A Nightmare from a Storm

After a failed attempt at an advanced spell from Starswirl the Bearded's lost tomes, Princess Twilight Sparkle brings a human to Equestria. This man goes by Sabre, and isn't always what he seems. From helping around town to even running through the Everfree Forest, this man brings a strange aura with him that was only seen in Equestria's past long ago.

Takes place one year after Season 3 ends, does not extend into Season 4.
This is my first story, so please go easy on me.
Rating may change later.
This story switches between journals and actual story, so if it says journal, you know what it is.

Chapters (1)

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Comment posted by DJ A String deleted Jun 7th, 2013

moviemaster8510

moviemaster8510 #2 · Jun 7th, 2013 · · · First Journal of the Storm Keeper ·

First Journal:

How I wish this was still just a dream. This... 'world'... can't be real. I only wish that I could understand how all of this is happening to me.... from a simple person who was going about his own business, to a runner hiding from what I assume is a royal guard. Let me explain what happened.

From what I can tell thus far, this is going to be one of those stories where you tell it in the "kid talking about his day at school" function, which guarantees a lack or complete absence of descriptions, bland characters, and rushed as all-hell story telling. Let's see how right I am.

It all started on the day I was going to go to a convention.

Cool. What convention?

I got dressed that morning in a V-neck t-shirt, a pair of jeans, my socks, a worn pair of shoes and my favorite sweatshirt which I always wear with its sleeves rolled up.

Uhh, what convention? It kind of makes it difficult to know what convention you're going to when I don't even know what it is.

I put my sling backpack on and donned my hidden blades that I made for the convention out of a special diamond-steel alloy (it took me ages to get my hands on that).

How in the mother of hell are you able to bring a real weapon to a convention? And don't sit there and say "Oh they're hidden." I don't see blades being very useful on your legs so I'm going to assume (because you never describe anything other than your stupid Mary-Sue toys) that they're on your arms.

But since your sweatshirt sleeves are rolled up, they must be visible, as hiding them in a t-shirt would be equally impossible. So you're walking around a public venue with a real weapon that could potentially kill some one. In real life, you wouldn't be inside a hotel banquet hall or wherever your setting is (again, never describes it), you'd find yourself right in the back of a squad car.

Anyways, it all started so normally.

Or as normal as it can be for an obvious Mary-Sue self insert.

Then I opened my door....

Wow, we're only 150 words in and we're already starting the plot.

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What happened next I can only describe as falling through the rift of space and time known to us only as The Void.

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It's not that you can only describe it like that, its that you can only be bothered to describe it like that. How are we supposed to know what falling through space is like? How are we supposed to know what this "Void" is? You need to describe your settings so we know where your character is, what he's feeling, why he's feeling it, and what others around him are feeling. You're doing a very poor job.

I took no heed in this strange occurrence due to the fact that there was a few steps out of my house and I had a wood ramp lying at the end of it just in case one of my friends in a wheelchair came over.

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"What the?" I said. I took note that I was also indoors. I heard what sounded like a gasp. "Hello? Is anyone there?"
It was one of the few times in my life that I was actually scared.

Yes, I described myself as scared, therefore I am scared, right? RIGHT?

"H-hello? M-my name is Twilight Sparkle." she said in a feminine voice that was obviously frightened.

Yeah, no, Twilight would not even be bothered to introduce herself after an alien creature falls into her house. She would badger answers from it immediately or run out of her house screaming in terror. I mean, if you saw this in the woods...

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...would you introduce yourself to it, or would this be your reaction?

If you answered yes to screaming, then WRITE IT IN!!!

I replied in an honest voice, "You can call me Sabre. As for how I got here, I don't know. Would you care to explain?"

Yes, listen to how quote en quote "scared" this guy named... Sabre? His name is Sabre?

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I heard her mumble something along the lines of 'it must have been the spell' and decided to confront her on it. "Spell? What are you talking about? Magic doesn't exist!" I said in a matter of fact tone.

So scared. I can tell this character is founded on the principles of logic, reason, sanity.

"Doesn't exist?! Of course magic exists here in Equestria!" she said as if it was the most normal thing possible. "Now, I demand you tell me how you got in my library and where you came from!"

Didn't she just assume it was a spell? Are you even reading the words you write?

"Equestria?" I said. "Last time I checked I was in the suburbs of LA." I then pieced together the parts. This wasn't my home town, nor was it Earth. "I'm on a new world." I said in a somewhat downcast, somewhat amazed tone.

You seem to be taking this whole, "I'm on a new fucking world," thing really well, ain't ya?

Something else then occurred to me. What she had just said was similar to Earth. If that was true.... Oh crap......
"I'm in a new DIMENSION?!?!" I said extremely surprised tone, scaring the pony-thing. "How is this even possible?! I mean humans haven't even gone to Mars yet! How-" I then looked at the pony, "Wait. You said something about a spell, and if what you say is true and magic DOES exist in this world of yours, then YOU did this!"

Can't tell if he's angry or scared.

DESCRIBE!!!

"Well they must 'cause you're looking at one! Deal. With. It." I said in a slightly annoyed tone.

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By this time I could tell she was angry with me. "GUARDS!" she yelled at the top of her lungs.

Why would she be angry with you? In fact why is she calling guards? Twilight would never ask for guards (where she even got those, I don't know) unless she felt as if her life was in danger. The Twilight that I and every other brony knows would discuss, or in this case, argue with the creature on her own, because like Tyrion from Game of Thrones, her mind is her greatest weapon.

Is Twilight so dumb in this world that she just calls guards to arrest him at the slightest hint of dissent. He's an alien creature pulled from his home, he should be feeling scared and angry, and Twilight would understand this, so why would she act like this?

In came a couple of... unicorns?!? OK, now this is just getting silly.

Sure, a talking winged pegasus is okey-dokey, but take away the wings, now it's silly.

Anyways, one was carrying a spear while the other was carrying a sabre (or saber, depending on how you wanna spell it).

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They rushed me with weapons at the ready.
All I can say is thank goodness that I decided to make REAL hidden blades and not stupid plastic or foam replicas.

Flicking out the weapons and having them at the ready, I broke the spear and stole the sabre as well as managing to get myself a hostage by holding the sabre to the guard's neck.

The Surefire Way to Get Killed Anywhere

1. Threatening the life of an officer.

"Back off! I'm not afraid to kill him!" I yelled out. The guards backed off and I was able to escape the........... LIBRARY MADE OUT OF A TREE?!?!?!?

So she is in Ponyville? Why would there be guards in Ponyville? I know she's a princess and all, but then why isn't she in Canterlot? All these questions and more will be unanswered in the upcoming chapters.

OK, if i'm not dead then I must be insane.

Well, seeing as your reactions to everything you've seen thus far have been equivalent to that of a brain-dead chimp and that you just threatened an enforcer of the law with his life, you hit that nail right on the head.

Once outside, I knocked out the guard and took the sheath for the sword. Sheathing the blade, I started running for my life knowing they would send more guards after me.

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I noticed a large forest up ahead and decided to hide there for the time being. That's where I am now, too. Hiding out in what apparently is called 'the Everfree Forest', supposedly 'the most dangerous forest in all of Equestria'.

And how would you know this after being in this world for what I assume to be around five minutes?

Oi, I can't believe that even these supposedly 'royal guards' are afraid of this place, they keep mentioning how they would rather be literally kissing flank than coming in here on patrols looking for me.

And how did you know that they said this if you were running from them?

I found what looks to be ruins of an old castle out here. Heh, they'll never find me in this place. There are still so many questions. How can these beings do magic? Why does it exist here? How am I going to survive here? How am I gonna get back? I only wish I knew.

Too bad that your character is so dumb and bland that no one will care.

If there's anything I know now, it's that I have a name here that I like. The name is Sabre and I think I got that name because of what I took from the guard.

What? No. You named yourself Sabre WAY before you even saw a guard. Don't lie. You took the name to make your character sound cooler. Well, I have some unpleasant news for you. Sounding cool and BEING cool are two completely different things.

Anyways, I'm going to end this entry here. Goodnight to anyone reading this, I hope you're better off than me.

Judging from your ratings, I can safely say I am.

First chapter of my first story done! WOO!

I wouldn't pat yourself on the back for 1,000 words. The story I'm currently working on requires that I put in 10,000 words in a week, which I can easily churn out in a day or two.

Please, if you have criticism, as long as it helps, I welcome it.

I can't wait to see, upon your reading this, how fast you're going to renege on those words. And let me tell you, I am a moderator for the Craptastic Stories group. While the rules state that it must take 10 dislikes for a story to get put in, I don't tolerate bad attitudes. I will gladly put your story in the group if you delete my comment. This I promise you.

Ciao.

Rolf_Son_of_a_Shepard