• Member Since 16th May, 2013
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PaulAsaran


Technical Writer from the U.S.A.'s Deep South. Writes horsewords and reviews. New reviews posted every Thursday! Writing Motto: "Go Big or Go Home!"

Sequels1

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This story is a sequel to No Heroes Part II - The Journey Home


This story is a side-story to Lightning's Bolt.


Fine Crime asks Fluttershy to help him with his Bloodmane problem, but the only solution leaves them both unavailable for weeks. When a crisis occurs in a foreign land, Celestia and Luna ask their respective teams to work together and investigate the problem. But can Luna's team help without the ever-plotting Fine Crime? And what of this new foe that is appearing in their dreams? Is it a coincidence, or a viable threat?

Thanks go to Eosphorite for the awesome commissioned cover art!

The No Heroes Series
Chronological from Top to Bottom:
Shadow Pony
Reddux the Tyrant
No Heroes Part I - The Roster
No Heroes Part II - The Journey Home
Lightning's Bolt
No Heroes Part III - For Dreams
No Heroes Part IV - The Crystal Empress
No Heroes: Beyond the Everfree
No Heroes: Life of Pie
No Heroes: Hot Chocolate at the Isekai

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 118 )

That pinkie scene, perfection.
Nuff said

3826286
Whoa, whoa, wait.
...
People are still reading No Heroes? :pinkiegasp:

But yeah, I was waiting months to write that scene. I simply couldn't wait. Pinkamina is fun. :pinkiecrazy:

Also: Book III's been out close to 6 months now, and you're the first person to comment on it. :fluttercry: This story needs more love.

3827466
Of course I'm still reading this, I never finished!
I also think this story deserves more attention, do you know any way to promote it?

Also, I would have normally commented on every chapter, however I felt I would be ...imposing... no idea why.

Should I comment lots on book 4? :P

3827568
I am terrible at self-promotion. It's one of the reasons I only have 55 followers after nearly a year. I don't do it, because it feels like I'm tooting my own horn. I can't put myself on a pedestal, it would make me sound arrogant (which is a serious issue, because I am arrogant and am constantly struggling to keep that tendency down). As such, I'm trying to build up my reputation through constant writing and letting my stories (and thus, popularity) spread on its own. It's slow, but it's honest, and I think the people whose opinions I care the most about will appreciate the hard work.

But I tend to think that nobody reads past Book II, because nobody ever says anything about Books III and IV. Seriously, they have no comments at all. How am I supposed to know if the story's worth anything if nobody's saying anything? 'Likes' and 'dislikes' only tell me so much. I want to get better, and I can't do that unless people are telling me exactly what they do and don't like about my stories!

In summation: yes. Comment as much as you want, and don't sugarcoat it. I thrive on communication!

3827644
Honest like Applejack
Chasing dreams like Octavia
Lol

I shall comment lots in book 4, and try to coat it in... idk where I was going with that.
Though, I mostly read on a phone so the comments might be a bit short hand

When you finally reach you goals, you will have deserved them fully. :D

.

3827807
Eeeew, phone reading! :pinkiesick: Can't do it, not on those little screens!

But I appreciate the praise, and the promise for more comments. :pinkiehappy:

I'v really enjoyed the series up to here. Can't way to read the other one tomorrow! Keep it up....please? ^.^'

3979558
Glad to see people are still reading and enjoying this! Technically, the main No Heroes series ended with Book IV, but don't worry, I left a ton of room for expansion!

Case in point: Lightning's Bolt, which expands upon the relationship between Keen and Lightning Dust. It's a work in progress, though.

Please comment more! Especially with Book IV. Not a single person has given me an opinion on it! That makes Fluttershy sad. See?

media.giphy.com/media/aAQNb5p7q8gXS/giphy.gif

You don't want Fluttershy to be sad, do you?

:O never! I'll comment right away!

Ok, I'm sure you know the drill by now....

Firstly, because it's the most recent thing... Pinkie as a bloodmane?
Surprising? Yes
Expected? No
Doing anything to the actual progression of her/Fine's character? No....

And I guess that's my general feel for the whole interaction...
I mean, sure, it makes sense with Pinkie's Alter-ego, but to be honest I would've rather enjoyed Fine staying as a bloodmane...

I mean, taking that away from him allows him to become essentially an entirely new character, so all the struggles he's had to face before are now for naught since there's nothing he really has that defines him...
I don't know, I just think that it would make for a more powerful message if the treatment had failed, but that didn't mean he couldn't at least try and live a normal life... But that's just me...
By the way; the moment you mentioned the possibility of a cure for Fine, I knew it was going to end the way it did...

Moving on...

Tazel!
WHAT DID YOU DO?

I was really starting to like her... I mean, sure, she was manipulative, untrustworthy and downright evil at times... But only because she had to... If it wasn't for that mind-controlling.... thing.... (next villain?) Then I really could've gotten into her character... She was sarcastic, snide and powerful..... But was only a tool used and abused by said next villain... I really felt sorry for her... She didn't even get to see Verity again (Since the story itself wants to treat Fine and Verity as two completely different ponies...
I mean, sure, it's nice to FINALLY have Tazel in the story... But, really... The poor..... thing.... whatever she was...

Oh yeah, back to Fine...
The moment Fluttershy asked for help, you get a gold star for how Lightning reacted...
Although I am REALLY looking forward to reading that side-fic.... (Finished yet? haha)

uhhh, The Nye/Dash parts were pretty good... Now that Nye isn't moping 24/7 he's gained some character again... Albeit hanging off Dash's side a bit too much, but clingy suits him...

other than that... This story felt much shorter than the others... And yet it was 20k longer...
I don't even.......

Getting into Octavia's family was.... strange... Was just sorta there as side-information if readers wanted to play with it...
But, yeah... I don't know, it was just sort of a nothing story... Nothing really grabbed me yet nothing actually drove me away...

I don't know, I believe there was a lot more that could've been done with Fine and Tazel... I guess it was because everything is either too vague (Tazel) or predictable (Fine) in this story....
But again, that's just my opinion...

I really wish I could give you more...
Oh wait...
Octavia and Luna...

If she were born a unicorn...
It's actually one of the very few times I've seen anypony show that much emotion in one line than Luna and Octavia in the dreamscape...
THAT was handled perfectly!

Otherwise, yeah, as I said... Nothing really grand happened here... I will miss Tazel... And Fine better not become boring now that he has no secrets...

But... yeah...

Part 4 awaits...

4071652
I'm glad to see you're still at it! I always get the impression that people stop reading somewhere in Book III simply due to the lack of comments it and Book IV have.

Starting with Fine, I knew I was going to cure him from the get-go. To say that this means he has no more secrets and can live normally isn't necessarily true, though; he's an Archon, or rather, the Archon. His job and life revolve around secrets. He's free to be more social and live normally now, but it's not as easy a move as it might seem at first glance. There are plenty of unknown elements for Fine, as well as future challenges for his character. But I will acknowledge that his general purpose and route in this story are somewhat predictable, and that includes Book IV.

I've said it before: Pinkie's role in this overall story is flawed, and it's largely because I was scared to work with her for a long time. Using Pinkie requires a sense of randomness and humor that I always struggle with because my mind does not run in a way that is conductive for silliness. I think by this point I could utilize her properly, but it just didn't happen for this story, which suffers because of it. I'm hoping to write a prequel that will expand upon her character and past, and a sequel that will develop the Pinkie/Fine relationship, because this series just doesn't do it (although Book IV lays down some strong hints for future possibilities).

Lightning's growth went on in the background, generally unseen by the reader, but her reaction to Fluttershy was a direct reflection of that growth. In many ways I intentionally kept mum about that because I knew that I couldn't do it justice in this story while I was trying to fit everything else in. It's no exaggeration to claim that I planned to write the side story for her as soon as I decided to have her adopt Keen; it's a type of growth that requires much more attention that I could have given her otherwise.

Nye has improved in many ways, even though it's not readily clear given his limited appearances in this book. I'm seriously considering writing a side-story about his relationship to Rainbow Dash, although it's by no means a major priority.

I also want to write one for Jimmy, because he's the unknown of the group and should get more attention (I notice you had nothing to say about him, which doesn't surprise me in the least). Jimmy's future is enigmatic, though; I'm still trying to decide what to do with him on many topics. Above all else I want to explore his relationship with Rarity and Octavia, because I see a lot of potential for a triangle, and given what happens in Book IV...

As I said before, I tried to give Octavia some more presence and a little more character, but knew I wasn't doing a great job of it. One of my planned sequels involves her traversing Nildia in her ancestor's hoofsteps, learning a bit about her family history and growing because of it. Still not certain how I'm going to handle that story, and it may dovetail into another major story I'm considering, but that's a long ways away.

Regarding Luna's impression of Octavia, it somewhat matches my own; the possibilities. I've been debating what it might take to raise Octavia's status to the highest level (as in an alicorn change), but hesitate as the concept's distinctly cliche. On the other hand, anyone who's read Trixie vs. Equestria knows that I won't make such a change without putting the protagonist through hell first. It's one thing to say "Oh, let's make Octavia a princess!" It's more like me to say "Let's challenge Octavia, force her to go through sweat and blood and tears and maybe kill some ponies she likes, and then if she's been through enough suffering and has grown as a character maybe she'll be worthy of consideration." Magical Mystery Cure this would not be.

But again, it's just a thought. In all likelihood I won't do it because, again, it's just so common.

You also didn't mention Upper Crust, which I find mildly disappointing. Considering she's finding ways to be useful to the team, growing in confidence and revealed some real aggression and protectiveness (for once) in the Tazel fight, I thought her slow development was coming out rather nicely...

And of course there's Tazel. I'm glad to see that you liked her and felt bad for her, because that was a goal of mine and nobody has commented on her before. At all. I was starting to think I had failed one of my major priorities for this story, so seeing you say that is a real relief. It took me a while to decide what I was going to do with her, but the tragic route was taken for the impact I hoped it would have. Her sacrifice also handled an issue I wasn't aware of until the last minute: Discord. I had Book IV all planned out and then realized that his very existence threw a wrench in the works, so Tazel's sacrifice also doubled as a means of cutting him out of the picture.

I'd like to write a prequel that reviews Tazel's life. I'm still debating on whether to put it together with the inevitable Silma Ril-focused prequel or make it something unique to Tazel, though. Another prequel story I'm considering is actually writing The Adventures of Kit and Caboose to show the three months Fine and his father lived with Tazel (or 'Kit', as she would be recognized) on the island.

Book 4 is the most direct of the books; it has a defined start and end and flows right from one to the other, without all that pesky jumping around to handle multiple issues. I'm hoping you'll like seeing how the characters have all grown into their roles, but I imagine you'll be disappointed in the villains. I am, to be honest, and I judge a story by its villains. Silma Ril and Mane Archon both fail in my mind because they just aren't properly developed; I just couldn't figure out how to do it.

That said, I find myself proud of a number of the characters, most notably Nye (for making contributions above and beyond his self-worth), Lightning (for the choices she makes for the win) and Upper Crust (who finally shines at her true potential).

But I'll let you be the judge of that.

4071908

As I said in the first comment, this entry just didn't feel like anypony was doing anything....

I mean, sure... Upper Crust and Jim got some screen this time around, but.... eh.... There really wasn't any defining moment for the two of them when they actually did something of worth... They just sorta followed the motions because that's what everypony else was doing at the time...

I saw them, sure... But were they noteworthy? well, no... Not in the slightest...

As for the Tazel prequel story... I don't think that is really worth exploring... We knew what she was like from Fine's flashbacks in book 1... or 2... whenever... I mean, sure... She was stranded on an island in the middle of no-where... But once she met Fine and got off the island that's all there is to say...
To have a story with her and Fine just goofing around on an island for 3 months would hardly prove exciting...

But that's just my opinion on it...

Alicorn Octavia?
Can't say I've read any story like that before... Not that I've actually looked for it...
Although I have heard some good things about your TvE story... Might check that out after this series...

Actually I'll probably go through your entire library.... heh...

But, yeah... For me, the most notable characters were Nye and Lightning...

Nye proved that he wasn't just one dimensional... (We can add needy to that list.... ha) And no, that doesn't mean I like him..... yet.... Although exploring his relationship with Rainbow might not be so bad... Since you actually got Rainbow to open up a bit to Octy in Fine's home....

And Lightning from the one line to help Fine... Sure, she developed in the background... But seriously, I'd love to see more of that....

But, yeah... I guess the main reason I didn't mention Uppity or Jim was because nothing of theirs really stood out for me...

4071957
I didn't mean alicorn Octavia was common, I mean the whole 'regular pony becomes alicorn' concept as a whole, or just alicorns in general. How do you not enhance a character's originality? Make them an alicorn. But again, if they have to work for it, it's not so bad...

About the only other thing to add is in relation to the Tazel prequel. You say there's nothing to explore, but I disagree. She was created centuries prior to being trapped on an island. There's the curious origin of her existence (which, if I recall correctly, is touched upon in Book IV), what she did for the first hundred or so years for Silma, her troubled relationship with her creator, and her 'prank war' with Discord. It would end up as a tragedy, though, because everyone knows where she ends up in the end.

And by all means, read TvE! I'd love to get your input on what is definitely my greatest hit so far.

But I'll shut up now and let you get to Book IV.

Heh. Your description of the gunblade was good, actually. I twigged what it was even before you clarified it in the author's notes.

Yay for awesome looking and yet completely improbable weaponry!

4393312
Oh, good. I was thinking it was a crappy description, but someone got it. :yay:

Just how many sequels will this story have?

4482677
The main series of No Heroes is four books long and long finished (although currently undergoing some very slow editing). I have a number of sequels and side stories planned, including the currently ongoing Lightning's Bolt side story, but the main story is finished.

I have no idea how big the No Heroes universe will be, as I'm basically just expanding it as the ideas hit me. It's not like the Trixie vs. Equestria universe, which has a set beginning and end. I do have a large number of ideas already in the works, though.

4393745 the gunblade was also my first thought, cant think of anything else it could have been :twilightsmile:

4623218
I'm feeling more and more comfortable with my description now. :yay:

still amazingly awesome :heart:

Your enthusiasm pleases me. :rainbowdetermined2:

Big. Developments. Just... so much happened! I'm baffled from how many things have happened...

4881392
Things move a mile a minute in Book IV. :rainbowdetermined2:

So shit happened. A lot of it.

Pinkie's a former bloodmane. Not too surprising, I had an inkling that might be what set her off when she first met him, but my God do I love the potential that brings to her character. Hell, I would dive at the opportunity to see how exactly it's affected her life, and what the treatment made her become. That scene was incredibly interesting.

And then we have Octavia and her unicorn possibilities. Honestly, I'd like to see how much power she can achieve without gaining a horn. Within the huge, magical world they live in there must be more than one way to utilize the power of magic. Creativity can spawn some pretty amazing things. I didn't like what I saw of Benjamina though. It felt like they patched things up way too easily. In fact, I think a bit too many of their problems worked out in the end. Things all seemed to work out no matter the situation. I think a few of the characters would have benefitted more if they lost some of their personal battles, or at least fought a little harder to win them. The stone brothers are case in point. Their father appeared once after the separation, they refused him, and then Luna saved the day. He never came up again. It was smooth sailing after that.

Tazel Wyrm is another sore point. I don't really understand why her existence in the story is important, or necessary. What was she to us, exactly? An unfortunate creature much like Discord who was banished to an island, befriended Verity, escaped, and was enslaved by some bigger bad. That is pretty much it. Aside from her tenuous relationship with Discord -- which isn't really that impressive because it came up only just now in two chapters, and offered nothing more than a neat little niche for the draconequus to be inserted in with some pertinent backstory, who was then promptly gotten rid of -- then the only other major part she played was being Verity's first friend, the little bird he met on a deserted island, which never really had any impact. They met once in the end of her fight and she was driven away by his madness. And then she died. The end. We didn't even get a whole lot of reaction from Verity either, which lessened the lost friendship factor a bit more. She didn't strike me as a sympathetic character either. Though she was enslaved, her actions did not endear me to her, so I wasn't all that sorry on her behalf. Her demise certainly was tragic, but I didn't feel anything when it happened.

The other tool-like roles she played could have been done by one of the other players if necessary. It wouldn't be that much of a stretch. That's just me, though. I feel like she could have been so much more here, but she kind of fell flat.

If I'm being honest, a great deal of this story suffers because it tries to be so much at once, and that applies to the two books before this one as well. It would have benefitted from larger amounts of time dedicated to the character's troubles and how they overcame them. So, in essence, longer series and more writing to do. Which you were already trying to understandably curtail. Sacrifices made, it seems. Were they worth it?

Still, for all that bothered me, I enjoyed this book. I don't understand why it would lose you readers. It didn't shake me off. I fully intend to start the next after finishing this blurb. It was fun, entertaining, dramatic and incredibly epic at points, and I enjoyed the entire experience. This story is criminally underrated. More people should read this. It deserves attention.

Off to Book IV, the final chapter in this thrilling saga. Let's see how this all plays out.

4970343
Yep, pretty much everything you said has been said before, if not in the comments then in PMs or chats. The failings of Book III might not have turned you off the overall series, but it did for a lot of other people.

The real reason Book III fails in my view is because I lost track of the original theme for this book. Books I and II focused heavily on how there's a darker side of Equestria and Luna's ponies exist to face what the Element Bearers cannot. A major secondary theme is the underdogs proving they have a real value. Both of these themes are completely lost in Book III in favor for something a little less and just a touch cliche, and the result is a jarring bump in the flow. Frankly, I pin this down to 'first story blue,' because I consider the entire series my 'first story.'

Fortunately, Book IV goes back to at least one of those original dominant themes. I'll let you judge if it's good enough.

PS – I have sequels in mind for Pinkie and Octavia. The Octavia one will be coming first, though.

Is Tazel Wyrm pronounced TAH-zel worm or TAY-zel worm?

5237362
I always pronounced it TAH-zel, but if you want to be accurate to the origins of the name then I believe it would be TAT-zul.

I really loved this part of the series. It was kind of slow early on in parts but some of the revelations were staggering. Octavia came off very much like a Colonial Brit in India in manner and dress (Where they head to the temple) and backstory. And her interactions with Luna were both fun and instructive as well. Same with Upper Crust as we learn what nightmare haunts her dreams and just why it is now a nightmare for her. Nye and RD being separated was entertaining as well, especially when Nye just keeps embarrassing her when they get back together or even in a shared dream! It was fun seeing Discord out and about and your method of using him in the story was essentially perfect. Stuck around to annoy the heroes then off to annoy other people, plus we get a bit of history behind his past. Tazel was interesting, I actually felt sorry for her at the end, betrayed by the one and only friend she had ever made. And the entire story about Fine Crime and his efforts to end his curse were interesting, from the trophy room to a lonely room in a tower from Fluttershy to all the friends coming together in the end to help. The revelations about Pinkie's past were very interesting as well, and gave a good reason for Fine to have hope, something that I think he needed about then.

5285402
Well, it's good to know that there are people out there who don't consider Book III to be a total flop. I'm also pleased to note that you're the first – and I mean the very first – person to take note that Upper Crust's revealed nightmare was actually mentioned early on. Nobody else has caught that (or if they did, they didn't say anything about it).

Well, you're past the commonly-viewed 'low point' of this series. Nothing left but the final battle. I look forward to your observations.

Cyb

She trembled even as she wondered how could encourage her; wasn’t this supposed to be his challenge?

I think you accidentally a word, but otherwise nice.

5323254
We, uh, never got around to finishing the edits for this series. Stopped somewhere in Book II.

Thanks, I shall take a look. Also, glad to see people are still reading this.

Cyb

To her surprise she fund a veritable treasure trove of material

Cyb

She cast a firm, venomous glance his way to make it clear that he’d best not interfere before walking to the door and pushing it open jut a crack.

Cyb

Octavia and are inclined to believe it.

Also, loved that duel between Octavia and Riptide. It was simply awesome. Also, Lightning Dust is great and I do not regret reading Lightning's Bolt first, because yeah. Like you said there isn't much of her here even though she gets bitchin character development on the side.

I'm going to call it here, and come back tomorrow, or should I say later today because it's 3:00AM

5324885
Octavia was a mixed bag, really; she's awesome from the get-go and can do great things like fight Riptide, but the caveat is that there's very little character development for her throughout the series. As to Lightning Dust, her presence here was intentionally minor because I knew even way back when writing this that she'd get that side story. I just had to put up with one or two complaints about it in the meantime.

Cyb

and suddenly Jimmy was a colt anymore.

Spike facepalmed. “I shoulda stayed in bed…”

Cyb

Very, very nice. I love how this went down. Although I felt that Tazel was treated unfairly, I can't really blame the mane6 for not knowing how to deal with her vague and unique situation. I do love how Rainbow Dash and Nye are progressing, and the dream link fight was awesome. Also, god that art is awesome

5326337
I would like to write a story detailing where Tazel really came from, but it's not exactly a huge priority. Too bad, it could make for some really interesting 'History of Equestria' material.

The final battle scene, particularly the speech at the end where everypony had something to say, was inspired by the final confrontation in Final Fantasy 6, which is one of those cherished video game moments from my childhood.

And yes, that cover art is awesome. It was worth every penny and I still sometimes go back to just gaze at it. I'll definitely be commissioning from Eosphorite again.

Still loving it though one little thing.

he said in that way that long experience told her lie.

I have two ideas about this.
A: I do not know English.
B: You might have made a mistake :P

At this point I am leaning towards option A, whats your opinion?

5347300
Option B. Issue has been located and culled.

Fine is fixed! We all good.

5443054
Cured? Sure. All good? Not quite yet. :trollestia:

Have you played Skyrim, or any of the other elder scrolls? Fines letter at the beginning reminded me of a quote.

"I am the Queen of Solitude, daughter of the Emperor! Summon the daedra! I'll trade the soul of every last subject of mine for a little comfort"
―Potema the Wolf Queen, 3E 97

5508011
I have indeed played The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim, and I do remember that line, but if it influenced my writing in any way it would be only through my subconscious. The resemblance certainly isn't intentional.

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