The Colours of Dusk

by Gallifrey

Royal Subterfuge

The Colours of Dusk
by Gallifrey

Chapter Sixteen
Royal Subterfuge

"How do I look?" asked Dusk, spinning around.

"Handsome and dashing!" said Dawn enthusiastically. "It really looks great on you!."

"It's actually pretty good," said Spike, disappointed that he could find nothing to poke at in Dusk's flawless attire.

"You sure?" Dusk asked, striding over to a full-length mirror. "I think the hat might be a bit much."

Dusk examined his reflection closely. If Dusk Shine had ever possessed snappiness and dapperness, it was definitely now. He almost radiated it, a credit to Elusive's masterful work.
He was wearing a white linen shirt, on top of which he had a decadent shimmering midnight-blue tailcoat, woven with rich hues and twinkled as if starlight was within its fabric. In between the shirt and tailcoat was a dark purple bow-tie. Moving upwards, Dusk had tried to tame his hair by attacking it with a wet comb, he'd succeeded slightly in his attempt; his mane now looked smarter than usual yet still he retained his floppy locks. It was a very good look. Resting neatly on his head like the cherry of a cake was a stylish top hat, the same colour of his tailcoat, with a sky blue silk band encircling its base and a five-pointed star nestled with one of its points in the silk band. Overall, he looked... fabulous.

"I can guarantee you'll be turning a few heads tonight," said Dawn, smiling.

"Not if you don't upstage me," said Dusk. Elusive had really gone all out on Dawn's elegant, sweeping sky blue dress with gold-rimmed edges, complete with modest tiara.

"He said he was trying to bring out my eyes," she said, blushing slightly.

"He did well, you look stunning," said Dusk kindly. He glanced at the clock over his fireplace and winced involuntarily. "Dawn, are you sure about this time thing?"

"Whatever do you mean?"

"I mean, it's half past seven! We're half an hour late!"

"You may be the cleverest stallion I know, but you still have a lot to learn Dusk Shine," said Dawn, licking her hoof and rubbing away some toothpaste Dusk had left on the corners of his mouth. "It's called being fashionably late."

"Fashion," said Dusk darkly. "Dangerous stuff in the wrong hooves. And mine are certainly the wrong hooves."

"So just let me and Elusive make the decisions for you then," Dawn said, straightening his bow-tie and nodding in approval. "I think we're ready."

The trio stepped out into the evening air, the distant sounds of much fun and frivolity falling on their ears. Blitz and his team had eventually got their act together and cleared the sky to allow the waves of summer heat to roll over Ponyville. Now that the sun had set, the town bathed in the balmy shallows of a summery evening. Dusk, being a gentleman, held out a hoof for Dawn as they admired the calm before the celebration. She took it graciously. They looked up and saw the warm pastel oranges and pinks of the sky.
Spike was growing impatient.

"You lovebirds just gonna stand there all evening?"

They both looked shocked.

"N-No! Not lovebirds!"

"Just friends!"

"Why does being nice have to mean romance again?"

Spike rolled his eyes.

"Jus' hurry up."

Sheepishly, the two ponies followed the little dragon all the way to the bottom of Ponyville high street. Turning the corner, they were greeted by a hive of vibrant activity. Mingled sounds, smells and sights attacked their senses all at once.
Be it the heady aroma of honeyed chestnuts being roasted at a nearby stand, the crackle competing with the clear laughter of fillies and colts, or the wonder of watching a street performer whose talents rivalled even Berry; his hooves a blur as he juggled twenty assorted objects all at once. Dusk licked his lips, he suddenly felt rather hungry. He looked down to ask Spike if he would like anything, but he was met by a Spike shaped absence. It seemed the dragon had already run off somewhere.

"So, you say we should be fashionably late?" said Dusk, his stomach rumbling. "I guess it won't matter if we tarry a few minutes more right? Those chestnuts have my name on them."

"One of the types of nut is called Old Dusk," observed Dawn, smiling broadly.

"Is it indeed? How interesting, we must... try them."

---

"What's taking them so long?"

Applejack was feeling restless. He was walking up and down the marble floor of the town hall, which was difficult since it was bustling with other ponies. Elusive's eyes were watching him like a hawk; Applejack didn't seem to feel the need to wear anything fancy, and was in fact just wearing his usual yoke and hat. It was setting the white unicorn's teeth on edge.
He himself was decked out in a smart black suit sharp enough to cut diamonds on, with a white rose pinned to it. He kept looking around his bench to make sure nobody could possibly spill or drop anything on it. The only reason he let Berry sit next to him was because he knew that Berry knew the dire consequences that such an act would bring.

"Applejack, sit down," said Elusive swiftly. "You're getting in the way."

"Oh come on 'Lucy, they're half an hour late already!"

"I'm having fun!" piped Berry, taking a long lick of the lollipop he had just bought.

"That's all very well and good, but can't we just go and do something? I mean surely we'll bump into them sooner or later."

"For Celestia's sake you're acting like Blitz!" said Elusive, turning to glance at the prismatic pegasus, who was sitting on the floor next to Berry, looking slightly lost.

Bless him, thought Elusive. He's tried so hard.

Blitz was wearing a navy blue jacket that he'd found buried in his wardrobe, the colour had faded slightly on the shoulders but otherwise it looked perfectly serviceable. He'd also attempted to smooth his unruly mane, and unfortunately had cocked it up more than a dog against a lamppost. Elusive's eyes twitched. Why were his friends so incompetent? He wrenched his eyes forwards again, only to be greeted by Applejack in his work clothes.
With a grunt of frustration, he stood up and marched over to Rainbow Blitz.

"I'm doing you a favour here," said the unicorn, taking his front hooves and scruffing up his friend's mane as much as possible until it returned to its former windswept form. Elusive wasn't entirely sure that Blitz even noticed what he'd just done, he continued looking ahead with the same slightly troubled expression on his face, but at least he looked better now...

"Ah... that's much better! Now, as for you."

Applejack blanched in the face of an advancing Elusive, who was brandishing a red bow-tie.

"Wha-" began Applejack.

"You could have at least put some effort in!" grunted Elusive, wrenching off the farm stallion's yoke and tying the bow-tie around his neck. "Honestly!"

"But what about mah yoke?" asked the stallion, feeling almost naked without it, an accurate feeling indeed.

"I'll hold onto it until I see your brother, he'll look after it," said Elusive dismissively, now judging Applejack's appearance. "Yes... a little can go a long way it seems."

Bubble Berry meanwhile was cowering behind his lollipop, awaiting Elusive's wrath and subsequent salvation on the state of his naturally curly and wavy mane. The poor pink pony felt certain that curly and messy hair was not 'smart'. He was also only wearing a green top hat, that couldn't be good either. His bright blue eyes looked cautiously over his sugary treat to see Elusive looking baffled.

"Are you feeling okay, Berry?" asked the unicorn kindly. "You're shivering!"

"M'fine!" squeaked the stallion. He was very fond of his mane after all.

Berry needn't have worried, Dusk and Dawn had chosen this ideal time to make their appearance, serving as the perfect distraction.

"Good evening, gentlemen," said Dusk, happily champing on chestnuts.

"Finally!" exclaimed Applejack. "Where the hell is Butterscotch though?"

Both Dusk and Dawn shrugged as one.

"I haven't seen him in ages," said Dusk.

Elusive ponderously stroked his chin with a hoof and then set his eyes on Dawn. His hoof dropped like a stone, along with jaw.

"Shut yer yap 'Lucy," teased Applejack, noticing his gawping.

Dawn giggled as Elusive blushed. It hadn't escaped Applejack's notice that Rainbow Blitz was also looking at Dusk with a similar yearning burning in his eyes. The farmhand opened his mouth to poke fun at him too, but thought better of it.

"How are we all?" asked Dusk conversationally, his eyes locking briefly with Blitz's. Both ponies smiled sheepishly with pink cheeks before quickly looking away.

"Bored," said Applejack flatly. "Ah've been busting my hump all day, with the promise of a few good drinks at the end of it, an' so far I ain't had a single drop!"

"That's another thing!" said Elusive, whipping out a bottle of cologne and spraying it all over Applejack, making him splutter and cough. "You smell like you've been working all day too!"

Blinking, Dusk turned his head to the others.

"How about you, Blitz?" he asked nervously. "I haven't seen you for a while."

The pegasus went from morose to energetic in a frighteningly short amount of time.

"I'm great!" he said brightly, remembering his promise to be the old Blitz. "Looking forward to the dancing?" he asked, sniggering.

"Laugh all you want," said Dusk dismissively, "but I'll show you! I've been practising."

"Care to demonstrate for me later?"

"You bet," said Dusk.

Blitz's grin widened, and then faltered slightly, as though he suddenly realised where he was and who he was talking to. Looking over Dusk's shoulder, he saw both Elusive and Dawn nodding at him encouragingly.

"Uh," began Rainbow, eloquence extraordinaire. "I-I'm gonna like have a bit of a mingle, is that alright with you guys? I-I hear Spitfire and Soarin' are supposed to be here tonight or something."

And without another word, he disappeared into the crowd. Bewildered, Dusk turned to see Dawn looking at him sympathetically.

"Did I say something wrong?" he asked, thoroughly confused.

"On the contrary, I thought you were doing really well," said Dawn kindly.

"Doing really well at what?" asked Dusk, furthering his confusion.

"Poor fellow, Blitz has got a lot on his mind. I'll explain properly later Dusk, when we have a bit more time," said Elusive as Butterscotch weaved his way timidly through the crowd, a dark grey mare in his wake.

"Oh my..." said Elusive gently.

"Is that who I think it is?" whispered Dawn in Dusk's ear.

"I... think so," said Dusk.

Equestria's most accomplished cello player stood beside Butterscotch, who looked both bashful and pleased with himself at the same time.

"Miss... Octavia?" asked Elusive, not quite believing his eyes.

"Good evening," said Octavia softly. Inside, she was rather enjoying all their wondered expressions. She was still relatively unknown to the world at large, the vox populi of Equestria wasn't shouting for orchestral music as much as they used to; Octavia often felt as though she were born a few centuries late.

"I... adore your music," said Dusk breathlessly, he was a huge fan of her kind of music, and it showed.

"Why thank you," she replied graciously. "You can hear it first-hoof at the dance later you know. I shall be playing in the string quartet."

Dusk's lips quavered slightly.

"R-Really? That'd be incredible!"

"You all seem so surprised by me," said Octavia serenely. "Didn't Butterscotch say anything?"

Elusive opened his mouth to begin telling her that Butterscotch did indeed tell them and that they were simply dazzled by how beautiful she appeared this evening. At least, that's what he intended to say, but was pipped by Berry Bubble who chirped

"Nope!"

"Oh."

Butterscotch somehow managed to hide himself behind himself in embarrassment.

"Come," said Elusive hurriedly. "I think we could all do with a drink, no?"

"Finally!" said a relieved Applejack.

---

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Rainbow Blitz was outside in the bustling street. The bell of the town hall rang eight times. Being the longest day of the year, the sun was still in the sky, though it was getting lower as Celestia guided it down. Each ring of the bell echoed loudly in Blitz's head, coupled with the buzz of ponies all around him, it was driving him crazy. Seeking his escape, he unfurled his wings and shot straight up into the air.
Under normal circumstances, it was considered rude for pegasi to take off or land in busy areas, but he didn't much care right now. Ignoring the complaints and coughs below him as he kicked up dust in his downdraught, he zoomed down the street, into Honeysuckle Avenue, which was spacious and relatively empty. He descended around a tall beech tree to sit on a bench that lay under its canopy.

"What happened?" he asked himself. "Cool one minute, shitting myself the next."

He grunted in frustration and stamped a hoof on the ground. If Blitz were a more intelligent pony, he would start pondering on the paradox that just when you needed to act cool and collected in order to appear attractive was the moment your voice falters and your face feels like making you look like you're suffering a stroke. But when the cards of intelligence were dealt, Blitz's hoof was less than stellar, so instead of thinking that, he thought of how much he wanted, no, needed a drink.
Huffing, he turned and lay on his back along the bench, staring at the gently swaying leaves above him. If his mind was an aquarium, there were shoals of Dusk Shine's swimming about in it. The thoughts were more stubborn than they'd ever been, nothing took his mind off Dusk Shine anymore.

"Evenin' mister, uh, you okay?" said a female voice behind him.

"I'm fine," replied Blitz to the mystery voice. He sat up to see a cream coloured mare carrying a large sack of roses.

"Flower for the lady?" she asked hopefully.

Blitz raised one eyebrow.

"You're not from 'round here are you," he said. It wasn't a question. Everyone in Ponyville knew he was gay by now.

"Uh, no," she conceded.

"I thought as much. And does it look like I have a lady?"

"Uh, no," she repeated. "But it's for a good cause!" she pressed gently, jingling a bucket she was wearing; it said 'Equestria Cancer Research' on its side. "We're looking into new methods in reducing cancer in the community. Did you know not wearing a fedora and regularly shaving your neck reduces cancer by a third?! And by not obnoxiously shoving your opinions on others when nobody wants to hear it, in public for example, can almost eradicate it entirely!"

"Er, you're not related to Bubble Berry are you? He talks about a lot of weird stuff too..." said Blitz warily.

"Who's Bubble Berry?"

"Look, if I give you some money, will you leave me alone?"

"Yes."

"Here," Blitz growled, handing over a few bits.

"Much appreciated," said the mare, giving him a rose in return. "Enjoy your evening!"

Blitz grunted and swung his legs back onto the bench.

"The hell do I do with this?"

---

Dusk scratched his neck, trying to wrap his mind around what Elusive had just told him.

"So... he's waiting for me to give him an answer... tonight?"

The five friends, Dawn, and Octavia, were sat in a corner amongst the neat decking and round wooden tables of Jingo's beer garden. Dusk, Elusive and Dawn occupied one table, while the others were gathered around another.

"Dusk," said Elusive patiently, setting down his plate of cucumber sandwiches. "We've been through this, and you said you'd give poor Blitz a proper answer this evening."

"Yes, I remember," grumbled Dusk irritably. "It's hard to forget such a conversation. But I didn't expect him to be expecting me to give an answer! I mean... this is confusing enough for me as it is!"

The unicorn buried his head in his hooves despairingly. Elusive patted him consolingly on the shoulder and insisted he try one of the sandwiches.

"I know this can't be easy for you Dusk."

"You don't understand," he sighed. "I'm still not totally sure I even like stallions. How can I give an answer when I don't even understand myself... or the question."

Elusive looked surprised for a second and glanced at Dawn. A silent conversation happened and they both stood up.

"Forgive us Dusk, we'll be back in a minute."

"'Kay," replied the stallion, slumping forwards, suddenly looking rather lonely at his solitary table.

Something happened. Something must have happened. Ponies don't just teleport from one place to another, but Dusk found himself sat next to Berry at his table.

"Wha-"

"You looked like you were having a sad so I brought you here," said Berry kindly.

"Um, thanks, I guess?"

"Whoa, Dusk, where'd ya come from then?" asked Applejack, his eyes taking a while to focus on the unicorn.

"I'm not sure myself, AJ," answered Dusk honestly.

"Well, it's nice ta see ya out tonight instead of bein' in that stuffy old library!"

Dusk noted the several empty tankards around him and made a simple conclusion.

"AJ, how much do you intend to drink tonight?" asked Dusk with only a hint of wariness.

"I dunno, I've only had four pints so far! Berry's been buying fer me 'cause he's a bro's bro."

Dusk nodded, thinking about how four pints of the cider Applejack was drinking would have put him under the table already.

"Berry," said Dusk quietly. "Don't let him have too much now, will you."

Berry saluted and proceeded to sip on his own drink, a margarita through a straw.

"Nah, don't worry, he's in safe hooves with me!"

Dusk intended to question that statement, especially since Berry kept taking small cakes from out of his top hat and eating them happily, but he was interrupted.

"Oh heyyy Dusk," said a sweet voice from behind him. Frowning, Dusk made to turn but was stopped by two hooves slipping off his jacket and pressing down on his shoulders, and... massaging them gently? Dusk yelped at the contact and struggled to turn around. "Don't pretend you're not enjoying it," whispered the voice in his ear.

"What-" said Dusk, so thrown off his train of thought was derailed. "What's going on... wait... Dawn?"

As if the unicorn wasn't confused enough, Dawn Star was definitely rolling her white hooves over his shoulders, an alluring glint in her eyes.
Whirling around, looking desperately for help, he couldn't help but notice Bubble Berry was nowhere to be seen. Applejack was far too busy to even notice, and Butterscotch and Octavia were so engrossed with one another they might as well have been in the Mareana Trench. Turning back to the panic at hoof, he spluttered:

"Wh-What if Elusive sees you?! He'll kill us!"

"Oh... let him look," said Dawn in a low, sultry voice that only he could hear. She pressed on his shoulders particularly hard, eliciting a spasm of pleasure whether Dusk liked it or not, which to his surprise, he did. "Besides, maybe I want him to see," she added, raising a hoof and tapping his horn a few times, causing a groan to escape him as he turned crimson.

"Dawn, we're in public!" he hissed. Truth be told, they were in a corner, and nobody seemed to be paying them any attention, but it was the principle for Celestia's sake! He couldn't do this! Not when Blitz... when Blitz... wait...

"You need to realise what you truly want," said Dawn, snapping back to her usual peppy voice, breaking the spell Dusk was under as effectively as a cup of cold water to his face.

"I don't know what you mean," spluttered Dusk, his poor mind turning to a puddle.

"Hmm, maybe you'd prefer me instead," said Berry, who was sitting in Dusk's lap with one hoof around the poor unicorn.

Dusk didn't even bother to ask what was going on, but looked wildly around for Dawn, who was now nowhere to be seen.

"I mean, perhaps we can come to an arrangement," said Berry, in an unusually soft tone.

"Berry. What's going on? I don't think I can take much more of this..."

"Oh Duskie, you don't understand what this is about do you? Can't you see fan service when you see it?" said Berry knowingly. "And don't be scared, we're good friends, right? Friends don't hurt one another."

"I-I suppose," mumbled Dusk quietly. "That's the only sentence that's made sense in a while."

"And reeeaaally good friends can have... all types of fun," said Berry, his voice dripping with suggestion as he stroked Dusk's chest gently.

Dusk's eyes widened considerably at Berry's implications.

"I... I can't Berry. I mean... B-Blitz."

"What's this? Concerns for our dear Blitzie?"

"Um... yes," said Dusk, wondering why he hadn't noticed this before.

"Simulation complete."

"What?"

"It worked guys!" shouted Berry, hopping off the stallion and taking his seat again.

Elusive and Dawn were suddenly at Dusk's side. Dusk blinked stupidly. He'd just been borderline sexually assaulted by two of his friends.

"What... the fuck... was that about?" asked Dusk, hauling himself to his hooves and sitting back at his table, Berry in tow. It was the first time Dawn had ever heard him swear, and the two stallions had only ever heard him curse once or twice before.

"It was... necessary," said Elusive, wondering if he'd maybe gone too far.

"Necessary for what?" asked the stallion hysterically, still reeling from his traumatic, and yet exciting... experience.

"Allow me to be blunt, but you're denser than whipped double cream when I've tried to talk to you about romance."

Dusk opened his mouth to voice his indignation, but Elusive raised a hoof.

"And I'm sorry. But I know that simply asking you outright would have got us nowhere. Surely, as a scientist, you can appreciate the necessity of a fair and unbiased test?"

Dusk mulled the reasoning around his head like a fine wine.

"I can," he admitted.

"And so I had to give you a good kick. It's obvious you two are all but made for each other, and I need to help you see that."

Dusk looked weakly at both Berry and Dawn, then to Elusive's plate of sandwiches.

"I-"

"Here," said Elusive kindly, pushing his plate towards Dusk, and for good measure, his drink too. Dusk gratefully ate.

"Thank you. But... what the hell were these two doing?" he asked, waving a hoof at Berry and Dawn.

"Ah, now you see, they were to help you determine your sexuality."

Dusk choked on his sandwich.

"Yes," Elusive continued, as though nothing was happening. "Tell me, did you enjoy one of them? Both of them? Perhaps, -heaven forbid for Blitz's wellbeing - none of them?"

Dusk looked uncomfortably at his hooves before mumbling. "Both of them."

Dawn at least had the decency to look shy and flustered by the whole affair, Berry meanwhile had never heard of 'tact'.

"Heeee! Does that mean we can have fun together Duskie?!"

Dusk blanched as Elusive head-desked.

"Wh-What?! No! What if I'm with Blitz?" cried Dusk.

"So?" asked Berry, with startling sincerity.

"It seems," said Elusive loudly, "that we've been able to discover that you definitely do like both mares and stallions-"

"Sorry," said Dusk, feeling abashed.

"Oh for goodness' sake Dusk we don't live in the dark ages anymore!" snapped Dawn. "Implying that anyone you care about will think of you any differently for this, honestly"

"Sorry, Dawn," said Dusk, feeling abashed.

"Don't worry about it," she said briskly. "Now then," she reached out and patted one of Dusk's hooves. "I think you have a few things that need seeing to, don't you?"

Dusk looked her in the eyes, at her glowing smile of encouragement was pulling the corners of his own upwards. He swallowed meekly, and nodded. He stood gingerly to his hooves, downed Elusive's drink in one, wiped his mouth with a hoof, and walked with purpose towards the exit, his tailcoats bobbing in his gait.

Go get him, she thought happily. It's been far too long... and I've only been here a fortnight.

"I must say," said Elusive, watching Dusk's retreating back. "Drinking that whole glass was impressive."

---

Oh, how could he have been so foolish? So narrow-minded, so dead set on his work that he was all but blind to the real world?
Dusk Shine didn't know where to start. His eyes slid from one end of the street to the other, in the slim hope of finding the only pony he wanted to talk to at the moment. Steeling himself, the unicorn determinedly braved the crowded town, weaving around stalls, ponies and buildings, occasionally calling for Rainbow Blitz, so far with no success. He held onto his top hat as he was jostled by some ponies around him.

"Urgh, is it so hard to just walk without idiots bumping into you?" he growled under his breath, keeping his head down.

Dusk strode forward and found himself in an unexpected patch of clear space. Confused by this sudden clearing in the middle of the street, he looked up and bumped straight into something firm, yet warm and smooth. It turned out to be Princess Celestia's flanks.

"Ah, hello and good evening my faithful-" began Princess Celestia graciously, turning around.

"Can't stop to talk, Princess. No time, got someone I need to see."

And without another word, he walked off, a stallion on a mission.

If Celestia was shocked, it was difficult to tell, although she seemed to forget to blink for a little while. Dusk Shine had never blanked her like that before, not in all the years she'd known him. Something important was going on, that much was obvious, but what? With troubled thoughts, she stood and pondered, until another bubble of space moved towards her.

"Ah, there you are, sister," said Luna, carrying two glasses of red wine and a toffee apple. "Did you have to have one of these... things?" she sniffed, giving Celestia the toffee apple. "I felt terribly foolish with it."

"But they're to die for," said Celestia, wrapping her lips over the apple and biting it in half. This wasn't much of an issue, except she somehow managed to do it seductively.

"'Tia!" Luna hissed. "Please! We have an image to maintain!"

"What?" said Celestia innocently. "Can't a pony eat a toffee apple in peace?"

"Of course, but-"

"Besides, I have more important things to worry about," said Celestia briskly. "I just bumped into Dusk Shine."

"Oh?"

"Well that's just it. He walked straight into my ass, then wandered off. He's never done that before."

"He... walked into your... posterior?" asked Luna, blushing.

"No, he's done that plenty of times before... I think he does it on purpose you know. But he's never ignored me before; not even a 'hello' out of him."

"Oh my, do you think there's something wrong with him?"

"Sister, I know something is wrong with the poor boy, the only suitable course of action is that we need to-"

"Oh no you don't," protested Luna, seeing the manic mischievous glint in Celestia's eyes. "Celestia! Please-"

"Follow him and find out!"

Comments

[EclipseStar]

2946727 The 4th season where he leaves Donna behind after talking with Wilf and looks back sadly at her house reflecting on all the good times they had together only for her to never truly be able to remember without dying...

[Volkonski]

Bless the lord you actually defined his sexuality, and in a really funny way as well.

[ShamefulHorsefucker]

"Did you know not wearing a fedora and regularly shaving your neck reduces cancer by a third?! And by not obnoxiously shoving your opinions on others when nobody wants to hear it, in public for example, can almost eradicate it entirely!"

Oh god, I love you so much.

[Lambda462]

In between the shirt and tailcoat was a dark purple bow-tie.

Cool.

[Erebos]

"Uh, no," she repeated. "But it's for a good cause!" she pressed gently, jingling a bucket she was wearing; it said 'Equestria Cancer Research' on its side. "We're looking into new methods in reducing cancer in the community. Did you know not wearing a fedora and regularly shaving your neck reduces cancer by a third?! And by not obnoxiously shoving your opinions on others when nobody wants to hear it, in public for example, can almost eradicate it entirely!"

You win best author of all time

[drone_r0m-3]

Did you know not wearing a fedora and regularly shaving your neck reduces cancer by a third?! And by not obnoxiously shoving your opinions on others when nobody wants to hear it, in public for example, can almost eradicate it entirely!"

I wish that was the cure for cancer.