• Member Since 19th Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

DarklightArk


T

A small family of Pegasi live in a meadow. But there is something strange about this family of mute, illiterate ponies. And not just that their mother looks like the sister, down to the matching cutie mark.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 9 )

It's.... uhhhhh....... errrrrrrrrrrr......... okay.

The writing makes it hard for me to follow. It feels...... broken. There should be more detail on what the characters and scene look and feel.

It's a PokemonxMLP fanfic, easily anyone could tell. But there are some people who don't know what Pokemon there are, and a description of there looks would be nice. I do know what these Pokemon look like, btw.

I'm not sure who Bianca is, though. Is she the girl from the Latios and Latias movie? Or is she the rival? You have to put in their looks, characteristics, and origins.

Chapter 0? Chapter 0.5? Would've been better if you put these 2 together and called it Prologue.

I think the only thing I see in it is the story. I couldn't pick up much of it, just that Sombra wants revenge and needs a powerful slave to do so, but pulls in Latias and it's child.

Just who is False Wind? What world is he god of? What those he look like? What are his powers? What are his characteristics? Origins?

You get no dislike from me. Just a "Meh, it could do more."

2893836 Thanks umm. The thing is I forgot how to spell prologue so hehe. Also, yeah I'll change it up thanks. Oh and Bianca? She's not really going to be in the story I just through her in there.

Love your story.

Other than a few minor mistakes, this story is PERFECT!!! :rainbowkiss:
I crave more.

2893836 Bianca is from Pokemon Black and White
games4thought.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/442.jpg
Bianca is the girl.:pinkiehappy:

She is also the girl from Pokemon heroes, the movie>>5133735

5133735 oh and thanks for the fav!

5133796 youuuu'reeeeeeeeee welcome!

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