• Published 3rd Jun 2013
  • 1,908 Views, 52 Comments

Epic Pony Rap Battles Of Equestria - Everfree23



A series of rap battles that help ponies settle their arguments all over Ponyville, and maybe someday, all of Equestria!

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Pinkie Vs. Gilda

Fluttershy ran off in tears, leaving Pinkie gaping in utter shock. "Hey! Gilda!" Pinkie shouted over the crowd, stepping away from her table. Everything fell silent. "Hey, it's that pink dork again." Gilda smirked.

"What you did to Fluttershy was so super duper meanie pants! Go say sorry right now!" Pinkie growled.

"Hmm...no." Gilda replied.

"Don't try me Gilda!" Pinkie snapped, leaning forward.

Gilda narrowed her eyes. "You think you're more powerful than I am, twerp?" Gilda snarled, grabbing Pinkie by the neck and lifting her up. Just as Pinkie was about to speak. Gilda squeezed hard, and dropped Pinkie. She was unable to speak for a second, holding her neck in pain.

Pinkie lifted herself onto her hooves, tears streaming from her big blue eyes. She sobbed, and dashed off in the other direction. Gilda smiled, and flew off. Pinkie finally slowed to a trot, and then a walk, sniffling as her tears slowed down.

"How on earth am I ever going to settle my argument with Gilda? My first shot didn't go so well...hmm...is there anypony I know in this town that knows how to settle an argument?" Pinkie thought aloud. "Applejack! She's always honest, she'll know who's right!" she squeaked, racing off for Applejack's.

"Sorry Sugarcube, but I just don't know. You're gonna need ta find somepony else tuh help y'all settle this!" Applejack coaxed. Pinkie Pie hung her head low.

"Oh, it's ok Applejack. I'll just find somepony else." she gave a weak smile. "Hmmm...maybe Rarity? No, she couldn't help me....Hmmm.....Oh, I know, Fluttershy! Wait...no...she's probably too upset to think about Gilda right now... I know! Rainbow Dash! No, no no! She's Gilda's best friend...TWILIGHT!" Pinkie babbled, racing off to Twilight's tree.

"Twilight?" Pinkie called as she knocked on the door. The door swung open, and Twilight stood there.

"Oh, hey Pinkie Pie! Can I help you with something?" she asked.

"Twilight, do you have any idea how to settle an argument?" Pinkie quietly pleaded. Twilight's eyes widened, and her mouth hung open.

"Pinkie, you know I haven't done..."that"...since I was a school filly!" she whispered in Pinkie's ear.

"I know Twilight, but..." Pinkie nearly burst into tears as she lifted her head to show Twilight the big red mark on her neck from earlier. Twilight gasped, and her face became very serious.

"Pinkie, usually I would never go back to doing "that", not after the accident. But, I guess I have no choice really. Who hurt you pinkie?" Twilight sighed.

Come to the first in Ponyville,
Epic Rap Battles of Equestria!

Later that day, ponies were gathering from all over Ponyville in the town square, where Gilda and Pinkie were snarling at each other on the stage while they waited for Twilight to set up her equipment. Then, the mic snapped on, and Twilight's voice shouted over the whole crowd.


"EPIC PONY RAP BATTLES OF EQUESTRIA!" The crowd burst into applause and cheering. Twilight's turn table started up, and the beat began.

"PINKIE PIE!"

\

"VS...GILDA!"

"BEGIN!"

Hey Gilda! Got something you want to say?
Like perhaps sorry for ruining my day?
You really are something, you weak feathered twit!
Maybe it's time for you and Dashie to split!
You think you're important but really what's true,
is that nobody, not even family will ever like you!
So stop being a dummy
or I might call on Gummy
'cause seeing him bite you would be, haha! Funny!

Stop lying to me Pinkie, you brat!
Your scruffy little pink mane reminds me of a rat!
You think that we like you, you think that we care.
But really we just see you as some dumb party mare!
Nobody likes you, Pie, can't you see?
Ugh, maybe this is why Dash left you for me!
You can't keep your head straight or shut up for two seconds,
to try and be much better is my recommendation!

So I like to party, got a problem with that?
I can eat many sweets and I still won't get fat!
You on the other hand, let's not talk about that.
You have about the slimness and charm of a rat!
Nobody likes you
Nobody needs you
Nobody wants you around!
So go back to where you came from, the Lost and Never Found!

My my my, what a joke of a pony!
'Can't wait 'till Dash finds out you're such a phony!
I've seen better party ponies at bus station rest stops,
I just can't wait until one of the balloons on your flank pops!
I want to make you feel as worthless are you are,
Why don't you drink yourself to death down at the bar,
Nobody cares if you would leave and go away,
because nopony in this town wants you to stay!

"WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE IN THE COMMENTS BELOW!"

Twilight smiled and walked off the stage as the crowd applauded. Pinkie's eyes welled with tears as she thought about the idea of her drinking to death, or running away.

Gilda put on a smirk and a tough face, but really she was anxious and offended. Was she really fat? Was Pinkie going to send an alligator after her? She shook her head of the thoughts, and they both left the stage.

Twilight thought to herself. That was actually really fun! She should do it again! No, not after the accident in school. But she had so much fun! She just had to!

She cleared her throat as she walked back up onto the stage, an up to the mic. "My little ponies, if you are ever having a fight, come to me, and I can help you with a rap battle!" she informed, much to the delight of the crowd. Twilight then trotted home and opened the door with a sigh. She walked over to her book case and pulled out a tape. With hesitation, she popped it into the tv.