These Are
What is the sign of the sign of the end?
Where does Oblivion go?
What is the look of the look of a Day?
What is the meaning of Night?
What is the part of the parting of friends?
And what is a way to Away?
What is the pattern of paternal Time?
What is his quarrel and fight?
What is the harm without Harmony's word?
And what is the creature of Crime?
What is the last of the last of the last?
And how serves amending to mend?
These are the Nights of the pony of dreams,
And these are the Days of the Star
These are the winters of beauty and dark
And sweeter the summertime seems
These are the days of the old and the new
The times of the new and the old.
These are the days of the Moon and the Sun
No longer parted, but 'twined
Days are as Nights are as Harmony's song—
No longer parted, but one.
These are the times of the Friend and the Foe
Ever they struggle, yet bend
Order is Chaos is Harmony's call—
Ever they struggle, but know.
These are the days of the cold and the warm
The times of the warm and the cold.
Wow, I really like that one! But I don't get the "quarrel and fight" question, nor do I get the "last of the last" question, nor do I get the "Oblivion" couplet. I don't get how they relate to how times have changed with Luna's crime and banishment and time on the Moon and return. I don't get why the questions about those things are being asked and what they mean.
Hm. Someone's asking this question because they're unsure of whether the damage (emotional damage to Luna, possibly?) of Luna's crime and banishment have been mended?
I walk away from this poem with the idea that Luna's return was the beginning of a new epoch defined by the restoration of the diarchy and by Twilight and her friends taking upon themselves the Elements of Harmony and by the six Bearers' encounters with other resurfacing figures from Equestria's past—Discord, Chrysalis, Sombra, and the likes.
Good opener. "These are the days of FiM; this is the setting of the following poems," sort of thing.
2727233 Oh cool beans
Poet: Forever Freest
My initial impression of this story was one of confusion, and in some places, it still is. I'm not 100% sure what my opinion is of this poem, so I'll first relate what I thought of the parts I do "understand". Please keep in mind that this is all my opinion, nothing more.
This part I'm sure is about Celestia and Luna's joint rule, specifically after the defeat of Nightmare Moon. What you have here is some great imagery, with the part about winter and summer really standing out. The old and new couplet is great, methinks, since Celestia is old and Luna, being introduced back into Equestria, is the new (or, inversely, Luna is the archaic old and Celestia, used to modern Equestria, is the new); the wordplay is great here, and I think using both new and old as both first and second in order helps the circuity of day and night. The last stanza here is my favorite, because it really feels like Celestia and Luna are joined together.
I'm fairly positive the second-to-last stanza is about the reformation of Discord in "Keep Calm and Flutter On," although I could be wrong. If this is the case, then I think the struggling-yet-bending is beautiful, as it shows the struggle that Celestia and Discord face in ruling Equestria as one. The days of the cold and the warm confuse me, although that could be Celestia's sun being the warm and Discord's stone prison being the cold, although I'm not too certain. It could also be Celestia being the warm and Luna being the cold, which would probably make more sense, although that would bring into my mind questions about both placement of the couplet and word choice, specifically cold.
The non-question part, I feel, was really well written, despite my confusion on the last couplet. Now to the part where I struggled: the question bit.
The sign of the sign of the end... Well, since this is about harmony, and it has a focus of Celestia and Luna and Discord, I'm going to say that the sign of the end is the indicator that either Celestia's patience or Luna's banishment are about to end... so the sign of that would probably be either
a) Indicators that Luna's making a move that's going to far, or
b) Indicators from Celestia or the geography of Equestria/the sky that mark the end of Luna's banishment.
Oblivion going somewhere... Oblivion is the end of existing in any state, so if oblivion goes somewhere, I'm guessing existence is being reformed... so Luna and Discord could be coming back into existence, and Celestia could be showing signs that she wants to try and bring these "evil" beings back. I still wonder why the bard asks for those signs, though. I'll continue on and see what I can find.
The look of the look of the Day... The look of the day may be just how it appears, or Celestia looking at something, so the look of that may be either
a)a concept I'm not familiar with, the look of how a day appears, or
b)signs that Celestia shows that she's contemplating something
I have an idea about the meaning of Night, as that could just be the bard wondering if there's any meaning to night besides sleep, since it's something Nightmare Moon insisted on imposing, and Celestia insisted on keeping in the cycle of life while she ruled. The part of the parting of friends makes some sense to me; I think the bard wonders what it was like for Celestia to banish Luna (and perhaps encase Discord, if one assumes that the draconeqqus and the alicorn were once friends). A way to away... that makes no sense to me. As it is, to me personally, it's just a dead line (I'm willing to hear some different interpretations on it, though). So for this, it seems like the bard is wondering about the whole banishment idea.
This section, I think, talks about Discord. I don't know why the Bard wants to know about the pattern of Father Time, or what role he fits into it, if there's any at all. Perhaps it's his trying to figure out how Harmony works if there's chaos, and if there's anything that indicates why Harmony doesn't hold true all the time. The harm without Harmony's word and the creature of Crime may be his speculating if there was anything wrong with Discord's rule before the Elements of Harmony banished him. Ignoring the pain he caused other ponies, Chaos did exist in the real world before humans did, and the world is still unpredictable, so there may not've been anything wrong with it. I'll admit that my understanding of that—and this whole stanza in general—is shaky, but the "harm without Harmony's word" seems like a clever concept to consider.
Here's my closest interpretation of the first line: what is the last thought of the last moment of the last draconequus. That's the closest I can get to it. It would be something to consider, considering he will probably think about that while he tries to mend his broken relationship with the ponies.
Overall, I think I have a vague understanding of the questioning, but I think I'll have a better understanding if I combine it with the rest of the poem. The second part of the poem is about how Celestia and Luna are reuniting to rule as one, and also about Discord's reformation (as far as I can tell). It's about how with two volatile beings can be integrated into the world to help it rule. I don't think there's a misconception that harmony will always exist between them, and I think that may be a key point about the questioning bit. The bard describes a time in the present where even with two unpredictable beings, there's going to be a basic sense that everything's going to be fine, harmonious even; the questioning bit may be the pondering about the past and the future of the two volatile beings. I feel that it encapsulates the present moment: not entirely peaceful, and with two powerful beings, but it's going to go on, just as life always does. In that sense, I have to agree with 2727233 in that it seems to be a "this is what the present time is about, and the future will hold many surprises but life will go on" sense. For that, I think that for the most part, you succeeded.
Getting to the form itself, I think your wordplay was fantastic for the most part—the "a way" and "away" is lost on me, to be honest. There's no rhyme scheme, but there is a rhythm, and it moved the poem along in a very controlled manner, not making the bard seem like he's just questioning things, but he's trying to make it harmonious on his own. That is a nice touch.
Overall, I think it's a great start to this collection, and it stands alone as a good poem.
2730805 Pardon me, did you say no rhyme scheme?
Read it a few more times, my child. This poem has a very, very intricate rhyme scheme.
As for the rest of it, I'll try to answer a few of your questions.
The first couplet is partially a futuristic glance by the bard at what could, or might be, but more than anything it's just an imponderable question-- a sort of Unanswerable. This beginning is characteristic of classical Greek poetry, and also an essential opening to most Socratic discussions.
The first two stanzas are, of course the story of Celestia and Luna. They speak of the quarrel, the banishment, and their sad parting. They also speak of Discord, that is, the creature of crime. Order was equivalent to law, so disorder was the directest form of crime. This is a reference to Egyptian mythos, equating Discord to Apophis, the serpent of Chaos. Father Time's pattern-- I'd have thought that one was obvious. The bard is attempting to express what he views as the possibly hopeless cycle of history.
The second part is a sort of Selah, or pause. It is a transition, and serves to contrast the sisters. The summer is the season of the sun, and the winter is the season of the moon. Thus, these seasons serve to represent the sisters, as do the elements of warm and cold.
The third and final part speaks of the ultimate reconciliation of the sisters with each other and, yes, with Discord. The last quatrain--
--speaks of the intrinsic war that must always exist between Order and Chaos, and yet the utter necessity for their cooperative and positive action. This is the heart of the matter: That Harmony is not merely a matter of Order, but of balance. A sort of Yin and Yang, if you will.
Finally, the last couplet reiterates the final unity of the two sisters, as well as (subtly!) restating the patterns of Time-- suggesting, perhaps, that history can be a cycle, but that it is not doomed to be so.
I hope that helps.
You know, I should really proofread all ^that, but I'm pretty tired, so I'll just give you my apologies for not having done so.
Pax!
--FF
2737731 Thank you for the clarification on a few points, and I apologize for not catching the rhyme scheme. I tried to analyze this to the best of my abilities, but it looks like I didn't do that good of a job if I missed that.
I also apologize if I came off as snobbish in my comment. I try to be thorough when I comment on people's stories and poems.
I'll make a much briefer and simpler comment: given what you told me in your explanation, I think you did a very good job in this poem.
2740522 Snobbish? Not at all! And thank you.
2740522 Oh, and the main part of the rhyme scheme is ABCA, if you didn't catch that. Each two couplets consecutively also have this rhyme scheme. For example:
The second pair of couplets, however, do not follow the same scheme as the rest of the poem. Their scheme is ABCB. This is not shoddy-- there is a reason. The second half of the poem speaks of the reconciliation of Order and Chaos. The change in the rhyme scheme is a deviation from the set pattern of the poem, and yet it follows a strict pattern of its own. This little device illustrates the symbiotic relationship between Order and Chaos in the new age of Equestria.
Pretty cool, huh?
I invented this style of poem, and this poem in particular, to allow you to see greater intricacy and meaning every time you read it.
Call me a fanatic.