Eon Wanderers Book 1: Equestria

A small family of Pegasi live in a meadow. But there is something strange about this family of mute, illiterate ponies. And not just that their mother looks like the sister, down to the matching cutie mark.

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 10 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 10
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Firefan645

Firefan645 #1 · Jul 18th, 2013 · · · Chapter 1: Meadows ·

It's.... uhhhhh....... errrrrrrrrrrr......... okay.

The writing makes it hard for me to follow. It feels...... broken. There should be more detail on what the characters and scene look and feel.

It's a PokemonxMLP fanfic, easily anyone could tell. But there are some people who don't know what Pokemon there are, and a description of there looks would be nice. I do know what these Pokemon look like, btw.

I'm not sure who Bianca is, though. Is she the girl from the Latios and Latias movie? Or is she the rival? You have to put in their looks, characteristics, and origins.

Chapter 0? Chapter 0.5? Would've been better if you put these 2 together and called it Prologue.

I think the only thing I see in it is the story. I couldn't pick up much of it, just that Sombra wants revenge and needs a powerful slave to do so, but pulls in Latias and it's child.

Just who is False Wind? What world is he god of? What those he look like? What are his powers? What are his characteristics? Origins?

You get no dislike from me. Just a "Meh, it could do more."

DarklightArk

DarklightArk #2 · Jul 18th, 2013 · · · Chapter 1: Meadows ·

2893836 Thanks umm. The thing is I forgot how to spell prologue so hehe. Also, yeah I'll change it up thanks. Oh and Bianca? She's not really going to be in the story I just through her in there.

mune72