• Member Since 18th May, 2013
  • offline last seen March 14th

kwr2k13


E
Source

William Weston, a promising new weather reporter for a local news program had a great new job, until a series of unexplained events after his 25th Birthday. The first strange occurrence surrounded the appearance of a strange blue-green Cutie Mark depicting the gentle west wind belonging to a weather Pegasus named Summer Breeze appearing on William's outer thighs. Throughout the course of a week, William's life begins to get stranger and stranger as his body begins to change. From the ashes of William's life rises the new blue-green haired weather mare, Summer Breeze. Where the gentle winds take her, is up to her.

In addition to Summer Breeze, her sisters have become ponies. What will happen next when they meet others who are experiencing similar transformations?

Berry Frosting, one of Summer Breeze's friends, has her origin story:
The Weird Taste of Change
Special Thanks to some new collaborators:

Proofread and Edited by Dusty Tome and IronHoofes.

Artwork by White Tigress

Principal Cast of Ponies:

Summer Breeze - kwr2k13
Autumn Breeze - IronHoofes
Solar Bolt - Musical (with help from SolarBoltIsBestOC)
Cherry Cloud - sugarush13
Winter Breeze - Dusty Tome
TheGingaNinja - Spring Breeze
Axel - Lord Legion
Sky Breeze - Aqua Splash
Red Bolt -Runforever101
Night Glider - kevanick
Lightning Storm - Lightning Shield
Pencil Lead -Pencil Lead
Yukieiros - Winter Song
Chrome Masquerade - Winter Fields

Chapters (17)
Comments ( 144 )

Hey, I'm liking this story...I haven't seen many of these 'body switches' type of stories so far. This one in particular looks very appealing to me. I have only noticed a few minor errors as well such as un-capitalized letters, maybe a small spelling error, etc. It's very good so far. Keep it up.

~F.A.D.

It looks promising.
I like how it has the picture of the pony on the cover
After all this isn't in my little pony.

What does a coke with vanilla flavoring even taste like?

Rootbeer, perhaps?

(NOTE: I've never seen what that looks like, the vanilla coke)

How do people even sweat that hard?

I guess the dream he had where he ended up reviewing the last minutes of Zephyr's life through her eyes caused some sort of night terror. That's just my thoughts on that matter.

A vanilla coke is a coca-cola with vanilla flavoring,

Also, if anyone wants to do a collaboration or to help Zephyr find new employment (what can a pegasi do for work)? I am thinking she diguises herself the best she can and pose as a new weather reporter for a new news station.

I don't have enough time to read this, but I'll give it a like for the awesome cover art :twilightblush:

2681065 look at the group five score divided by more

The change is to fast not trying to be a jerk so sorry

I'm going back to show time had passed from when Zephyr woke up as a female on the morning of may 3 to mid afternoon the same day, her transformation is complete.

Please PM me with collaboration ideas for the next chapter. I figure the missing Weather reporter story would catch anypony's interests.

UM, there would be no strange reports yet. the first completed transformation happens on may 3

The report was for the missing weather reporter. He had been let go on May 2, and then his full changes took place may 3. i guess the co-worker was wondering what happened to him?

Way to fast ry to be rude about it but way way way to fast. Lay the foundations for the transformation make the transformation last awhile. not forever but not 2 days. he wasnt worried at all when he lost his manhood or anything. Not trying to come off as a jerk but still. Sry good story though.:rainbowderp::pinkiesmile:

I fixed the final transformation for day 3 and added some memories of Zephyr's life before Discord, referencing Sonic Rainboom and Hurricane Fluttershy as two episodes Zephyr would appear as a background pony.

What can go wrong?

As it turns out, quite a lot.
Good chapter!

I was thinking about dropping this story from my favs. I'm glad I didn't.

Thanks for faving this story. I'm working with some other writers to meet up with some other human-turned- ponies and work together, whether it would be teaching a new pegasi to fly, or to team up to stop a tornado from bearing down on a community.

Please be patient as Zephyr ends up meeting some new pony friends.

If anypony else wishes to meet Zephyr, I would be glad to have them help out with the huge thunderstorm/tornado in the future chapter. This will, of course expose the existance of our talented, colorful, talking equines to national tv. What repurcussions would having your community saved from a terrible natural disaster by ponies have on the general population? Will AJ, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy, as well as rhe rest of the mane 6, and other ponies see the newscasts and try to reach out to our pony heroes? :twilightblush::

...good, sir. I am not disappoint.:moustache:

I'm very confused about the premise of this story...

A human male turned into a pony female?

Anyways, nice cover art bro.

2704105 It's a new trend of stories based off this one. In the five score universe, humans all over the world are getting cutie marks and turning into ponies. The only real connection they all share is that they are all turning 25 on May 1st. They lives, their minds, their bodies, and sometimes even their genders are altered in the span of three days.

Zephyr shook her head, then smiled at Susan as she removed her hoof from Susan's mouth. "Susan, William is no more; call me Zephyr! It means gentle wind, as you can see by my Cutie Mark. These marks are important in anypony's lives; it's their destiny! I know what I must do. I have memories of a life I used to live back in a magical land where the weather was controlled by my fellow Pegasi!" Zephyr felt a sense of pride swelling up in her chest when she said that. "I will be careful; I just need to go where the wind carries me. Perhaps I will find some ponies and hang out with them; no offense. I just need to see if it's true what they're saying about the transformations." Zephyr began to fly off, waving farewell to Susan and shooting off into the air on her wings.

As I read this I am reminded of the music from Buso Renkin
That series was excellent.

ShadowFart53 - Yeah, I actually thought that music would be appropriate for that scene.

I am glad everyone enjoys my fan fiction and hopes that maybe you can add in your characters. I am open to collaborate with other ponies so you can meet Zephyr and catch up on old times.

I'm sorry about being "that guy" but I edit for some other writers and this is absolutely atrocious.
1. paragraphs are either a complete thought process or until a different character speaks.
2. you have a knack to use the character's name almost every sentence.:twilightblush:
3. with the different dialogue in the same para, it gets hard to differentiate who is talking (at least for me).
4. as this is a 5 score/4 story, you should (have) realized that no one had any idea about what was going on, how far it would progress, or what the implications would be and how it would affect their life.
5. the character has too much information, and can therefore be seen as slightly op:flutterrage:
6. it is impossible to determine where the character got their information, as no references were given (unless i missed them, sorry if i did)
7.in every story that i have read thus far, including the original, not a single character was able to adapt to their new body as fast as yours has (wakes up and can immediately walk/fly)
8. you don't need to re-introduce the character every chapter:facehoof:
that's all i could think of off the top of my head, having just read all chapters. again, I'm sorry about the editor-ness, I just have an OCD for these things. also, you wrote in the AN of the first few chapters that you wanted to collaborate with someone. I don't know if this is still the case, but if it is, I'd love to help out. I see a lot of potential with this story, and would be happy to see it improve:pinkiehappy: if you do want my help, just send me a message, and I'll make sure to respond as soon as possible.
also, i will be holding my thumb back for a little bit, because i LOVE the story, but the details are driving me batty

REPEAT INFORMATION:flutterrage:
neat way of information exchange though

:rainbowhuh: Isn't them being pony public? Zephyr works as a metrologist, no?

Yeah, so she would be known in public. She's kind of getting used to her new body, wings, and of course, Chance.

So, I'm still trying to edit up Chapter 8 to include my fellow collaborators, Leafz Pegasus as Blake/Leaf Disk and TehCanadianBrony as Gearswitch. PM me for more info.

My story, or stories (since I also work on Small Horn and Little Apple Cousins) are works in progress. I would love to see the Cutie Mark Crusaders get back with Small Horn again. She's one of the newest members along with Babs Seed.

Please contact me at zephyr.pegasus@gmail.com for any collaborations for this story involving Zephyr.

For collaborations for my other story, On Our On, starring my OC unicorn, Little Horn, please contact me at little.horn.unicorn@gmail.com.

:facehoof: he forgot to mention his new job as a meteorologist!:rainbowwild:

After passing flight camp, Zephyr's parents offered her a jo in the weather patrol.

Job, not jo

I enjoy the weather...except for thunderstorms,...” She then shifted her eyes, “If you tell anypony I don’t like thunderstorms, I’ll deny it.”

:rainbowhuh::unsuresweetie: what does that mean?

Comment posted by Pink Butterfly deleted Jun 24th, 2013

2770261 It seems to be self contradicting. He says he hates thunderstorms, yet he says he refutes that. ????

2770275

She tates thumderstorm, but it's a bit humiliating for a weather manager to hate weather. So, she'll deny hating it so she can be a normal weather pegasi.

Thanks for helping me with thi s really cool story.

I would like to thank Strawberry Frosting as well as Vengeful Spirit, and NightShadow2745 for offering to edit the stories before they get published.

Let me know if you spot any problems.

As a special thanks, I offer you a chance for you to be a part of the story!

yes, you can have an Original character to appear in any future chapters, including Chapter 10.

2715700
Going to have to second pretty much all this. Especially 5, 6, and 7. I'm sorry, this story just doesn't seem... quite right to me. It doesn't seem like a Five Score story, it feels like something completely different. Some of the side-stories I actually think are pretty fantastic and fit in very well with the original work (same themes, similar realistic character reactions, same overall seriousness, etc.). This isn't one of them. There are a few other side-stories that I feel the same way about, generally all for similar reasons... It seems a bit of a shame to me.

Admittedly, I haven't read much past the first couple chapters of yours, but it jumped the shark pretty early on in my opinion.

I can't articulate all of the issues well enough here and now, but I'll try to do so at a later date.

2786088 That was highly intentional. Zephyr still works for the weather team, and she has a sister, Autumn Breeze, played by RavenLight.

2787138 Yeah, Sorry About that. I am trying to make it better.

I have another story, called On Our Own, which deals with my OC, Little Horn, my unicorn, being taken care of by her older cousin, Harmony. That story has two Chapters done, and i'm working on the third one.

This story has a great amount of potential. The biggest problem is that it's too rushed. There's been very little real character development. All we know is that Willam suddenly has a mark, and then he's Zephyr and is now a she, and has little reaction to this. It's unrealistic and makes it hard to really be truly interested. Then Zephyr is suddenly revived from when Discord did his thing, and William's practically just gone.

My biggest suggestion is this: take a deep breath and slow down. There's too much telling, and not enough showing. Take the time to space out the paragraphs and the interactions between characters, show us how Zephyr is feeling rather than simply telling us. Make sure to bring up the fact that after the initial shock, Susan and that intern seemed to get over William suddenly being Zephyr a bit too quickly.

I'd also suggest looking at this site's writing guide. It'll help give you an idea of better formatting for a better reading experience. The way the dialogue is worked into the story makes it feel cluttered and as a result it's difficult to focus and follow it. Not to mention the guide will help you in general.

Like I said, there's a lot of potential here. It just needs some work to be better.

They are now back in ponyville? :rainbowhuh:

2796707 No, they are stuck on earth. Zephyr and Autumn are remembering all the stuff they did back in Ponyville, before Discord attacked them.

Maybe I should make that clearer. I'm getting some help from Muse Scroll and from zman537 for editing.

2796716 If that's the case, then why does it reference discord doing stuff and the slip up with feet/hooves?

Login or register to comment