As a former guardsman of the Equestrian Royal Guard, Axon has seen and done things that continue to haunt him years after he left the war. Filled with depression over the death of his family members, and wrecked with grief over a crime he committed, Axon has turned to the bottle to drown his sorrow. Having grown neglectful towards his wife and unborn child, he soon learns that some demons aren't easily buried.
This short story takes place in the same setting as my other story, The Koprulu Sector, a StarCraft crossover universe. Minor gore.
Continuation of this story can be found here.
Chapters (1)
Whelp, looks like its another wonderful SC crossover
Wow, very touching story.
Had a view about family rarely seen these days, I like that. It also shows the brutality of war and the Starcraft universe perfectly.
I like it. This is really good.
One small poke though.
Might want to fix 'ran', but in all seriousness, this had a great feel to it.
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*sniff* That was so bautiful. This story just hit me
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Try reading it while listening to this playlist. All of the songs come right on time for every part of it.
You're seeing ghosts and shit?
Who you gonna call?!
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Well gee, this got the the popular list. Congrats.
I like it you are a really good writer I could fell his misery and fear. Love it
REVIEW – A for Effort, n°4
Reviewer, RealmOfMereShadows
The following review is as objective as possible but will eventually contain some subjective influences. I’m a French reviewer, I like wiping my ass with silk like the Merovingian.
Once you’ve posted your story in the group A for Effort you’ve accepted to be reviewed. No review is made to humiliate the writer but to make him grow up and enhance his skills.
Name of Story, She comes when the rail falls
Grammar, 9/10
There is disseminated mistakes but that’s not a burden nor an obstacle for reading your story.
Spelling, 9/10
Good spelling too, there is nothing to add up or issues to point out.
Originality,
I’m not a great fan of Starcraft or of Trauma-story. Not that I don’t like them but it’s really repeating once you’ve read few of them. However the story is good and you know how to create small suspense and cliff-hangers between your paragraphs. That’s really well done.
Characters,
You know how to create ambiance and how to create interactions between your characters. That’s all we need.
Synopsis'
The three first paragraphs are stunning. It reminds me of the beginning of “Saving Private Ryan”. The idea of the pour for triggering the visions and hallucinations may be a reference to Silent Hill (or not, this is not very important though).
The synopsis is good and erasing the reference of the zergs would make it a true Sci-Fi Ponyverse fic and not a crossover (and making Celestia using them, you’ve got a wrecked mind, don’t you?) But there are here for filling more than anything else, and that’s understandable, but they are not the main reason for Axon’s mind state. Therefore, repeating their description and how disrespectful and ugly they are may become tiring.
Pros:
1) the flashback
2) the trauma
3) the sister
Cons:
1) the zerg
Additional Notes:
Nope
LAST WORDS:
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Well done, you’re approved, welcome in the main folder of “A for Effort”.
well done, brief but touching nonetheless
Good story,though usage of starcraft kinda killed it for me