Doctor Song MD
Joined 21st Feb, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Honey Heart the filly · 2.5k words · 42 12 · 929 views
- RainbowFlameThrower · 1.4k words · 55 25 · 1.2k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.132 seconds
Total duration
947 users online
1,300,071 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Alright. I'm afraid to read this, but I'll give it a shot.
Edit: Oh sweet mother of god, why did I think this would be a good idea...
Freakin' Cupcakes, they're everywhere!!!!
I don't know what possessed me to read this...
But I'm strangely glad that I did.
2672551 My unfiltered mind tends to do that to people.
Wow ! So many good idea !
I'd love to read more from you.
Keep going please !
This isn't bad, but you really need to keep in mind your pacing (
) -- everything moves waaaaay too fast. To be satisfying, erotica has to take its time and build up the sensual details. You've got a lot of equipment and activities at play here, but you don't really spend much time with any them. This makes everything seemed rushed, perfunctory, and ultimately boring. I'd say the most glaring example is the beads. You spend only one sentence on Pinkie inserting them into Derpy, and you make absolutely no mention of Derpy's reaction. How quickly did Pinkie put them in? Did they go in easily? Did Derpy make any noises as they went in? Did she enjoy it or find it uncomfortable? Etc. Those sorts of details can make things a lot more engaging, not to mention hotter.
Edit: Also, the title is made of win.
2672612 Thanks for the advice, good patron.
2672633
No problem. And sorry for rambling on like that -- I tend to pontificate about writing, lol.
Time to fight (O_O)0={===>
*reads story
my reaction
Am I the only one here who's into BDSM? Please don't take this the wrong way.
2673556 Haha, I guess people who are into BDSM are far and few between. It just seems like there are a lot of us because of the internet. Oh well, what can ya do?
this Pinkie is very Kinkie
oh man I would love to read more of the two
a very interesting story and maybe they could continue with Derpy as a boss and as Pinkie employee 
Worst Clopfic I've read.
Honestly not that bad, very ,very impressed with the original idea and though it felt rushed for a story that could be given more length such as why Derpy or why Pinkie wanted to try this as well as a few errors here and there, I like it, love Derpy Hooves she is best pony ever, hoping to see what else you have, though I would suggest an editor
Good ideas, but this seems rushed.
2678620 Yeah, I'll probably do a rewrite eventually. I'll have plenty of time to rewrite this summer.
It had my 2 favorite ponies! I like it.
Derpy Pie and Pinkie Hooves make for a great clop couple.
Derpy is indestructible while Pinkie uses her cannon for interesting foreplay.
Sexy read.
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/583/381/4ad.jpg