Fluttershy confesses to Rainbow Dash that she is a fillyfooler.
The night goes better than she had thought.
Chapters (1)
RainbowFlameThrower
Joined 25th Mar, 2013 ·
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FlutterDash will always be one of the best ships out there. I can't wait to read this story for I am sure that it will be grand.
2659556
Uh, thanks.
2659563
Why do you sound so unsure about what I have just said?
2659572
My fics aren't terribly 'grand'.
This is my account for all my fics that kind of suck.
2659580
Well, I've read a few of your other stories on this account and have found them at the very least somewhat enjoyable. I know that with practice comes perfect.
2659586
Yep...
2659592
What's the name of your other account?
2659595
It's a secret...
2659608
Okay then...
2659620
I'll tell you if you don't say anything about it.
2659626
What do you mean by that? Like, not comment on this story about the name of it? What?
2659637
Yeah, and vice versa.
2659651
That all sounds fine to me. I guess I might understand why someone might want two accounts.
2659660
I'll PM the name to you...
2659668
Very well...
2659671
I've only ever had one story featured though...
2659683
Huh, I've read like half of the stories on your other account as well as this one. Odd...
2659690
Whoa...
Weird...
That was awesome, and FAVORITED!!
Overall, I enjoyed it (cuddles were had, and they were F
ing adorable!). Their is definitely potential here and you have a firm grasp on your main plot. The only true problems I find with this piece are character, pacing, and diction. The overall speed of the fic incredibly fast, we have RD going from non fillyfooler to having a intimate kiss with Fluttershy and strong implications of far more risque activities occurring. The sudden flip is just so fast with lack of detail concerning the emotional responses of RD to each stage of her transition. Fluttershy's shyness and apologetics were spot on and adorable as always
; however, RD transition and overall acceptance seems rather flat and emotionless considering the usual bravado she displays. I would recommend spending more time describing the reactions or RD and fluttershy. The deepening of blush in their faces, the thickening of the air as intimacy increases, how RD perception of Fluttershy's appearance changes. Colorful description is what really sells these pieces of romance. The little twinges of the eyes, the stuttering and embarrassment, the subtle and gradual changes in emotion are what make you truly see and feel the scene.
The other tweak I would make is with your diction and syntax choices. The overall diction level is perfectly pleasing to casual reading but greater variety would make the piece even more fetching. Instead of repeating their names it makes the piece more interesting to describe a factor in their appearance with colorful adjectives such as prismatic pony for RD or demure pony for Fluttershy. This makes the piece more varied and interesting as well as giving you some insight into the appearance and personality of the character, further sharpening the image. I would also recommend varying your usage of speech verbs as well. You primarily stick to "said" "replied" and "whispered" to introduce dialogue and these words really have no variety and serve only to describe the nature of conversion rather than the connotation behind what is being said. usage or verbs such as "retorted" "exclaimed" "taunted" "chided" are all excellent not only for signifying dialogue but also giving ones a sense of the emotional state of the speaker as well as the response they are seeking from their conversation partner. Whenever I write and correct, I always keep a thesaurus handy to find the write word to express exactly the type of emotion I seek to convey with my work, and I would always recommend this to all writers.
Overall, I would say you just need to spend more time developing your overall story. The base is most definitely here but it needs more elaboration, description, and emotion to be truly captivating. Hope this helps and I look forward to your future pieces.
that was great and it sets it self up for a sequel quite well if you wanted to wright one.
So yeah good story
loved it xxxx
Verry nice. I'm unsure about why this has a certan tag... Unless that comes later, but so far its been a fun, if kinda short read. And
is always a total win!
I found the idea of Fluttershy appearing at rd's house late at night like that and getting more than she had bargained for to be rather funny and despite a few cases of the wrong tense seeming to be used, it was a smooth read.
I can't wait for more Flutterdash. It's as snugly as my own stories about the best ship :)
idc what the haters have to say. ClopFics are most certaintly NOT just perverted fantasies. They are works of art that come from the soul. This particular one proves my point precisely.
2666778
Not technically clop, but okay.
Thanks.
2667146*shipping
Awwww! So cute!
I'd love to see more of this. So cute!!
2781857
I may or may not write a second chapter...
Cool! Cant wait to check out more of this!
This was a decent premise that collapsed because it took place over the course of like 5 minutes (or that's at least how it felt whilst reading it). Apparently Rainbow Dash is capable of changing her sexuality in an instant so long as someone makes a move? Bizarre. That seems like something that would be more of a drawn out process that would include at least some degree of internal conflict.
That's what I really would have wanted. The tension created by Rainbow Dash's uncertainty.
This premise deserves at least 5 times the number of words it got.
2795281
Lovely!
lets see, favorited, liked, and commented and said this is an amazing flutterdash fic. Any other compliments i can give? Oh yeah, this.
SO ADORRRRRABLEE
This was adoreble. That is realy all i have to say about this.
Did not spot any errors or anything like that. Just a cute short story. Good job.
~Tobben
well, that escalated quickly lol
This is really good. Flutterdash is the coolest
