Batman find himself to a strange new place. The place that belong to our beloved ponies. Batman tought to make a new job as a detective in the town until he finds a way back to his univers. But things are not comming for Batman's way. After some murder investigasions, things are not in the way Bruce will have it. The Joker is back, this time in the univers of our beloved ponies. Batman had to face not only Joker but also lot's of others of his enemy. To makes things worse, a mastermind had put all things togetter to make caos and fear in the world. Can Batman save our beloved ponies home. Or is the graiter trait to big for The Dark Knight? For batman fans this is before Arkham asylum
NB: The story is only here to be pre-readed. I think Google is more than I like it. First story ever in this Fimfiction. Be nice
more coming up soon. Need to finnish the lates chapter
217473 This is really good, keep up the good work.
293105 Thanks
To all that hit the dislike buttom: Please do tell whats could go better and what you don't like in this story.
Dude, you seriously need to work on your English.
296914 About what? My english is fine in the story
Where do I start?
You misspelled the word "Prologue" in the first chapter title; you misspelled the word "mayor" in the first sentence of the first major paragraph.; you used the word "person" instead of "people" in the second sentence; in the third sentence, you used the phrase "That's was", but instead you should of put "That was".
Need I say more for the rest?
297472 Pleas do. This story needs a pre-reader. I'm not from a English mother languages contry. I preaseaded to have you look over the story. Thanks.
>>andmos
Wow, okay.
Uh, let me see here. Alright, here we go (eh-hem): In the sixth sentence, this is how it should be fixed: "They hired people on the streets and took them out of their bad circle of crime and drugs." Next sentence: "Two years later, a man with cold blood shot and killed both Mr. and Mrs. Wayne with the last family member, a ten year old boy named Bruce, surviving and inheriting the family fortune as a result." Next sentence: "The boy soon became angry with the law and figured that he could take the law into his own hands." 3 sentences later: "He soon discovers that the well was a huge cave that’s was used by bats for decades." Next sentence: "The bats flew into the sunshine in wild panic and the boy was terrified in what might happen next." Sentence at the start of the next paragraph: "After the murder and the trial of the murder went down, the boy decided to train in the mountains of Asia, to fight for a better world." Next sentence: "After Bruce came back, he climbed into the well again and began the job to become the Batman." Next sentence and last sentence together: "He uses his old fear for bats to become The Batman as well as lots of money to bring in new technology to help him fight the war on crime."
Sheesh, what a lot of editing. My brain is frazzled.
I hope you realize that I can't do this for every single chapter as I am sure there are a lot of people who would be willing to do this as well. My advice is to get both a Translating English dictionary and English grammar book so that you won't make as many mistakes as you did the first time you wrote this chapter. This is a good story idea, but the writing is a major turn off for people like me and I am guessing many others as well. I hope this helps you, man.
298862 Ok i will cange that. Thanks.
Thanks to Avatoa to read and to see all my wrighting errors. Need more pre-readers. Pleas contact me by privat mail to miss any inditaced spoilers.
1273982 This story?
Darn! Forgot to sett this on hi status. Thanks for reminding me
This is what he means by your english. Here is what you wrote.
Batman find himself to a strange new place. The place that belong to our beloved ponies. Batman tought to make a new job as a detective in the town until he finds a way back to his univers. But things are not comming for Batman's way. After some murder investigasions, things are not in the way Bruce will have it. The Joker is back, this time in the univers of our beloved ponies. Batman had to face not only Joker but also lot's of others of his enemy. To makes things worse, a mastermind had put all things togetter to make caos and fear in the world. Can Batman save our beloved ponies home. Or is the graiter trait to big for The Dark Knight? For batman fans this is before Arkham asylum
NB: The story is only here to be pre-readed. I think Google is more than I like it. First story ever in this Fimfiction. Be nice
Here is how it looks with the errors corrected
Batman finds himself in a strange new place. A place that belongs to our beloved ponies. Batman had thought he could make a new job as a detective in the town of Ponyville until he could find a way back to his own universe. But things are not going his way. He comes across several murders and through his investigations he realizes they can only mean one thing. The joker is back and somehow he has found his way into Equestria just as Batman has. Whats worse, Joker wasn't the only one, Many of Batman's' enemies had found their way here. Further investigation leads Batman to discover a mastermind of chaos and fear is behind all of this. Will Batman be able to defeat his enemies and bring down this mastermind? Or is this greater threat too big for the dark knight?
You just gotta fix the grammar errors in there. "Batman find himself to a strange new place" makes no sense, it sounds like something a four year old might say. Grammar like that makes Readers glance at a story and then go find something else to do. Its an issue I had with my first couple of stories that when fixed brought in tons of readers. Hopefully this rewrite helps.
1892734 this story is on histatus, so thanks for the reply. Will Maybe even consider cancle it. The reason is the Daring Do fic. It take all my energi.