IHateBronies
Joined 10th Dec, 2012 ·
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- canisloopis · 12k words · 24 16 · 832 views
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Let's see, where can I poke and prod.
Let's start with the following.
Really? If you want to do a 2nd person story, and are too lazy to come up with a name or don't want to divulge one, don't. Anonymous is something you see over on 4chan and other things. It's a big bore seeing it over here.
Now, premise. Huh. That's different, I suppose. Barely met word requirement to post the story though. Usually doesn't bode well for the story in question. Glancing at your other story doesn't look too promising either.
Now, time to open up the 1,010 word prologue.
First thing that catches my eyes. No indents in the paragraphs. Improper capitalization. Technicolor, being used as an adjective, is not capitalized. You have a two word paragraph (a horse). The A should be capitalized.
Tell-y as can be. There is zero showing going on here.
Improper punctuation. Misuse of commas, missing commas. One such example is addressing someone. Text, Name being addressed, text.
To end, being an asshole, after I saw this...
Get the fuck out. Uuuugh, I just threw up in my mouth a little after reading that.
2649988
Hey, why don't you follow you're own rules, you capitalized the same word you just told him not too.
2649988
Your tears are delicious.
As for the lack of indents, that was an error that was caused by copy and pasting of the fic to this site. It was merely looked over. As for your opinion about Anonymous; I think you are the only person who gives that much of a fuck.
Thanks for reading!
This isn't one of the best stories I've read, but I like it favorite and up voted.
Has potential, I'm hopping on to see where this goes! =P
Curiosity likes this and so do I.
Me: Good job penis, you discovered an awesome story
Penis: NOOOOO, WHERE IS THE CLOP!?
2652293
Soon.jpg
Have a 3 day weekend on my hands to finish the next chapter and proofread it.
2652598
Me: THE STORY IS BETTER
Penis: CLOP!
Me: PLOT- wait, STORY!
Penis: CLOP, GOD DANG IT!
Me: STORY HAS MORE SENSE
Penis: NO, YOU LIKE DE CLOPS
"You snap back to reality with the force of a free falling boulder. What could possibly make you have thoughts like that? Panicking you rush past the mare and make your way back to your room. Once inside, you quickly lie down and try to force the memory of the past few minutes out of your head. What could have compelled you to do such a thing?"
Tell me, how do you plan to resist? or should I say how do I plan on resisting this:
iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/108049__UNOPT__safe_princess-luna_animated_artist-sallymon.gif?1350703685
or all of this:
th08.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2013/009/6/7/princess_luna_s_cutie_hip__modified__by_designjh-d5qtat0.png
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/28439561.jpg
that's how
2650026 Beginning of a sentence..
2655692 Very poor joke. Tried to lighten up the mood so-to-speak. But I do appreciate your concern
update......when?...........seriously....... luna is not pleased and fluttershy is getting impatient
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTIvMDYvMTcvMjJfMTFfMzBfMjk0XzU0NDBfXyJdXQ/5440__safe_princess-luna_unamused_seriously_disappoint.png
th03.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/177/7/2/death_glare_fluttershy_by_kired25-d52op2q.png
they are scary when they are angry. so scary, you will seriously shit golden nuggets
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My weekend was cut short due to unforeseen circumstances. But I promise you, its worth the wait.
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not a problem for me lets hope fluttershy and luna are understanding. I was not kidding about the golden nuggets
run bitch! run!
also
well, lets see where this goes
Sooooooo, about the next chapter.
weeeell thats an insta fav
