It's easier to just read The Scent: Lust of Mares, but basically, ponies live twice as long as humans. Where 18 could be an adult for us, they're not an adult until at lest 36. As for the how big, the average pony is 7ft, while Celestia is 9ft, and before anypony asks about their weight, either wait till later chapters, or read The Scent series by Distorted Flare.
2716327 Good I really didn't want to see more rape, and he in Equestria should be enough to shake things a bit, hmmm perhaps even change some things, now that he is an alicorn and a male one he can transform the matriarch dynasty into a due dynasty with men and woman with equal rights
All in all, the story is good. I personally wouldn't have picked an alicorn (if only because I have a long standing affiliation with dragons), but that was your choice.
Looking over the first couple of chapters, there seems to be a bit of an over use of the time skip mechanic. Kind of breaks the flow of the story a bit.
Another thing,(just a pet peeve. If it works then use it) is that several characters share the same paragraph of speech. It may add a little more flow to have a new paragraph with a signifier for the character speaking even if the paragraph is shorter.
The use of videos to show what happens gives it less of a personal touch. Just something I would want to change so I could use words to better show what the characters are doing.
The last thing that bugs me a little is the use of jargon such as the term CMC for cutie mark crusaders. This is more than likely just a peeve from all the reports I have to write and proof read for my job, but if it works then use it.
Over all, it's a good story. It has flaws like everything, but definitely has potential to be good. I'd rate it a 3.5/5. (note that a 3.0 to me is average. My personal rating system is based on story, structure and grammar.)
MORE
Like I said 99.8% of the tears came from fluttershy and its only the 2nd chapter(good chapter by the way)
How did I know he'd take a name Luna would like?
So he is a 5 feet tall colt and apparently at age 21 you are still consider a colt? How big and how old did ponys get before consider adults?
2713651
It's easier to just read The Scent: Lust of Mares, but basically, ponies live twice as long as humans. Where 18 could be an adult for us, they're not an adult until at lest 36. As for the how big, the average pony is 7ft, while Celestia is 9ft, and before anypony asks about their weight, either wait till later chapters, or read The Scent series by Distorted Flare.
274198
Yeah I read it, hope the hole matriarchal thing is not that strong in your story, that Story got really dark really quick
2714212
It'll be a bit heavy, but it won't be as dark. Most of the dark will be coming from our bad boy, if that wasn't obvious enough.
2716327
Good I really didn't want to see more rape, and he in Equestria should be enough to shake things a bit, hmmm perhaps even change some things, now that he is an alicorn and a male one he can transform the matriarch dynasty into a due dynasty with men and woman with equal rights
2716336
Maybe, but he'll have to get them off their high horse(pun intended) if he wants to have even a shot at the spot.
2716559
he rip a legion of diamonds dogs like they were made of paper…yeah something tell me he has a shoot
All in all, the story is good. I personally wouldn't have picked an alicorn (if only because I have a long standing affiliation with dragons), but that was your choice.
Looking over the first couple of chapters, there seems to be a bit of an over use of the time skip mechanic. Kind of breaks the flow of the story a bit.
Another thing,(just a pet peeve. If it works then use it) is that several characters share the same paragraph of speech. It may add a little more flow to have a new paragraph with a signifier for the character speaking even if the paragraph is shorter.
The use of videos to show what happens gives it less of a personal touch. Just something I would want to change so I could use words to better show what the characters are doing.
The last thing that bugs me a little is the use of jargon such as the term CMC for cutie mark crusaders. This is more than likely just a peeve from all the reports I have to write and proof read for my job, but if it works then use it.
Over all, it's a good story. It has flaws like everything, but definitely has potential to be good. I'd rate it a 3.5/5.
(note that a 3.0 to me is average. My personal rating system is based on story, structure and grammar.)
I LOVE IT