With all life in his world at stake, a long-time Pokémon Master challenges the progenitor of the fateful prophecy that threatens it. The resulting outcome of that event throws him across realities where he'll find even more world-ending calamities ahead of him.
The life of our would-be hero is not an easy one. But alongside a special little Eevee and a group of kind ponies who are used to saving the day, he might just be able to redeem himself of the sacrifices he had to make in order to save his world.
His adventure has more in store for him than just redemption, however, as it'll prove to be the stepping stone he'll need to grow as a person. If he is to save anyone in the way he truly wants to, then he'll have to learn to rely on others.
Chapters (10)
Haven't read it yet, but a quick correction in the summary:
"after deifying a powerful organization"
I think you mean "defying." To deify something means to view it as a god, which I doubt is what he did.
260865 what are you... a dictionary?
261067 you silly goose. It was a reference
261128
I guess they didn't see the "By: Team Magma Grunt" title huh.
All hail Maxie, leader of Team Magma!
i will stalk you........
260957
261067
LAWL! That's why I always read the comments! About the story: WOW! Good story bro, it's in my top 10 out of over 300 stories!
i don't know why but this chapter made me really sad probably because i was listening to sad music and was actually able to picture the situation going on. can't wait to read the next and future chapters definitely tracking!
Dammit, why lucario always gotta die!
Holy... Damn you came back to this after so long. Where have you been?
11347952
All over the place my friend.
I got to write professionally for a while and then life took me in all sorts of directions until it finally quieted down.
Started writing again so I could finish the stories I was most fond of, for some recreational practice. But oof, this is gonna be a long one.
11348029
Welcome back to it.
Ill give it a follow.
Monk
So I read the current 3 chapters... its a good story so far, when I saw that this was a Pokémon in Equestria story I thought it was gonna be one without a human in it... personally disappointed.... but it's still a good story and I think I'll keep reading regardless.
11350478
Shucks, sorry to hear that.
I hope my future revisions of the story don't further that disappointment as I have some special plans for all ponies, humans and pokemon in hand. Honestly, I'm just glad to have people discuss my work so I thank you for wanting to keep up with my story despite everything!
End of chapter 2 makes no sense.
God pops out of nowhere and the kid, who spent the entire story running lost and confused. Looses his mind and starts screaming at the god. The god who is standing there. Doing nothing. "How dare you! I'll stop you!"
From doing what exactly? The kid doesn't know why the god is there. He has no idea what the god is even doing. He is just pissing off the god for no apparent reason.
The god then spews off nonsense and blasts the area with a beam. Again, for no apparent reason.
And the kid who Im thinking suffers narcolepsy because no one healthy passes out this often without serious medical issues, passes out yet again.
I mean, the story in and of itself is good, but the last part of the chapter just makes no sense to me.
The kids screaming "I screwed up al your plans!"
What plans? The kid has no idea why the god is even there. Hell, the god hardly said anything,
Am I the only one confused?
Monk
11351834
Aw dip, I thought I had written it pretty well to explain most of it. I left most of the explanations up until that point be in the way of contextual clues but maybe that wasn't the safest ways to storytell.
Wow, first chapter and you made the scene so vivid and fluid. It's carnage and destruction that laid itself like a open wound. Your descriptions and use of words are extremely impressive, I honestly wasn't expecting such a well set scene for just the first chapter. I will say it was odd for him to be exhausted then stand up to call out to his pokemon and then, y'know, walking up stairs. Although it's the pokemon world I guess so I can excuse it. Amazing set up for the area though, truly something to marvel at.
11351834
i think the egg becoming literal god, is a reference to how in the beginning of the Pokemon Universe, there was an egg, which was Arceus.
11356554
Nice catch! Was waiting for someone to piece that tidbit together!
If pets are becoming Pokemon... then what has Celestia's Philomena become?
Tempted to write the obvious answer in... If you catch this comment and don't see it in the future, that's probably why!
11371519
Torchic?
11384211
That’s a pretty good guess! For the size Philomena is. But there is two other pokemon that the whole “phoenix” thing works better for, and are more fit to be the Princess of the Sun’s pokemon...
It would be so outlandish and out there tho, haha!
fantastic chapter
...he forgot about the egg he woke up with. You know the one containing a literal god
11390158
He was hungry too. Could’ve made a mean omelet.
Oh well, I’m sure the egg has no more role to play in all this and it won’t just boomerang back somehow. That’d be a lazy gimmick to write in.
11390200
Nope and at this point it's a toss up on how long before such thing's pop up again. For this 10 minutes and 1 chapter later so go figure and here I was thinking I stumbled onto another author's plot hole. No just broken balls, madness, temperament gods that want to do thinks by there standards instead of just yeeting there problems off conveniently placed cliff and a thing most people with Eevees would love that they could do just without the added pain
11390291
Bit of a risky way to write yeah? I need to retake lessons on how 2 foreshadow for dummies. I’m feeling like that whole egg-bit was kinda forced, but it’s probably too late to change it.
And for a lot of other things throughout the story too. Especially as I keep adding to the building blocks for the plot. Unique detail after detail. Like Eve’s powers, Eve’s moveset, game/anime/manga lore, hidden story threads, etc.
I see it as a consequence for adapting and rewriting this story in 2022 from it’s original 2012 version. But maybe that’s just me not being able to handle writing such a long saga.
11390349
No idea but your doing better then most of us. I have had plenty of idea's with some being rather unique at the time but lacked the confidence to actually wright about any of them
Nice hope to see more you almost had me there when I thought you turned spike into a axew
Such a sad beginning, Beautiful
You know I can't not NOT, do it right?
But is seems I cannot find the meme on good ole yt anymore, but if ya know ya know.
11394704
I’ve seen lots of memes about it, but a full youtube video? Oh you gotta find it and show it to me if you can!
media.discordapp.net/attachments/349415237612470274/1030899988508712982/unknown.png
media.discordapp.net/attachments/349415237612470274/1030900122659340318/Youaboyorgirlsourceimgur_be9b04_4858197.png?width=966&height=676
11394730
Nope, can't find that even if I tried (I did), So let me put it into words and action.
That's the gist of it anyway, the video would have been just 5 seconds or under.
So far, I am enjoying this story, with one exception; the relationship between Emile and the Mane 6 was incredibly rushed. I mean, there was no development. They went from total strangers to practically family in an instant.
Other than that, I love the mystery you're building up. I can't wait for more.
11400579
Thank you for giving me your honest feedback!
I see where you're coming from. It's quite hard to talk about relationships and their natural progression with so many moving parts for this story. It's been one massive balancing act. The way I saw it when I wrote it was "the ponies are naturally kind-hearted and caring, which is their marketable difference from humans". Following the tone of the show and how they'd likely act in the face of a new friend struggling like this. They wouldn't abandon him outright.
I also never considered them as close as family so this idea never presented itself to me in the chapters. No one has really commented much on my story, or given me worthy pointers/opinions, so this story is getting written essentially in a vacuum.
The way I see it as of now, the mane six are still angry with his reckless attitude, and the only reason why they're following Emile's lead is because of their drawn-together, nessecary friendship. Emile is a veteran of his world and the creatures that are threatening theirs. I tried to indicate this feeling when they refused to heal his broken arm to teach him a lesson, and also when he had to swallow his pride to ask for their help.
That's how I tried showing the distance that still exists between them, but understandably it's probably not enough or wasn't very direct. The tone being rated E, it's hard to show amicability without it feeling like that's the case. I'll keep it mind for the future when I touch upon each mare's unique role they'll play in the story.
11400594
That's truly a shame. My own writing has improved by leaps and bounds thanks to people's criticism and advice. It's the best thing about writing stories with comment sections (that and laughing at people trying to be assholes against my US Navy hardened skin. Seriously, we were dicks to each other.)
I should have mentioned I actually like Twilight's attitude toward him. He is being very reckless, even if he has good intentions and it's refreshing to see one of the ponies actually getting on the MC about their bad choices. It does go a little too far at times, but not by much.
Personally, I hate writing in 'E' rating, simply because I feel it's far too limiting (and I tend to be kinda mean to the ponies (in my defense, it makes the happy endings sweeter if they go through hell)). With that restriction you've been doing great. Like I said, everything else has been great.
11400626
Aw shucks, mighty thanks for the kind words. Much love
I stick to E like glue since I've grown up all my life with young adult novels, with my favorites being the likes of Cressida Cowell's How to Train Your Dragon and Anne McCaffrey's Dragonsong. I have a hard time writing awful stuff myself as a pretty big wallflower. I tend to give all my villains good intentions in the face of their bad ones, worthy reasons to do what they do and such because its hard for me to stomach a reality where there could be a creature of pure evil just to be evil.
Sometimes they're nessecary for a story, but it's not my M.O. And yeah, a lot of writers do a lot better with being able to contrast and elevate their work by writting about those adult topics. It's okay. I've made my peace with my writing style.
It's actually been a hot decade since I originally wrote this story. I've written several young adult novels myself that have seen digital releases and even one book that saw store shelves. Eventually I returned to my casual writing since I like it and always wanted to give this story of mine a proper conclusion.
Just kinda wish I still had my editor. I feel like a spoiled toddler that never learned to clean up after my own wordy spaghetti art. Even with simple things like grammar.
Watch your typing, normal type moves doesn't affect ghost types, even if it is a status move... also, screech is an area move, it affects all pokemon in the field (except the one who used)
11407111
Thanks for the heads up. Seems I learned something today. Mostly since Screech is so rare on Pokemon. Was always under the impression even normal status-types worked on Ghosts. Considering the Show's logic. Shows how little I used Stat-down moves in the games... Trying to keep to double-battle game logic will be a lot, but I'll keep it in mind for the future. For now, the narrative won't get hurt if I swap it to something else. Confuse-ray probably.
11407133
You could make your pokemon or another use Odor Sleught, it makes a pokemon lose type immunity, (it becomes resistant instead), although this is a normal type status move, this move ignores type immunity. (Tepig is able to learn this move naturally)
11407135
I did think to use it with Teah to add more action sequences and prolong the battle by having it use tackle or perhaps role-out at some point, but it seemed better to keep moving along with the story. There's also that unnamed third party that used Foresight, but realistically, those moves sound like they'd only affect the individual 'mon and not an ally even if that's technically not the case. Raises a lot of questions for ghost type Pokemon composition too that I'm not able to answer.
Speaking of, totally meant to write flame charge instead of flame crash for Teah.
11407138
When in doubt, consult Bulbapedia
FYI 'fauna' are animals. 'Flora' are plants. So, when this bit hapens;
I can't help but imagine a pile of squirrels just plopped in the path.
11416881
I knew something was bugging me. Nice catch! Haha. Considering how much I play No Man's Sky, I should've known better.
And that's a funny idea. Tempted to keep it that way.
"He tried to get him to eat several times. He even tried opening Eevee's mouth gently and placing the slice of apple in its mouth in hopes it would eat it by instinct." - Never do this in reality! If person or animal is unconscious you have a chanse to kill them. No one know how their body react on this, so its like russian roulette
"the pony Pokemon" - sounds like horse Animal for me.
"Oh yes, it seemed like it had a fever, so I gave the poor thing some medicine. It got better almost immediately, so now it just needs a little rest." She gave unknow animal some medicine? Ah, russian roulette, here we go again! BUT! In original story we saw how on different pokemons use one spray, sooo, I dont know.
I like your story but this small mistakes for me as vet...
11434044
I apologize if this offends you. It was not my intention. This was written in 2012 when I was a teen, and I used a lot of common knowledge from real life anecdotes and Pokemon throughout the entire anime and manga series, where characters could be seen giving their ailing Pokemon small, chewed up or digestable foods a lot throughout. Namely out of desperation which was the emotion I was trying to convey.
This happened on a multitude of occassions, the most famous being Ash to a withered celebi in the movie or a hurt pikachu many times in the show.
I'm not a vet, so I used what I knew of taking care of animals. I've personally seen other people and even veternarians induce those foods on animals to get them to eat despite lacking apetite, though perhaps not unconcious like this I must admit.
Also, Fluttershy and the rest believed Eevee was a fox. A strange looking one, perhaps, but a fox nonetheless.
I only ask that you to suspend your disbelief since I'm not infallible with my knowledge, and these are not real animals. Even the ponies and animals of Equestria aren't the same as reality.
I can try to amend it by forcibly stating a PSA if you want.
11434062
No, no! This isn't offends me! It's your story and your power to tell what is true or not. As I said before, I like your story and keep reading because your story in the "Human isn't doormat" group.
Unless I'm missing something, fighting type moves shouldn't work on ghost types.
11536330
It was a single line, so it was probably easy to miss.
Oh! I also forgot to mention. Looking it up, it seems status moves do affect ghost types since they generally ignore types altogether, like confuse ray working on normal and fighting types. There's only a few cases where it doesn't work, like thunder wave vs ground/electric types, or spore status moves vs other grass types. At the very least, I was initially correct to assume Screech worked on ghosts, going off of game rules. I think I remember seeing it work in the manga too at one point.
But its okay. I blame Pokemon co. for not being concise. ESPECIALLY for early generations. This story is turning out to be half plot, half wiki scrounging.
God, I hate that explaination on how Pokeball work.
11591515
That's how it was recently explained in Pokemon Legends: Arceus, unfortunately.