Fallout: Equestria - Despedida

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Comments ( 11 )

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Mel

Mel #1 · Jun 23rd, 2013 · · ·

Are these major characters in Fertile Ground? I haven't read it yet, but it is certainly one I've been hoping to try. About those accents, are you familiar with them in life or did you have to look them up? Either way, it was an excellent 'terrible deed, casual conversation' tone. I've got a soft spot for those.
(Also, I think there's a missing line break after
Why you? Why did they send you?
and
They know what's good for us. Don't they?)

Warbalist

Warbalist #2 · Jun 24th, 2013 · · ·

2763551
Thanks for giving this story a read-through.

They aren't even side-characters in Fertile Ground. They're just part of one of the big gangs in the story. This tale just gives a glimpse of what the gang's culture is like.

I grew up in a part of California with a heavy gang population and a LOT of people talked like this, in gangs or not. To be honest, though everybody pronounced güey as "eh." Almost Canadian-like.

Thank you for noticing an issue with the translation from Google drive to here. Those things seem to happen quite often.

And thank you for having an interest in Fertile Ground. I warn you not to expect it to update too regularly. My editors and I have seriously busy schedules. But if you do read it, please enjoy the improvised pieces hidden in each chapter, and have fun piecing the plot together!

Looks like I have some reading to do, too!

Warbalist

Warbalist #3 · Jun 26th, 2013 · · ·

2779180
Thank you so much for giving it a try. I hope you enjoy Fertile Ground. Keep in mind the plot is something of a puzzle at the moment. It's all planned out, but slightly confusing on purpose.

Warbalist

Warbalist #4 · Jun 26th, 2013 · · ·

2779773
Excellent. Something else for me to consume.

Thank you, again. I don't receive as many views as others, so I really appreciate every one of my readers. Have fun listening to the improvised pieces I make for each chapter.

Doomande

Doomande #5 · Jun 28th, 2013 · · ·

A short and nice story must I say, and something that have made me want to take a look on Fertile Ground and move it further up my read later list, so if that was your plan must I say well done. Beside that is it rather amazing to see that you could put an actual chapter into so little space, and even make it stand alone and work as you do, so my hat of to you.

It is just sad then that none of your commands work properly, either links or italic and that it is clear that you have written the empty space in each segment and only used tap a single time, all small things that lowered the quality a bit in something that was fairly good. It is small things, but are still mistakes in something that else was error free.

Nitpicks:
"Ever since the Steel Rangers had popped from their hidey-holes" You have a double space before this sentence.
"The ponies at the top were putting the squeeze on it. They were hungry. Before him lay the evidence." And before all of these three ones.
"Why you? Why did they send you? “Who was this one?” Your line break here have been stolen by your italic command, I knows that it looks fine when you edit it, but it looks wrong for us.
"The last Mascarpony lay in a small huddle in the middle of her tarp.
"They know what's good for us. Don't they? Limpiador stared at the pony who taught him everything he knew." And again have you a command that steals your line break.

Warbalist

Warbalist #6 · Jun 28th, 2013 · · ·

2790401

Thank you so much for kind words and proof-reading!

Making the journey from Open Office to Google Drive and then on to here is perilous, it seems. I should definitely check my laziness at the door next time.