2. A Curiously Unsettling Breakfast
The Conversion Bureau
HUMAN
in Equestria
By Chatoyance
2. A Curiously Unsettling Breakfast
When the Good Families had all moved to Equestria, their lives changed tremendously. For the first time ever, Petra regularly saw her mother and her father. She saw her father at breakfast, and at dinner too. She saw her mother not only at those times, but often in the middle of the day as well. It was somewhat uncomfortable and awkward for all of them.
Petra, when she had lived on earth, had been raised and cared for by servants that her father's personal administrator chose for her. None of the servants had been allowed to stay for longer than a year. This was to prevent Petra from becoming attached to any of them, and also to protect Petra. The longer a staff member was retained, the greater the chance that they could be discovered, contacted, and potentially used by enemies to abduct or harm her.
Father had explained all of this multiple times to Petra, about how his family members made him vulnerable, and why such care had to be taken to protect those that mattered to him. Father was constantly away, being very busy running the world, so his visits, when they occurred, were short. The activities he chose always centered around something fun, and consistently presented him in the best possible light.
Now, sitting at breakfast, Petra was faced with the reality of her father, and of her mother too, in ways she had never imagined.
In Antarctica, Father and Mother had been godlike, perfect beings, always immaculately dressed and coiffured - elegant creatures that spoke gently and warmly to each other and especially to Petra. They appeared to her only occasionally as their complex schedules allowed. When she had been very young, Petra had imagined that her parents were Fairies, like out of the animated pages of her smartpaper books. Fairy parents that were always just... perfect.
In Equestria, Father was very different, and often difficult. He kvetched about the mansion, he grumbled about the diamond dog servants, he went on and on about the future of the Families and worried endlessly about things Petra couldn't understand. He also complained grievously about the princesses, and most especially about the Covenant with Celestia. Father was not immaculate and perfect anymore, nor was he always pleasant and fun. Father and Mother bitterly and angrily argued with each other much of the time. Late at night, they could sometimes be heard actually shouting at each other.
The first time this had happened, Petra had been so shocked that she had hid under her bed for an entire day. Only Craven, the head diamond dog butler, had been able to sniff her out. Petra had cleverly packed pillows doused with perfume around her just to foil such discovery. Petra hadn't known what she wanted at the time, other than to make herself somehow go away.
"Me bring tasty eggs and thick, juicy bacon, master!" Snivelina carried a large silver platter and set it down on the polished table. The diamond dog matron wore the apron and hat of a chef, as well as white pants and a white blouse. The Good Families were very insistent that all of their servants dressed appropriately whether they had fur or not. "Very good bacon, master, Grunthas pick pig who talk most. Smart pig make good bacon! Snivelina cook bacon good, not raw, make it way human like best!"
Stefan Albrecht Bettencourt, once the most powerful man on the entire planet Earth, looked down at the inhuman, supplicating beast that had brought his breakfast. Once his merest displeasure could mean changes on a planetary scale. Now his career consisted of a single country club and endless rounds of golf - all while suffering horrific, clawed monsters for staff.
Stefan examined the bacon. As the loathsome creature had claimed, it was not raw. In truth it was expertly cooked, but he was not in the mood to offer any of the praise the horrible little brute lived for. He sniffed, dismissively. "I thought Grunthas was my carriage driver."
Snivelina tilted her canid head to the side, much like an earthly dog, and looked puzzled. "But Grunthas is driver, master! Grunthas is one who kill pig that talk too much, not Grunthas."
"What?"
The diamond dog used her sharp claws to straighten her apron and hat, desperate to please her employer. "Master?"
"You said Grunthas butchered the pig and also was the carriage driver, and then you denied it." Stefan picked a slab of bacon and transferred it to his plate. He had no desire to have his food plated by a monster, it was better to do it on his own. As needs must, he reminded himself.
"I beg to disagree, Master! Snivelina not say Grunthas kill pig and drive carriage, Snivelina say Grunthas kill pig while Grunthas drive carriage!" The awkward animal twisted it's paws together in confusion. "Grunthas is good carriage driver! He work with brother Grunthas, who is good pawservant in carriage team."
The man who had once been the effective god emperor of Earth stared at the increasingly distressed little monstrosity and made the sort of decision that had propelled him to the top of the human hierarchy. "You know what?"
"What, great human master?"
"Shut up. Go away." Stefan's face was, as usual, emotionless. "Then bring me orange juice without saying a word, and when you have brought it, go away again."
Snivelina's ears drooped, and wringing her paws she backed away, unsure of what she had done to upset her beloved master. Her master had been the pack leader, the Alpha for an entire world! Snivelina would do anything for master.
Petra carefully moved a single fried egg to her plate. Once she was sure it was properly placed, she delicately moved a second egg to her plate. Then she gently lay down the utensils, and took her napkin, unfolded it, and placed it in her lap. At every step, she was cautious to move with precision and grace, as she had been taught.
"You did not take any bacon." Liliane, Petra's mother, said her words precisely and carefully, but there was no mistaking the tone. It was not a statement, nor a question. It was an accusation.
"I do not wish to have any bacon this morning, Mother." Petra sat carefully, knowing what was coming.
"You will have some bacon, Petra. Every morning you do not eat your bacon. At lunch, you do not eat either bacon or chicken, and at dinner you never eat any meat at all." Mother was particularly angry today, probably because Petra had failed to awaken promptly and had needed to be roused by Cruddles the maid. "You do not eat meat of any kind except for eggs, and this will not do. You are still clinging to that terrible obsession from Antarctica, but you are not a pony, you will never be a pony, and I will not have you eating like one."
Petra shrank slightly. Mother was on quite the tear.
"Take some bacon. Now." It was without question an order, one not to be disobeyed.
Petra did not want to eat bacon. The pigs could talk, and were ever so upset at being killed. Everything with hooves could speak and think in Equestria, yet neither Mother nor Father seemed to care. Petra did not want to visit her new pony friend smelling of murdered, fried pigs.
Petra worked up as much courage as she could, and prepared herself. "I do not wish to defy you Mother, but I truly do not wish to have any bacon today." Petra was shaking, but she had said what she truly felt.
The look in her mother's eyes was new, and thoroughly terrifying. "Petra Alice Bettencourt!" Mother said the words like the old artificial intelligence that had been the house in Antarctica. "You will take three pieces of bacon, you will put them on your plate, and then you will eat them. Do you understand?"
Petra could not meet her mother's eyes. She stared instead at her two fried eggs. Ponies ate eggs. Eggs couldn't talk or think. Eating eggs didn't hurt anything. "T-Thank you Mother, but I truly and genuinely do not wish to have any bacon today." Petra felt a tightness in her chest, or perhaps it was her belly, it was hard to tell. In any event, it felt dreadfully uncomfortable.
"How dare you!"
Petra kept her eyes firmly focused on her eggs. She was afraid to move, afraid to try to eat. She didn't even feel hungry anymore, because of the unpleasant feeling in her body.
Suddenly a slab of bacon slid violently onto her plate. Then another, and another. "Eat... your breakfast... Petra."
Looking up, she found her mother staring at her with eyes filled with suppressed rage and something else. Petra almost thought it might have been fear, except that Mother never felt fear. She looked down at her plate. The eggs had been ruined. They were now contaminated with the smell and grease of the poor pig that had been killed by Grunthas, the diamond dog who both hunted and managed the captive animals for the Bettencourts.
Petra felt tears forming. The greasy bacon sat there, on top of her eggs. Why was Mother being so cruel? Finally, quivering, Petra looked her mother in the eyes. "I truly do not wish to eat bacon."
Mother's pupils shrank, as she stared. "'You do not wish to eat bacon?'" Mother's voice was softly mocking, quietly angry. "You do not wish to eat bacon today? What about tomorrow? Will you eat bacon tomorrow? Just when will you eat bacon, Petra?"
Petra was shocked, and frightened, to see that her mother was shaking slightly.
"Just exactly when will you next eat bacon? I 'truly' want to know, Petra. I think you do realize that you are a human, and that you must eat meat to live. More than that, you are a Bettencourt. You are not some woggy little squalid favela worker shoving synthetic plant protein into your gullet. You are not one of those horrible, gaudy, rainbow beasts of the field that walk on hooves and mouth smug platitudes all day. You are the daughter of a proud family, an apex predator at the apex of human civilization... or what is left of it... and you. WILL. EAT. MEAT."
This was the first time Petra had ever heard her mother raise her voice to her. Mother was standing at the table, leaning over it, her hands white knuckled, fingers splayed wide as if they were claws. If they had been claws, Petra was certain that those fingers would be embedded deeply into the table.
"Enough." Father said the word quietly. Father only ever needed to speak quietly.
"Dear?" Mother looked almost as if she were coming out of a daze.
"If the child does not wish to eat bacon, then let her be. If there is any sign of her nutritional needs not being met, then something will be done. For now, let her enjoy her eggs." With that, Father got up from the table. "I will be at the club, as always. I expect peace and decorum in this house."
Mother sat down, and deliberately began concentrating on her own breakfast. Her hand shook slightly, and her lips pressed very hard together with every bite.
Stefan stopped at the door and turned back. "Petra?"
"Yes Father?" Petra looked at him nervously, uncertain whether his previous order would be changed.
"How old are you now?"
"I am thirteen, Father." Petra understood that her father was much too busy and important to remember things like her age or her birthday. Besides, such things were always taken care of by the servants anyway.
"Have you bled?"
The question was strange, and Petra was unsure what to make of it. She had no answer to give.
Her father waited. Seeing no response forthcoming, he took a step forward. "Petra, I need to know something. It is very important. Have you begun menstruating? Have you begun to bleed from between your legs?"
Oh! That was what he meant. Petra had been educated about her body early on, and about sex, and about what she should expect to happen as she entered puberty. She had been taught these things back on Earth. "No Father. I have not bled."
"Stefan?" The anger in Mother's voice had vanished. What was left was fear. Petra hadn't been imagining it.
Father turned to Mother, locking his eyes with hers. "Not one girl in all the Families has begun menstruating. They are growing up, their bodies are changing appropriately, but they do not bleed. When was the last time you had your period?"
"I... I haven't." Mother sat stunned, as if realizing something for the very first time.
"I think we have larger issues than whether our child will eat bacon." Father turned again and moved for the door. "I have called for a committee to look into this. I may be at the club until quite late. Ask around and see if the same is true with those in your circles."
Mother stood up after Father had left. "You... be a good girl today. I need to go visiting. Do not give any of the staff any trouble, and try to pay attention to your studies. I may not be here for lunch. You know what to do." Any of the fuss over bacon was entirely gone. Petra watched her mother leave the dining room.
It was simple after that to collect a nice platter of untainted eggs, bread, fruit and juice. Petra also dug into the magically powered cold larder and found some nice stalks of celery and some carrots too. Bunnies liked carrots, at least they did in story books.
With her heart beating with excitement, Petra snuck away from the dining hall and the kitchen without either Snivelina or Cruddles or even Craven noticing, and made her way to the north wing.
After she had climbed past the second floor, Petra needed to rest. She set the silver tray piled high with breakfast for her new friends down upon the landing. As her heart calmed from the climb, she still heard a faint beating, almost a pounding. It was quite vigorous, and Petra began to worry that her Equestrian guests had become trapped somehow, and were hammering the walls to be set free.
Taking up the silver platter, Petra climbed the remaining stairs as quickly as she could, nearly spilling the orange juice in the process. At the door to the third floor room, the thumping was quite complex and not at all subtle. Setting down the tray once more, Petra rushed to the handle and opened the door to the room.
Petra gasped in surprise. Plantain and her little bunny Crème were tap dancing all around the room. They had pushed the furniture to the side and had made use of the open area as an impromptu dance studio.
Plantain performed a double cramp roll, using all four of her hooves, and sounding for all of Equestria like a herd unto herself. She immediately switched into a paradiddle followed by a shuffle-hop-step and added several slurps and riffles when she noticed Petra watching her.
Crème supported the sound of hooves with a sequence of four beat paw shuffles and ended with a five-sound riff walk just as Plantain completed with a pullback, two brushes and a pickup.
"TA-DAHHH!" Plantain struck a marvelous pose, all four legs crossed, nonchalant yet debonair. The little bunny, Crème, finished at the same time, standing on her hind legs, leaning against Plantain's right foreleg as if it were a lamp post. As a final flourish, Crème gave her top hat a tip, so that it sat low over her eyes, giving her the appearance of peeking out from under the brim.
"Oh my!" Petra had known the two were performers, now she had seen a tiny bit of what they could do and she was very impressed. It was enough to imagine that a pony and a bunny might be able to dance, it was entirely a revelation that they could be so very good at it!
Petra clapped, indicating her pleasure and approval.
Plantain stepped forward at that and stared at Petra's clapping hands. Petra froze, unsure whether she had somehow insulted the yellow-maned Equestrian.
"Oh! I get it!" Plantain smiled broadly and winked. "That's how you humans clop your hooves! You liked it then?"
"Oh, ever so much!" Petra beamed, happy that her hand clapping had been understood. "I have never seen... well... a pony and a bunny dance before. You do it so well! You make it look effortless!"
"It's anything but. Crème and I have been practicing nearly every single day for the last six years. We were doing this sort of thing even before we joined Mr. Payne's show! We used to practice in my mother's kitchen, because there was a very nice floor there. She used to get pretty angry, especially after we brought in all of the other bunny dancers!"
"Other bunny dancers?" Petra had fetched and then set down the tray of breakfast in the middle of the floor. Then she sat down beside the tray. Since all of the furniture had been pushed to the side, it seemed the best thing to do.
"We had quite a growing troupe. 'Acres and Bûnnée, featuring the Banana Moon Dancers!'" Plantain immediately folded her legs and joined her lapine companion in unceremoniously savaging the eggs and toast.
"Banana Moon Dancers?" Petra felt glad to see that her offering was being so happily devoured.
"Mnn... yeah. My mom runs a banana plantation. Mnnn... Mnmph." Plantain swallowed some juice and continued eating. It was fairly clear that the pony and bunny were starved. Little Crème had practically submerged herself within the bowl of fruit, with only her top hat and cape indicating her current whereabouts. "Like my mom says, 'Ponies are bananas for bananas!'. I got tired of them a long time ago, myself."
"But...!" Plantain munched contentedly for a while. "If I hadn't been on the plantation, I would never have made friends with the banana spiders."
"Banana... spiders?" Petra shuddered. She had thought the talk about arachnid syncopation the previous night had been some kind of joke. "That must be simply horrid to deal with!"
"Well... they do drive a hard bargain." Plantain joined her long eared friend in munching fruit. "The spiders elected a manager, and he wanted thirty percent of the gross! No muffin way, I told him." Plantain drank some more juice, and then turned to finish off the toast. "Spiders are scary good at math. Real hard-ball with the percentages. They almost went on strike before our first big performance, but I kept my knees locked and in the end they relented." Plantain grinned. "No show, no pay at all. That caved 'em!"
"But... what would spiders do with money?" Petra felt her head swimming again, much as it had last night. It seemed that almost anything Plantain talked about eventually caused that feeling.
Plantain stopped and stared, as if surprised at the question. "Why... buy a homeland, of course! They're basically squatters on mom's plantation. They escaped the Everfree, and they don't want to go back. The spiders have been working hard to prove they aren't bad spiders, and that they deserve recognition. They even petitioned the princesses for a plantation of their own. The deal was that if they could honorably make the bits to purchase the land, that would prove they were civilized enough to join Equestrian society. I translated for them - Luna became their patron. Good thing she likes spiders!"
"Wow!" Petra was quite taken aback by all of this. Intelligent spiders who performed rhythm pieces petitioning for citizenship to the princesses no less! Equestria truly was a magical land. "I've met Celestia before. She spent six months with me, once. She used to nag me to brush my teeth!"
Now it was the pony's turn to be amazed. "What?" Plantain shook her head. "Princess Celestia, THE princess, spent six months living with you?" This had caught Crème's attention too, especially since all the fruit was gone.
"Oh yes. She came and lived with every member of the Good Families. Adults, children, even the babies. We all had Celestia living with us day and night." Petra sighed. "I miss her now. Sometimes I wish she was there, when I brush my teeth. I'd give anything to get to see her again like that."
"I have not heard about this before." Plantain sipped the last of the juice. "What do you mean she lived with all of you? Did you live in one big house?"
Petra laughed. "Oh no! Of course not! There are three hundred heads of the Families, and each has a wife and children. We'd never fit under one roof. Celestia made copies of herself, and gave each and every one of us one of them. Only we could see the copies, only the members of the Good Families could see them. They were like ghosts. They could talk, and we could see them, but all the Celestias could walk right through the wall! My Celestia used to tease me by standing in the middle of my bed!"
Plantain was goggle eyed at all of this. Crème's little bunny eyes nearly filled her face.
"Father was ever so cross about it all. Mother was driven nearly mad by it. All the adults complained and went on about how terrible it was. But I didn't think so at all, and neither did any of the other children in the Families." Petra leaned back on her arms, to rest her back. "I thought it was wonderful. Every night, Celestia would tell me a story or sing me to sleep. When I woke up, there she was, playing peek-a-boo by passing through the pillows. She used to keep me company and play with me too, and the guards couldn't do anything about it! Everyone thought we had all gone crazy at first, until Celestia explained it to them."
The little pony sat up and tried to grasp everything she had just heard. "Petra, why did the princess do all of this?"
Petra looked sad for a moment. "Because Father ordered the bombing of Equestria. It didn't hurt anything, but it certainly wasn't friendly. None of the Families wanted to allow ponification. They all wanted Celestia to go away. They wouldn't listen, no matter how nicely she explained that the world was going to end." Petra lay down on the floor, on her side, and looked at her new friends for a bit. "So Celestia made copies of herself, and sent them to every single one of us. For us kids, she was just wonderful. She was like having the best nanny ever!"
Plantain had toured Equestria, met Celestia and Luna many times, and seen things that most ponies would not believe. Yet this was the most extraordinary thing she had probably ever heard. "And... for the adults?"
"Oh, she was very, very cross with Father, and all the other adults. Father said she did the most terrible, awful thing that it was possible to ever do to a human being." Petra almost seemed to have stated that with pride.
"W-what did Celestia do to your Father and all the other adult humans?" Plantain had heard stories, stories she hadn't believed, about the maze garden in Canterlot, about how Celestia would do anything to protect her ponies and keep peace.
"Father told me that she showed them Truth."
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I want to apologize, in advance. There will be a slight delay until the next chapter appears, because I will be offline for a while. I need to build a new computer - my old one is dying, crashing all the time. (Yes, we tried everything.) It will take a few days to get everything installed and working properly, once the box is put together.
I wanted to get this chapter out before I went dark, because I want to keep the ball rolling, and your enthusiasm going. I really think you may enjoy this story, so please bear with me.
Thank you for you patience, and support.
- Petal Chatoyance
"Curioser and curioser", I believe the saying goes. Celestia has done something... or failing that, Equestria itself has.
And oh my, those servant names - I'm not sure if it's the most awful hamminess or genius to call them Craven and Snivelina. Not to mention Grunthas, Grunthas and Grunthas (I do hope I'm getting the inflections right, I know how those types get in a snit about their names:)
2794885
Just kidding, have fun with that! (Which you probably won't knowing murphy's law) And thanks for the update!
2794155
Hello to you!
Let us meet then, officially!
How do you do? I am Petal Chatoyance, and I am very pleased to make your acquaintance!
I have greatly enjoyed your many comments on my stories. When I came back to Fimfiction, I found a treasure trove of interesting and insightful posts from you, and I truly enjoyed reading them.
I am sorry if I upset you at all with some of my stories. I hoped, after such a banquet of interesting comments, that you would not give up on me. Apparently, you did not! Happy dance!
Anyway, I am glad you are here, and I want to thank you for reading my latest story. I think you will find it mostly happy, with just a touch of Victorian color, and while it will allude to some dark details of my complicated - but self consistent - TCB universe, ultimately it will be a story of a girl, a pony, and a bunny who can dance very, very well.
- Chatoyance ^.^
2794885
Ooo. I highly recommend you to pickup a good Sandy Bridge if it's a desktop rig, if you won't be using integrated graphics.
Haswell's integrated graphics is not bad at all, but you can pick up Sandy Bridge components on-the-cheap!
(I need a tablet PC, so Haswell is the only way to go. I need Wacom...)
I seriously hope that some of the adults in the 300 families would not be so draconian. Then again... the very fear that Celestia would have instilled upon those with so much political power is likely to keep them very bitter.
2794953
Sandy Bridge? Hello, 2005 wants its chipset back... Haswell is where it's at (for Intel at least - I forget the name of AMD's current baby).
As I've said before though, be sure to make the correct blood sacrifice when putting together your PC!
And that's why you should never hire more then one Igor. I mean Grunthas.
Showing the humans the truth. The nerve of some ponies!
2795030 but that's truth with a capital T. And italicized to boot!
I can't wait to see how far the rabbit hole goes...
Eating the smartest pigs?
Diamond Dog naming conventions: Zathras, right?
I see Celestia made some tweaks of her own to the modified Potion (or whatever). Um, do Equestrianized humans get the full magical work-up too, or are they just meat? Because that would really suck, for reasons discussed in previous stories. I'm guessing no, and hoping that gets fixed.
Ooh, I remember the ghost Celestias. I thought they were just for psychological warfare, but they were preparing a fifth column, too. Yay continuity!
Grunthas? Isn't that a reference to B5's Zarthras (or however his name was)? They were once ten of them, now only nine.
(Fixed error report)
Ah, rabbits, moon, mochi hammer, got it.
"Huzzah! How many points do I receive?"
(note to site admins: we need a Luna icon!)
2795320
Kinda reminds me of Niven's Known Space series "bandersnatch", an engineered species that was covertly made to be immune to thrintun mind control: the tnuctipun covered for the fact that a purported food animal had a large, sapient brain by saying that it made it more delicious.
Delicious to the tnuctipun, who both ate the bandersnatchi and used them to spy on the thrintun.
2794901
Actually, I believe it's Grunthas, Grunthas, and Grunthas. Not quite sure.
I cannot imagine why all of your stories get the amount of downvotes that they do.
I don't trust Celestia. I sense malicious intent behind her actions.
2795555
Thanks for the opinion
. But no, I'll read the stories I want to, thanks. I have more fun with TCB authors than I think I would with Mr Banks (people got mad the last time I tried to dig up and talk to dead things), and I wholeheartedly enjoy the majority of stories that come out of the subgenre.
Lastly, please don't come onto another author's story comments and start talking about anything but the story, or telling people to not read it just because you don't like it personally. It's rude.
2795732
Because idjits
2795834
images.community.wizards.com/community.wizards.com/user/rpjesus/c482839f8f2475687dbd02c49f432e7e.png?v=202500
I don't recall implying you ever said anything other than your opinion. Just that coming onto someone's story page and saying: "This genre is terribad. You guys who come here wanting to read this should go read this instead." is rude. If that makes me a massively defensive twit, then I'm gonna go godzilla Tokyo
2795886
You are perfectly free to post why you didn't like the story. I'm re-reading your comment now, but I fail to see anything in it about this story except for maybe this:
which is buried inside a much larger criticism of TCB in general. Which, as I said, isn't the purpose of the story comment sections. If you want to discuss your feelings regarding TCB in general, there's a group dedicated to it.
Now, we've derailed Chatoyance's story comments long enough, so I'm not going to continue, and politely ask that you do the same. If you feel that you must continue, you can feel free to PM me, though it's unlikely I'll respond (working on a couple stories at once as well as getting ready for work)
2794885
As for the new chapter itself, I'm curious to see more revealed on why Petra's parents are acting the way that they are, and just what this Truth is. And will be chomping at the bit until the next chapter comes.
Also, diamond dog servants... made to wear silly outfits
There needs to be a sad diamond dog image for situations like these
2795886 You are right, you do have the right to state your opinion. However, Chatoyance has just as much right to delete your comments that do so. Expect that to happen in the not so distant future.
Anybody else reminded of how their parents would demand they eat their vegetables? Also, I'm getting a hint of Rousseau's Discourse on the Arts and Sciences about some of the inherent silliness of social niceties in order to prove oneself. Also, maybe a bit of Oliver Twist. "MORE!?" All of it layered to recreate that moment in a child's life when they realized their parents weren't Superman and Wonder Woman. For me it was listening in on an argument, drinking some orange juice and staring into a mirror. A familiar moment, rendered strange.
And this is the part of the story where the very strange is made familiar. HELLO!
No bleeding? "Children of Men" anyone? Now I'm torn between reading the father's voice like Tywin Lannister or Clive Owen.
I have one tiny nitpick. Celestia becomes less powerful the further away from Equestria she is according to your universe, and the last little bit was confusing. Did Celestia manifest multiple intangible selves inside Equestria after the Good Families were brought in, or outside Equestria when she was convincing the Good Families to allow conversion? If it's the latter, how far away from Equestria was she when she made the illusions appear?
2795320 I was thinking more about the Marklar from Southpark with that naming gag.
2795914 Why are Petra's parents adamant that she eat meat? I imagine for the same reason kids in school stand for the oath of allegiance/national anthem, Catholics take the sacrament, or any distinctive group has a certain behavior. It's a way of showing "I'm with you guys! We're together in this, we may have our slight differences at times, but in the end, we're not that different."
The issue here is that the eating of meat is taken as such a significant factor of being human, they neglected the detail that they were eating a sapient creature, an act which most people would condemn as remarkably inhuman. It's a drawn out and protracted case of "I resemble that remark!"
But that's all just my take on it. Chatoyance could have been going for something completely different. Though now I'm curious to listen to her take on it.
2796105
A not-uncommon gag, but Chat has mentioned being a fan of Babylon 5 before, so...
Good luck putting the new rig together! It certainly can be a pain; I've had many travails replacing the components and case of "Theseus," the "same" computer that I've had for the last 7 years. At least I learned a lot about how these things work.
Masada seems to essentially be a (forced-)retirement home. They'd rather continue their same solipsistic lifestyle, only now they don't have any power and the outside world isn't generating them any wealth. Plus all the golfing. And they can't have any more children. I was guessing Celestia's plan would be to just wait them out as more and more of each generation is lured away, but it looks like she took a much more direct route, since I doubt she didn't foresee this even if it isn't her doing. Either way, it's doomed to be as lifeless a patch of mountain as its namesake.
It's interesting the spiders get the opportunity to prove themselves fit to be citizens as they are, mentally, while humans were given no such option, but then all the previous stories would have lost a lot of driving conflict (and I suppose the people who naturally would have passed said test would have come out pretty much unchanged, anyway).
There's definitely a bit of schadenfreude in seeing Petra's parents react to her vegetarianism. It seems like they're mostly animated by pique at this point, anyway, so it's nice to see they're primarily hurting themselves - Ms. Bettencourt seems to be suffering much more from Petra's lack of meat eating than Petra is.
I'm interested to see if Petra's tale takes place entirely within the compound, or if she's able to leave with Plantain, having been somehow modified to survive the radiation.
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It's why I always described the book as Lovecraft by way of a TED conference.
Blindsight is one of my favorite books, and in fact I'm currently working on a graphic novel adaptation to pitch to Peter Watts, but I also enjoy Chatoyance's writing for its its unique combination of the same eye for arcane detail with an uncompromisingly humanist moral universe, unlike Peter Watts' stories' more usual Tao-like amorality. And neither Rorschach nor the scramblers were ever really all that cute, let's face it.
It always seemed to me like the theme of Chat's TCB stories is only secondarily about human nature, and more about the idea of a purely naturalistic universe being somehow a broken one. I fundamentally disagree, but that seems to be the nature of most people's intuition (a deliciously ironic thing to evolve in such a universe) and it's fascinating to think about. There was a line in one of the TCB stories about how anyone who prefers Earth's "atheistic" universe must have already been driven insane by it, which really reminds me of Blindsight's conceit that choosing the outside world over uploading yourself into "Heaven" meant eventually having to evolve into post-sentient "monsters" like the scramblers, becoming exactly as soulless as the universe they chose
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FIXED
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How about... I don't need abuse, which is NOT criticism, and also, I am not really interested in - criticism. Would it truly be so impossible to just be nice, and not downvote and also not feel compelled to give me any crap at all?
I mean, think about it - there are ten thousand stories here on Fimfiction. I have written twenty-two. If you need to criticize and downvote, go find someone who wants to play! You are not required to cause me unhappiness. So why do it? Stop. Just stop.
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Hello, Miss Chatoyance! It's nice to meet you. ^_^
As for your synopsis... hmm! I have to admit, I'm at least as fascinated by the implications of the Human Masada's existence as I am by Petra herself and her newfound friends, but if the trend of the two existing chapters continues, hopefully their adventures will lead them to uncover more about the separate but connected worlds in which they live, and both of those fascinations will be satisfied!
The closest thing I have to a formal Internet Name is Salu Digby, after the character who inspired my username, so you can call me by the username, or something shorter, like Sally, or Salu, or Violet. I have no particular preference.
I'm doing well, and I hope the same is true for you, apart from your unfortunate computer troubles. >_< I hope your data is recoverable!
I'm glad to hear you enjoyed my comments; I certainly enjoyed your stories, as well as sharing my thoughts on them. I think I may have been upset by some of the stories, at times, but it was the kind of discomfort that proved I cared about the characters and their problems, and in the end I would count that as a positive. (I don't always remember all of my thoughts on reading a story once I've finished it- this is one of the reasons I like to comment the way I do, to keep those thoughts from vanishing on me!)
When I began reading your stories, the most recent post on your blog indicated that you had left the site with no intention to return, and so "giving up on you" was not any conscious decision on my part so much as simply the way things were. However, I am excited to see that things have changed, and now eagerly look forward to enjoying this latest addition to your work (and your extensive but consistent TCB-verse) as it arrives.
With thanks,
Salu Digby
Seems to me someone is getting trolled
I would like to say that i have just found you, and have just begun to read your stories, along with all the hate you have received. And on behalf of all the bronies out their that are doing this to you i would like to apologize. You do not deserve such treatment, you are a wonderful writer,person,friend,human being and i really hope you don't stop writing.
So I just got one question-Why in the hell do a lot of people not like these The Conversation Buerue stories? I mean, I never read one, but you don't see me talking mad shit about em'. So please, somebody tell my why these stories are disliked, what TCB is all about, and don't be bias.
I just don't see why there's all this hate, the fuck happen to Love and Tolerance? Know what, I'm on a rant. Just, somebody please let me know.
Reason for downvotes? I must know
Yeah, why is this in the Clopfics groups?
The CB verse has very little to do with clop.
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Hey there, morons. How are you today? Bit of drool there, might want to get that. Anyway,
DID YOU KNOW?
That's what the FAQ said. I tried it out and I was able to put a few fics in a few groups that damn well didn't belong there. What fun! And so useful, too, because apparently the people running this site didn't think of how easy this is to abuse. And furthermore, you guys are so young and niave that you actually believe that Poultron, Knighty and crew are actually bright enough to code good policy into this site. Ha ha ha omg I love you guys
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Speaking for myself, I generally consider people in general as already having a strike against them for breathing.
Love is a word used to describe a favorite food and my equivalent of tolerating someone is giving them the impression that I won't try killing them.
At least not today.
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i would just like to say that many of the people who are commenting on this with criticisms (the ones who aren't trolls, anyhow) are only trying to be helpful. there is no author alive who can't improve their work significantly in some respect or other. we all have our weak points when it comes to writing, and having someone look over our work critically is by far the best way for anyone to improve. i get troll downvotes all the time (especially on listen and learn, because of its lgbt subject matter) but i've found that the ones who leave comments usually have something useful hidden between the flames.
just saying.
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'love and tolerate' = 'shut up and troll somewhere else' when the fandom was confined to 4chan
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you need to give my stories reviews like that
right away plz
anyway, my review: i noticed a lot of minor/insignificant errors, but i found the story enjoyable for the most part. Plantain Acres in particular was a very likable character, and I think you've done a good job with the OC creation process in this case. i'm not very familiar with conversion bureau fanfiction, so it's kind of alien to me, but that's good because i'm sick of reading the same rehashed insipid appledash clopfest crap from the featurebox, lol.
so i guess i'll keep an eye on this for now and see what happens.
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This is a concise breakdown of some archetypes ACB fics follow except the second is so radically rare that one never sees them in the wild for very long. More common is The Last Human, in which the very last human (always, always male) is either examined or dies a defiant heroic death on His Own Two Feet... after getting a chance to look at some pictures and be sad. And usually yell at Celestia who shows up for some reason. These are usually Self-Insert and tend to be awfully Gary Stu.
...So, uh, I was thinking of starting a group called the Alternate Alternate Conversion Bureau. The purpose would be to feature stories that subvert, de-construct, or examine the common storylines, themes and tropes found in the Alternate Conversion Bureau sub-sub-sub genre of fanfiction. It wouldn't be hostile to the ACB or the TCB groups, but instead supportive. Failing that, we'll at least be entertaining. A friend of mine is already on board, and you seem like you might be interested. Want me to message you when we get it up and running?
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Somebody ELSE is going around adding the story to every drama-laden group they can think of. You know, so then morons like you can show up? Lulz? And you went along with it like a useful little sheep? You get what I'm saying, right? Or do I have to spell this out some more?
You're being used by a troll. And now you're also getting trolled by a different (more awesome) troll. Welcome to your forever.