• Published 2nd Jun 2013
  • 6,868 Views, 199 Comments

Step-Sisters - Speedy Quill



Scootaloo has the worst sister in the world.

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Getting Along

Scootaloo paced around the clubhouse. How was she going to do this? How could she even think of doing this?! No! She had to! This would make things easier. And she had made a promise too. She couldn't go back on a promise.

"Hey Scoot!"

The pegasus looked up to see Apple Bloom enter the clubhouse. Sweetie Belle wasn't far behind. The three fillies sat down and finished their 'hellos' as quickly as possible.

"What was so important we needed an emergency meeting?"

Scoot took a deep breath. This was it. Now or never!

"Okay. So... Me and Diamond Tiara have been...hanging out. At home."

Apple Bloom shrugged. "Is that all? Well gosh Scoot, she's ur sister. Of course ur gonna hang out sometimes!"

"You don't get it. We like spending time together."

That got their attention. The two fillies stared at their friend for a moment. Scoot began to feel uncomfortable as the silence continued.

Sweetie Belle was he first to speak. "So... You and Diamond Tiara are....friends?"

Scootaloo nodded. She closed her eyes, waiting for the arguing to begin. They would kick her out for sure!

"So what's the emergency?"

Her eyes flew open. "Huh? Aren't you guys going to yell or anything. I just admitted to being friends with Diamond Tiara!"

"Well that coulda been an emergency if she wasn't ur sister."

"So... We're cool?"

"Of course we are!"

Scoot let out a sigh of relief. "Okay, that takes care of one problem."

Her friends became confused.

"One problem? You mean there's more?!"

"Yeah. I think, since we're getting along so well, that we should all be...you know...nice to each other."

Once again, silence took over the clubhouse.

Apple Bloom's mouth moved for a second before sound came out.

"You want us to be...nice?! To Diamond Tiara?!"

Sweetie Belle chimed in. "She's never been nice to us! She's the one you need to talk to!"

Scoot put her hooves over their mouths.

"Look. Diamond and I are friends. We're nice to each other. You guys are my friends too. So I want my friends to be nice to my other friend. Got it?"

Both fillies looked at each other before slowly nodding.

-----------------------------

The school bell rang, signaling recess. The Crusaders ran over to their favorite spot.

Scoot turned to her friends. "Okay! Are you guys ready?"

"No."

"Nope."

"Perfect!"

She looked across the schoolyard to see Diamond Tiara talking to Silver Spoon.

Uh-oh.... They were arguing. They weren't shouting, but Scootaloo could tell that whatever Diamond was saying wasn't going over well. Was she... She was trying to convince Silver Spoon on being nice! Why had she waited until now to have this conversation?!

Silver Spoon was stamping her hoof, probably trying to convince Diamond not to do this. Luckily the sisters had spent enough time together to know they liked each other's company. And Diamond wasn't backing down.

Scoot watched as the argument came to its climax. Diamond had narrowed her eyes and was saying one final thing. Silver Spoon looked shocked for a moment before letting her head droop. The two fillies began to walk towards the Crusaders.

Scoot met them halfway. "Hey Diamond! How's it goin'?"

"Okay. I talked to Silver Spoon."

"Yeah. I figured. So? Are we good?"

"I think so. How about your friends?"

"They should be okay."

She turned to the Crusaders.

"Come on guys!"

The Crusaders walked over and met the others. They all stood there for a minute until Diamond finally suggested a game.

"Tag, you're it!"

She tagged Silver Spoon and everypony took off.

--------------------------------

Filthy Rich was walking towards home when he saw the school. It appeared to be recess. He walked closer until he could see the students. It wasn't the students that caught his attention though, it was a sound. The sound of laughter. He spotted Diamond and Scootaloo with their friends. They were all running after each other in a game of tag.

And they were enjoying themselves.

Comments ( 36 )

I thought it was gonna last a bit longer :applecry:

But that was nice :twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

Awesome story all the way through & definitely an awesome way to close the story story out. I look forward to rereading all the chapters all the way through from start to finish again sometime soon. Long story short. No pun intended. There are just not enough words in the world to describe just how awesome I see this story as. Great work. I know 100% is as high as it goes I just wish it was possible to quintuple that amount for the awesomeness of this story. Quintuple? Why take a rating of 500% & multiply that by oh I don't know how does infinity sound to you? ;)

hey you messed up this sentence! Just telling you! "So I ant my friends to be nice to my other friend. Got it?"

In the word of spike and pinkie pie at one point...Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! But yeah I have t admit this was a pretty good story...plus I think it was featured at some point so a lot of others must really like it too. Great job and can't wait to hear more from you! Till next time this is ElementOfHope and I am.....gone!

"Is that all? Well gosh Scoot, she's ur sister. Of course ur gonna hang out sometimes!"

"Ur" is not a word. :twilightangry2:

And then discord appears and reverts this chaos back to normal :D

Wow that was a quick ending no offence, but you should tell us when it ends:fluttercry:

I feel that this story is half complete.
Don't get me wrong! This story is brilliant. I love how they became friends 'en all. But it still feels like you meant to continue this story longer, And have a interesting plot line;But was cut short.

I was really hoping for:

Scootalo breaking a absolutly priceless item that belong to filthy Rich, He gets mad, Scootalo runs away from home and Diamond tiara goes looking for her. Finds her, And saves her life.
But that's just me :)

If there's one thing I know about little kids it is that feuds are quickly forgotten, especially if there is playing to be done.

Well, that turned out nicely. Good work!

aww man, why does it have to be over?.... but it still was a good read :pinkiesad2:

The magic of friendship in action. A shame I found this story just in time for it to end, but it did so in a satisfactory way. It seems a bit too simple at first blush, but sometimes that's really all it can take.

My only complaint is the "ur"s. They make Apple Bloom sound less like a Southern girl and more like a lolcat.

Awah, over so soon:fluttercry:
And the prize for short term puppet master goes to Filthy Rich
and for the 1,500 year Celestia wins the long term puppet master award.

It was a good read, I liked how you fit as much as the complexes family dynamic into these short chapters. I am not saying you should continued but I would like to say that you found a good stopping point for your story.
well come to my favorites #93.

Thank you and I wish you good luck in the future.

:fluttershysad: please don't leave it as this:fluttershysad:

I should have worn a hardhat before reading this one. I didn't realize the piano was going to fall so immediately. I didn't even have time to hear it fall.

Scootaloo is Diamond Tiara's sister. Looks like that's our subject matter here, and what a subject it is. Since they already have a preexisting conflict with one another, the relationship doesn't have to be established like if Chrysalis and Twist were to become sisters. Therefore, the focus can dive right into the growth of their bond without any 'awful to meet you' chapters preceding them. The story itself is pretty straightforward. Disagreements result in them being forced to spend time with each other. Then they find a common interest and become friends. No meaningless plot points to bog the story down, no random tangents that distract things from the main point the story's trying to make, everything's about Scootaloo and Diamond coming to an understanding.

One thing I thought this story did well was the portrayal of their mutual dislike. The moment where they had to sit inside together during recess best summed it up. They played the blame game for about five seconds and then silence. No insults, no complaining, no switchblades, just the sound of two ponies with nothing in common. Nicely done. Of course, we also need arguments if we're going to show some shared animosity, and there's certainly plenty of those to go around as well. I think the only chapters Scootaloo and Diamond don't argue are the first, second, and last. Their arguments complement their ages very nicely, and they really do sound like arguments between siblings if you think about it.

Scootaloo and Diamond seem well within their defined personalities. Since they've never been sisters in the show, we can't say for sure how they'd really behave in such a scenario, but this story makes a believable case. It's safe to assume that neither of them would be happy with the arrangement, and their conflicting personalities would unquestionably cause sparks to fly. If there's one thing that was well-established, it was their anger with each other.

I find it interesting that the story is called 'My Stupid Sister', which means that it could be viewed as either Scootaloo or Diamond saying it. In addition to that, Diamond and Scootaloo are placed at the same level of villainy, which only assists in the title's potential double meaning. Naturally, most people would see this from Scootaloo's side since she starts out the story and we see her thoughts, but it's still a nice little bit of creative writing used to define the story.

Now, while this story's biggest problem is probably its pacing, mainly the abruptly quick turnaround between Diamond and Scootaloo, there's something else of note that I couldn't help but ask myself: Why are Diamond and Scootaloo sisters in this story? The key premise of this story is Filthy Rich seeing that Diamond and Scootaloo aren't getting along and forcing them to spend time together so they will. However, what makes this story different from one where they're just classmates at odds with each other and Miss Cheerilee tries the same thing? The focus is on them trying to get along and be nice to one another, but there isn't really much emphasis on them learning to be sisters. Diamond and Scootaloo are family now, but this feels so much like a friendshipping story that I actually forget that's the case on occasion. From what I can tell, the story takes place at a point where the novelty of them being related has worn off, but given how well they get along, it doesn't seem like that much time could have passed without Filthy stepping in sooner.

Basically, I think this story could benefit from two key additions: 1) More time to show their bond grow stronger. 2) More emphasis on their sisterhood.

Diamond and Scootaloo argue to the point where they realize they won't survive spending five days together. A relationship full of that much contempt isn't realistically resolved by finding one thing they have in common, and it certainly isn't grounds for causing Diamond to suddenly feel bad for insulting Scootaloo at school, especially if she still insults her at home. By the time the last chapter comes around, it's basically said that they've spent a lot of time together and like each other now. Think of how much story that sentence stole. If there was just more time to let them breathe, talk things out with ponies other than each other, and have some time to bond as sisters, I think it would make their eventual friendship so much more believable.

Speaking of sisters, try 'Ctrl+F'ing through your story and see how many times the words 'sister' and 'family' actually show up in it. After doing so myself, I can see why the story's key premise slipped my mind every once in a while. By the end of this story, Diamond and Scootaloo became friends. That's what was said, and that's what it felt like. In fact, the last chapter of the story makes it seem like the entire point was for all of them to become friends. The fact that Scootaloo and Diamond are sisters is almost entirely overshadowed. All you need to do is push that fact back into the spotlight, and you have so many ways to do it. You could take the obvious route and have them participate in the Sisterhooves Social, or you could have Scootaloo or Diamond ask someone how they deal with their sibling(s). You had the right idea with Filthy mentioning it at the dinner table, but it was such a 'blink and you'll miss it' moment, and we didn't get a real response to it. Plus, think of all the family-related things they could have done together: Family game night, family vacations, family picnics, family traditions, family-size bags of potato chips, Family Feud, etc. If there was just a little more family in this story, I think it'd be more clear why this story shouldn't be called My Stupid New Friend.

It's a good story with an idea that could get you to the moon and back. I didn't spot many errors, although it was a bit confusing why Cheerilee was relieved that Scootaloo and Diamond didn't sit together when she assigned them to do so in the first place. Ultimately, I'd call this story a carrot plucked freshly out of the ground. It's a really nice carrot, but just think what you could have done with it.

Make the most!

Over!:raritycry:

Actually, I think 2837771 hit the nail on the head with his or her insightful review. We didn't get to the 'sisters' part yet, and so it doesn't feel like it ended so much as simply stopped.

Five mustaches out of five.

:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

I've been gone nearly a month! Yet only a few updates.... Great chapter! ...And it's complete....

2844506
I Second that motion! Or would it be Third...?
Either way, it's a great story, and honestly, I thought it was paced rather well (poor pacing is one of my pet peeves, along with alliteration, and irony).

Even if you're portraying dialect using spellings like "coulda", "ur" isn't a valid way to write "your". (It's only valid SMS/Twitter-speak because, when written as "u r", it's read "you are".)

Maybe you meant "yer"?

It's a cute story, so I wanted to like this. I overlooked all the missing punctuation. I did my best to ignore every time you spelled Cheerilee's name wrong, no matter how much it bothered me. But you lost me at "ur".

I was expecting a bit more conflict, but the end result was still very much adorable. Nice to see Silver Spoon would rather put up with the CMC for Tiara's sake then go their separate ways at this point.

Certain parts would of been nice to see more fleshed out like the two helping each other with the Math homework, Silver trotting off just to have a later scene with DT or Scoots have a heart to heart about how she prefers those blank flanks now over her/how she brainwashed Diamond and stole her best friend. Minor stuff here and there, but overall I thoroughly enjoyed this story a lot, the more "You be nice or else" ultimatum at the end was a bit of a risk but I can totally deal with that as is. I'm just happy that things weren't so one-sided, they both felt pretty close to character and how they would have to learn to bury the hatchet eventually.

If anything I think the Math story bit is the only part that really got glossed over. I'm sure they'll do fine at least. This was a pretty fun story and I liked the inclusion of Silver at the end there who likely stood there in a daze as she tried to sort her emotions over the whole spontaneous act of suddenly being "IT" before just jumping into action.

Cute story.

Oh, so in this story, Scootaloo's adopted? It's funny because she was an Orphan, right?
Ugh, despite my disgust with this trope, I'll give you credit for writing a cute story involving my favorite filly and my favorite kind of meat. Hah! :rainbowlaugh:
God, that was terrible. :facehoof:

I'm liking and favouriting now, because I got a feeling I'm gonna really like this Fic:pinkiehappy:

Bit of an abrupt end, but a good one, none the less. This was a. Good Fic and I am very glad I gave it a chance:twilightsmile:

CCC

Great story. It got to the ending surprisingly quickly, but I'm glad it got to where it did...

...
Um...
Somepony! Quick!
Shut down the hate missiles locked on to Diamond Tiara!

5886445
I would but they're Clockwork.

I liked the old Title better.

If only real sibling relationships were more like this...

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