• Member Since 5th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen Nov 5th, 2022

Aleksandr Sherbet

Mediocre FanFic writer and Pro shoutcaster! "You wouldn't shoot a guy with glasses!


A young bubbly earth pony filly filled with happiness and a wolf with serious mind helps this young filly find a home. As they travel all over equestria they stop at ponyville to find out that ponies don't take to kindly of a wolf they believe holding this filly captive.

Anthro ponies

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 64 )

There were quite a few grammar mistakes throughout the story but it was still quite enjoyable. :pinkiesmile:

*ker facepalm with the strength of a thousand suns!!!
go to town, don't do anything stupid.
someones in trouble!

Hmm, interesting concept, well executed, some minor grammar errors and the formatting could do with a little work but i'll follow it.

here's a few tips.

-Indent every paragraph, it's a little easier on the eyes and looks more professional.
-format the flashback a little different, instead of just stating flashback. use the italics tags ([ ] these brackets with a lowercase i for italics, b for bold ect. when at the end of the segment you want formatted put the square brackets with / then whatever was in the first set of brackets eg: /i for italics such as this
-to insert a line break it's [-hr] without the dash. example:

use this in place of the dashes if you please.

hope this helps :twilightsmile:

2666868 thanks for the tips I'll be sure to use them.

Angry anthro ponies meet wolf. This is going to be interesting.

Okay there are anthro ponies but what about the wolf is he anthro (to if that is still the right word here)?

2667925 no the wolf is still a wolf

2667998 oh damn would have been cool if he was anthro or humanoid

I want MOAARRRRRR!!!! :flutterrage:

this has much promise keep it up.

Sorry for the short chapter needed to work on my other stories.

Can you write MOAR?
Also anthroponies?
Don't care, this just gets a whole lot better.

2679117 and you'll get your wish soon.

2679622 Yay.
:fluttershyouch: Ah
:fluttershbad: AH
:yay: choo

There a Fluttersneeze.

ok, let me just say...I have no idea what direction i should be reading!
You made things go a bit...no, quite fast that you didn't let the dust settle so we may see what happened... the part where fluttershy finds alpha was too quick and made her look a bit OOC, slow down

still moving a bit too fast for me.....

2684059 thanks for the feedback and anyway you think I could slow it down a bit.

Interesting story I must say, but there are a few missing words hear and there, and then there are sentences that don't make sense.

Arrow then saw an apple stand selling many apple products
Careful she swiped an apple or two without the salesmare seeing her

You don't have to say a apple stand sells apple products. Careful should be replaced with carefully or it will seem like someone is telling a pony named Careful that she is stealing.

You also might want to slow down, the story so far has been event after event. If a story is to fast it will confuse the reader,riding out an event will keep the reader focused and prepare him for the transaction into the new situation at hand. Don't take this criticism as dislike to the story, It is actually a nice read so have a Rainbow Dash :rainbowkiss:

2696286 thanks for spotting that mistake but I don't know how to keep it in one event please explain.

when she was first stealing, she was caught right away and therefore was exposed and brought to Canterlot. They also had a poster from Applalosa (sorry if misspelled.) which shouldn't be in Ponyville( unless of course the track crime through out the country.). She should of continued to steal and relay her experiences to her brother, and after sometime, make a slight mistake and got caught. It will slow down the story a little and allow the reader to absorb the situation.

If you want more comments write MOAR.

2696630 I agree the chapters need to be longer

2697367 if ya want longer chapters then that means you won't have them until much later.

I Hate you.... But love you at the same time.

2697412 Okay it was just an opinion but do whatever I stand by what I said

2698237 it's alright but I am saying that it gonna take much longer to make 2000-2500 words for a single chapter

i like it so far, but you need to try to slow down and put more detail into it. a good method for me is to ask 'why'. like 'why is Applejack not worried about a full grown wolf running at her? :applejackconfused: ' and 'why is Arrow not trying to go back to Ponyville to her brother? :facehoof:' Then wright down the answers. :pinkiehappy:

2741025 because most animals are friendly and arrow can't search for her brother since she doesn't know exactly what happened to him. He could be dead and she wouldn't know because there isn't really news about a wolf searching for someone.

NO! don'r wright them here! lol those go in the story for everyone to see. and i don't mean for you to re-wright or edit this chapter, im talking about future update. With all that aside, can't wait for your next chapter. :pinkiehappy:

descent chapter,but my neck about snapped from how fast it progressed. :applejackconfused: Please detail in edit :3

contradicting sentences, is too much for brain

Comment posted by eml deleted Aug 2nd, 2013
Comment posted by eml deleted Aug 2nd, 2013

I know this is random but how about Zombies

Sorry for the late post on this chapter, but...

"What is 156/3 Arrow?" Luna asked.
"It is 53."
"Very good. I see that math is your strong suit."

Nope. Looks like math isn't either of their strong suits. 156/3 is 52. ^^

Loving this so far though.

how about a chapter of alpha's past you know. a little flashback as to before he met arrow

Luna hugs wolves..... BADASS!

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