying would be selfish, unfair to the blue mare beside her, who held her composure so well, who even as her breaths were slowly running out wanted to make sure she was comfortable. So instead of crying, she talked. They both did.
They talked about the girls, and some of the things they’d all done together as friends, and even as far back as their early days in Cloudsdale. Talking about the past carried a dangerous sting, but at the same time it was calming, distracting, talking about the good times they had shared together, and if looking to the past allowed her to turn her back upon the future, the shy mare was all for it. Rainbow smiled and laughed, and when their story was particularly good they kissed and reminisced. It hit her, how valuable each little peck on the lips was, how badly she wanted to savour each of them. Fluttershy loved this, she wanted this for the rest of her life, it wasn’t like they had a shortage of exciting tales, but their current tale was running short.
“...She told me that my stories gave her nightmares, but she didn’t want me to know so I would think still think she was cool and take her under my wing. I told her that they used to scare me too, and that I still thought she was cool. She was so happy.” Rainbow had told her this one at least a dozen times before, but Fluttershy never tired of it.
“I think what you did for that filly was really thoughtful. It meant a lot to her.” Fluttershy said.
“Yeah I know. I really miss her. I was supposed to give her a flying lesson, the day after the migration.” Fluttershy looked down. Great, another thing to feel guilty for.
“Hey Fluttershy if... you know, um, you’ll take care of her right? If I’m not there... she really needs somepony to look out for her, you know?”
“Yes of course.” She meant it honestly, but she doubted Scootaloo would be open to that. What if she blamed her for what happened to Rainbow? She wouldn’t be able to blame her.
Fluttershy spotted another berry bush. The sight round purple fruit made her mouth salivate; she’d forgotten how long it had been since she last ate.
“Would you mind if we took a break?” she asked. Even with Rainbow’s help her legs were burning, especially the one that was bitten. Rainbow nodded. It was an awkward maneuver to get to a laying position, with her wing still over Dash’s back, and their bodies pressed together, but neither of them wanted to separate, and eventually they made it down. The ground was cool and muddy, which made Rainbow rather uncomfortable, but it couldn’t hurt to try and lower her heightened body temperature. All the muck had caked on their coats, she could only imagine Rarity’s reaction if she saw them like this. Fluttershy picked off a couple of the purple fruit and ate them greedily, her hunger momentarily trumping her manners. They tasted watery, but for the first food she’d eaten in days it was a delicacy. She snapped of a branch with her teeth and handed them to Rainbow, who lay against her, shivering but still smiling. She thought Rainbow would be just as eager as she to finally get some food, but to her surprise and disquiet, she gratefully turned them down.
“What’s wrong? They don’t taste too bad.”
“I’m not hungry.” The blue pegasus explained.
“You really should eat, to keep your strength up.” She tried.
“I don’t think forcing myself to scarf down a couple of berries is going to change much.”
“Are you sure?”
She nodded. This wasn’t good, Rainbow had a bigger appetite than any other pony she knew, she’d seen that mare eat enough food in one sitting to feed a family. Now, even after the attack last night she didn’t want food. Fluttershy stared at her. Her usually bright eyes had become dull, and whether it was her imagination, or the lighting she couldn’t say, but her vibrant mane seemed to have lost some of its colour. But still her lips remained pulled back, in a small grin that seemed almost taunting to Fluttershy.
“How are you doing it?” she asked
“Doing what?”
“How can you sit there and smile with me when... when you...” she couldn’t finish, instead she looked down to the cold ground, unwilling to meet her eyes while she was so close to losing her precarious composure.
“Fluttershy, have I ever told you my biggest fear, what thought scares me the most out of anything?”
She shook her head.
“Getting old.” Fluttershy looked up. For some reason, that actually made a lot of sense to her. A couple of days ago, Fluttershy could have never pictured this mare at a later age. Every feature on her body seemed so timeless, her mane, her athletic frame. But she looked older now, her mane was dulling, she could hardly stand on her own, she looked as though the whole world were weighing down on her.
“Whenever I see the old ponies walking around town, with their walkers, and those ridiculous hearing aids, I always feel so bad for them. Seeing all the young ponies around them, their bodies still in their prime, with nothing but the world ahead of them, while their own times had ended right out from under them, I couldn’t imagine anything worse. But it does get worse, because one day I would be just like them, my wings wouldn’t carry me, I couldn’t do anything on my own, all I could do is sit around and wait for... the inevitable. Maybe that’s part of why I do what I do, the tricks, the feats, always pushing the envelope you know? I mean yeah I do it for the thrills, because it’s fun, the feeling of the wind, the pull in your gut as your body speeds towards the ground, and the way my heart flutters as I save myself and pull up into the air, everything about it is so beautiful. But most ponies don’t do what I do, because they’re scared and I can’t blame them. Because if I screw up, if something goes wrong it’s lights out for me. But the difference between me and those other ponies was that I didn’t care. If the lights did go out, all it meant is that I just saved myself from my greatest fear and I had fun doing it.” She allowed herself a breath. “You’re the first pony I ever told.”
She paused looking for a response. Her smile was gone, and her eyes looked almost wary, afraid.
“What changed?” Fluttershy finally managed. The most important pony in her life had just told her the most personal thing she’d ever heard and as much as it hurt Fluttershy to know she yearned for such an escape, she had to hear more.
“You. I’ve thought about it, since the cave, I thought about going back to town with you and how long we would be together, and I think now I know why all those old ponies can keep going. Because even if their bodies have trapped them, the ponies they love are still there with them.”
Fluttershy squeezed her eyes tightly, trying to hold back her tears.
She felt those familiar lips press on her fore head.
“You look tired.” She said warmly.
“I am.” She said.
“Why don’t you get some shut eye?” she offered, but Fluttershy dismissed her without thought.
“No I can’t, I-”
“Fluttershy, a lot has happened and I can see it on you, it’s weighing on your mind.”
“But-”
“I know you’re scared,” She said, and the yellow mare felt her cheeks turn rosy. “But I promise I will still be here when you wake up. You need some rest.” She turned to stare at her.
“Pinkie Promise?” she asked. Rainbow wordlessly pressed a blue hoof to her eye, grinning like a fool.
Fluttershy could already feel her eyes becoming lidded.
“Did you want to sleep too? You look tired as well.”
“No, I’ll be here to wake you up.” She said kindly as Fluttershy laid her head into her folded forelegs.
“Why?” She said sleepily. Rainbow passed her hoof through Fluttershy’s mane, she felt each strand being caressed. As she drifted off she heard her lover mutter softly.
“Because I’m afraid.”
Fluttershy woke from a dreamless sleep, to feel water dripping softly on her muzzle. She shook her head with a start, trying to wake herself. She looked over to see Rainbow still pressed against her. Her eyes were baggy, and her mane had further discoloured. She looked like she may have worn a pondering face before noticing the waking mare, but then immediately broke into a smile.
“Have I ever told you how beautiful you look when you’re asleep?”
“No.” She said still doing her best too wake. Their bodies still pressed together, Fluttershy could feel the heaviness of Rainbow’s breathing.
“You look so peaceful, your mouth hangs open a bit, and sometimes you mumble.”
“Hardly sounds beautiful.”
“Are you kidding? It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” She said gently.
Despite the promised peace sleep had brought her, Fluttershy soon felt the tears threatening to fall once more. Fluttershy tucked her legs in to begin pulling herself up.
“Are you ready to get going?” She said without looking. Dash didn’t answer, and when she looked back, her smile had become rueful. “What’s the matter?” Fluttershy felt her heart quicken with fear, the words she’d been dreading for the longest time were finally spoken.
“This is as far as we go Fluttershy.”
Fluttershy dropped herself down again.
“No.” Was all she could manage. “No this can’t be it, we... we have to keep moving.”
“Fluttershy-” she began solemnly but she was cut off.
“No!” She had hardly noticed it, but even in all her pain, all her despair, seeing the pony she loved, eyes open, still breathing, it gave her hope that maybe things would be okay, that everything would turn out. But hearing Rainbow finally say it, finally giving in, it brought the fairy tale crashing down around her.
“Rainbow please don’t. We can do this, I know we can!” her words were frantic, this couldn’t be the end.
“Fluttershy, I can’t move my legs, I’m not strong enough.”
“Please don’t.” She begged, finally letting herself cry. Her tears ran down alongside the raindrops.
“We gave it as much as we could, but I don’t have any more to give.”
She couldn’t let this happen.
“But I do. I still have more to give.” Fluttershy said, letting her wing slide down from Dash’s blue back. Her gentle, reassuring smile finally faltered as she realized what she wanted to do.
“You can’t, Fluttershy, you’re hurt, you aren’t strong enough.”
But she wasn’t listening; instead she worked her head under Rainbow’s body getting ready to lift.
“Fluttershy you don’t have anything to prove, I know how much you love me, I know you want to save me but I can’t let you do this.”
“Don't worry, you don’t have to let me; I’m doing it either way.” She braced each leg and prepared herself for the strain. With Rainbow’s torso behind her neck, she lifted. She cried out from the pain in her legs, the strain on her body. The days in the forest with improper sleep and nutrition had left her even weaker than before, but still she lifted. Rainbow continued to warn against her actions, upon hearing her cries, but Fluttershy ignored her. Her body’s greatest protest came from her injured leg, which could hardly stand her weight alone. But she was making progress, Rainbow was now slouched over her back, all she had to do was lift herself to a standing position. It felt like hours, but after tremendous effort and strain she stood upright and began to walk. Each step brought a fresh wave of pain, but it was abstract, unimportant.
She sucked in a sharp breath when her front left made contact with the ground.
“Fluttershy, please don’t do this to yourself.” Rainbow pleaded.
“I have to Dashie. You know I have to.”
They moved even slower, but it was movement, and as long as they could keep going there was still hope. Her legs continued to complain, but after a couple of minutes, she hardly noticed. Beads of sweat poured down in unison with the rain, she could taste the salt on her lips. There might have been tears too, but she couldn’t tell. Rainbow still offered some weak protests, but soon those too went away. Instead she felt several kisses behind her ears that tickled her.
“I’m sorry.” The mare on her back whispered repeatedly.
“Don’t. Be. Sorry.” She breathed. “You would. Do it. For me.”
She thought back to the cave and their fight with the Timberwolves, the times she’d put herself through physical torment for the pony she loved. She never minded in the slightest, just like Rainbow didn’t mind the cut that slowly drained the life from her with every second. She felt her muzzle in her pink mane. Her left hoof landed atop a stone, and the sudden change in pressure caused her enough pain to see stars. Her balance was momentarily thrown off, and she moaned in agony as she regained it, but she was back up and moving. Rainbow said nothing, only making intimate contact with her muzzle, pressing it to the back of her neck, burying it in her mane. Her silence worried the yellow pony, but she could still feel her breathing, the impossible temperature her body emitted.
She walked for over an hour, made it half a mile, and endured nearly as much pain as she could handle when Rainbow finally spoke again.
“We have to stop now.” She sounded so weak.
“No, I can keep going.” she said through gritted teeth.
“Fluttershy please.”
“Why? Why now?” she demanded. Her pain had made her irritable, her thought of the future left her distraught.
“Because I don’t have much time left.”
Fluttershy’s legs stopped moving.
“Rainbow, please you have to hold on.”
“I am Fluttershy.” She whimpered. The last time she looked as pitiful was at the Best Young Fliers Competition. It broke her heart. “I’m holding on so tight. But I can still feel myself slipping and... I think I’m going to fall soon.”
“We have to keep going. We can... I can...” she could what? What could she possibly do? She couldn’t stop time, she couldn’t stop death, she could hardly move above a snail’s pace. “It can’t end like this. Please don’t let it.” She pleaded to nopony in particular. She took another step forward, holding desperately onto a vision, a perfect future, where they were back in town, healthy and happy, together, but it was crumpling around her, and it was near too much for her heart to bear.
“Fluttershy, do you know why I’m holding on? It’s not because I think we can make it back, it never was.”
“Because you’re afraid?” she guessed.
“Yes I’m afraid, but not of dying. I’m holding on because every second I can keep my heart beating is another second I can spend with you. I’m afraid, of what will come after, because I won’t have you anymore, I won’t be able to feel your mane, or hear your voice. Now I can feel the seconds running short, and I would really prefer to spend the last of them looking into your eyes, instead of the back of your head. So please, just let go. For me.”
Fluttershy let out a shaky breath. She was defeated. It was going to end this way, and she couldn’t stop it. All she could do was make sure the only pony she ever loved would be comfortable before she passed. She let her legs bend, falling to her knees. She let Rainbow roll gently off her back. Her blue angle lay on her back in the mud, and she climbed on top of her again, just like she had when she collapsed after the attack, just like Dash had done for her in the cave. She could still remember that kiss. She pressed their bodies together trying to give her as much warmth as she could.
“Thank you Fluttershy. I know this is hard.”
“All you’ve done today is worry about me, making sure I was comfortable and well kept, while you were dying beside me.”
“Why do you sound so surprised? I put you above everything, always, because if you’re ok, then I’m ok.” She let her words float there for a moment, letting them sink in. “Why do you love me Fluttershy? I know you do, but why?”
Fluttershy had to fight hard to keep her thoughts focused. She’d been asked a question, she had to give an answer.
“What isn’t there to love about the fastest, most talented, most beautiful mare in Equestria.” She smiled, knowing full well that wasn’t quite what she was looking for.
“That’s not what-”
“I know, but you already answered your own question. Because you always put me first. I-I know how selfish that sounds, but I spent every day, hiding, locking myself away from the world because I was too scared to hear what it had to think about me. But then one day this beautiful blue filly found me, and made me feel so special, so important, and for the first time I realized that maybe I do matter. Because if that amazing filly could find it in her to care about what happened to me, maybe I should start caring too.”
She gazed into her lovers eyes yet another time out of thousands. The dull haze that thicketed them before was gone, and those captivating magenta beauties shone once more.
The rain matted down her mane, her colours had lost their lustre but she was still a paragon to behold in her eyes. She could still feel her heart beat, faint as it was, her breath and warmth too, all of it Fluttershy experienced vicariously.
“Hey Fluttershy, do you think maybe, if things had turned out differently, if we made it back, well... do you think maybe one day we could’ve gotten married? Started a life together?”
Fluttershy nearly lost herself, almost broke down, released her heavily guarded tears, but she restrained herself. What good could crying do now?
“Yes of course.” She said, her voice cracking as she tried to keep her tears in check. “I would marry you in a heartbeat.”
The pony who lay beneath her smiled.
“Where would we have the ceremony?” she asked.
“Wherever you want.”
“Maybe, at your cottage, just in front of the forest. Or that little clearing where we first met, I bet we could find it again. You always look prettiest when you’re in nature.” She coughed. “Tell me more.”
“Well, it would be small, just me and you, the girls could be our brides maids, and maybe Twilight could even get Celestia to come be the minister.”
“Could Scootaloo come too?” she asked.
“Yes of course, and Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. Nopony can keep those three separated.” She began to cry, building up her own dream in front of her with the pony she loved. A dream that could never come to fruition.
“Rarity would sew the dresses, of course. We’d try to pay her, but she wouldn’t have it, she’d say that her two best friends shouldn’t have to pay to look gorgeous on their wedding night.”
Her tears fell more rapidly, and her voice cracked and squeaked the way everyponies did when they cried, but Rainbow’s smile grew, and she was determined to paint this picture.
“The girls would all help, we wouldn’t even have to ask them, they would just do it. Both of us would have wreaths of flowers on our heads, and we’d say our vows from the heart. Spike could be ring bearer; he did very well the last time. Then we say our I do’s and Celestia would tell us to kiss, and we would. And it would be the second best kiss we ever shared.”
“Second best?” Rainbow asked.
“Second, only to the very first one. The one we shared in the cave.”
Now Rainbow cried, but she couldn’t tell if she was sad, or if she thought the vision to be beautiful.
“What would happen next?” she whispered
“I-I don’t know,” Fluttershy answered. “But I know that whatever came after, whatever life had to throw at us, we would face it together.”
“Fluttershy, I um, I have a favour to ask.”
“Anything.”
She sniffled.
“Do you remember my birthday, the first one I invited you too?”
“Yes, you were so nervous, I was the only pony you invited.” She let her lips pull into a smile at the memory. The first birthday party she’d ever been invited to. She marveled in all the firsts they shared.
“Do- do you remember what you got me?”
She did. A hoof drawn picture of the two of them, where they met, wreathed in flowers, with a smiling sun in a clear blue sky. She was so embarrassed when she got to Rainbow’s house. She was so excited to be invited to such an occasion, so she wanted to get Rainbow a gift to show her appreciation. She wanted so badly to get her the Wonderbolt figurine they saw in the window of a little toy store, on one of their many romps through the streets of Cloudsdale. But her mother didn’t have enough bits to spend on the overpriced doll.
“Just give her something that you think will be special.” Her mother advised. She wanted to argue that the toy was special, but when it came to finances she knew to just let it be. So she stole up to her room. Something special. All she could think of was where she met her very first friend. The memory she held most dear. She remembered it all, clear as day, but she wanted to see it before her. She brought out some very rough looking crayons and put her heart into it. The drawing itself was rather mediocre, even as a filly she knew her skills as an artist were lacking. But when she presented it to Rainbow, her cringe of embarrassment was replaced by shock, Rainbow was elated, jumping around the house, with excitement that could only come from foals. She couldn’t count how many times she thanked her for the picture if she tried.
“Yes I remember, I-I’m sorry it wasn’t something nicer.” She stuttered between sobs as she brought herself back from her memories.
“No, no, you don’t understand. It was perfect.” She was trembling violently. Fluttershy blanketed as much of her body as she could, trying to keep her as warm as possible. “I still have it. In a frame hanging on the wall in my room.”
Fluttershy’s mouth hung open. Had she really kept it all these years?
“It h-helped me sleep, to look over and see you there.” She smiled.
“I’m surprised you can tell it’s me. It was such a terrible drawing.” Her tears began to fall down on the pony underneath her. And even in the rain she could see the trails Rainbow’s tears made on her own face. How would Fluttershy sleep without her?
“I never thought so. It’s always been my most treasured possession. And when... when I’m buried, could you... could you make sure the picture comes with me? It’ll help me sleep better.”
Fluttershy nodded unable to make words anymore. Her heartbeats were far apart and very faint.
“Why did this have to happen? Why you, why couldn’t it be me?”
“Don’t think like that.”
“But you were going to be a Wonderbolt, travel Equestria. I love my animals, but they don’t need me, somepony else could’ve taken care of them.”
“You know, Fluttershy, I haven’t thought about the Wonderbolts in days. It was my life’s dream to fly with them, but sometimes things just don’t quite fall through, you know? But that’s the way it is with dreams, sometimes you just have to settle. And sometimes,” she placed her blue hoof against her yellow. “Sometimes you get something even better. And you know Fluttershy, no other pony has your way with critters, nopony has your care, your kindness, or your patience. You have no idea how lucky it makes me feel to be loved by a pony like you” For just a moment, it all seemed to peel away from her, the hours of pain and hardship. Her mane glowed with light, and her eyes sparkled like the purest of gemstones.
“You have to promise me one thing. No matter what happens you have to be brave. Be brave for me Fluttershy. Do you promise?”
Still sobbing, she brought a yellow hoof up and wordlessly covered her eye, staunching the flow of tears. Rainbow’s smile was weak, but at the same time brilliant to behold.
“I love you Fluttershy.”
“I love you too Rainbow Dash. So much, more than anything on this world, I love you.” She pressed her lips onto her lovers, her fallen angel. All her passion all her sadness, she poured into this one intimate connection, taking in her heat, all the love she felt reciprocated. If she had to say, she would say it was the second best kiss she ever shared. She pulled away, opening her eyes, letting her tears fall like the rain that had just ended. The first rays of light broke through the slowly parting clouds, bathing the two in radiant light. But as she pulled away, she felt it. Before she could comprehend it, she felt it. She looked down on the pony she loved, unable to move, she just stared at the multicoloured mare.
Her eyes didn’t open.
Her chest didn’t rise.
Her heart didn’t beat.
... Song. Quote...
Y U Sho mean.
;(
Woooww...didn't honestly expect that to happen. I'd say you made it emotional enough, and it is a very sad and well done chapter. I knew you had the tragedy tag in there but I was hoping it was just due to the injuries they received and not...that. Guess all that is left is to see whether or not Fluttershy makes it out or joins RD. Can't imagine this ending happily either way now.
.................No. I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS! RAINBOW DASH CAN'T DIE
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET THERE BE SOME MIRACLE! PLEASE! IM BEGGING YOU
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
3462732 (also what this person said)
Replace key words like the name and hand with hoof.
Feel the liquid pride coming down your faces.
3462950 Why do you do this to me?
3463081
It's my duty. It comes with the other work. It's a package deal basically. You get the good and the bad. :)
I don't know why anyone would say you don't put enough emotion into your writing - when Rainbow asked to be buried with her picture, I think my heart broke. I teared up, I'll admit it. I know the story's been building up to this point (the tragedy tag is there for a reason), but right up till the end I was hoping something would happen to avert it. Like a search party randomly stumbling across them and teleporting them to a hospital or something. Part of me still wishes there could be a happy ending to all of this, but it seems like bittersweet might be the best we can hope for.
Anywho, thanks for an emotional read so far. I'm usually not one for Flutterdash, but I think you carried it off really well. Your character interaction is believable (making this all the more tragic) and I love how you incorporated the budding romance story into an adventure-based framework. My only gripe is how simple a thing it was that knocked Fluttershy and Dash off course in the beginning, but I suppose simple mistakes can lead to dire consequences in the real world, too, so its only a minor nit-pick.
Until the final chapters, then.
3463550
It's not so much emotion as it is dramatization.
I feel that Mr.Ghosttown gives Fluttershy too much emotional strength too.
And my bad about the emotion stuff. I'm sort of a guy who has no heart so I wanted to see how far he could go to possibly see if he could make even me upset.
To the average person this is plenty of emotion but to people like me who watch sad stuff basically every day with heart tearing stories it doesn't do anything to me. I apologize for my body's lack of a heart.
And just remember like sir ketchup said. Final chapters.
3464129
Oh, its good to push people to do better, I have no qualms about that. This chapter seemed to punch me in the gut a bit (in a good way, if that makes sense). The story doesn't feel too ham-fisted with the emotion, nor too dismissive of it, and that's a pretty hard medium to reach sometimes, so I figured I'd let you guys know that whatever method you have going is apparently working.
Angel
Well you just ruined my weekend
Oh! So sad. Why? Again, as always, it was very well done. I always thought you had lots of emotion, but this was loaded with it. Very touching, bitter sweet, and WHY DID SHE HAVE TO DIE? It is seriously so sad. I wonder still about that voice that Dash was hearing, and if Fluttershy will make it out.
I also though of Sam carrying Frodo up the mountain when Fluttershy picked her up.
My favorite part was them talking about how their wedding would be... So sad. All I can do is wait for the next chapter, and see how things turn out.
That was one of the most beautiful, sorrowful things i have ever read. You made me cry.
That said, i'm still looking forward to the next chapter and just because this made me cry doesn't mean you did anything wrong. I cried because you did it right. Great work as always.
Bravo sir, you did the unthinkable. You made me shed a tear. You are the first person to do that in an unthinkable amount of time, I would be impressed but I'm to busy being sad.
I finished this chapter an hour before writing this comment. You... I cried like my girlfriend died, dammit! I can't bring myself to look at the mirror...
I don't think I can carry on reading this story, I might have to bail... but if this is the last thing I read, then... I don't know, we'll see
Rainbow?
RAINBOW?!
RAAAAAINBOOOW!!!
(mgs reference)
*cries and cries and cries*
~Wywint
WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!? *Sobbs to sleep dreams of the image aging sobs once more*
This is just so sad. I can't even really process what I read. It was heartbreaking to say the least, and I think I'll just sit here for a bit before I move on the the next chapter.
Excellent work though. I genuinely felt the pain the two were going through.
I began to cry at the end of the last chapter. For a person my age, I'm not very emotional, so this was very deep and sad if it made me cry.
BEAUTIFOAL! =T_T=
But, & beg pardon if this is out of line, but...
---INCOMING WALL OF TEXT---
Have you lost yr pony mind?! More to the point, has your Fluttershy lost hers? Honestly, did she crack her skull during the cave-in & forget one of the central aspects of her character?
No, I don't mean having Rainbow Dash pass away per se. I mean something that, if Fluttershy realized it now, she would be absolutely mortified at herself, and feel much, much more guilty--this time with more reason.
Admittedly, there are basicly 2 types of Everfree critters: those always hiding in preparation to pounce, & those hiding from them. But there ARE Everfree critters. You've written this forest as if it were less teeming with wildlife than a swamp.
Now, I still don't understand why Fluttershy can't talk to timber wolves (nor hydrae) as easily as a cockatrice or huge, scary, fire-breathing, able-to-gulp-down-a-pony-in-a-single-chomp dragon, but she doesn't seem able to in the show so that's understandable for the story.
But there are many denizens of the Everfree, some able to carry them to pony civilization, & some able to help them find those. Almost as soon as they were free of the cave, Fluttershy could have pulled an Aquaman or reverse-Lassie to find them some big, strong creatures & convince them to help: bears, manticores, the occasional dragon (making "Owl's Well That Ends Well" good for something), even beings we haven't canonically seen in that forest.
Worse, I would not have thought of this even now if you hadn't written the "Reminiscence" chapter and included the bear incident. When this possibility occurred to me, while reading near the end of "Care and Compassion", I considered that the bear incident could have been foreshadowing. Would that it were. While it would have likely led to a very different story, I for one would have found it quite satisfying. How poetic to have Dash dream of this simple solution, right at the time they most needed & could use it! And just before that 'voice' told her they were still in danger!
Of course, overlooking such an ability of the characters at a critical point, not even handwaving it away, in order to tell a story with such tragic consequences, is similar to some of the problems I've had in writing, so at least you're far from the only one in the boat.
[TL/DR: Why didn't they get a ride?]
That aside, this is not only 1 of the few stories that have been excellent enough to bring tears to my eye (especially "Reminiscence"), & 1 of several I've wanted to comment on, but the 1 that actually got me to register here in order to say it. My experience of the rest of the story may be altered by my having had this alternative idea, but however it goes, please keep up the good work! =^u^=
Here come the tears