Mistake
Scootaloo's Mistake
Author's Note: Hello there. This is my second story, and I wanted to go for a really sad, depressing story. Comment, rate and enjoy.
Today was the day. Scootaloo was fed up with Silver Spoon's and Diamond Tiara's snide comments. She was going to learn how to fly.
She decided to learn on a crisp, fresh morning, long before anypony would wake up. If they were awake, they would stop her from trying - stop her from learning how to use her own wings. It was just too 'dangerous'. Scootaloo couldn't take it anymore. What was the point in having wings when you didn't even know how to use them?
A couple of weeks before, The Cutie Mark Crusaders had visited Devils Drop - a cliff notoriously known for being a sheer drop. They all tried to get their Cutie Marks for sightseeing, but after several hours of boredom, the group was reduced to throwing pebbles and rocks off the drop. Thankfully, Scootaloo knew exactly where Devils Drop was.
Scootaloo made her way through the quiet, empty streets. She managed to sneak past every house without alerting anypony to her presence. Letting out a suppressed chuckle, the orange pony continued on her way.
Every breath she exhaled resulted in a small cloud of steam.
----------------------------------------------
It was way too early. Applejack had asked Rainbow Dash to get up in the morning, to make sure there would be lots of rain for her apple trees. Dash complied, even though she really didn't want to. She yawned, lazily opened her wings, and flew off.
She had collected more then five rain-clouds and moved them over the Sweet Apple Acres. Sure enough, the apple trees now glistened from the fresh liquid. Content, Rainbow Dash was done. Yawning again, she made her way back to her house for some much needed shut-eye.
As she glided over in the direction of her house, she noticed a small orange figure running through a clump of trees. Scootaloo! She must be trying to get her Cutie Mark still, Rainbow thought to herself. I might as well just follow her, and see what she's up to.
It was a dense fog that morning, so Dash could easily follow Scootaloo without her even knowing it. The multi-coloured Pegasus followed the small filly up a massive hill until she just stood at the edge. Hmm, what's she up to? What kind of Cutie Mark would she get from that?
Scootaloo stood at the edge. Rainbow Dash once told her that you have to run before you can walk. Well, by the end of the day, she would sprinting. The small Pegasus opened her wings and tried to forget about how high up she was. She had to do this. She had to make Rainbow Dash proud.
Scootaloo let her body drop off the edge.
----------------------------------------------
Rainbow Dash hovered for a few seconds before realising what Scootaloo was trying to do. She was trying to fly. No way would she make that jump. Even in her younger years, Dash was good at flying, but she would've never pulled that off.
Dash flew after the orange Pegasus, who was frantically shaking her wings to no avail. Rainbow Dash knew she would never be able to grab the kid and fly off, so she knew what she had to do. She flew faster after the figure and reached out with her hooves.
If Dash hadn't been so lazy, she wouldn't be facing this problem right now. She knew Scootaloo couldn't fly, but she never lifted a feather to help her. That was Dash's problem; she was just too idle.
Scootaloo wasn't flying.
She wasn't even falling with style, as Dash would sometimes call it.
The filly flailed her limbs, hoping as if by chance, she would escape from her fate. As if a miracle would happen. The ground was rushing up to her now. Closer and closer she fell to her inevitable doom. Scootaloo closed her eyes and prayed. She shouldn't have tried this. If she couldn't even hover for ten seconds flat, then how the hay was she going to fly away from this?
Scootaloo gave up. What was the point in even trying? She was going to die and there was nothing she could do about it. Relaxing her muscles, the filly willingly let gravity take hold of her.
A set of hooves grabbed her from behind and held her close. The hooves twisted her around until Scootaloo was facing up. She expected wings to open and her to fly away into the clouds with her rescuer, but by now, Scootaloo realised there was no hope. They were going to hit the ground.
Scootaloo looked over her shoulder, in an attempt to identify her rescuer. There simply wasn't enough time to look around fully, and the last thing Scootaloo saw was a couple of multi-coloured strands of hair flowing free.
-----------------------------------------
Beep beep beep beep beep
Scootaloo awoke to sounds of beeping and other strange, mechanical noises. The smell of disinfectant was strong, and she realised she was in a hospital. Her eyes struggled to open. Groggily, Scootaloo began to see her surroundings. Most of it was a blur, but she could just make out the nurse at the door.
“Doctor, she's awake now.”
A smart-looking unicorn came into the room, wearing a lab-coat. His bright blue eyes hid behind a pair of big glasses.
“Scootaloo, I'm Doctor Brown. You've been in an accident. Do you remember anything?”
It was a good question. Scootaloo couldn't remember a thing. Her muddled thoughts didn't help her at all.
“No Doc, I can't remember a thing.” The unicorn moved closer to Scootaloo, taking off his glasses.
“You tried to fly off a cliff that no-one has ever survived from.” Scootaloo gulped nervously. She was definitely going to be punished for this.
“How did I make it, Doc?” She asked. Curious as to why she had been the only survivor. A small filly like her made it, while others didn't.
“A Pegasus flew after you and caught you. She used her own body as a shield to protect you. Do you know a Rainbow Dash?”
Scootaloo suddenly remembered everything. The sense of falling off Devils Drop. The sense of inevitable doom. The feeling as a another pony grabbed her and spun her around. It all came back to her in a massive wave of emotions.
“Yes, Doc. I know Rainbow Dash.” The small filly stifled a sob. “Is she okay?”
“Scootaloo, I'm sorry to tell you this, but...Rainbow Dash didn't make it.
Yay, my first cliffhanger. Pardon the pun there. Hope you enjoyed that story, will be continuing this in the future.
Stats
Page generated in 0.023 seconds
Total duration
978 users online
247,196 hits today, 2,314,256 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
216770 Yep, but at least scootaloo is still alive
It's way too rushed, and you need to put some emotion behind those words. A good start, even thought the plot is very popular
216925 Yeah I did want to play Dead Island at the time
I didn't realise this was a popular plot though. Will try and put more detail in in the future.
216946 Thanks
will put more in next chapter
NOOOOOOOOO! Not a cliffhanger!!
217062 Yes it is
Next chapter will be tomorrow or something
OH NO!
Dash was Scoots Idol then she killed her
by accident! Good Story but sad
I must agree with Drystan here; you seemed to rush the sadness and detail. I find the essence of tragedy stories is making the reader feel a strong emotion without them feeling like you're forcing them to feel sadness (for me at least). Maybe next time, add some detail before the death scene; and put some emotion behind the words.
Otherwise, good story and a nice start to boot.
Don't take my criticism seriously as I suck at this kind of stuff (excluding proofreading).
Keep up the good write!
217073 Yeah, I know. I felt like making a depressing story though.
217081 No, you are right. I completely understand you. Most people have been saying that anyway. I tend to just scribble down what's in my head, and not think about the results. Next time, I will think more about the emotions.
Thanks for the advice.
217087 i know, I do like Sad ones
they have more story line
I just say things
217099 Yeah same
Sometimes you've got to have a sad story
217139 Well it's not the ending yet
and it's going to get a whole lot sadder
CLIFHAAANAAGER!!!
Good fic. :D Good story
Very good story, but I must joint the crowd and say that it seemed a little bit rushed. Keep it up, it sure looks like its going to be interesting story!
217256 Cheers
Yep, the dreaded cliffhanger. Don't worry though- I'm putting another chapter up tomorrow. Might just include another cliffhanger 
217277 Thanks :) Next time I'm going to take my time writing it.
217207 Im thinking of Making a TwiDash one
but thats it
I have one story were one chapter made my friend cry
Start of my Story
me:
Friend:
Middle
me:
friend:
End
me:
Friend:
That Chapter was Sucessful!
218049 Fair enough
Why don't you try and publish it? This is only my second fanfic, and I wasn't expecting this many views. It's worth a go at least. 
218072 I have Published My Story
And it is my First
Are you working on the next chapter?
im tracking it
Good to know
and yes, I am. It'll be done by tomorrow. 
218088 So, where is your chapter? Can't find it anywhere.
218146 Um its the Chapter called Depression in Truth of the Moon
The one before Comforting Scootaloo.
You sure it's on this site? Can't find it anywhere
219039 ^^^^^
... That's a horrible pun...
RAINBOW DASH IS DEAD!!!!
Still great story....Except for that damn pun at the end!
Dashie can't die!
U killed off dashie
I'm also sad
I say ya kill your heroes and
Fly, fly, baby don't cry.
No need to worry cause
Everybody will die.
Every day we just
Go, go, baby don't go.
Don't you worry we
Love you more than you know.
Well, the sun one day will
Leave us all behind.
Unexplainable sightings
In the sky.
Well, I hate to be
The one to ruin the night.
Right before your, right before your eyes.
I say ya kill your heroes and
Fly, fly, baby don't cry.
No need to worry cause
Everybody will die.
Every day we just
Go, go, baby don't go.
Don't you worry we
Love you more than you know.
why you kill off rainbow dash?