- Member Since 26th Nov, 2012
- offline last seen Jul 4th, 2023
DoctorSpectrum
Twilight Sparkle is best pony, OctaScratch is OTP. Thanks for checking out my stories and/or profile!
DoctorSpectrum
Joined 26th Nov, 2012 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I'm liking this so far, keep it up.
Oh where, oh where, is the sonic bass cannon? Nice keep it up.
I just realized that you are the same person who wrote "Vinyl and Octavia Machete Their Way Through The Jungle".
Well, Now I HAVE to read this.
That reminds me. Why haven't I followed you yet?
*Click*
2675454
Who's to say that that won't come along later in the story?
2675630
Ooh, thank you!
DJ P0N-3 unfolded a saddlebag she’d kept hidden somewhere hidden in her costume, and levitated it into the air.
The department of redundancy department greatly approves of this sentence with great approval.
Still, a good story and it's nice to see one where Vinyl and Octy are not in a romance.
2676743 *Looks at author's other stories*
Um.. Yeah...
2677127 Yeah, yeah
Oh wow. I saw this on my front page, but I didn't realise you'd written it.
Sigh ... I did say I wasn't into VinylxOctavia, but I couldn't read your Metal Gear one (too much I didn't understand), so I must read this one. I'll pretend I love the ship and comment accordingly when I'm finished ;)
2678157
This one isn't a shipfic, yo. It's a superhero story!
(But shame on you anyway for not shipping the OTP!)
2678198
Lol. I'm enjoying it. You have a fun tone.
Oh, and got really distracted halfway through. Time to actually finish, haha.
Okay, brilliant! Love the premise! The story lives up to it, as well.
If I might make a few observations:
DJ Pon3 is introduced as "the supervillain" but nopony recognises her. 'Supervillain' is a title that has to be earned through ... super-villainy, no? If this is her first foray into crime, she is not yet a supervillain.
You are slightly verbose with your over-describing of certain scenes. If you wanted another pair of eyes, I am an excellent snipper of words (comes from being too verbose myself, haha).
But overall, oodles of fun. I want to know their backstories now!
2678769
Thanks for the feedback!
Good point, but you could argue that someone committing crime through an alter ego is a super villain regardless of experience. I mean, you wouldn't say "Look! It's some guy committing crimes who clearly is above peak human strength and endurance but we'd better not say the S-word because this is his first public sighting!", would you? Still a good point though.
I've asked someone else to proofread for me, but if you feel like it, sure!
I'll admit that I haven't got everything planned out 100% at this point, but I know enough about their backstories that it should hopefully all make sense. Next chapter/the one afterwards will reveal at least a little about Vinyl
The bank heist needs a little more tension. You did a great job setting up the scene and carrying on Vinyl's inner doubts, but it needs just a bit more tension. Where are all the guards in the bank, or around the bank vault? Why are there no silent alarms? These are great opportunities to add tension, but they're missing here.
Of course, all that can be hoofwaved since you do a very good job focusing on Vinyl. This is a character-driven superhero story, and a lot can be overlooked in true comic-action style, as long as there is enough comic-action to justify the overlooking!
Yep. Action quota reached!
This is a really cool little story, and you take full advantage of the FiMverse's potential. Unicorns are jedi-lite, earth ponies are tough as nails, and pegasi are natural military-types. All this naturally contributes to a superhero story, but you also integrate the story into the FiM universe. The bank vault has a magic-based lock, Octavia's bow has a magical enchantment, and DJ-PON3 knocks out a guard with his own pike.
All in all, this is a really solid chapter, and I hope that this story prospers. Keep on writing, and I'll keep on reading!
2680663
I did mention off-hoofedly in one line that there were guards down in the lower levels whom Vinyl had more or less done a stealthy takedown on, but yeah, you've got a good point in that I should have added a bit more tension to the situation. I might revise that if I get the chance.
Great to hear that you've enjoyed it!
2679497
Heh, I would argue 'villain', 'criminal' or simply 'bank robber' are descriptions that would jump to mind before putting a 'super' in front of anything.
So, I finally got around to reading this (on break and on my phone). I procrastinate too much. Like my grandpa and his brother are VERY fond of saying, "Procrastination is like masturbation: it seems like a good idea at the time, but, in the end, you are only fucking yourself."
It was good though. And there is obviously gonna be some unforeseen factor that is gonna cause Vinyl to have to do something else.
I'm just wondering but way was this fic cancelled??
4408645
I got lazy and decided that I didn't really enjoy writing such a big story, and I really felt that I was struggling to write it.
4410867
Ahhh ok!