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How far would you go to protect your loved ones? How much would you be willing to give up? Rainbow Dash finds herself faced with these questions when she discovers Fluttershy in peril, but to her none of those things could even be considered questions. Fluttershy means the world to her and she'd be willing to pay anything to protect her, even the ultimate price.
Story inspired by the cover art
Cover art provided by JinYaranda
Art used with permission
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I do wish rainbow would have killed that stallion.. but oh well. Its a good story I hate the rape but I'll get over it as I have had to many friends confess that it happened to them. I still wanna kill all of those people that hurt them..
Ah yes... that topic...
not one I like or feel comfortable reading about. But as this was a Flutterdash story, I read it. All the way through, despite my doubts when it got to the part of Fluttershy being followed home.
And do you know what? I think you pulled the story off. The ending was a little bittersweet because of what they both have to live with
but at least they can face it together. You hit the moments that counted, you didn't dwell upon anything that would make this appear as if somepony with a sick mind had written it and despite the odd setting we started in, I found the characters believable.
So, upvote and fave from me. And off to jail for that stuffed up stallion.
I usually do this review thing whenever I read a story where I mention things that I enjoyed, and things that I would like to see changed. I say this so that you know that even though I am going to criticize this, that doesn't mean that I didn't enjoy it
first of, things that I enjoyed:
I like your concept for this story, it speaks of purpose and understanding for people who have been in the same situations. Your fight scene was dark and gritty just like a real fight scene would be.
I liked this a lot, think because it is a very believable situations. you get nervous, you tend to forget things. Like how much cider is left in your mug.
now for the other parts:
wait a minute, wasn't that empty just a minute earlier? It would be nice to add in the part where rainbow orders a new drink or leave out the "gulped down her drink" part entirely.
If Fluttershy is running away she wouldn't have the time to watch the lights go on and the turn off. adding that part in makes the chase scene feel less... chasy? maybe something like "please, somepony help me" FlutterShy screamed, gasping for air from equal amounts of fear and physical exertion. she didn't have time too see if anypony had actually heard her.(or something similar
)
this scene felt a little disorienting to me, it would have been nice with some more descriptive narration so that I know exactly where dash is in relation to the stallion and how he is hitting her.
so in recap, you got some great concepts and scenes going for you here, if you want to improve I would probably think about trying to make them a little more immersive by putting the reader more in the characters shoes.(so to speak, ponies don't actually wear shoes
unless you count horseshoes
)
I hoped that helped you somewhat, and I hope I wasn't too rough(or wrong)
2912972
Thank you for the review. Don't worry you weren't rough, you were very constructive. I do like getting constructive criticism. It helps me improve my skills!
In this scene, Rainbow Dash is drinking out of Fluttershy's mug, not her own.
The other details that you suggested are quite good. I may just have to add more details. Thank you!
awesome story. you've got my feels, and favorite
I WAS FREAKING CRYING MY EYES OUT THINKING DASHIE WAS GONNA DIE YOU TROLL!!!!
Let me start off by saying, I am a sailor moon fan. Still am, I am also a fan of a lot of shows with women that are awesome. However, I have also seen fics where these badass girls would get raped and such, but the rapist would get away or another girl would help only for herself to get raped as well.
That is why this fic...is pretty dang awesome to me. Once again I find a pony fic where the rapist gets beaten by the girl, and does he get a chance to rape her, aw hell no! The girl manages to give him his commupance and deliver a beatdown that a monster like that deserves. At the same time, you were able to put the thoughts of what someone who got raped would actually think, a feat few writers will actually do when they consider putting in rape (most would do it just for the sex or erotica). Another good point in your favor.
However, the icing on the cake is the romance, where you put dash into a protector role and have her basically say, "I will give everything for you." While Flutters becomes another savior. That helps make this fic pretty well done, that and I could hear the voices, wich is always a plus in my book
2915270
Wow, I don't know what to say to that. You've made me speechless. I want to say something, but all I got just seems inadequate. So, just, thank you!
I wish I could think of something more to say, but that's all I got.
hi there, i just like to say that i reveiwed this stroy and would like to know what you thought of it sorry if this is an anoyance
heres the link to my page
https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Slash-wing-my-little-pony-FIM/339895572794546
It's beautiful! The title is appropriate for the story.
Well done, you got me right in the feels.
Poor Fluttershy...
*sees cover art*
Badflank Rainbow Dash story YES PLEASE.
In all honesty, I thought you handled the rape well. Didn't go into too much detail while still leaving me wanting to emasculate the scumstain in the most humiliating way possible.
Phrasing was awkward in places, but the dialogue made up for it for the most part. It's a good sign when you can hear the character's voice in your head as you read.
RD and Shy, mutual protectors. Awesomeness.
2916319
Thank you for making the time to write a review! I thought you did pretty good. At the end I noticed that you said that you were confused about Fluttershy's rape. This actually surprised me. It's pretty heavily implied that she is.
Here are a few examples about what I'm talking about:
The biggest example in my opinion is this:
I hope this helps you understand. Keep on with the reviews!
Two things.
1) Amazing you made me feel emotions that battled each other, a spectrum of emotions from one fic that was a one shot.
2) I don't think the rape scene was vulgar or played wrong and it showed a side of RD that I think the show itself hasn't tapped into. Rainbow Dash has a real temper and a sense of loyalty I wish the show would play that out more showing RD using her amazing speed to be an offensive (as in fighter) character . RD has a black belt in the "Call of the cutie" episode when she teaches Applebloom martial arts. She also is seen destroying trees and a barn with just her feet. The fact is the way the fight held out was amazing and that bastard deserved just a bit more punishment then he got. That being said it was a great read.
2917603
I'm glad that you enjoyed it, and that I was able to make you feel something. As a writer that is my goal.
I'm also glad that you didn't think that the rape scene was vulgar. I tried my best to make sure that I did it right.
I too would like to see more of Rainbow Dash's sense of loyalty put to use in the show.
Ouch, right in the feels. So many emotions at once it's hard to know what they are.
I'm SO GLAD you didn't have Rainbow Dash die, too many FlutterDash fics like this have done that, and it breaks my heart every time. Thanks for the happy ending.
Oh, and i was thinking about that stallion. Would he have died? Because from the sound of things Rainbow hurt him even worse than he hurt her and she barely survived the journey to the hospital. The rapist had nopony to carry him to help, so he likely would have died, right?
2918546
You know it's funny that you mention Rainbow Dash dying, because that was originally going to be the ending, but I thought that would be too depressing and I wasn't satisfied with it. So I made a new one!
As for the stallion, you know that is a very good question. I hadn't actually thought about it. What did happen to that stallion afterwards? You know, it's possible that he could've died. Rainbow really did do a number on him. However, I think that he survived, if barely.
By the end of the fight Rainbow Dash is in a much worse condition then the stallion is, even if she won. You see, Rainbow ended up with more internal injuries then the stallion. So while she was definitely close to killing him, I think that he could've survived even on his own. Besides, I'm sure the police ponies will find him soon. It's kind of hard to move with a busted leg. Though, if you want to believe that he didn't make it then I most certainly wouldn't hold that against you.
Thank you for reading and asking your question!
This... was really great. Like, it made me go through so many feelings. Happiness, anger, sadness, warm fuzzies. Great job. I got all teary eyed at the end too, gosh dang it..
I was a tad confused throughout, but overall good read!
2921406
I'm glad you liked it. What were you confused about?
I loved the story and i had a personal connection with it since my mother and one of my best friends was raped. I was only able to be born because i came from my mothers rapist's semen. Also a couple of years back, i was walking around when i found my friend laying on the floor. I immediately called the cops and an ambulance to come and pick her up. I didn't leave her side until the cops got there. I kept her conscience and talked to her in order for her to not possibly die since she was very injured.I told her that i would do anything to help her and protect her but she said "Andrew, you don't need to do that." But i cut her off explaining that i didnt care, i would walk around with her wherever she went just so she has someone with her that she could relie on. For the rest of the year, we would walk around the neighborhood together, and talk about each others day. She was very happy until she found out that she was moving. From then on, i spent all the time i could with her just to keep her happy. I am not even sure if she remembers me to this day, but i am proud of my memories with her and i am proud that i helped her feel safer.
2933148
I am glad that you were able to connect with my story. When people tell me that they made a connection, it just makes my day. Speaking of stories, words can't describe how I feel about hearing your story. I feel very honored that you chose to tell me something so personal. So I just wanted to say, thank you!
I'm sorry to hear that your mother was raped, but I am glad that you were born. To do what you did for your friend, you are an amazing person. I'm sure that your friend remembers you. Again, thank you for sharing your story!
"Starts to read story" this is gonna blow.
"Finishes story" My god that was amazing!
Amazing story dude… I honestly couldn't give this piece of art less than a 10/10.
~/PonyDreams\~
2959500
You are too kind. I am glad that my story exceeded your expectations!
nice story. i don't see a lot of FlutterDash ship fics nowadays though. shame..
the rape part in the story made me shiver with rage. even mentioning it makes me go "RAMPAGE!"
wish that stallion would rot in jail.
once again, nice story dude!
This is the first story i read and boy,it had something i didn't expect
2960160
I'm sorry I take back my other review. This is a 11/10 story. If you don't agree with me then hear me out.
1: This story takes a really dark tone. It's not straight-up romance. So it's not like they don't have a true reason why they love each other so much. It's hard to find a FlutterDash as dark as this one. So that makes its a 10/10 for story.
2: This story really shows how much a real person would go to save the one(s) they love the most, and its not underdone or overdone to much. It's just perfect! It's like a heavy rain but for ponies. So a 10/10 for effort.
3: InkyShades… I can honestly say you have my 110 percent respect. You told everyone you tried to make the rape as light as possible, and you did that! You actually care about the community's feelings and try not to hurt anyone. So that's a 11/10 for the author.
Great job on the story Inky. I really hope you make more story's like this in the future.
2980899
Wow... just wow! You had me worried there for a moment. All I can say is thank you! Your review means a lot to me, and it pleases me that you took the time to write a second one!
1: This story does indeed take a very dark tone. Actually, I think that it's one of the darkest things that I've written. If I hadn't been browsing Deviantart one day, then this story probably would never have happened. The cover art I used really inspired me for this story.
You are correct in saying that it's hard to find a dark FlutterDash fic. In fact I don't think I've actually found one, yet.
2: I am glad that you think the portrayal in my story is realistic. I've been told before that I sometimes have trouble with my phrasing and such. So it pleases me to no end that I was able to effectively communicate what I wanted to say.
3: This right here. You are too kind to say such things about me. Thank you very much! I was actually worried about how my story was going to be received since it had rape in it. However, seeing everyone's positive reviews makes me feel very successful.
I am glad that you like my story. My mind tends to gravitate more towards the sad and dark so I'm sure that you'll see more fics with a similar tone to this one in the future.
2981066
Your welcome. I know I sound like a sap sometimes but this is really my favorite story. I also wanted to know if we could work on a story together. I have a BIG problem with wording my stories. Just a thought?
2981093 You don't sound like a sap to me. In fact, it makes me happy to know that my story affects you in such a manner.
Story collaboration you say? That is an interesting proposal. I have actually never done a collaboration before, though I have to thank you for wanting to work with me. I would need more information before committing to anything. Feel free to send me a pm giving me some details like:
What kind of story do you have in mind?
What would my role in this story be (co-author, editor, prereader, ect.)?
How would we do this collab, through g-docs? I've never actually used g-docs so if that's a yes then that might be a problem.
Anyway, feel free to throw in anything else that you think that I should know before hand. I look forward to your response!
Not going to lie, not a fan of flutterdash but you pulled it off and got me really invested in the story and characters, awesome job!
2999664
Thank you!
Read this story while listening to this:
Heart.exe has stopped working :_(.
3006843
Well I think that sums up my story nicely. It's like the song was made for it. Good find.
Also I believe that it fits best during the third section of my story.
3006962
How about it?
3006968
I sent a reply.
I've had to at least read this 10 times, and I cried every time.
honestly, i cried, but it was such a great story! i loved this story so much. i know what fluttershy went through, that's honestly kind what happened to me, except i wasn't going home. and i wasn't at a bar. xD anyways! awesome story!! you should write more! c:
3030889
I am sorry for you bro/sis… I know being a victim of a rape is not a easy thing to let your grip loose of, being one myself.
Stay strong…
3031535 i really don't dwell on it, i mostly look back and tell myself that i made it, and that i've survived up to this point. i really don't like to dwell on the past.
Twisted, Demented, Crazy and Sick.... I love it! This song remindes me of this story for some reason...
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hDJrXC2qo5o
You do a good job writing these type of stories.
3480678
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
3481593
No Problem!
Wow, they have changed the look of the buttons on this site. Then again I am on my phone.
Anyway, I think this was well done.
I just found this again. I forgot to fave last time. I should fix that. I'll like it too. There should be a love button.
4595554 I'm glad you enjoyed it so much! Thank you for reading!
BRAVO!!
very well crafted, well written and very well handled. loved it
5188969
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
having been in the situation that fluttershy found herself in here i can say you handled it beautifully. you portrayed the horror of it with a gentle sypathetic air that was very well done