The Conversion Bureau
HUMAN
in Equestria
By Chatoyance
4. Very Naughty Indeed
It was the Golden Age of Mankind.
Nineteen billion human beings lived upon the earth, every single last one of them fed, every single last one of them watered and sheltered. Never before in history had there been such a population, never before in history had even the majority of humanity gone to bed with a full belly - much less the whole of humankind.
War was a thing of the past. No armies marched and no nations clashed, for there were no more countries, and no more flags. There was only the Worldgovernment, arisen from the merger of the most powerful of the multinational corporations owned by the oldest, most powerful families. They had, in truth, always ruled - if from the shadows - but now they ruled openly with the fall of the planetary economy. When the Great Collapse had come, the world had not descended long into barbarism - instead, the Good Families had stepped in, and brought order and peace back.
There had been a price to reach the Golden Age.
The constant struggles for power and wealth and politics and ego had left the earth a dying planet. The oil was gone, the radium was gone, the precious metals wasted, the common metals spent. Much of the planet was a desert, and some of it had become poison zones of death. Almost all of the plants and animals were vanished now, and the oceans had died and turned gray. It was too late to try to leave the Earth for the stars.
But Mankind, ever inventive, always clever, had put total planetary extinction in temporary check.
Nanotechnology, machines the size of viruses and smaller, pushed molecules around like toy blocks, converting matter into whatever form was desired. Organic waste was converted back into food, lost metals were slowly regained from useless dispersion into the environment. The deadly water was purified and made potable on a scale that served the vast population.
The Golden Age had arrived, but it came with a dying planet and the majority of mankind living in squalor - as they always had - but fed and watered and, for the most part, well. Yet it could not last. The damage done had been mortal, and the best scientists of the age had worked out that only three generations remained to the human species. After that, there would be no more.
Then, one warm - it was always warm now, even in the refuge of the powerful, Antarctica - April day, a ten meter wide pearl appeared in the north Pacific. It was the beginning of the collision of two universes - Mundis and Equestria. The pearl was a hyperdimensional sphere, passing through the terrestrial plane of existence. As greater and greater cross-sections of the colliding cosmos became visible, the pearl grew in size, an expanding orb half in, and half out of the ocean.
After the equinoid alien princess appeared in the sky, over every city, over the favelas and the fallen arcologies, after she had explained the magnitude of the multiversal collision, and offered the peoples of the doomed earth refuge within her own realm, the last of the retired generals came to the Good Families and presented their own take on the situation.
It was an invasion, they said. It was green aliens attacking, it was the red commies again. It was the final judgement and the antichrist and the yellow peril and the hoards of Khan and the red injuns, and it was time to circle the wagons and play cowboy once more.
And the Good Families were divided. Half saw the compassion and the generosity of the offer of salvation, and half saw deceit, because there was only deceit, all of history was deceit, and it was all there could ever be.
Stefan Albrecht Bettencourt had won the position of being the chief executive officer of corporate mankind. It was his call, and he made it based on the whole of human history. The oceans soon boiled, and the skies burned above the pearl in the sea.
But Equestra was not earth, and its history was not human. Bettencourt's decision was made from the wrong set of data.
Everywhere he walked, now, Stefan Bettencourt had company. He had company when he slept, and company when he did his business on the toilet. Everywhere he went, she was there. Celestia. The princess of Equestria, the diarch of the sun. He could see her, but not touch her. She passed through wall and table and chair like a shade from beyond. He could hear her, and she him, and she had a lot to say.
Every single member of the Good Families had a Celestia of their own. Only they could see the projections of the princess, and when they gathered, the room was filled with pony ghosts - all eight feet tall, all luminous, all Celestia. One for every baby, every child, every adult.
For the children, Celestia was a fairytale come true, and the children pressured their parents to trust the Equestrian monarch.
But for the adults, Celestia was brutal truth and harsh reality. She granted them the most terrible of curses - the power to see what she saw, and it was horrible.
Bettencourt looked at his hands, as he washed them in the sink. They were hollow, and empty. Through Celestia's curse, he could see, if he chose, through the eyes of a god. He could focus with supernal vision down into the molecules that made him up, down to the very level of protons and neutrons, down to quarks and strings.
The new vision of the Good Families had been tested and studied relentlessly over the months. What they saw was true, and could be proven and documented. The adults could see the molecular machinery that made up the living cell, watch their own clockwork run in real time, see what scientists could only dream of.
The ruling class of earth had been given the power to see reality truly as it was, indeed they could not stop seeing it. And wherever they looked, they saw only molecules and atoms and emptiness. The universe was truly a material one, devoid of spirit, or soul, or god. It was just as science had always clearly stated - a mechanical, material, purposeless temporary arrangement of order within a larger, uncaring chaos.
But they could see more.
They could now see beyond the cosmos in which they lived, and there, beyond Mundis, were countless other universes. Most were dark and empty, but some few were alive. These universes were bursting with life, real life, and real life was magic. Real life had soul and spirit and purpose and meaning. Closest of all was the universe of Equestria, looming like a truck, inevitably approaching on a collision course with the earth. When Equestria had passed, the earth would be gone, and with it every last human and every last remaining creature of materialistic nature.
It was horrible. To know, to see, for certain and without question that death was forever, that only oblivion awaited. That all the mundane universe truly was an accident. That all around were countless other universes where life - real life- lived and loved and played forever and ever.
Stefan Bettencourt had spent his life acquiring. All the Good Families lived to acquire. Acquisition of material wealth and social power was their purpose, their religion, and their meaning. And now they knew that in the cosmic scheme of things, they were all the lowest of paupers. The realization stung. It burned. It made them rage.
But still, they could not comprehend the princess. It was not within their understanding to give without expectation of repayment. The world was a business, and no business could run at a loss. There was never enough of anything, and only he who controlled resources, controlled life. Celestia's offer of sanctuary must be a trick.
So they got together and created a trick of their own, in return.
The Covenant was written by their best and most devious artists of law and logic. If they must escape to Equestria as begging refugees, then they would be damned to settle for common lives. The Good Families were the true worth of humanity, and they deserved better. They would have a fortress of their own, and palaces and mansions, all arranged according to rank and class. They would have no end of wealth, and no end of resources. They would keep their thumbs and their precious human shapes. They would remain cunning primates and not end up as mooing beasts of the field. In a universe of mere ponies, they would remain the only true humans.
And, from that, they knew they would one day rise again. And rule. And on that day, the princess would, like so many kings and queens of earth before her, become theirs to command. What had been on earth, would be again in Equestria.
The princess had balked, as they knew she would, and so they held the common rabble for hostage. There would be no ponification unless their demands were met. The Covenant was changed and altered on an hourly basis, passed between princess and humanity until, finally, the clever, clever artists of law signaled that the Families had the advantage. And so they had signed, and the groundwork for the first Conversion Bureau had been laid.
At the time, Stefan Bettencourt had chortled. They had beaten the pony princess at her own game. They had been so very, very clever indeed.
"It's real. Just like you said!" Asher Brin stared at the chestnut filly with the yellow mane. "I reckoned that you just had a stuffed one made. Does it do tricks?"
Seraphina, Milo, Isla and Oliver just stood with disbelieving looks on their faces. Seraphina was smiling but uncertain, Isla looked puzzled, Milo had his back pressed to the wall, and Oliver looked like he might cry, though from what emotion it was impossible to tell.
"Her name is Plantain, and she isn't an 'it', she's a person. A pony person." Petra felt insulted for her friend, and for herself. She was regretting including Asher now. "And of course she is real. I do not tell lies."
"Excuse me, miss pony..." Oliver was overweight and his hair was too long. His mother was the lowest member of all of the ruling families of earth. Petra had never met him before today, but she had deliberately sought him out first. If she was going to be very, very naughty, she intended to break every rule she possibly could.
"Plantain. Just call me Plantain!" The pony smiled, then bent her head and nuzzled her lapine best friend. "And this is Crème!"
Oliver went down onto his knees, his bulk slamming them into the floor of Petra's bedroom. Outside, the moon was high in the midnight sky. "I got to meet another pony before!" Oliver seemed as if he were in a trance. "Her name was Jewel Star and she told my mom where to go to catch up with the others when we got off the boat!"
Plantain smiled. "That's very interesting. Now you've met another!" Plantain did a little bow with one leg on the floor and the other raised close to her body.
"My name is Oliver. Oliver Sachs and I think you are very nice." Oliver wiped the hair out of his eyes with a pudgy hand and sat down the rest of the way on the floor, beaming.
"Are you a boy pony or a girl pony?" Asher had frowned at Oliver. Oliver shouldn't even be here. This was the Bettencourt mansion. Oliver was practically a lesser, and he acted like it too.
Plantain seemed surprised. "I'm a filly!" Asher didn't seem to understand. "A girl pony. You really can't tell?"
"You all look the same to me." Asher stepped back and leaned against a beam with his arms crossed. He didn't seem particularly happy about meeting an ordinary pony for the first time.
"I remember Celestia. She told me that the whole world here is filled with ponies. She said they were all nice and would be my friend." Isla was mid-tier, she kept to herself. The other children thought she was slow. "Would... would you be my friend?"
Plantain giggled and swished her tail. "I'd be happy to be your friend... um...."
"Isla. My name is Isla." Isla Draghi twisted a lock of her short, raven hair around a finger and looked embarrassed. "I hope... I hope I end up as pretty as you when I'm a pony."
"Are you sure we can make it?" Milo Cameron was staring straight at Petra. "I don't even want to think what my father will do if we get caught."
"If you are too afraid, you need not come. No one is forcing you." Petra was annoyed. Boys were such cowards. "But this is probably your only chance to be a pony, ever, so I wouldn't miss it if I were you!"
"I am definitely going, Milo." Seraphina Hollande was fifteen, which made her the oldest. But she was also very short for her age, which sometimes made it hard for the other children to take her seriously. "I have never forgotten Celestia, or her promise. I don't know about you, but I've just been waiting for a chance!"
Asher glared at Plantain. "Hey, pony. You certain there's a way out through the wall?"
Plantain glared right back. "How do you think I got in here?"
Asher chuckled bitterly. "Maybe you were let in. Maybe you're here to help them figure out who the losers are."
Plantain's fierceness collapsed. "W-what?"
"Don't you think it's weird?" Asher looked from child to child. "One of the adults kicks the bucket, they call Celestia here, and now we have a pony who says there's a hole in the wall and we can all leave, just like that."
"Celestia... the princess was here?" Petra hadn't explained all the things she had seen to Isla yet. It had taken the first half of the night just to find anyone she could get to, whom she knew truly wanted to be a pony.
"What? You didn't know?" Asher smirked. "Celestia was here, right here, at the Muleskinner. They summoned her and everything."
"But... the princess was here?" Isla seemed shocked, sad, puzzled and amazed all at once. Petra found her shifting and complex expressions fascinating.
"Yea. I said somebody croaked. It was a big deal." Asher sat down on Petra's bed. It may be the high-and-mighty Bettencourt mansion, but it wasn't like little Petra was acting the part. Asher did a little bounce, just for the fun of it. Stupid Bettencourts.
Oliver leaned close to Plantain. "I want to be just like you." He whispered. "Please take us to Celestia."
Plantain blinked and nodded, unsure how to respond. "I'll do my best. I need to see Celestia too."
"Why do you need to see the princess?" Asher's suggestion that the pony might be some kind of agent provocateur had bothered Seraphina. There were more things to worry about than just parents. Seraphina's father believed that Celestia had deliberately destroyed the earth and that she secretly ate human children. It sounded utterly stupid, but he was an adult.
"My mom doesn't want me to be an entertainer. She wants me to be some fancy pony in Canterlot, but I want to stay with the Happy Pony Show." Plantain sighed. "I'm going to ask the princesses for emancipation. That's why I hid out here - it's on the way, and my mom would never ever dare to come near this place."
Seraphina nodded. "That, I understand. I guess, in a way, that's what we're all doing."
"What's... emanci... pation?" Isla looked up from where she had sat down on the floor near Crème Bûnnée. Crème had seemed to take a liking to her, and was sitting in her lap, letting her scratch behind the little bunny's ears.
"It's a divorce. From your parents." Milo put a hand through his midnight hair. "This isn't just running away, is it? This is forever. If we become ponies, they won't ever want us back." The realization was just now truly hitting the boy.
"Screw my dad." Asher's hands were down now at his sides on the bed, making fists. "Screw all of our dads."
Plantain jerked at the emotional impact. Isla's mouth dropped open. Milo looked worried. Oliver shrank slightly. Petra started to giggle nervously, then caught herself.
"I wasn't sure you were actually with us." Seraphina seemed impressed.
Asher leaned back on his arms. "Oh I want to be a pony. It's all I've wanted since..." Asher's voice caught for a moment. He stared at the comforter. "I just don't want to get caught. I also... I don't want to be changed by Celestia. I want Luna."
Petra turned to face the boy. "What... why don't you want Celestia to change you? She's... she's Celestia!"
There was anger in Asher's eyes. "Yeah, and she left. She just left. When our parents signed that thing? She... left."
"It was in the Covenant. She had to. She didn't want to. Didn't she tell you that before she went?" Saraphina shook her head.
Asher tried to burn a hole through the comforter with his eyes. "She left."
"Alright, everyone. If we're all going to do this, there are things that need doing." Petra was worried about the time. They had to escape before morning, before the adults got up. "And I need your help, because there are lives that need saving and if we're going to be ponies, we need to start acting like ponies now."
Grunthas slept in the Dog House with his seven brothers. Grunthas took care of the hunt and the slaughtering, so he was considered the Alpha. He got the top bunk in the best room. Grunthas was the sous chef under Snivelina, so he got second bunk. Grunthas, Grunthas, and Grunthas, because they were the human master's carriage team, got the next best beds, while Grunthas and Grunthas - who did the pantry and the yard work respectively, got the next room to themselves.
Grunthas, however, was the runt of the litter, and his job was toiletries and the Bettencourt dung cart. He slept out in the special barn, away from the mansion and the Dog House, at the far end of the Bettencourt grounds. The Bettencourts, being First Family, naturally claimed control of the very limited and highly secret meat supply within the Human Masada. The humans weren't supposed to keep animals for food.
Celestia had included elements from the Pax Equestria within the Covenant. The Pax Equestria was the ancient treaty between the dragons, the griffons, and later, the diamond dogs, that determined the boundaries of the lands given to them and especially what - or more precisely who - they could and could not eat.
Under the Pax, only those creatures deemed violent, evil, or destructive could be legally hunted by the three species. Thus the underworld of Tartarus, the monsters of the Everfree, and the twisted interdimensional creatures that skulked at the boundaries of Equestrian space were allowed, but ponies and all their gentle kin were not. There had been exceptions made for distant and hostile regions - the diamond dogs and griffons could raise rabbits in the barren deserts, and also in the frozen, desolate north. But within the green and lush center of Equestria, the slaughter of any animal was forbidden.
Bettencourt was not alone in finding this prohibition unacceptable. Although they had many meat alternatives available, the human leaders were not about to have a mere pony - even if she was a princess - arbitrarily dictate whether or not they could enjoy bacon. "It's a man's right to eat bacon, dammit!" was the consensus, and the humans had already determined the exact limits of the princesses abilities.
Within their cosmos, the two princesses were gods. They had nearly absolute power - but that power was defined in intriguing ways. The princesses could will continents to move, mountains to form, oceans to come into being - but such massive force could easily wipe out all life that might exist in such areas. As far as the humans were able to learn, the princesses used their true powers only once, in the beginning, when they had wrestled their lands from some terrible chaotic state.
They had brought life into being, and the similarities to terrestrial life had convinced the human scientists during the Bureau years that the princesses must have been studying the earth and that they had based their creations on what they saw there. But life is fragile, and once fashioned, the princesses were stuck with the world they had created, lest they destroy countless of their own children.
Away from Equestria, scientists noted that the princesses became weaker with each kilometer from the Barrier - they drew their awesome might from their home, and lost their power with distance from it. There had been plans to try to use that fact to human advantage, but the plot had never come to fruition.
The princesses were powerful too on the most microscopic of scales. It had been theorized that they relied on magical programs - spells - that used logical structures to perform repetitive tasks. This, it had been decided, was how the princesses had converted the flesh of the Good Families atom by atom into Dweonic matter.
The one scale the princesses appeared to be limited on was the scale of everyday things. Creatures who could move the sun and moon, who could paint the very stars, or manipulate the cores of atoms were simply too powerful to be in full control at the level of people and ponies. They were over-muscled and lacked flexibility. They were too powerful, and thus dared not express their power dramatically, like the Greek gods of mythology. In this way, they had limits, boundaries created by their own morality and compassion towards mortal creatures. They had areas of vulnerability.
Any limitation is an avenue for exploitation. The princesses dare not use their powers fully, and the humans soon realized that the princesses did not know everything. They could make an entire universe, but they saw not where every sparrow fell. They could be fooled, and things could be hidden from them.
And many things were hidden from the princesses.
Opening the pen was easy, keeping the pigs and chickens quiet was not.
"Please, Beaktrice, Shhhh!" The pigs had introduced everyone, which had taken entirely too long, and once the notion of freedom and escape had been understood, all the animals had become terribly excited. The pigs could talk, of course, but the chickens could not, and they were terribly emotional. Petra finally put her fingers around the chicken's beak until she got the idea.
"I'm sorry. It's hard for us. We never expected..." Hamton was sobbing again, which was threatening to make Cutler and Tourt Pière choke up with emotion once more. Rescuing intelligent animals was much more difficult than the cartoons made it out to be. In real life, it wasn't an adventure, it was rescue from a horrific death. The pigs and chickens weren't so much funny animals as concentration camp prisoners. They were very aware of their situation, and this was making things difficult for the children.
"Good pigs! Dear chickens! Listen to me!" Petra had entirely enough at this point, the night was passing far too quickly, and they had yet to even leave the Masada. "If you wish to live, you need to be strong now! There must be no more fussing and carrying on!" Petra felt like her mother was inside her somehow. "I need you to be completely quiet and think only of following me out of here. Not a peep now, out of any of you. Especially you, Beaktrice. Wattlesworth? Watch your hen! Now come on!"
With Beaktrice whimpering and Hamton sniffling, Petra led the four pigs and three chickens carefully to the barn doors. Milo and Oliver stood ready to use Petra's comforter and a rope to bundle up and tie down Grunthas the runt if he should wake up. Milo had originally thought of beating the diamond dog with a baseball bat, but it had been pointed out to him that such a thing was impossible now. The capacity to kill or cause serious harm had been taken from humans during their transmogrification into Equestrian matter. It was in the Covenant, and it had been the one thing that Celestia had been absolutely unwilling to negotiate.
This, of course, was why their parents used only diamond dog servants, and didn't ever allow ponies in their homes. The dogs, for their part, were refugees just like the humans, and they felt comfortable in the company of other apex predators. The diamond dogs could kill, and they could slaughter, and - much to the joy of the human adults - they were utterly loyal to their masters, and were fantastic cooks besides.
Petra stepped carefully through the hay until she was out into the night air. She waited by the narrowly open barn door for the last of the animals to leave. Penderloin snorted as the fresh night air assaulted his piggy nose, but the diamond dog did not wake. All the pigs, chickens and children were out into the Bettencourt grounds, under Luna's shining moon and glittering stars.
The pigs wanted to cry, for they had thought they would never see the stars again, but they were silent with reverent awe as the ungainly troupe made their way to where Plantain, Crème, and the other children waited.
"Hello!" Hamton stepped forward towards Asher. "I'm Hamton, and this is Cutler - he's the one with the floppy ear - and Penderloin - bit of a berk but he's alright..." Hamton gestured with a trotter "and Tourt Pière, who..."
"Mother fu... you can really talk!"
Hamton felt flustered. "Of course? Ponies can talk, so why wouldn't..."
"I think I ate your mother last week!" Asher knew he shouldn't have made the joke the minute he said it, but it was too late. It was only a joke. That's all he'd meant by it. But now the pigs were crying and the pig who had been talking to him was wailing loudly and Petra was not succeeding in hushing the creature up.
"What going on?" the scratchy, shrill voice of a diamond dog somehow managed to reach from the Dog House across the grounds. Of course, Petra thought, the dogs had incredible ears. They slept hard, but enough noise would wake them even from their deep sleep. The strangest things would startle Cruddles the maid - Petra could stomp to the bathroom late at night and the dog wouldn't wake. But if Petra was moaning in her sleep from a bad dream, she would wake to find Cruddles stroking her head.
Yowling pigs would have to be one of the things that could wake diamond dogs.
"What now? They'll find us for sure!" Milo was very nervous as the sound of something metal and buckety could be heard crashing in the Dog House. Doubtless the Grunthas brothers were all awake now.
"I'm scared!" Isla was holding Crème, who seemed to enjoy her attentions. Crème jumped from her grasp and climbed the poor girl to stand on her shoulder, riding the child as if she were a Giant Robo. The little bunny began fiercely waving a paw at the wall.
"We simply must get our provisions! Food and water and..." Petra turned towards the pile they had hidden in the bushes near the front of the mansion.
"No." Asher no longer looked bitter or tough. Now he looked like a very little child, frightened to the very core. "Pony! Get us through the wall!" The very blond boy stared with wide eyes at Plantain. "Get us through the wall. Now. Please. Please."
Not one of the children had ever seen Asher look frightened before. Angry, mean, rude... but never frightened. That made them feel fear too.
"I agree. We need to leave now. Right now." Seraphina also turned to Plantain. "Get us out of here, please."
Plantain's ears jerked and her nostrils flared. "Yes... come on, this way."
"But our supplies!" Back on earth, in Antarctica, there was nothing beyond the domes except the last of the snow and barren ground. She had been told to never stray, and had heard stories of children who had died out in the bare rock and gravel.
"Come on, Petra." Plantain took the girl's sleeve in her mouth and gave it a brief tug. "It'll be okay. We need to go now."
Petra took one last look at the bushes and followed.
By the time they had gotten to the far front corner of the Masada wall, the pigs had finally quieted down. Asher spent the walk to the wall first belittling the pigs for failing to take a joke properly, and then, when that had not worked, he had resorted to apologizing profusely. Eventually, Hamton was convinced Asher truly was sorry, and by then even Asher was convinced he was truly sorry.
The pigs, chickens, humans, bunny and pony made their way through the trees that bordered the wall. The trees were tall and fully grown, a testament it seemed, to earthpony magic. The wall had been breached. The stones that made up that part had been neatly kicked in from the outside. Petra looked at the hole in astonishment. The stones were huge, and very heavy.
Plantain grinned. "Earthpony. We're strong!"
It was morning as the human children and the Equestrians made their way over the rolling hills that surrounded the Canterlot Range. There was no way to simply cut directly around the mountains themselves. Equestria had very different physics than the universe in which the earth had floated, and the angle of repose was very high. Mountains could be nearly vertical, like cones, and utterly unclimbable by legs alone. The Canterlot Range was unassailable to anything without wings, and so they would need to go the long way around.
Plantain had an idea of the path to take, one that would avoid her mother's plantation, and the most obvious path to Canterlot itself. "When your parents realize you are missing, where do you think they'll figure you went?"
Isla, Seraphina and Petra all lowered their heads. Petra sighed. "Canterlot. It's the only place. Mother knows that I want to be a pony, Father too. Now that I know they have lied to me, I can be sure that they will expect me to run to Celestia."
"Or Luna." Asher grumbled. "I want Luna."
"Or Luna." Petra agreed. It simply wouldn't do to have Asher moody again.
He might upset the pigs.
I'm beginning to wonder if this story's direction is going to shift from where it's currently heading.
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That depends, I suppose, on where you think the story is heading!
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Thinking about this, about the Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory, I have something to say to my good readers here.
Thank you.
Thank you, my good and faithful readers, you decent and worthy posters in these comments, for being genuinely good people.
The internet, anonymity, is a spiritual test,. Are you good, or evil? Are you a worthwhile human being, or a waste of skin?
The answer, I think, is instantly clear by how you treat others when you are anonymous, when you have no fear of retribution, and when you have an audience to watch your antics.
We have seen who is not good at being part of humankind - they have made nearly a hundred downvotes on this story, they have attacked my family and myself in the real world and online, and they hide and skulk in the Anti (alternative) Conversion Bureau. Their every action demonstrates that they are not human beings, but brutes.
But you, my polite, civil, congenial readers, with your insightful comments and polite questions and genuine assistance - you have made a different choice in your anonymity. You have chosen to be kind and good and civil because you truly are worthwhile. Because it is your nature, your identity - even when anonymous - to be noble.
I am graced with such readers as you. I am blessed by your presence here. I am honored that you choose to read my words.
Thank you.
For being noble.
The character introductions felt kind of sudden. (Had to backtrack to get those names down) I kind of assumed this fic would be mostly about Petra and Plantain, where the world would be painted through Petra's eyes. Multiple characters almost made everything seem "bland." That's just my thoughts on it. In the course of reading this I found something out: I'm racially biased against talking pigs.
People are dicks. Personally I have NEVER downvoted a story just because "I didn't like it" (Though I may choose not to vote on it)
2836293 I try, and yet...I always wonder if the GIFT isn't a matter of relativity. Perhaps the internet anonyme is the normal person, and by removing the audience and the anonymity makes him into a milquetoast. It's why I can't help feeling sympathy on both sides in this story. Why can't there exist, within Equestria or any world of harmony, a little bit of Ragnarok where the acquisitors like Stefan Bettencourt can rule as they wish, competing with others and being sure in their superiority?
Does ponification remove the capacity to hate, or only to hurt?
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Ermagerd! 100 thumbs down! It must be a record of some sort. The haters must have gotten all their cohorts (and their sock-puppets) to specifically seek out your story. Fame hath its privileges. Maybe a few of them actually read it guiltily, in the dark, under the covers!
On the other hoof, it might be worthwhile to consider putting a portion of chapter four at the beginning of chapter one, so the context of the story is made clear to new readers less familiar with your prior works.
Haha, cool, they've got quite the little party assembled... I'll bet they'll turn quite a few heads, but probably not as many as their parents when they come out looking for them... Plantain in that illustration above is so cute it hurts, though.
But man, the real curse would be having to go on living as an ordinary pony or human after having Celestia-vision. It's hard to imagine a worse tease.
I think people only find a purely naturalistic universe scary because they don't take it seriously enough and still default to their inborn dualism, imagining for themselves an "afterlife" like the end of The Cask of Amontillado.
It's interesting how Earth's "Golden Age" is defined entirely by the removal of certain negatives (gaps in access to necessities) as opposed to anything positive or creative that's going on, like the more traditional definition, and Equestria is defined again above that by the removal of other things (lack of total consensus on morality). I get that the use of "Golden Age" to refer to post-collapse Earth is supposed to be somewhat ironic, but Man does not live by nanobars alone...
It's interesting, again, to compare to Equestria, because both could be said to be societies of post-scarcity lotus eaters, one because they dug themselves into a hole, and one because their deity frowns on grandiose ambition for causing things like that.
I wonder what would have happened if the kids had gotten the bat to beat the dog with. They were able to come up with the idea, so clearly it's not inconceivable in the literal sense, so what would have intervened? Or was it just that they thought they'd be stopped, and that stopped them? After all, they still didn't do it...
So the old guy kicked the bucket and they still won't allow Celestia to ponify him. That means that they consider ponification a fate worse than death. I'm sure the official line is they consider it "desecration of the remains," however.
2836293
*hug* You're welcome.
Interestig concept behind the humans still killing pigs despite the fact they can talk. In real life, I'm not sure that would go down to well amongst other humans. I assume it's some sort of "out of sight (and earshot) - out of mind" situation in the story settlement.
As for the story so far, I think you've captured exactly how rich pompous families and their children would probably be acting in this situation, so well done!
2837068
In Africa chimpanzees and gorillas are slaughtered and various parts of them taken for various magical needs, but also for bush meat. Rich, white Europeans pay fortunes to sample the flavor of exotic and forbidden bush meats in clandestine 'bush cafes' and exclusive clubs.
We know that chimpanzees and gorillas are both capable of language, which they have on their own. We have also taught them human language - American sign language, for example - and have spoken with them.
They know hope, fear for the future, awareness of mortality, grief over mortality, personal desire, guilt, shame, anger, dreams and wishes, ambition, and abstract thought.
And we eat them.
Dogs can learn up to 1022 words (depending on the dog!), though they cannot speak them, and they can remember those words and their meaning for their entire lifespan. Many humans eat dogs. On rice.
Pigs are significantly more intelligent than dogs, they are just as social, and they are better problem solvers. They display the capacity for abstract reasoning just like dogs. They pass the mirror test. They know they exist. We love to eat them.
After all, they are just animals, even if they can communicate and reason to varying degrees.
I'm not saying I'm some guiltless vegan - I like me some bacon, I eat beef. I don't eat dog or chimpanzee. I have limits.
But I am saying reality is... real. Real cruel.
2836293
*hugs his dear friend!*
So... I have to admit, including the other kids here is a nice touch. It brings back good memories of an epic quest like Lord of the Rings. Freeing the chickens and pigs, and having the other kids along that want to be Ponies just as much? Very nice.
And I rather like Asher. Snotty little punk, but he's just as scared of being human as the rest of them.
Hmm.
Why are the pigs and chickens going to Canterlot? They don't have a reason to see the Princesses in the same way that...
No. Silly me. Of course they do. The Princesses need to know that the Covenant has been broken and that sapients have been killed for food. But I can't help thinking it would be strategically advantageous to break up the group in case of pursuit- send a pig and a chicken or two with the kids to Canterlot, and have the rest hide out somewhere in the meantime. I suspect the pigs and chickens have more to lose if they're caught, after all.
2836757 Well, we don't know that ponification would restore him to life, or (if it would) that the pony who woke up would even remember being the man who died. So it means they consider pony death worse than human death, at least, which in itself isn't much different from considering pony life worse than human life.
2838172
I see Asher Brin as being hurt. He feels betrayed and let down. He feels abandoned. His heart cannot agree with what he knows.
I remember there being something specific I wanted to comment on, but I truly cannot recall.
Instead, I will just say that I am enjoying this story very much, and am happy to have you back on a functional machine. I am eager to learn more of little Petra's adventures in Wonderland, and those stories beyond.
2836364
I would not want my readers to feel confused (or to think my characters are bland), so here is a nice Character Scorecard to keep track of the fates of our troupe of intrepid Celestia-seekers (except for Asher, he wants Luna):
Human Children: (They want to Go Pony)
Petra Alice Bettencourt - golden-blond curly hair, ever so proper, learning to be powerful, daughter of the CEO of Mankind.
Isla Draghi - black short hair, seems slow and very young, almost infant-like for her age.
Seraphina Hollande - blond, short hair. Oldest of group at 15. Short for her age. Practical and serious.
Asher Brin - bitter, aggressive, blond, feels betrayed by Celestia.
Milo Cameron - dark short hair, tends to be worried a lot, nervous type.
Oliver Sachs - fat, long hair, bottom social tier, met Jewel Star the pony when his mom had been left behind. Delicate and gentle.
Pony Filly and Bunny (They want emancipation)
Plantain Acres - Chestnut (red-brown) filly mare with a bright yellow mane. Top hat and tails.
Honorary Professor of Bunny Terpsichory and Arachnid Syncopation for the Royal Equestrian Happy Pony Show (formerly the RADWICKINS - Reasonably Adamant Down With Celestia Newfoal Society!)
"Plantain Acres and her Marching Hares and Rhythmic Click'n Banana Spiders"
Crème Bûnnée, white bunny doe, tiny top hat and cape, Honorary Dance Master of the Royal Equestrian Happy Pony Show
Pigs: (They want to live, and to stop the slaughter)
Hamton - overly chatty, likes introductions, easily upset, very emotional.
Cutler - floppy ear, talks slowly and carefully, over-examines things.
Penderloin - berk (idiot), tends to risky behavior and trying to show off.
Tourt Pière - the second smartest pig (the first got eaten), an intellectual with an interest in puzzles.
Chickens: (They also want to live and stop the slaughter)
Cluckalina - the most sensible chicken, she is very nurturing and also quite clever. For a chicken.
Beaktrice - excitable, fussy, nervous. Likes berries. Likes Wattlesworth.
Wattlesworth - the cock of the walk, he is a proud rooster who tries to be dignified.
Collect 'em all!
2837734
I had never thought about being carnivorous in that respect before.
2836489 You're asking a strange question there. I think Doctor Skinner would take that as an opportunity to talk about operating environments, and it seems relevant.
I know I never say anything online that I wouldn't say in person to the recipients' faces.* I wasn't always have that principle, though. For a couple of years I was reprehensible. I blamed a group of people for some misfortunes that I experienced, and I had a grudge because of some of the unfair ways I felt I had been treated. I made a lot of people very miserable, and I'm not proud of that. I grew up, I guess is what I'm trying to say. People can change.
*(I know that seems unlikely, considering my manipulative theatrics I was just engaging in a few days ago here, but I would, given the chance.)
2836293>>2838831>>2836489
I don't think I'll ever understand that... It's so much more rewarding to be a constructive part of something instead of some random douchebag causing trouble. Everybody already knows what someone being upset looks like, but not the way they'll riff off or build on something you said. Put another way, any fool can kick down a barn but it takes a carpenter to build one.
But maybe that's it - It's just the easiest, most expedient way to make an impression in this medium. It's not like subtle body language or tones of voice carry, so one of the simplest ways to get noticed is highly incendiary content. The internet is still really new, though, so we'll see how that plays out, I guess.
2839188 Rather, I would ask why does rarity (not Rarity) and difficulty make something valuable? That's the flip side of why I have sympathy for both sides in this story. The way things work in Celestia's world is that the things that anypony can do--move a cloud, grow a garden, cast a spell--are exactly what to do to get positive reinforcement. And something any human can do--drink a potion--opens it up.
2836293>>2836489>>2838831
This brings up a question we can discuss in the real world (behaviour of people online) and in an invented world (Equestria in canon and/or TCB): is it possible to build a society that will provide a place where everyone and everypony can be happy?
In the Optimalverse CelestAI has an easy cop-out: multiple shards where even the most deprived ass-hat can get his/her values fulfilled... But in real-life the internet, and the same can be said for Equestria in its context, are a shared resource. As members of an internet community we must find a way to meaningfully co-exist - and in Equestria one scenario is that Celestia could actively work to create a place for everyone to fit in (including the aquisitors like the Bettencourts).
Anonymity on the internet makes it easy for people to behave wantonly. For a lot of people one of the consequences of this is that it ends up significantly cheapening the opinions of others. All of this reduces the 'fulfillment of the values of participating' in a community. In the long run (if the community can survive that long) the more earnest members will begin to recognize each other , founding a solid core, and the simple process of individual maturation should keep adding more members to this core. And yes, I DO believe people can change - isn't that the very core of TCB?
Back to Celestia in Equestria. I think she has structure society to provide a place for the acquisitor types: the high-society of Canterlot. Of course she's apparently rigged things so that their ability to affect the happiness of ordinary ponies is severely limited. To the limited extent presented in the show, the whole economics of Equestria seems to be designed around providing a useful role for everypony, enforced magically though the cutie marks. Nothing is said about how these are created except that they're the one thing each pony is exceptionally good at. I suspect Celestia (and Luna) have a role to play there, or else the inescapable conclusion is that some other guiding intelligence (with a good grasp of the economic and social needs of all Equestria!) is somehow involved in producing them. That also might go a long way to pointing the acquisition oriented towards that little bit of 'Ragnarok' (would you beleive 'Farengar'?) in Canterlot (or wherever else).
2839578
I can only answer your question with one of my own: if it is NOT possible to create such a world, and if it is necessary to change some people's minds in order to have harmony, why the acquisitors and not the producers? Why the belligerent and not the beneficent?
Issho ni saa yukou yo naisho de saa yukou yo
Papa ya mama ga inakute mo
Samishiku nai kowaku nai
Hitori kiri ja taikutsu
Minna yonde kyuukutsu
Okashi no kuni wa itsumo oosawagi!
2839758
If only because of this: the acquisitors cannot exist alone, they depend on the producers for their very existence. Changing the producers into aquisitors only reduces the resources being fought over. A perfect example is patent trolls. They produce nothing, and make money by threatening to sue companies that produce supposedly infringing products. The patent trolls don't even produce the patents: they buy them off of producers or by buying those producers outright (often only for their patent portfolio, after which acquisition they shut down all other operations, i.e. production!)
The same argument holds true for the belligerent. If all the members of a group or society are belligerent then there is no consensus and no cooperation to build anything larger than the scope of what a single individual can do. Mitigated belligerence might allow a few such to band together, but that is only possible if the members of the band cease being belligerent towards each other.
But I want to be clear that I don't propose an either/or scenario here. The acquisitors and the belligerent have definite roles to play in society, and ironically enough they also create a counterbalance to each other! The acquisitors by their nature create fewer larger resource pools, needed to finance collective actions larger than what a single individual can do. And belligerents keep breaking collectives that are too large into smaller ones.
My take on Celestia's - possible - strategy is that she has built a society that lets her find roles for the acquisitors and belligerents that keeps them both happy but prevents them from affecting the happiness of the rest of Equestrians - who are the vast majority of her subjects. The acquisitors are the Unicorn High Society - all Gatsbyesque. The belligerents might well be the Royal Guard and Equestrian armed forces. These would need the determination to act to protect the nation of Equestria, and visibly equipped to kill if the need arises. All the rest of the ponies do not need to kill, and so that trait is not desireable in the general population.
As to the covenant with the humans in Chat's story, she merely has set a situation where the humans can keep isolated if they want, and join Equestrian society only if they so choose. But if they do, Celestia has the obligation as a ruler to ensure that this would not come at the price of the happiness of her existing subjects.
2839398
Oh, sorry, I was just speculating about why some people are assholes on the internet when given anonymity and an audience. It could be that people don't actually like being anonymous or disappearing into that audience, and want to matter in some way, and upsetting people is just the easiest, most straight-forward way to do it. Especially if they don't feel like they matter in their "real" lives. But that's only some pop psychology I made up just now, so don't quote me on that.
Can you explain what you mean by "the other side of the story" here? I'm not sure if you're talking about this actual story and mean the Masada people, or about internet trolls, and mean you can see the appeal of being a provocateur.
You raise a good point about everyone being able to participate and find a role in Equestria, and Celestia has set up her world to be all about happiness in the here and now, and keeping Equestria in a stable, ordered state where her subjects can flourish. That's a pretty unimpeachable strategy, especially since unlike Mundis, Equestria's not going to, say, drop a comet on you "just because."
But at the same time, Celestia's existence and abilities, not to mention colliding braneworlds, is ample evidence that reality is much larger and grander than ordinary pony life, and if you're really curious about the world, and how it is that there could be both an Equestria and Mundis at all, and why they're able to take the forms they do and not some others, i.e. what they and you and everyone else actually are instead of just appear to be, and what makes it all go, it's kind of intolerable to think of stopping at that level. Pushing clouds, growing gardens, and casting spells is all well and good, but it takes doing rare, difficult things to eventually open that up into pushing nebulae around, growing entirely new forms of life, and seeing if anything might come after magic.
2839758
If I take a stab at it, probably because they'd do a lot of collateral damage chasing each other around some equilibrium. Sort of like how those people who say we don't need regulation because word of people getting screwed will spread, and other people will avoid it, always seem to forget that means way more people are still getting screwed.
2839578
It would certainly explain where Equestria's "Queen" is. [This is actually my headcanon.]
But I don't think it's particularly meaningful to talk about a society in which "everyone" would be happy without first deciding what constitutes happiness, how much of it counts, and how much of the time, or if present happiness should always win out over adversity or other difficult growth that might yield a richer kind of happiness later. If you decree that everyone has to share the same space, instead of self-segregating into something like shards, or at least some radical version of live-and-let-live, then I think you're kind of shooting yourself in the foot with the thought experiment; trying to square the circle by having people with mutually exclusive visions of a good society impose one standard on everyone.
You had better come away with us. We are going to Bremen; you can find something better than death everywhere.
Before even reading this chapter: I find the chapter name HILARIOUS
2840035
Perhaps i wasn't very clear. What I am proposing is exactly the opposite: that Celestia has set up something as close to the 'shards' as is possible in a shared reality. But in effect this is only a shared vision in that it is imposed on them by Celestia, their absolute benevolent dictator!
PS I very much like your idea that the cutie marks come from a 'hidden Queen Mother' somewhere. I might just incorporate that into my own headcanon!
2840035 The beauty of it is that it's the same issue. Equestria can be a kind of allegory for the internet. Granted that we don't have a Celestia to watch over us, we still have accepted that it is impossible to be directly violent to someone over the net.
(Aside: It is, of course, possible to be psychologically violent to someone over the internet, which would be a chilling premise for a TCB story: a newfoal who, prevented from hurting others with his hands, sets out to bully and belittle other ponies into self-mutilation and suicide with just his words)
By "the other side of the story" I meant Alice and the ponies, and Celestia's view in general. In other words, Celestia and Stefan Bettencourt represent two opposing positions. Stefan's ideal is the vertical: any relationship between people has an order-giver and an order-taker, a master and an apprentice. Celestia's ideal is the horizontal: All ponies are equal. Even she eschews titles like Empress or Goddess, and when somepony goes against her, like the ponies of the PER, she doesn't bring her limitless power to bear on them.
At first glance, it seems that Stefan is purely a villain and Celestia represents the good. But there is an advantage to the vertical view: the concept of roles. At first glance, it seems that Stefan is abusing, or at least taking advantage of, the Grunthases. But they are content in their role. They are told what to do, and thus are relieved of the need to go out and hunt gems or scrounge for food in the dirt. The contentedness for Stefan is more obvious. He's on the top of the vertical society, and thus is relieved of the need to take orders.
In Equestria, in among the ponies, everypony is equal, but that does not make it paradise. Think, for example, of Plantain's parents. If they lived by Stefan's standards, they would have what they wanted. Their daughter would not run off to join the Happy Pony Show, but would be more inclined to fill her role as the dutiful daughter of a Canterlot elite family.
Since I'm one of those people, I'll say that it's a problem limited to worlds of scarcity. All they (we) are saying is that the regulation will screw as much or more than the screwing did in the first place, and no regulation will minimize the screwing. The opposite view can say, "At least we're trying to eliminate the problem as opposed to minimizing it." But the no-regulation side said that that's impossible.
Which is a good segue into Dafaddah's point (2839971), and how I don't think it applies either in a world where unlimited power exists.
What I mean is, consider that Celestia could make unicorns who learn magic easily and whose scope of power is limited only by their own imagination. Or she could make Earth ponies whose control over the world around them is so perfect that they can make entire cities of plants and stones right down to the micrometer. In that case, "the scope of what a single individual can do" follows a curve that, at its endpoint, matches what everypony can do together.
So there is no reason beyond aesthetics to have everypony doing together what one pony could do alone. Aesthetics can be a good reason; a society of togetherness can be more beautiful than a society of apart-ness. But beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Stefan Bettencourt would disagree. So would an internet troll.
And now, since that's all really heavy stuff, here is a picture of Pinkie Pie smiling: i1063.photobucket.com/albums/t501/pjabrony/mlfw8312-1350572536277626_zps514e6d0b.gif
2841702
I would never downvote a story I hadn't read, even if it is from a category I generally don't like (in my case clop, death porn, torture fics, etc...) If I do downvote a story I tell the author why, and it will have to do with writing. I will not blanket-accuse a whole category of stories because doing so is blatantly unfair to the authors: sometimes stories use those settings to explore or make certain very serious points that actually have nothing to do with the setting itself.
However, calling characters in a category of stories (especially a story you haven't read) as OOC is taking a very narrow view on your own interpretation of a character. Exploring how those characters might behave outside of the familiar settings of the show is often exactly what the author is trying to do.
By downvoting a whole category you give the author no reason for your opinion, and by that very act cheapen the value of your own opinion.
2841687
I don't necessarily agree that ponies are so plenipotent as you describe them to be (although Pinkie Pie almost makes a case for it!). But you're quite right in pointing out that a major point of difference between the two groups is how they place value on things and others.
The Bettencourts (and Internet Trolls) see others only in the light of what they bring to themselves - so their judgements are absolute.
The rest of society sees things and others not only in a selfish light but also acknowledges that other people might value these things differently, and that this difference of opinion is both acceptable and legitimate. For them, beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder.
Eyup.
Kinda makes me wonder, really. Is Celestia capable of saying, "I'm sorry?" And not just something along the lines of, "I'm sorry it came to this," or "I'm sorry for the pain you have suffered," but rather a genuine "I made a mistake, and I sincerely regret it." The way I read her, I kind of doubt her pride - subtle though it may be - would ever allow her to admit such a thing. She needs her own infallible image too much to ever compromise it in such a way.
2842278
For Celestia that would be a morally difficult situation. She is not one of Asher's parents and so has the obligation, by her own standards of lawful behaviour, to respect the parent's wishes to leave their children alone.
The real question I have is why did she engage the children in the first place? That is truly a moral line that in my own head-canon Celestia would have had a great deal of difficulty to cross. The main justification I can see for it is that they would be immigrating to Equestria as well, so she still has a duty to verify that they are being informed of both what is happening and that they are aware of their rights as subjects of the Equestrian crown.But it still comes down to the basic argument about the rights (or obligation) of the state to interfere in family matters when the state and the parents hold different opinions regarding the welfare of the children.
2842499
Heh... well, note that I didn't actually say what mistake Celestia should be apologizing for. I just don't think she'll own up to any of 'em. It's not in her nature.
2842499
The children of the elite were involved for the same reason advertising is targeted the way it is. Celestia is a student of humanity, she understands how we control each other.
93% of all advertising is directed to people 30 and younger, with 20 somethings being a prime demographic. Advertising to children is an ongoing social battle because parents are easily motivated by the demands of their offspring. Get children to want something, and parents will end up doing and buying things that they never, ever would have considered otherwise.
As you... must... know.
Celestia needed to save an entire species. She needed to sell a product to do it.
Children are a primary tool in that circumstance, especially since they are among the ones she wanted to save from doom.
The same method that can force parents to go to the Great Wolf Lodge (even though that is the LAST thing they want to afford) or buy every single last Skylanders (including Ninjini at ninety bucks off ebay) can also be used to force adults to do the right thing... if that method is used to motivate something other than profit.
2836293. We are all glad to have a talented and creative writer who is willing to interact and share her work with us all here. :)
I for one am really enjoying watching the enclave (Bettencourts et al) stew in their own juices. Any number of proverbs come to mind, "You've made your bed, now lie in it", "Tis grand sport to see the engineer hoist by his own petard", "He who would sup with the devil had best bring a long spoon", etc.
Also, the image of a room full of elegantly tailored Captains of Industry pounding fists on oaken tables covered in brandy snifters and whiskey glasses while roaring "It's a man's right to eat bacon whenever he wants, goddamnit!" is very amusing to me.
'Mundis'. Heh. Never one to avoid recycling if there's an opportunity. So... are you retconning the whole Jenniverse in?
> The universe was truly a material one, devoid of spirit, or soul, or god. It was just as science had always clearly stated - a mechanical, material, purposeless temporary arrangement of order within a larger, uncaring chaos.
We-elll.... if that's what they think about materialism, then they have an acute philosophy deficit.
Surprising that she was able to buck a hole in the wall just like that. You'd think the humans would have tried harder to make the place impenetrable, given who this particular group of humans is. I love how she's gotten a whole merry band of misfits (well, except for Asher. He's not very merry!) together to go on this adventure with her. This shall be very enjoyable to read indeed! For now I must sleep, but I will definitely hopefully continue tomorrow. Some may think I say it too much but I don't think it can ever be said enough, thank you so much for writing these stories *hug*.
2836293 I know this is a little late but I hope you consider me a part. and that it wouldn't be presumptuous on my part to say your welcome. *hug*
I think one of my favorite bits is how the humans insisted on being on the mountain and then Celestia put them on the opposite side of it, so they're effectively further away from it than if they were, say, down in Ponyville.
Well it's taken awhile, but I've gotten around to continuing this. And I must say, this is really getting good. The children and the farm animals making their escape into the great unknown has a very "Goonies" vibe to it.
Quite a crew Petra has assembled. I like them for the most part. I can already tell that there's more to Oliver than one might expect...and Asher has some serious abandonment issues.
I'm really rooting for the livestock here, though I fear they might be mere fodder...