• Member Since 17th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 12th, 2019

Divide


Dead as a doornail since 2014

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At the brink of dawn, something crashes on the Everfree Forest, causing untold amounts of damage and displacing many creatures that called the dark and foreboding forest their home. When the dust settles, a massive construct of metal is revealed to be the perpetrator.

Lyra Heartstrings, as well as the rest of Ponyville, approach the ominous edifice only to find there's something inside...

...And that something really doesn't like ponies investigating its home.


This is a one-shot, alternate perspective to the events that occur in the first chapter of Unknown. (Subject to change)
Original cover image by Huussii before Swedish Royal Guard edited it. Thanks!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 81 )

I'm the only one to open this so far and it already has 11 likes.

Wat. :twilightoops:

Edit: few seconds later, reload page.

37 views.

There we go.

2686287
Refrain from commenting on which number your comment is, please.

I look forward to future chapters! :pinkiehappy:

The way you wrote the human's dialogue is simply the most wonderful thing I have ever read. It brought a tear to my eye.

This is gonna answer some questions.

Wouldn't it make more sense to keep this part of the original story? Why the branch off? Just a question.

I would've done it by making maybe every other chapter go from human to pony POV or add a horizontal line to show perspective change.

Aside from the odd arrangement, it is interesting, although I can't say the ponies are very smart. Humans would've know the ship was crashed after like two seconds. But oh well, I guess they don't have epic sci fi like we do. Yay sci fi. :rainbowwild:

Hmm, Six... So the darkness is your ally? I was born in it. Molded by it...

Cheesy Bane references aside, I like how you presented Lyra's personality in this fic. When I saw Lyra Heartstrings as the main character, I pictured a crazy mare with an unkempt mane, googly eyes, and a Pinkamena-esque grin plastered onto her face galloping to the Jugg (as fast as a person who comments just to put the number of comment they are, I might add) and hugging him, babbling incoherently to him, and generally being a nuisance to him until he becomes tired of her antics and either shoots her or runs away, albeit very slowly. Good work on avoiding the mainstream. I know that I'm a big HiE fan, but seeing the overused concept of Lyra knowing everything from complex human anatomy to our most advanced technology gets particularly grating on the nerves and wholly tiresome.

Are the Mane Six going to make an appearance at any point in this story? I'm kinda missing Twi's overall nerdiness and fascination with everything, and Dash's ego that's big enough to be an eighth wonder of the world. Perhaps Twilight can help bridge the communication gap. And Dash can... well... fly around and perform aerobatics that Six will probably ignore.

Maybe Lyra can use her lyre to, I don't know, convey feelings or at least relate to Six on the concept of music. Lord knows he needs an ally of some sort in this land, excluding the girl, whose fate will be determined by whether Storyteller is in a good mood or not.

Feels a bit like Arrow 18 Mission Logs, what with a human POV and a second story dedicated to another POV.

Get back to the Jugg! NOW!
*whipcrack*

Though the Lyra perspective intrigues me...

OOOOO, this looks to be good:yay:

I must say, you write very well.:moustache:
And I'm loving the panic the ponies are going into :yay:, right up until hysteria that is.:trixieshiftleft:

Looking forward to more!:pinkiehappy:

I don't normally read Human fics, but you make this seem intrusting. Keep up the good work,

and as always MOAR!!!

Wow. Less than three hours to top slot in the Feature Box. Nice job!

Nice implement on the way this story is told, I understand the pain of hearing the same story from two different perspectives, creative but confusing, but it is a way to do it. So meh, I'll wait to later to fave and like it, I now that this story will be good, but I have been fooled before.

Hmm this should be good not many decide to do an other side of the story at the same time so it's going to be interesting.

Will be watchin closely as I am working on a story from two different perspectives, and this story seems pretty awesome.

you can´t grab something telepathically what you mean is telekinetic

2687698
Oops. I knew that, but I guess I've been reading too many sci-fi novels...

You write very well, no matter the perspective. Keep it up: I will be quite interested in seeing how your characterization of Lyra plays out in the future.

Always fun to see a story unfold from other characters' POV.

*throws money at screen* GIVE ME THAT JUGG SUIT!

So he flys around in a borg cube with propellers? Did space logic just break or is this minecraft :trollestia:

2688997

Nope. Just Chuck Testa.

Kidding. 'Tis a CoD Juggernaut. It's linked to another story from Storyteller, Unknown. Sorry if I'm the bearer of bad news.

2689338 oh wow.....i just noticed that it said "This is an alternate perspective to the events that have and will occur in Unknown.":facehoof:

2689348

'S alright, man. Happens to the best of us.

2688894 Well, objects in space encounter no air resistance, so it doesn't matter if he flies in a giant cube, or a raindrop shaped one. I'm not sure if this is what the vehicle is designed for, as space-faring vehicles do not use propellers due to the same reason as why he can fly around in a cube. The jet engine would be unable to suck in the nonexistent air, and would stall.

2689772
The ship is designed for high-atmospheric travel; not quite space.

2689844 Actually, I just went back and realized I misread the part about the basic design being rectangular. The adjective adds a lot, doesn't it? :twilightblush:

God, I really suck at visualizing this kind of stuff. Still, this story seems intriguing. I'll make sure to save it and wait for future chapters to come. :pinkiehappy:

I am intrigued by the alternate perspectives approach and will be following both of these stories. It has been good so far , looking forward to more.

This is really just cherry picking on my part, but it's the first thing about your story people read. in your summary:

At the brink of dawn, something crashes on the Everfree Forest, causing untold amounts of damage and displacing many of the creatures that called the dark and foreboding forest their home. When the dust settles, a massive construct of metal is revealed to be the perpetrator.

I hope this helps. the way you have it just sounds weird.

2691638

You used the word 'home' twice in the same sentence. I try to avoid that while writing because it sounds nicer when you don't have to read the same word over again.

This absolutely scared the crap out of me when I first saw it. The title, the picture, a few sentences in the description and I was entirely expecting this to be based on that Zeebarf flash game "The Visitor". If you haven't played it, it's about a little alien space slug that consumes and takes the traits of it's victims. It lands on Earth via a little chunk of rock...Game Link

2689772
Its all Lunas fault the real reason they got there is because Luna turned off the lights while twilight was trying to flush the toilet next to the inter-dimensional grappling hook machine which happens to look a lot like a toilet also :twilightblush:

It'd be nice if you could make the latest updates happen at the same time. When we have two alternate versions of the story, I like to be able to see both sides showing the same events, not having one back in the first contact stage, and the other (a day or so?) later. Jumping between different chronological points in the story makes me (metaphorically, of course) dizzy, and I lose track of the plot. If you were already intending keep them in pace with eachother, then feel free to call me a moron.
Now that I'm done nitpicking imaginary errors, I will now say what I feel about the story as a whole.
...I'm pretty sure I was gonna write something cool here, but I forget what it was. Too busy thinking about how awesome you're story is.

Intrigued by both stories.
Good.

Darth Cygnus

Hmm this is certainly an interesting start.:moustache:

I can literally take a look at these stories and the order in which you write them and see the improvements with the naked eye. Keep up the good work!

2D

Getting some serious War Of The Worlds vibes from this mate, keep it up! :twilightsmile:

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