Celestia's Tiny Student
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Prologue
The presence of judgement pressed down on Twilight Sparkle like a thick woolen blanket in the stifling examination room, made only worse by the eyes of the four older ponies who looked down on her with matching frowns. The air was filled with the smell of failure, sweat, and tears of the previous candidates for a treasured place in Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. Fillies and colts ahead of her had vanished into this room, taken their test, and left to a different room as not to disturb the next candidates, but Twilight could tell from the still smoldering marks on the walls how badly they must have performed. The only friendly faces in the room were her own parents, standing in their appointed places with identical nervous smiles pasted on their faces. They had placed so much faith in her abilities, and now that the test to hatch a dragon egg had begun, she couldn’t even make a spark with her horn.
She was going to fail.
"Well, Miss Sparkle?" a stern looking mare said impatiently, waking up the filly from her thoughts.
Twilight trembled, feeling a sudden weakness in her knees. She smiled awkwardly at the instructors, only to flinch under their stern glare. Failing this test would mean she wouldn’t be accepted into the school, and she had no idea how to proceed. Despite her ever-present fear of failure she started to cast spell after spell, trying to heat the egg but with no avail.
Searching her mind for anything useful she read about, she cast another spell, leaving a hardly noticeable mark on the egg. Her heart started to beat faster, sweat dripping from her face as she tried to cast the advanced spells she had read about, but she was unable to produce even a spark of magic. In a final act of desperation she jumped on the egg, despite the fact that the heat of her fur was nowhere near warm enough to affect the lava-proof egg.
She sighed mournfully and said with quiet voice, “I’m sorry for wasting your time.”
Resisting the urge to cry, she shut her eyes, closing herself into her thoughts. My mom and dad... they believed in me, and I failed. I’ve disappointed them in front of all these important ponies.
She quickly glanced at the instructors. The pens in their magical auras were writing in their notebooks at alarming speeds, the combined scratching of their pens sounding so much like tiny voices whispering, "Fail. Fail. Fail." She lowered her head and stared at the floor instead, unable to look at their stern expressions anymore and too afraid to see the almost certainly disappointed looks on her parents’ faces.
The stern mare finished, setting her pen down on her notepad as she looked up at the examinee. “Well, Miss Sparkle,” she said, her voice warmer and much less harsh, “I have good n—”
A sudden reverberating explosion blared in the distance. Twilight whipped around to look out the window, her eyes wide as a great wave of multichromatic light surged across the city of Canterlot, a deep thunderous rumble following in its wake. Before she could even ponder the phenomenon she had just witnessed, alien sensations swept through her. Her magic surged, the power coursing through her body like water, building and building up until it was finally forced to find a way out of its vessel.
Her vision blurred as it swirled through her eyes. Her muscles and bones began to ache, and her horn burned as she was lifted from the floor in a blazing glow of pure white, shooting out shimmering bolts of magic only half visible to the filly as they flew off in random directions.
The room seemed backlit in strobes of violet and magenta as she writhed around, trapped in the bubble of magic that engulfed her. Power sprayed out of her horn in an unstoppable fountain of spells, but the pressure building up inside her head made her feel as if she were about to explode.
What’s happening to me? What am I doing?
The flow of magic only strengthened as she attempted to stop it and control what was happening to her. Every attempt was overwhelmed by unspeakable agony as the magic built up, only to explode out into the world even stronger than before. Through her clouded mind, she barely registered the hatching of the dragon egg, and the precipitous growth of the purple and green hatchling, crashing easily through the roof of the exam room. She barely perceived the startled yelps of her parents and the two cacti that now stood where they once did.
Stop… P-please… S-somepony, please, m-make it stop.
Twilight had never been so terrified in her life. The helpless instructors gasped as the young filly cast spells far beyond anything they could have imagined her capable of, and they could only watch in terror as the power began to consume her.
It may have been almost a thousand years, but I still remember this magic, this powerful, harmonious sensation.
Is this even possible? Are they finally...
The magical light streaming out from the tower windows above Princess Celestia was far too similar to the rainbow burst of magic in the sky to be a coincidence. Whatever was happening up there did not look good, and it needed to be immediately investigated before somepony got hurt.
The head of a dragon burst through the roof without warning, and Celestia looked on in horror as ponies around her started to scream and flee in terror from the large beast. Ready to defend her subjects, Princess Celestia flew up into the air, before she noticed something different with this beast; his eyes showed innocence, fear, and confusion, like that of a newborn.
The power coursing through the examination room was obviously to blame for the dragon's premature growth, and her eyes widened in alarm as she noticed wild surges flaring through the magical aura in explosive bursts and uncontrolled flashes. With a flick of her powerful wings, she dove through the narrow gap between dragon and intact roof, flaring her wings out to land inside.
A wave of relief cut through the panicked examiners the moment Princess Celestia landed softly inside the room. Rubble had fallen everywhere due to the prematurely aged dragon having burst through the ceiling, but the princess ignored the wreckage and went straight for Twilight, resting a hoof on the terrified filly’s shoulder.
The little unicorn turned around, trembling uncontrollably as she looked at the princess, her eyes streaming with power. Celestia returned the look with an encouraging smile as she analyzed the situation. Much to the princess’s horror, the poor filly was unable to stop the energy pouring from her body, occasionally giving a cry of pain.
"Her life is in danger. I have to do something quickly!"
With no time to waste, she spread her wings and wrapped them around the panicked unicorn, using her durable alicorn body to safely absorb the destructive bolts from the filly’s magic surge as she racked her mind for a long-term solution.
I could teleport everypony out of this room—or even from the school—and wait until the magic surge ends naturally, but at this rate, the school might collapse on top of her before that happens. There must be some way to drain this filly’s magic and reduce the damage to both her and her surroundings.
Celestia’s eyes lit up with an idea. That’s it! I can use the filly's magic surge as fuel for a shrinking spell. With her size reduced and her magic drained, the surge would end much sooner, and the damage caused by her would be minimal, she thought as her horn flashed with power. The spell she was about to cast required a great deal of magic and concentration, but despite being constantly struck by magic bolts, she didn’t dare lose her focus. After a moment, she cast her spell on the terrified filly.
Celestia carefully monitored the results of her spell, watching closely as the little unicorn shrank more and more, her magical surge draining into the shrinking spell she had created centuries ago during the war against the griffins. Unfortunately, only she and a few others had both the power and the skill to cast it, and to make matters worse, it used the target’s own power as fuel. Unless the target was willing to cooperate, or was experiencing an uncontrolled magic surge, the spell would do absolutely nothing.
The filly looked up at Celestia with fear and confusion in her eyes, though they were no longer bursting with magic. She soon fell unconscious as her surge burnt itself out, and the bright corona of light finally faded. After Celestia determined that the filly had stopped shrinking, she cast a counter-spell to reverse the effects of the surge, returning the dragon to his original size and transforming the two plants next to her back into ponies.
An age spell, transformation spell, even enough magic to hatch a dragon egg. Magic surge or not, this filly has incredible potential, perhaps even too much for her own good.
So small and fragile, yet so powerful. It would be for the best if I take her under my wing for now, so I can help her learn how to control her power. The princess laid down in front of the small filly, bringing her face to ground level to get a better look as she cast a scanning spell. Her magical reserves are very low, but thankfully her body was barely injured.
Celestia cast a quick healing spell on the shrunken pony, sending a warm wave of magic through the filly's body, and, after a moment, Twilight began to stir. The princess could see a pair of tiny eyes slowly open, quickly focusing on her face as she loomed over the shrunken unicorn, who quickly jumped back in shock.
Poor thing. She must be terrified. Celestia’s smile slowly vanished as the tiny pony seemed to be struck petrified by fear. After a few moments of silence, the terrified foal dropped down to make herself smaller, quivering as she cowered under her forelegs.
Celestia frowned. Her magic surge was far more powerful than I’d thought possible. The shrinking spell managed to reduce her mass a hundredfold before it ran out of power, making her just barely larger than a mouse.
"Hello, my little pony. Please don’t be afraid. I’m not going to hurt you," said Celestia in a calm, motherly voice as she thought about the irony of the situation. She often called her subjects her ‘little ponies’, but this was the first time she’d said it to a filly smaller than her own snout. The filly’s parents, stunned and speechless after being turned into plants were still trying to comprehend what had just happened while wondering why the princess was talking to some purple bug. Slowly returning to their senses, they looked around the room, scanning it in search for their daughter.
The terrified filly slowly opened her eyes, looking up into the huge eyes of the princess with a fearful expression. "Y-you won't?" she squeaked, the words getting stuck in her throat.
"Of course not. Why would you ever think I would hurt you in the first place?" Celestia was determined to comfort this terrified little filly after her terrible fright, and tried to put as much reassurance into her voice as possible. The very idea of hurting any pony, let alone this tiny helpless filly, was impossible to imagine.
"B-because I didn't stop... I made you b-big... Please don't be m-mad..."
"Oh no, my little pony, you are quite mistaken. You didn’t increase my size," Celestia said, giving her a cheerful smile and a giggle. "It was I who shrunk you."
"You... shrunk me?" the filly said hesitantly, attempting to comprehend the situation. “I... understand. This is my punishment for destroying the test room." She sniffed, lowering her nose almost to the floor. "And attacking the teachers. And turning my parents into plants. And at-attacking y-you." She sniffled again, her voice dropping to near silence. "At least I won't take up much space in the dungeon."
Celestia felt sadness well up inside her chest. The poor filly had not only experienced a terrifying magical surge at such a young age, but was expecting to be punished for it. "Oh, no my dear," she said. "I am not going to punish you. It was not your fault for losing control over your powers. That could have happened to anypony. You are a very special unicorn with power far greater than others of your age, and I just shrunk you to help you deal with the magic surge and to ensure your safety and safety of the ponies around you. It was not a punishment." She stressed her last sentence, sounding almost apologetic.
Realization struck the filly’s stunned parents, Twilight Velvet and Night Light eyes widening in shock as they knelt down in front of their daughter and lowered their heads to the ground. "Twilight, is that you?" Night Light asked hesitantly.
Twilight turned around to face her humongous parents, but she resisted jumping back in fear. She would never be afraid of them, no matter how big they were. "Yes," she answered slowly with a nod.
"Oh, my little filly. Whatever happened to you?" Twilight Velvet asked, still unable to completely comprehend the situation.
"I... I was a bad filly. I could have hurt other ponies, so the princess made me t-tiny," Twilight's voice squeaked quietly as she talked, and Celestia suppressed a highly inappropriate giggle at the mental picture that came to mind of a little purple mouse with a tiny horn. With guilt and pity taking over, Celestia just shook her head ever so slowly as Twilight’s mother responded in her stead.
“Oh, no! It wasn't your fault, dear. Please don't blame yourself." Twilight Velvet turned to Celestia, trying to bow and finding that almost impossible to do since she was already on her knees to talk to her daughter. Instead, she bobbed her head slightly and asked, "Could you… Your Highness?”
Celestia thought for a moment before answering. "I would like to return her to her normal size, but I’m unsure that would be wise. Your daughter has an immense amount of magic inside her, far more than she can control at this point in her life," she explained calmly, saddened at what lay in the filly’s future. “She is going to have more magic surges, possibly even more destructive than this one. As long as she is under the shrinking spell and my direct supervision, we can catch these surges with a minimum of danger to her and any surrounding buildings."
A few roof tiles took the opportunity to slip through the hole in the ceiling and shatter on the stone floor a short distance away. Celestia gestured at the devastated room. "It's painfully obvious how much damage her surges can do at this young age. As she grows, they will only become more destructive. She will be a danger to herself and everypony around unless properly trained on how to control her power. As much as I wish your daughter could have a normal life, I cannot put her and those around her at risk."
"But, Your Highness!" Night Light replied desperately, turning to face the princess. "Our daughter can’t stay the size of a bug. What if somepony accidentally steps on her? What if she has an accident? Just look how small and fragile she is now." He pointed out his hoof at his daughter, who was silently observing their conversation, now trembling more from exhaustion than from fear.
"Couldn’t you just make her a little bit bigger? At least big enough so that nopony would step on her by mistake?" Twilight Velvet pleaded, her pained expression mirroring her internal turmoil.
Celestia paused for a moment before shaking her head sadly. "I am afraid that’s not how the shrinking spell works. This spell uses its target’s magic as fuel, and should I cast the spell on her before she can learn to stem the flow of her magic...” Celestia sighed and lowered her head, “it will simply draw freely from the energy of her magical surge. The stronger the surge, the smaller she will become. I am afraid that until she learns how to control her power, she must stay that way.”
But before she could let Twilight's parents say anything more, Celestia spoke again, "Please don’t worry. I can ensure your daughter's safety and teach her how to control her power. With your permission of course, if you will grant it.” She looked into Night Light and Twilight Velvet’s eyes while lowered to their heads level as she awaited their answer.
Twilight’s parents were lost in thought until Night Light broke the silence. "B-but we can’t let you take our daughter when she needs us the most. Will you be able to take care of her better? Will you love her more than we, her own parents?" Night Light asked hesitantly before adding, “Shelter and education is not enough.”
Celestia looked to the side and spoke with saddened expression, "I won’t deny it, I will never be able to love your daughter as much as you, but I will care for her the best I can.” She raised her head and continued with regal voice, “I have the resources and knowledge to train, house, and protect your daughter. I’ll be very careful with my new student and make her feel loved. You have my word."
Before Twilight Velvet could speak, they heard a quiet, raspy, and yet excited voice, squeaking at their hooves. "Yeees yes yes yes yes ye-es y-yes!" chanted Twilight, stammering slightly as her excitement fought against her exhausted body.
Twilight's parents and new mentor looked down to the floor, and saw the tiny purple filly bouncing happily in a small circle at their hooves, still repeating her mantra of success. All three could barely stop themselves from embarrassing the filly with a simultaneous “Awww.”
“Considering our daughter’s opinion and for the sake of her future,” Twilight Velvet replied with a warm smile. “We would be honored to have you take care of Twilight and teach her as your student. My husband and I will visit as often as we can.”
Her smile quickly disappeared, replaced by a stern and threatening expression. "But I swear as her mother, even if you are the Princess of Equestria, if you hurt our daughter or let anypony hurt her, I will hold you responsible," Twilight Velvet stated, her voice low, yet determined. She finished with a small cough and made a quick bow toward the princess. With an innocent smile, she finally turned to her husband, who was staring at her, his mouth wide open.
Unoffended by the threat, Celestia lowered her head to the bouncing little filly, who looked up at her with her tiny eyes as she began to bounce higher, as if trying to reach her face. With a careful swing of her wing, she moved it under Twilight the moment she jumped again, now slowly moving her upwards to her face. She smiled as the filly kept bouncing on the wing as if it was a trampoline, still so energetic despite her dangerously powerful magic surge.
Twilight looked into her future mentor’s giant eyes, trembling and slightly unstable on her hooves, but barely able to contain her excitement. "I cannot believe you’re going to teach me! I’m so happy, I’m s-so happy!" the filly yelled with a joyous bound before landing unceremoniously on her face in the layers of feathers.
Celestia stood back to her hooves and carefully levitated her new student onto her back, the fuzzy purple ball soon concealing itself within her soft fluffy white fur. She cast small, magical ropes no larger than a thread around the sleeping filly, careful not to wake her up as she lightly tightened them enough to keep the filly from falling off.
“Did you notice?” Celestia whispered to Twilight’s parents, who now looked back with confused expressions. “Your daughter got her cutie mark. It’s very small and I didn’t notice it until she fell asleep,” Celestia whispered, careful not to disturb the sleeping filly as Twilight’s parents came closer for a better look, just now noticing the tiny magenta star surrounded by five little white flecks no larger than specks of paint on their daughter’s flank.
“That’s wonderful, Princess,” Twilight Velvet exclaimed excitedly before quickly covering her mouth with a hoof. When she spoke again, her voice was much quieter, “My apologies... would you tell this to our daughter when she wakes up?”
“I will, once she recovers. As for now, I will need to put her to bed and take care of the mess in here, but I will ensure her safety. You have my promise. Goodbye Twilight Velvet, Night Light. It was a pleasure to meet you.” As Princess Celestia was about to take her leave from the classroom, Night Light moved to block her way. “Is there anything else you wished to ask of me?”
Night Light nodded his head, his expression serious, “Yes, Your Highness,” he whispered. “It’s about the test that our daughter had to pass, the test that caused her magic surge in the first place.”
Celestia gave him a slight nod, not surprised at the topic.
“With all due respect, but hatching a dragon egg with magic would be a hard task, even for my wife and me, and I doubt that even the most experienced teachers from your school would have an easy time accomplishing it,” he said quietly, taking a deep breath before giving the princess a piercing glare. “How could you expect something like this from a filly?”
Much to his confusion, the princess just chuckled lightly before giving him a warm smile, “I would never expect a filly to accomplish such a difficult task.” With a quick look at the tiny unicorn on her back, she added, “Your daughter passed before even attempting this test.
Night Light blinked rapidly before stammering out, “But… then why?”
“It was a test of character. To see how students react when given an impossible task,” Celestia said, looking at the notes scattered over the floor, most likely abandoned by the terrified instructors. With a levitation spell, the princess brought them over to herself, ordering them swiftly into a neat pile. “I will be sure to check those notes. Maybe they will help me to understand how to teach your daughter in the best way possible.”
She smiled warmly at the two parents. “Is there anything else?”
They shook their heads, bowing slightly. With a brief nod, she passed them and walked slowly out of the exam room towards her castle. She drew many curious eyes as she left the school grounds, though a few were more interested in the wreckage at the school. With a swift gesture of her hoof, the crowd left a passage for her and bowed, not noticing the tiny filly resting on the princess’s back as Celestia considered the day’s events.
That rainbow-colored wave and Twilight Sparkle’s powerful magic surge couldn't have been just a coincidence; there are strong signs here of the Elements of Harmony, perhaps trying to find candidates for new bearers. If my theory is correct, I will have the next thirteen years to train this filly to become one of the new bearers. With that display of magical prowess, I would not be surprised if the Element of Magic chooses her when the time is right.
As for the other bearers, that rainbow wave will have touched the lives of a great number of potential candidates. I will have to track down whoever made it, as well as any other potential bearers linked to it. When the time comes, they’ll need to be close to the elements, perhaps in Ponyville. After creating her plan of action, she took a look up at the sky. Though her sun stood high today, it would soon give way to her sister’s moon, and Nightmare Moon would be back.
I finally have my chance to save you from your corruption, my sister. It has been so long, but your wait will be over soon.
First chapter.... Not bad. Nice addition of details.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Ooh! Having Fancy Pants in the know is a nice touch.
2760550
I tried to fix what many people complained, and also giving more information about how Celestia know so much about elements, I am glad that I and my editors succeed.
2760585
Fancy Pants is the only noble who care for Equestria, and what's more, he keep all arrogant and useless nobles in line. No one knows how much easier Celestia life has become thanks to him, so yea, from all ponies, he deserve to be trusted.
2760870
Well, I found it suspicious:
1) No pony ever did sonic rainboom before.
2) RainbowDash did it as a filly while having trouble to do it as a well trained adult/teenager ( so skills, speed, maturity have nothing to do with it )
3) Sonic Rainboom was made by a future bearer of elements of harmony.
4) When mane 6 use elements, they send a rainbow to strike enemy every time ( sonic rainboom is practically a rainbow wave, I fell connection ).
5) Sonic Rainboom woke up cutie mark in every element bearer, and affected only element bearer.
Far to many connections to ignore, so I decided to make it my head canon, and it also explain why Celestia expected Twilight to find the right ponies, become they friends and unlock elements after passing several trails ( maybe Celestia and Luna also had to pass trials like that before they unlocked elements ).
Now i have the image stuck in my head of a pixie sized Alicorn Princess Twilight
And then Velvet finds out about Celly stepping on Twilight by accident later.
...
Many guards were found knocked out. Celestia was found in the 'goat faint' position with a pair of black eyes. More guards trying to arrest Velvet for giving Celly a pair of shiners found themselves with matching ones.
...
Celestia pardons Velvet from the arrest when she regains consciousness. "Fuck that noise, I had it coming. XD"
2761607
I am sure that having ability to fly, ability to learn magic on much higher level and also gaining earth pony strength and stamina alongside alicorn endurance will help tiny Twilight on her tiny adventures.
2761636
Actually Celestia stomp on Twilight in chapter 6, but Twilight forgive her, so or Twilight never mentioned this accident to her mother, or she will beg her mother to not do something she may regret.
Also, I am sure Celestia feeling guilty after stomping on Twilight, would let Velvet to punch her or hit with magic how many times she will want, the problem is that Celestia have alicorn endurance, so Velvet will rather get tired then do any moderate damage to the princess.
ok that's really wired how i posted a comment on the old version of this and i still see it on the story's page but now it wont appear on here? guess that was just a wired timing i hit where i was reading the chapter as you were updating it.....
hm , well i didn't have any notable problems reading this , maybe your dialog for celestia was a bit wired just pointing out how you weren't raised to speak english , but man i wonder what the story looked like before all those edits from all those complaints ._.'......
I'm not too sure if I liked the new scene at the end, it felt pretty unecessary and only built up some fanon which served little purpose.
Otherwise, I found this re-edited chapter an improvement.
Liked the original better. Still good.
Nice rework on the prolog, well done.
This is much better than the original. Good show!
2762389
I unpublished original prologue as I found it no longer useful, but since prologue still exist ( just not published ), old comments still remain, just in case someone would want to check it.
2762781
Actually it will serve purpose in this story, just later on, as it explain what Celestia planned for elements, and it will inflict her action in future.
Good but, meh. I personally thinkthe original was better. Sorry just thought you would like the feedback.
god damn. your explanation as to why tia cant use the elements is really good. it makes a lot of sense. the elements turning against them and turning to stone when luna lost 3 on them. your creativity in that has earned a fave and ill keep reading to see what you come up with. keep up the good work.
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Thanks.
Also, fell free to comment on other chapters as well, since I have rather poor feedback at the moment.
While I do enjoy the explanation for the elements, I prefer your original, more detailed version of the exam, and the examiners thoughts
2814322
I liked the exam edits. But other than that you could have done away with the whole "Elements made me and my sister Alicorns" thing. Unless you are planning on making every Element Bearer an Alicorn than that could have been gotten rid of. I think the canon thing of "They are sisters, and have always been Alicorns" is better than the fanon of "Elements made us this way", or "We are physical incarnations of Celestial Bodies". Your version of the discord story felt forced, and was widely unneeded.
In the original where it covered Twilight in School, and right afterwards was good. Everything after the school in this story, took away from the story and felt unnecessary. That being said. I can't wait to see if she finds the other Element bearers, and how that'll tie in with this AU. I'll get to the next chapter later.
2853697
First off, it is not canon that Celestia and Luna were born alicorns or that they are alicorns because they are connected with Celestial bodies, this is just one of fanon theories, unless season 4 will not explain in details where Luna, Celestia and EoH come from, fanon/head-canon is all we have.
As for why I decided that Celestia and Luna became alicorns, the answer is simple, I do not want Twilight to be different than Celestia and Luna and Cadance, I do not like the idea that Celestia and Luna were born and live for hundreds of years while Twilight and Cadance were turned and that they will age as normal ponies, it just make Twilight inferior and I do not like it.
In my head-canon, alicorns are not born but they become ones, they are not superior rare race, but they are ponies who had to pass a lot of trials, challenges and hardship, and they require powerful artefacts, alicorns are like sages from my perspective.
In prologue I tried to show that Celestia and Luna were normal ponies who wanted to stop discord, ponies what survived a lot of dangerous trials and elements chosen then, than Discord took Celestia horn, Luna wings, and once again forced them to search for elements for many years. After so much sacrifice, elements turned than into alicorn so that they could resist Discord magic and defeat him once and for all, and because of this experience, Celestia know so much about elements, she know that elements may not activate unless Twilight and other possible bearers will not face some challenges what will test their characters, and Celestia may suspect that elements may turn element bearers into alicorns. However keep in mind that she suspect it, she does not know anything for sure.
So yes, Twilight, Celestia and Luna transformation into alicorns was result of harmony inside them, and in one of the chapters you will learn about how Cadance became one. The explanation I put in here is necessary for the story, and it is also a head-canon of my what I wish to use, so the only think I can do is try to explain it better, but not remove it.
I am looking forward to your further comments, also, keep in mind that chapter 6 and chapter 7 are being edited so they can fit into the story better, so at once point, I will release version 2, ( for now the only think I changed in chapter 7 was cutting of the flashback with Shining Armor meeting tiny Twilight, as the full scene will be in chapter 3 instead ).
So if you want you can wait with reading chapter 6 and 7 again until version 2 come out, and than compare them.
Okay... I'm having entirely too much fun interpreting this statement literally: "Every pegasus is equipped with an enchanted sword capable of cutting through any barrier, or rouge alicorn, if needed"
The closest thing Equestria has to a rouge alicorn is Princess Cadence, and she's pink, not rouge. Despite that minor difficulty, having specialized anti-Cadence weapons seems mean.
2760969 i didnt think about any of those but #3!!!!!!!
That was so cute it was deadly....
3082238
Glad you enjoyed it, hopefully other chapters will be just as enjoyable for you.
Okay, I'm through,. I do not understand why the prologue needs to be there.
The writing is actually fine. Your editors really did good work. I am impressed.
Now, issues. You do so much telling and not enough showing. You state so many things outright which either interrupt the flow of the story, or the audience could easily infer. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Show,_don%27t_tell
Everything in your writing style is given equal weight and focus. This makes it difficult for the reader to determine what needs their attention and what things are important in the story.
Example: I advise cutting out the parts with the judges. What's important is that Twiley has problems with magic. It doesn't matter what they're saying or writing, since the viewers already know what will happen. And it distracts from the main event of the scene.
Your story is adequately enjoyable. Keep on going.
3711504
Prologue underwent massive update. How's now?
This could use another proofread or two, there are a few grammatical mistakes. Nothing too big, and you didn't make any unpardonable sins.
4432901
Sigh...
If you found any mistakes and typos and know how to fix them, please point them out. Prologue has been edited, pre-readed and rewritten so many times, that at this point if someone tell me that it need even more, all I can do is to hit something with my head. Because no matter what I do, it will never be perfect.
4433010 Here is an inconclusive and unordered list of things I spotted.
There should not be an extra period after the quotation marks.
It should be "She often called her subjects her 'little ponies', but this was the first time she'd said it to a filly smaller than her own snout."
That was all I could find on a second speed-through. I apologize for not pointing out the specific errors I saw when I first commented, that was rude of me.
Pruzah avond.
Twilight Velvet and Night Light eyes widening their in shock as they knelt down in front of
I think this is a typo. Also, are this names taken from the fic were twlight is secretly the daughter of Chrysalis?
4438170 I think these names are generally agreed to be the names of Twilight's parents throughout the fandom. I've seen others, but these are what are generally used. Kinda like how Rainbow's mother is generally agreed to be named Firefly.
4456039 They are the official names of her parents as confirmed by the wiki
When I read the last part I pictured a tiny Twilight stamping her hoof and shouting, "I'm down here!" while Nightmare Moon is stealing the Elements.
4433010 OH MY GOD SHE'S SO ADORABLE!!!! I GIVE YOU FIVE HEARTS!!!!














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...
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But if you fail me I eat you're mortal soul!!!!
This should be Much to his confusion, the princess just chuckled lightly before giving him a warm smile, “I would never expect a filly to accomplish such a difficult task.” With a quick look at the tiny filly on her back, she added, “Your daughter passed before even attempting this test.”
The reason for this will become evident when you say the sentences out loud to yourselves, editors.
Heh. This is actually the most likely scenario for what happened in the canon, if you think about it. After all, all six elements of harmony just randomly being in the same town, on the date of the summer sun celebration? Now, I believe in coincidences, but it would be a coincidence for 2-3 of the elements being in Ponyville (not counting Twilight Sparkle, as she was sent to Ponyville by the Princess...further proof of this, if you think about it) and this earns Princess Celestia the following song:
you know what id really love to see a point in some of teh stories this makes have twilight returned to normal size
5704126 I agree and if you can. Do it for the running of the leaves. Why you ask well three reasons really. One the point of the running of the leaves is to make the leaves fall and that's kinda hard to do if you weigh about the same as a mouse. Two it would be a great opportunity for her to test her physical talents against the other athletes like AJ and RD. Lastly and the most impotantly I want to see there reaction to Twi's apearence when she's not small its bound to be funny and awesome
'Curt' is not the word I think you mean to use.
Curt means rude. 'Small' or 'brief' makes much more sense.
Well that's certainly a different take on "my little pony". The toys are life sized now!
hmm... just read ch 1 before going to ch2- i have to say, an interesting take on things. and it makes sense, considering dragon ball Z powers. as well as a number of others that suggest the body capable of only a certain limit of energy being held no matter how strong you are. yu yu hakusho for instance and the true spirit wave. i likely expect that to be the true inspiration, looked like hell on earth to go thru. but by this path, you implicate that she is likely more powerful than celestia in simple raw ability. many others implicate this as well. much like book 2 of stories in stone, having done what should have been impossible teleporting 100 guards 2 magic negating weapons and a tree from a field in ponyville to the canterlot throne room? clearly, implications are not subtle.
im looking forward to the shenanigans lol so far, its brought a smile to my face. i also like your reason for the egg test. I would definitely buy into that
6103810 lol nice xD toy story anyone?
5598342 oh... you precious ginger snap- don't ever change! lol that was great. love mark hamill laughs and the song fit perfectly
So the spell wasn't used on the griffins? Now I'm picturing an army of nano-horse infiltrators and spies.
6874451
Rawr fear my tiny power
The 'Murican way: 'Shrink' the problem down instead of directly addressing it.
6874451 ikr?!!!!!!!
7035756 6874451 P.S. R U a FAN of the ANIME "BLEACH!"