Still slowly trying to disentangle from MLP. It is ... slow going.
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Twilight's been...thinking about Pinkie Pie recently. She keeps control of it, afraid of what her friends might do if they find out. But when Pinkie suddenly starts trying to understand the recent arrival to Ponyville better, Twilight may be fighting a losing battle...
Raucous content, but not enough to justify a "Sex" tag, I don't think.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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yeah one of my favourite stories
I'm a fan from fanfiction
...Wow.
I was editing another story and saw the alert, and I was thinking to myself "Oh, I'm going to be so disappointed if it's just someone from Fanfiction proclaiming their love for my story" but... actually reading as much makes me feel really good about myself, for some reason.
This is on fanfiction? Is it completed already on fanfiction? 'Cuz I kind of really want to read more, like, now.
Yes, it's completed on Fanfiction.
2671776
I always loved Pinkie & Twilight pairings
they always seem like the perfect couple
then I read this story and the next one, and then I read the one with Pinkie and Twilight's wedding
WHICH WAS BRILL BY THE WAY
Love this story, please do update :3
Yay! I love this fic. Very intriguing outlook into the effects of psycology when attracted to something so pyscotic. . . and pink!
Oh my. I'm extremely curious as to how this will turn out. Bad? Good? A Deus Ex Machina of Space Oddysey proportions? Do I even know what I'm saying?
You clearly do though, because this is an aboslutely fascinating read. :D
2700089
Yes, yes, and no Space Odyssey here!
Oh no, Twi. . . what have you done to yourself? And Pinkie?
Are you just pumping these out or do you just heave these ready?
2710181
This, I already have ready. 11 was the final chapter of this story. But fret not! For now we will go to a different story - "His Vector Grey" which I will get to transferring from Fanfiction to here!
...Sometime.
That's some "game" that Twi came up with.
Well this was a only a matter of time...
I laughed so hard at the end. XD
...
No.
2685835
CELESTIA DAMN YOU!! POST "SPOILER ALERT" NEXT TIME WILL YA!
ah well, never mind.
Sigh...
Also, i agree with your assesment wholeheartedly
2880409
the wedding one was written before this, so I assume there not related story line wise. after all I did read the wedding on first since it came out first
Separate story I think...
here's a link
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8222549/1/A-Chink-In-The-Armor
I'm not sure what to think about the premise, but the romance seems too sudden and unrealistic (maybe the origins are addressed in a later chapter?) The show's shown that Twilight is a pretty bad secret keeper, yet this terrible secret is just coming out of nowhere, with no cannon "evidence" to back it up.
Twilight's acting pretty neurotic about it, so you've hit one of her key traits.
It might be due to this being an earlier work, but you have many typos and grammatical mistakes throughout this chapter.
For example
"They'd try to help her"? "They'd try to get her help"?
Palate meaning her taste for work? Work "plate", perhaps?
Look what in the light? Look different in the light? Make the light look like Pinkie's Coat?
These are just a few, but they're all over the place. When you need to stop every couple of paragraphs to puzzle and parse a sentence it breaks the flow and immersion. It might help if you can get an editor to go through this with you.
Doesn't Pinkie know every pony in Ponyville, and likewise isn't she unforgettable?
Poor nurse for having forgotten Pinkie's welcome. 
Was the reason that she didn't call Twilight on this last chapter that she'd recently taken a blow to the head?
Doesn't she telekinetically pick up like, 20 trees worth of apples at once at the end of Applebuck season?
Wow, uh, am I the only one not creeped the hell out by this ending? That was dark and unsettling and I feel legitimately disturbed.
Overall, I'd have to call this... interesting. The characters felt slightly off most of the time (Pinkie unnaturally subdued/subservient; Twilight seriously had no "Love experiments" to conduct?; Other Mane 6 portions were... kind of cardboard cutouts to hold up the plot, honestly), but within acceptable limits as to be recognized for who they were. (Fluttershy's soothing waterfall with catepillars was a nice touch, though)
I was getting a "comedy" vibe throughout this whole thing and it seemed pretty likely that Pinkie would remain oblivious in the end... up until chapter 10, that is.
At this point, things got really freaky. This was a sudden genre shift into dark/psychological that made me feel downright uncomfortable, with one character forcing herself on another and then keeping her a mind slave for a few hours...
Well, I can honestly say I didn't expect that twist, so props for that; but by the end of 11 I'd lost the ability to sympathize with any of the characters.
The format was pretty good, aside from the transition from chapter 10 to 11. Here, let me show you what I mean. I'll place the final words of chapter 10 and the beginning words of chapter 11 together, but sandwiching your extras in between:
With only the loud rumbling booms of a distraught unicorn to lull her to sleep, she was left awake...
Constantly wondering what she did wrong to make Twilight so sad and teary-eyed.
Twilight Sparkle was completely insane.
Notice the huge gap you've got between content? You have a long author's note in which you basically explain what's going on, followed by fan accolades before the next chapter is even given the chance to begin. First off, you shouldn't feel the need to explicitly state what is going on, especially not in an author's note. We, the readers, have gone through 10 chapters of Twilight explaining explicitly what she thinks here. This is the penultimate chapter- we should understand that this is the culmination of everything that's come before it. If we don't get it, then either we really lack the underlying concepts and shouldn't be reading this, or you as an author need to work in appropriate foreshadowing (although if you're curious, there is definitely enough there). In either case, the information should be within the story, NOT in the author's note.
As for inclusion of fan-writing and accolades within the body of work, I am well aware that this is a Fanfiction.net thing. Fanfiction.net has a separate area for comments so it's understandable an author might want to make the nicer ones known, but FIMFiction allows comments to be viewed below the chapter so the placement of these accolades within the actual storybox feels jarring and weird. There's a certain disappointment in reading a little poem, thinking, "Hey, not bad!", and then finding out that it was written by someone else and isn't actually relevant to the chapter. If I had to place where these would go, they would either be in an appendix chapter, or in the author's notes for the relative chapters (where people will be able to reflect on the relevance), NOT right before the final chapter begins (where it breaks the flow).
In summary, as I mentioned in Chapter 1, you could use an editor to help with the grammatical errors and with general flow. The writing isn't terrible or anything, but there are enough errors and general quibbles with the story that I can't call it great. A story was told. There was shipping. The plot was contrived, but funny for the most part, and the twist was unexpected (if somewhat horrifying). I didn't love it, didn't hate it, but overall I'd give this an okay.
3015238
While you do have a point when compared to the cannon timeline, it's important to remember that this is the author's interpretation/ fan-made universe, which is using the cannon timeline as a frame to build a unique universe off of. Let's also be frank; It's important not to forget that this is a fictional story about multicolored lesbian ponies. It's not as if I dislike critiques. Quite the contrary, as I write critiques occasionally if I particularly enjoyed a story. I simply dislike unnecessary criticism. For the record, I agree with all grammar critiques. Personally, however, I rarely noticed them. While it would be very nice to fix them, I don't believe it breaks up the story for more than a second or two. Please don't take offense, as I write only to educate.
3117770
Thank you for defense, but I asked Lead to comment, and I was fully aware of what I was getting into, so I feel like this is...kind of an undeserved punishment.
Although I do wish he wouldn't quote everything, because then when I edit the story to remove the things he's criticizing, they stay there in the comments...forever.
3015336
Ooo, you sort of nailed it for me. Doesn't everypony know everypony in Ponyville? At least, according to this story.
And yes, doesn't Pinkie know everypony else as well?
But... Infuriation is a real word.
It's just that Web Browser spell-checkers (and spell-checkers in general) have their flaws, you need to check a Merriam-Webster dictionary or something.
3015446
Perhaps that was compromise, the delay in harvesting them meant that they'd rot on the trees if not magically gathered.
Don't sully Pinkie Pie with your lecherous hooves, you offensive scum-of-Equestria stallion.
3236472 Yeah, that makes sense. I suppose a crop of arcane apples is better than a crop of rotting apples.
heh, long time since I've seen this story. I remember reading it on another site and wasn't aware it made its way over here. It's a very interesting story and I kinda wish we saw it continue a bit more, Twilight's obsession is pretty interesting and Pinkie's reaction to becoming aware of just how bad Twilight has it for her would be great to see. Still, glad to re-read this again.
Well. This was a very... interesting story. I'm not sure I got what I was looking for in it, but I certainly came away with... something.
The way things were building up, I was actually wondering if this might turn out a bit darker than it ended up being. I am a bit puzzled, and I wonder if you ran this through some major re-writes, because I felt like I had just about the exact opposite experience from what 3015851 said. The first nine chapters had an unsettling, dark undertone to them. Little cracks here and there and the violent nature of most of Twilight's dreams took it well away from, "ha-ha, oh, Twilight's crush is making her do silly things," and into the territory of serious, not-funny-at-all mental illness. This is reinforced by the absence of a [Comedy] tag. The story built up a very ominous sense of foreboding for me through the first four fifths of it, and I was afraid while I read it that something really, really terrible was going to happen.
Perhaps it was just because I was letting my imagination run away with the possibilities, but what did happen made me stop and wonder if it had been meant to be a romantic comedy this whole time. Okay, so Twilight's smooch-assault on Pinkie was pretty not-okay, but it didn't live up to what I was... bracing myself for, for lack of a better way of putting it. The final two chapters--everything after the POV shift to Pinkie Pie--were weaker than the rest of the story. Which is understandable, given that I was building expectations during the first nine that would have been practically impossible to meet.
A strange effect I noticed while reading this was that some of the grammatical errors actually helped to build the mood of the story. Here we are in the mind of Twilight Sparkle, who absolutely would not tolerate any kind of typographical mistakes, and these little things wrong here and there--two words' order switched around, a word replaced by another word that sounds like it but doesn't make sense where it is, a barely-noticeable spelling error--create an atmosphere of something not quite right going on in her head. If this effect was unintentional, it is a very fortunate mistake. If it was intentional, it was genius. It has taught me that few things are more terrifying than Twilight Sparkle using incorrect grammar in her thoughts.
Overall, I feel that, even if I did not get from this story what the author intended me to get from it (and indeed, I am not discounting that possibility), I enjoyed reading it as a remarkably unsettling exploration of Twilight's hold on sanity. A very entertaining and very unique take on the concept of a "crazy Twilight Sparkle." Well worth the thumb and star.
3455123
Well, I wanted Twilight's limits to snap and for her to do something "not-okay" to Pinkie, but I also wanted it to be something forgivable so that Pinkie could, you know, forgive her, and then they can start a happy relationship and live happily ever after.
And I guess I'm a genius then, because I did deliberately put in grammatical errors to help build that atmosphere of Twilight being mentally unsound. Although Lead's comments make me think I may have made a few that actually really weren't supposed to be there.
I am extremely pleased with your description of the story. That is, give or take, the exact effect I was going for, and I would recommend any critics to read your comment in order to see what the story is really about.
What were you "bracing yourself" for, by the way?
3456158
>Well, I wanted Twilight's limits to snap and for her to do something "not-okay" to Pinkie, but I also wanted it to be something forgivable so that Pinkie could, you know, forgive her, and then they can start a happy relationship and live happily ever after.
Aha. Given that, perhaps the turn-around was a little too quick with Pinkie forgiving her, then? I mean, the idea that something in this nearly 60k-word thing is paced too fast seems unlikely at first blush, but maybe having Pinkie decide she was okay with it as soon as she did took away from the weight of that climax. But then... that's a tricky balance to nail, because if it's portrayed as too dark, then the reader won't want her to forgive Twilight. Hm.
>What were you "bracing yourself" for, by the way?
That's just the thing... I don't know what I was expecting. Twilight threatening the one stallion in the street with her magic set a pretty sinister precedent, and I think I was concerned that Pinkie, or someone near Pinkie or Twilight, was going to be seriously harmed somehow by the end of the story.
Alternatively, for a minute in the middle there, I was actually wondering if there was some Fight Club style, "Pinkie is all in Twilight's head" sort of twist coming.
whoa... so twilight is literally crazy about pinkie... dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png
Infuriation....doesn't appear in my phone's word completion. Well idk it's your story so what the hay ya know?
3807933
I may have made it up by combining "Infuriated" with "Agitation."
Maybe.
Edit: well, I *thought* I made it up, yet here we are!
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/infuriation
The sad tag scares me. I don't like reading stories that are super-ultra depressing. Can anyone confirm for me that it doesn't get too sad?
In case anyone is wondering, I read a story once. It was so well written- but so depressing- that it ended up depressing me a little. If only because it was so realistic and heart wrenching. It was just terrible what happened to the main character, a no-hope sort of thing. I don't like that feeling myself, so >.>
Yeah. So, does it actually get super super sad, or no?
3928679
On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd put it at around 7 or 8. It has a happy ending, though!
What story is this that you read, by the way?
3928753
It was a Naruto fanfic. Extremely, extremely depressing. To be honest, I actually downplayed how sad it made me >.> I felt kinda bad for the rest of that day
Just finished reading this. It was great.
But really, it wasn't sad at all- at least not to me. Maybe my standards are raised after reading that story. If this is considered sad, then that would be suicidal depression
This is by far one of my favorite and one of the most underappreciated stories on this site. I've read this fic a few times, and it never loses its emotional value. If there's any story that deserves a thousand-upvote achievement, it's this one, and it's a crime that this hasn't even reached 100. You should definitely consider submitting it to a group like Twilight's Library or the Royal Guard; if you ever do so and want an editor to skim for errors, I'd love to help.
4150979
I might take you up on that offer after my schedule's cleared up.
I love this story, and need to get back to reading the sequel. Very few writer's ever try a love story from the literally obsessed level, and that's what I feel makes this story stand out so well. I remember this story having some odd scenes to me, like how Twilight treated Pinkie when she entered Twilight's dream world. Kind of expected a different reaction, but it still worked well. Maybe a happier one, or more lust-driven. Not sure why I haven't been following you till now, guess I assumed I already was.
Frigging love how Twilight avoids Pinkie in the last chapter at the library and Rarity's. You made her as amusing as Pinkie in those scenes, yet clearly very troubled.
4209260
She reacted that way (at first) 'cause she was narked off that Pinkie Pie was invading her dreamspace. Which is, you know, kind of a personal space, isn't it?
4209499 Kind of surprised Twilight was actually upset about it, considering she often didn't seem to mind Pinkie invading her personal space in this story up to this point is all. Seemed to me up to this point that she would have loved for Pinkie to be in her dreams with her, though I do understand how in this particular scenario she might have been miffed. Mainly because she was trying to avoid Pinkie up to this point.
4209540
Well, that was before she very, very strongly came on to Pinkie in a way that could easily be very, very badly misinterpreted.
I read and loved this man and im not into ponies in the first place a friend set me a link and I read the 4 chapters in one sitting thanks for this story man
According to : http://www.ars-grin.gov/duke/dictionary/tico/b.html
a Bigure is colombian spanish for a Campomanesia which is a type of plant. If "De Peech" describes a method of preparation, then this very well could be a candy.
Every time. I don't know why this is so hilarious, but every time I read this or even think it, I hear it in Big Mac's voice is and I dissolve into giggles. Seriously, this entire scene is too funny for words.
Starswirl had a saying for this type of situation:
"The more powerful a pony is, the more dramatic their 'oops'es are".
I'm pretty sure that this doesn't count as an oops, but the saying stands.