Chapter 8 – Enter the Dragon, Hindel
Chapter 8 – Enter the Dragon, Hindel
“Girls?” I whisper in the dark caverns.
…No response.
“Girls?!” I speak up a little louder.
…Nothing.
I can’t believe that I was talked into escorting the three fillies here. What would their older siblings say to me if they find out I let them wonder inside a mysterious cave unattended like that? I have to find those three as soon as possible, then we can all leave this place and go back home. I’m still astounded by how ginormous the cave opening is. This cave could be big enough for any dangerous beasts to live here. I get shivers as I go down a mental list on any possible creatures we could run into: a bear, a giant spider, or maybe even worse, a dra--!
“WHO DARES TO DISTURB MY SLUMBER?!”
That echoing roar quakes the cave as I halt in fear from hearing such a loud, frightening voice. But I snap out of my stance when I hear something else that pushes me forward despite the potential danger: the terrifying screams of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
“Girls!” I call out to them as I went into a full gallop to the source of all that noise. As I draw closer, I hear the same frightening roar even louder.
“MY EYESIGHT MAY BE LOST, BUT I CAN STILL SNIFF YOU OUT, LITTLE THIEVES!”
Following that, were more of the girls’ piercing screams. Soon, I see another opening filled with a golden light. I rush forward to the source of the commotion. Please be alright, girls!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Through the entrance to even larger cavern, there are mountains of wonderous treasure, filled with countless piles of gold coins and colorful jewels. But that isn’t what caught my attention first. In one corner of the room, I see Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, & Sweet Belle huddling together in paralyzing fear. And what is cornering them is what I have feared most upon entering this gloomy cave of doom: a dragon!
This colossal dragon was a bit different from the dragons like in the episodes “Dragonshy” and “Owl’s Well That Ends Well.” Most notably, this vividly golden dragon has larger fan-like ear frills, a sail-like frill across its spine, elongated whiskers, enormous wings, and white eyes, probably indicating its blindness.
“Now, tell me what you were doing in my cave, or else!” the dragon speaks a little softer, but it’s still quite booming. The three quivering fillies couldn’t say anything as they are scared speechless.
“ANSWER ME!!” the dragon roars impatiently. This only causes the three whimpering friends to shudder even more as they huddle together even closer. I have to take action before my worst fears come to life. I gather all of the courage I had and rush to the girls’ aid immediately.
“LEAVE THEM ALONE!!” I yell at the intimidating dragon. I stand right in front of girls with my wings fanned out as I stare at the dragon with piercing eyes.
“Girls, listen to me very carefully.” I speak with authority to those behind me as gently as I can. “Get out of this cave and run to your homes as fast as you can. I will hold him off until then.”
“B-but Ford…” Apple Bloom is still shaken by of this. “W-We can’t just leave you--!”
“THIS IS NO TIME TO ARGUE WITH ME!” I order loudly. “GO! NOW!” I hate to shout like that, but I want them to make their escape while they can.
They were hesitant at first, but finally Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, & Sweetie Belle make an expeditious dash to the cave’s exit. I smile a little upon seeing that they are safe at last. Now I just have to prepare for my inevitable death with this fearsome creature. It’s been crazy throughout this week, but I hold no regrets. Who knows, maybe once I finally die in this world, I could just wake up back in my world. Gulp… I hope.
“So, you are willing to sacrifice yourself to save those trespassers?” the dragon inquires.
“Yes.” I answer with a bit of hesitation.
“Ha!” the dragon let out a mighty chuckle. “You?! I can just swallow you whole in one gulp!”
“Well, if that’s the case…” I smirk while I start to shake. “…I’ll just have to buck my way out until you are force to throw me up!”
“It does not matter! What can you do against someone like me?!” the dragon continues to look down at me. I hate it when people act so arrogantly like that! “Your life is in my hands now! You might as well just give yourself up quietly if you know what’s good for you!”
“SHUT UP!” I shout furiously. “Just because you are bigger and stronger than me, doesn’t mean it should give you the right to do as you please to others whom you would consider to be inferior! And even if my death is close at hand, that doesn’t mean I shall go down without a fight! So prepare yourself, dragon! Because you’re going to have to work for your meal if you plan on eating me first! COME ON!”
The dragon stands there, looking at me in complete silence with a deadpan expression. I stand ready to make my move, but this period of silence and stares is making me antsy. How long is he going to delay my possible outcome? Suddenly, the blind dragon makes a toothy smile. Then he lets a brief chuckle. That chuckle starts to grow into a small laugh. And that laughter becomes an uncontrollable roar of echoing laughs. As he continues this, I stand there perplexed by all of this. He probably still doesn’t see me as a potential threat. Maybe while he is laughing, I can finally make my escape.
“How long as it been since I’ve heard someone so small display so much courage?” the dragon begins to control his uproarious laughter. “What is your name, pony?” he asks in a more serious tone.
“It’s Ford. Ford Mustang.” I introduce myself with caution.
“Ford Mustang.” the dragon murmurs. “It’s been many years since I had a pony stand up to me like that, let alone a human for that matter.”
“So… you’re not going to eat me?” I slightly whimper.
“Of course not! A dragon’s jaws are meant to crush and eat these precious jewels and metals.” The dragon grabs a handful of jewels and coins and munches on his snack. “Besides…” he says while eating. “…ponies are just too chewy, especially if they get stuck between your teeth.”
“Well, that’s a good to know.” I sigh in relief as I sit my hindquarters down. “What a minute…” I just realize something beforehand. “You know that I was a human?!"
“Hmm… yes, I did say that, didn’t I?” The dragon says casually as he picks a jewel shard from his teeth with his clawed pinky finger.
“But how?!” I say in shocked. “How could you have possible know that?! We’ve never met in the first place!”
“Though I am blind, I have always maintained a sight beyond sight. I can see many things within my mind’s eye from different perspectives: the past, the present, and sometimes even the future.”
“Then… can you tell me if I will ever be able to return home and become human again?” I ask with a glimmer of hope.
The golden dragon closes his eyes as if he is concentrating upon my request. “I am sorry, I cannot.”
I should have known that was impossible thing to ask from him. Then, a new question pops into mind since this wise dragon knows that I am human. “If you know who I am, then are you also aware about the connection between this world and my world?
The dragon is silent. I’m not sure if he is hesitant to answer my next question. “I am.” he finally answers.
It’s just as I fear. I lower my head in depression after hearing that answer.
“Sigh… I don’t know what to do for myself. I should rejoice on the fact that I’ve been transported into a world where one of my favorite shows come to life. But… I feel as if my presence would just endanger everyone around me if I continue to stay any longer. I try to blend in with the other ponies, but I still feel like an outcast from the rest of the community. I mean, I still don’t have a Cutie Mark, and I can’t even grasp on how ponies can grip objects when they’re using their hooves. I feel like I’m stuck between two worlds with nowhere else to go.”
I take a pause to let all of these dark thoughts begin to sink in. I’m beginning to think that maybe I might not ever be able to return home at all.
"I understand your plight.” the dragon speaks up. “But do not despair, Ford Mustang. Keep your courage up and move forward on the path that fate has set for you. Eventually, you will reach a crucial point where only you can choose your next destination, but once you find the answer you seek, I am certain that you will make the right decision for yourself.”
I smile a bit upon hearing his hopeful speech, but I can’t help but wonder what he meant by that last statement. I wonder if he knows something about that than what he is letting on.
“I may not be able to return you to your home…” the dragon continues. “...nor can I transform you back into a human, but perhaps this might help make your new life here a bit more accommodating.”
The dragon extends his finger and slowly brings it towards me. I step back a bit as his clawed finger feels around my head.
“Wh-what are you doing?” I stammer uncomfortably.
"Stand still, little one.” he says as the tip of his extended finger finally rests on the top of my head. “This will only take a moment.”
Before I can ask him what he meant by that, I feel something strange coming from his finger. A warm, soothing source of energy enters my body. The same warm sensation I experienced when that golden light engulfed me before transporting me to this world. Eventually, that warm feeling fades away, and yet I feel nothing different about me at all.
“There, it is done.” the dragon says to me. “Now then, there should be a chalice somewhere. Go ahead and pick one up with only your hooves.”
I was dumbfounded to hear him say that. I look around his massive hoard of treasure to look for a cup and spot one several feet away from me. I look back bewilderedly at the dragon who just smiles slyly.
“Okay. If you insist.” I shrug as I walk over to the chalice.
Once I stop in front of the chalice, I become hesitant, knowing that the results would just be the same. I begin to reach the cup with my hoof. I figure that my hoof would just slip like usual. But as my hoof wrap around it, I notice something different. The chalice wasn’t sipping off my hoof. I use my other hoof to grasp the other side of the golden cup, and I lift up it higher and carefully. I stare at the cup in disbelief as I’ve witness the impossible becoming possible. Somehow, gripping this cup becomes so naturally to me, that I wouldn’t even dare question such impossible physics to ruin this extraordinary miracle.
“I… I don’t believe it.” I stammer. “I can pick it up with my hooves.”
I want to make sure this wasn’t a one-time fluke. I pick up scepter nearby. “I can pick this one up too.” I said with a bit more excitement.
Next, I pick up a flawless emerald. “And this!”
Then a golden coin. “And this!”
And finally a “hoof-ful” of coins. “And all of this! HA-HAH!!” I happily squeal in triumph as I shower myself with the coins I was holding.
“But how?!” I turn my attention back towards the dragon with a wide smile. “How did you do that?!”
“Ponies are not the only ones who have the ability to harness magic.” he says with a prideful smirk.
“I… I don’t know what to say.” I was nearly on the brink of happy tears. “Thank you.”
“Oh wait!” I can’t believe I forgot to ask what his name was in the first place! “I’m sorry! I didn’t even get your name, sir!
“I am Hindel.” he says with a smile. “I am known by my kind as the ‘All-Seeing Dragon.’”
“Thank you, Hindel.” I smile warmly. “Heh. You know, you are quite noble for a dragon.” Oh, wait! I probably shouldn’t say that out load. “No offense, Hindel.” I smile sheepishly.
“None taken, little pony.” Hindel shrugs. “Now… if everything is settled, I would like to get back to sleep right now before it was so cruelly disrupted.” He turns around and assumes his position to continue his nap.
“Oh, yes, of course! Goodnight Hindel! Thanks for everything!” I wave goodbye before I gallop out of his home.
As I was leaving, I think I hear Hindel murmuring, “Farewell, Ford Mustang. May our fates cross paths once again.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I can’t believe it! Not only have I made a friend with a dragon, but now I can hold on to objects with just my hooves! I can finally get back to my drawing! As I was finally out of that cave, I hear a familiar whooshing sound as someone was calling out my name.
“FORD! WHERE ARE YOU, MUSTANG?!”
Wait? Was that’s Rainbow Dash--?
“Omph!” I shout from the sudden impact from the rocketing, blue blur. Yep, definitely Rainbow Dash.
“Whoa, Rainbow! We’ve got to stop meeting up like this!” I chuckle lightheartedly as I was pinned on the ground by Rainbow Dash.
“Ford! You’re okay!” Rainbow Dash smiles widely as she pulls me up for a tight hug. “Where’s that dragon?!” she looks around alarmingly. “Is he right behind us?! If that brute comes any closer, I’m gonna--!”
“Rainbow! It’s okay!” I calm her down. “The dragon isn’t going to chase us. We’ve actually had a nice conversation together.”
…
“Seriously?” she asks in disbelief.
"Seriously.” I reply casually.
“Wow… that sounds… boring!” Rainbow states firmly and in disappointment. “I was expecting to be part of some climatic showdown! I would have swooped in and save you from the jaws of that terrible dragon! And after that, I would have shown that oversized lizard a thing or two with a punch, and a kick, and--!”
RAAAAAAAAARRRR!!
That loud, trembling roar from Hindel is enough to stop the boastful Rainbow Dash from horsing around.
“Let’s… get out of here before we disturb his sleep once more.” I suggest gently.
“Yes, let’s.” she agrees fearfully.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once we made a hasty retreat from Hindel’s cave as well as out of the forest, Rainbow and I finally have a chance to catch a breather as we stand on the grassy outskirts of Ponyville. The sun just finished setting as nighttime approaches.
“That reminds me, Rainbow Dash.” I ask her. “How did you find me?”
“When I saw the Cutie Mark Crusaders running back to Ponyville…” Rainbow points towards Ponyville. “...I ask them what was going on. Once they have told me what has happened to you, I told them to run back to their homes while I went off to save you from that dragon. I was really worried about you.”
“You… were worried about me?” I say in surprise by her concern for me.
“Well, duh! Why won’t I be worried?!” she says it as if it was supposed to be that obvious. “You’re my friend, and I never leave my friends hanging! Plus, I kind of wanted to show off my awesome heroism now and then.”
I smile sincerely after hearing her sentiment towards me. I never thought I would matter so much to her.
“Rainbow…” I say with a warm smile as I lay a wing on her shoulder to offer my gratitude. “I may not need the save right now, but you’re still my hero nonetheless.”
She blushes intensely with a smile as she turns her gaze away from me. Maybe as a gift for her attempted heroics, I could just give a quick peck on the cheek--
“I FOUND THEM!!” Pinkie Pie shouts in a sing-song voice from the distance.
Dammit!
Rainbow Dash and I gave each other some space after hearing that cheerful farcry. I turn my head around for the high-pitched source, and I see Pinkie Pie bouncing happily towards us as Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders are running right behind the pink pony.
“Pinkie Pie?!” I say in surprise, though I was a bit mad at her interruption. “What are you and other girls doing out here?!”
“Silly, we came to look for you once we set up our own rescue team!” Pinkie Pie states cheerfully.
“Ford!” Applejack calls out to me in joy. But before I can response back, AJ gives me a swift tackle and pins me on the ground.
“Ah’m so glad yer safe!” Applejack says as she almost weeps in joy.
“Oh thank you!” She gives me a quick kiss on my cheek. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you so much!” And with each "thank you", she gratefully kisses me from cheek to cheek. I was completely stunned by the farmpony’s sudden affection.
“Ooo! Ooo!” Pinkie Pie observes with enthusiasm. “Are we learning how CPR is done?!”
“Applejack! Please! Behave yourself!” Rarity pulls Applejack off of me. Once I stand on my four hooves, I begin to smile widely with a heavy blush.
“You’re absolutely smothering him!” Rarity scolds a blushing Applejack. I look behind them to see a speechless Rainbow Dash staring at me with wide eyes. I drop my smile a bit from seeing her reaction.
“Beside, if you want to reward him properly…” Rarity approaches me gracefully. “…this is how you do!” She wraps a foreleg around me, pulls me towards her, and surprisingly gives me a very affectionate, deep kiss! It’s not as passionate as I thought it would be, but I’ll still take it none of the less. My bulgy eyes look past Rarity as I see each of the ponies’ reactions. Applejack glares at Rarity for being no better than her. Fluttershy blushes intensely at seeing what’s before her. Pinkie Pie and three fillies smile gleefully. And Rainbow Dash is just as wide-eyed as I am, except her jaw dropped so low, I was afraid she might dislocate it if she leaves it hanging like that.
“Hmph! Showoff.” Applejack scoffs.
“Oh… my!” Fluttershy observes bashfully.
“Oooooh, so that’s how CPR it’s done!” Pinkie Pie says cheerfully.
Eventually, Rainbow had all she could take and steps in. “Alright, break it up you two!” she intervenes as she separates me and Rarity. From that separation, I make a very large, goofy smile after all the kisses I have been receiving. Huh, I never thought I was considered to be that handsome for a pony. Then Rainbow just glares at me intensely, as I reduce my goofy grin into a sheepish smile.
“Oh! My apologies!” Rarity blushes as she gingerly fluffs the front side of her mane. “I might have gotten myself a bit carried away with that.” she finishes it off with a nervous chuckle.
“Ford!” Apple Bloom leaps in joy as she and her two friends tackle me back on the ground. Okay, this is getting old really fast!
“We’re so glad to see that yer alright!” Apple Bloom speaks.
“What happened to the dragon?!” Sweetie Belle asks with enthusiasm.
“Did you manage to slay it?!” Scootaloo inquires with exciting curiousity.
“No girls! I did not slay the dragon!” I answer firmly as I get myself up once more. “He’s… actually quite nice. Once you get to know him more.”
“Well, if worse comes to worse…” Pinkie Pie says with a smirk. “…we’ve brought along our secret weapon…”
“The Stare Master!” Pinkie and the three fillies announce out loud as they point to Fluttershy, which startles her briefly.
“Alright girls, that’s quite enough!” Rarity intervenes with authority. “As of right now, I think it’s time to hold off this little crusade for at least two weeks after all the trouble you three have caused!”
“What?!” cries out Sweetie Belle.
“Ah agree!” Applejack approves with a nod. “In fact, the three of you can spend yer crusadin’ time together by helpin’ me out with some extra chores on the farm!”
“Awwww…” Apple Bloom whines with a gripe.
I feel bad for the Cutie Mark Crusaders. They didn’t know that there was a dragon lurking in that cave. I decide to step in on this conversation.
“Wait a minute, girls!” I speak up to the older sisters. “I should have stopped them before they enter that cave. This is just as my fault as it is theirs. Please let me bear whatever punishment you have in store for them.”
“Nonsense!” Rarity dismisses me. “You did what was absolutely necessary to save our precious little fillies! If they didn’t run ahead like that, none of this would have happened. And thus, they need to learn the consequences of their actions.” She glares back at the three fillies who look away in shame.
“Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo turns towards her idol with an innocent-looking smile. “You wouldn’t do that your own ‘precious, little sister’, would you?”
Rainbow gives it some thought, but then she finally says firmly, “Sorry, Scoots. But I’m with AJ and Rarity on this one.”
“But--!” Scootaloo whines.
“Listen to me, Scootaloo.” Rainbow sits down as she wraps a wing around Scootaloo. “You need to understand why we have to ground you.” she continues gently. “What you three did was extremely dangerous. I might be known for my recklessness and such, but that doesn’t mean you and your friends should do anything reckless yourselves. We all love you so much, and that if anything were to happen to you, I may never forgive myself. Do you understand, little sis?”
Scootaloo begins to break into tears, and then, she hugs her aspiring hero tightly. “Yes, Rainbow.” the little Pegasus weeps softly. “I understand. I’m so sorry! I’ll never do that again!”
“I’m glad to hear that, kiddo.” Rainbow Dash smiles warmly as she nuzzles with her number one fan. After seeing such as touching moment, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle also follow suit as they hug their older sisters, who also return the warming embraces. Pinkie Pie of course is shooting out gushes of tears from her eyes as Fluttershy wipe a few tears from her eyes. I just smile warmly on this lovely scene.
After the affectionate cuddling, Rarity speaks up with a sly smile. “Why, Rainbow Dash! I had no idea you could act so mature for your age!”
“What can I say?” Rainbow Dash boasts as she ruffles Scootaloo’s mane. “I’m just being an awesome role model for my favorite filly--!” She pauses as if she just missed something from what Rarity was saying.
“Wait…” Rainbow ponders for a bit. And once she realizes what Rarity was referring to regarding with “acting so mature for her age”, she zooms up close to Rarity’s face with glaring eyes.
“What the hay is that suppose to mean?!” Rainbow Dash inquires agitatedly.
“Oh! Nothing, darling! Nothing!” Rarity answers sheepishly.
“Now then… before we wrap this up…” Applejack gathers the three fillies together. “...Ah believe you three owe somepony else an apology.” Applejack looks at me to refer the three girls who she was talking about. Then, the three fillies walk up to me with sad, apologetic faces.
“Ford.” Scootaloo starts off. “We want to apologize for what we did back there.”
Sweetie Belle continues from there, “We should have listened to you before going into that cave.”
“We promise to not do anything like that again.” Apple Bloom finishes it up.
“We’re sorry.” the remorseful three fillies apologize in unison.
“Oh, that’s okay girls.” I smile gently at them. “I’m just glad to see that all of you are safe, and that’s all that matters to me.” The three fillies are grateful to hear that, and give me a big hug. As I return the affection, all of the other girls join in for a very big group hug.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After all of that, we went on our separate ways. While the rest of the girls go their homes respectively, I join with Rainbow Dash to drop off Scootaloo at her parents’ house. Once there, I had to be gratified by Scootaloo’s parents for my heroic deeds. It felt nice actually, to be called a hero. It’s something I’ve dreamed about from all of those comic books I’ve read since I was small. Finally, it’s just me and Rainbow Dash after we said our goodbyes to Scootaloo’s family.
“Boy, Mustang!” Rainbow Dash says with a happy grin. “You sure had quite a long day, haven’t you?”
“Yeah…”
But then, we hear a different roar. Rainbow Dash looks around alarmingly, but then she and I realize that the grumbling roar came from my stomach.
“I guess all of this excitement has made me forget how hungry I was.” I chuckle sheepishly.
“Why don’t we grab some dinner tonight?” Rainbow suggests. “I know a great place that serves a delicious mushroom burger with sweet potato hay fries! My treat of course!”
“Yeah, I’d like that.” I smile gratefully. As we walk during the calm moonlight night, a devious thought comes to mind as I smirk wildly on how I should say this to Rainbow Dash.
“So…” I smirk mischievously.
“So what…?” she asks bewilderedly.
“So… aren’t you going to give me a kiss for my heroic deeds as well?”
SMACK!
“OW!” I screech from the pain after receiving a hard smack on the back of my head from the flustered Rainbow Dash.
“Okay…” I keep on grinning as I laugh off the brief pain. “How about I take a rain check on that kiss then?”
Funny. I thought I would receive another hit on the head, but I didn’t. I just see her avoiding my gaze as her cheeks glow as red as an apple.
“I… I’ll think about it.” Rainbow murmurs quietly with a blush.
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2644341
A Chrysler Valiant also sounds familiar.
2644176
"Coz".
I'm also sick of that word.
Anyway, its better than some other self-inserts. I've seen worse, at least this author has almost proper spelling and grammar for sure.
I like it. ANOTHER!!
you spelled mord fustang wrong
I like this story so far good plot but its been used so much its lost it appeal to me I give this story a 9.8 out of 10
Yes very good plot and also nice to have a good laugh once in a while
This story is the victim of rampant, unnecessary down voting simply because it has an OC.
Give the fic a chance guys, Christ. OCs can be very good, what, you just want to read about the same ten ponies over and over forever? Lighten up.
Guy...stallion named after a car, as a HiE Romance story?
Personally I see nothing wrong with this. Sure that plot has been beaten to death by all the other people out there, but who cares. The point is for you to write a story you come up with and share it, right? So go for it.
Oh and I didn't read it personally because I'm working on my own story(s) right now, but I'll tag it for later.
Mr Septonic
2645224 no they want to read about the same 11 ponies all the time
2645689
Just cause it's been done doesn't mean someone can't do it better, eh? It's not like other fics haven't been done to death and still get upvoted anyway, right?
Folks just have an easier time attacking individuals posting more singular creative property. I guess to be fair Mary sues and stus are a common things, but you wouldnt know until you read the fic, OCs can be done very well!
This fic could have so easyly turned into a self-indulgent self-insert fic at least a dozen times now but you side-step each and ever pit fall and make this a very enjoyable fic to read. Keep up the awesome work
hahahaha !!!!
this story has some good comedy too
Ford is getting popular with the mares.
2644497 You dont wana see my grammar when i try... or spelling...
im such a fail...
on the bright side i do like the cover art and i might read this later... might...
I saw a perfect doctor who moment that should of happen but didnt. after ford got hit by rainbow dash he should of david tennent it and said "what! I thought it was funny"
rainbowdash a softy what has the world come to!!?
Kiddin it was so awesome and cute!
2644497
"prescene" and "count" instead of account in the description. When I see such things in the description it makes me question how much the author cares for their own work. Though this still somehow got featured.
2644856Got That right
i wanna see more Hindel
2644341>>2644176
It could have been worse. The guy's name could have been Ford Prefect.
I mean, seriously, are they even making Prefects anymore? I didn't even know it was a type of car until someone finally explained the joke.
Why am I bringing this up? Because every time I see this story pop up in the Popular Updates listing, I keep mistaking it for a Hitchhiker's Guide crossover.Edit: Never mind. Unless this story had been taken down and resubmitted all at once, I must have been thinking of another fic. That said, the title still makes me expect a Hitchhiker's Guide crossover.
Crikey
let's see how many first story offenses we have here
>Self-insert HiE story
>Self-insert HiE story with shipping
>Self-insert HiE story with Rainbow Dash shipping, the most overdone shipping of all
>Main character as a human has a generic CRAWLING IN MY SKIN! kind of backstory
And that's just what I gather from the description alone. Grammar seems to be good, but with a plot as overdone as this in pony fanfiction, it would typically end up with either a negative Like to dislike ration or few views. However, that's not the case here. That alone has me curious. Might be worth checking out later.
In the mean time, I'd recommend that you check out this group. It specializes in helping new writers learn the basics in fan fiction writing and helping them know what things to avoid.
2655563
I thought that Fluttershy shipping with a human was the most overused shipping, or did Rainbow Dash take that position already?
2656841
There was no position to be took. Rainbow Dash has always been, by far, the most shipped character in the fandom, even with OCs. It's been like that since the start of the fandom. There have been full stories making fun of how Dash is shipped so much.
2658950
D'OH! Thanks for pointing that out for me!
2654750
Or a Ford Pinto! Hehehheh.
fordpinto.com/images/fire.jpg
2661628 haha as soon as i saw "Ford Pinto," i knew the pic would involve one exploding before i even clicked on it XD
i have enjoyed this series so far
we saw brief AppleFord and RariFord, now wheres my RainbowMustang?? XD
i love how Ford gets cock-blocked by Pinkie Pie
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/33912297.jpg
Me during kissing bit:
fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/077/1/c/flailing_noodle_arms_by_dplover25-d4t7d15.gif
I'm sorry in advance for what is about to happen. Before this does, let it be known that so far I'm enjoying this fic quite a bit. Alas, critic me has something to say.
*Puts on reading glasses.* So far this story has been moving along at a rather odd pace. Fine but grating nonetheless. The character development (or sheer lack of it) is extremely jarring. All of a sudden A.J and Rarity are raining kisses on this guy they have only known for a week? Sure he escaped from a dragon but still, it does seem very unlikely. Rainbow is just a teeny bit OOC, she's softer and more open than in the show or how her personality would normally make her. The Vinyl and Octavia scene as well as the dragon scene made your character look very stereotypical. Not quite a Stu, but a borderline generic self-insert character. Regardless of these errors, I will continue reading and hopefully enjoying.
*Takes off reading glasses, shrieks and throws glasses across the room.*
Sorry about that. Critic me needed to speak.
2656966
why no one ship pinkie?
2911936 I don't know why, maybe cus shes the type that shed immediately just walk through all the walls that normally have to be overcome in a romance. unless its either a one shot/subplot-of-a-bigger-story i cannot see how it could work. That being said not only is Pinkie Pie best pony (alongside Sweetie Belle). I suppose somebody could do some sort of thing where she is insecure about love because she loves making others laugh and use the whole pinkamena diane pie thing as who she really is but she uses Pinkie Pie as a front because of... something i dunno.
>"You seem too kind and caring to lie."
>THEY JUST MET and he hasn't done anything for her to judge by.
>"I never thought I'd see you up so early!"
>She's never seen him sleep before so she wouldn't freaking know.
>Everyone except the thug at the club has been warm and welcoming
>"I FEEL LIKE SUCH AN OUTCAST BAWWWW"
I'm only at Chapter 8 and I'm already irritated. I really hope this nonsense doesn't keep happening.
3041178 Its a form of manipulation used by many leaders....I've used it myself.
dam i love it
3041178 mind fuck isn't it?
2911936>>3025829 Because authors look at the concept of Pinkie X (insert name here), and say, "Meh, too easy.", when in reality they think: "WHATAMIGONNADOWHATAMIGONNADO?!?! She's too random; there's too many possibilities. Aw screw it, I got 'nuthin."
That sounds... uhh... delicious?
Now I get why this story has a Teen rating because of the kissing.
Yes, this story is a self insert, gary stu, HiE, has an overused shipping, but i still LOVE it Almost as much as i love My Little Pony: OTR, great fic btw, keep on writing!!!
PLEASE have a Ford Mustang appear
3543319
dont you get it? by now EVERYTHING is overused
boy/girl on earth adores MLP, something happens and the boy/girl winds up in equestria(sometimes turning into a pony), many shenanigans later, boy/girl falls in love with a character and they live happily ever after
dont even get me started on how cliche it is when the character falls in love with rainbow dash... i mean she is a great choice and all and i applaud you for not choosing rarity for ford to date, but i digress...
This was an incredibly terrible chapter. I am going to tell you several things I believe you did wrong here and I hope you take this criticism and use it to help improve your writing. First off are what all the other comments have been stating with the various cliches. Rainbow Dash being worried should have been an obvious thing seeing as he was facing down a dragon. That should not have been a surprising thing to Ford as anypony would be worried for someone encountering a dragon, especially after doing so to save 3 fillies' lives. Another thing was the whole dragon encounter. Ford managed to get help from him way too easily, eliminating any conflict that keeps readers interested in your story. Even worse was when he lost another conflict regarding his holdings things through the same dues ex machina as the dragon conflict. In other words, Ford is getting through difficult challenges without much effort, ruining the story and making it boring. Another issue was when Rarity was kissing Ford. I doubt the CMC would react to that with grins, especially Scootaloo who hates "mushy stuff" and Sweetie Belle who would most likely not know what to feel after watching her sister kissing somepony. It looks as if you didn't put much effort into this chapter and were instead trying to force the story along at an uncomfortable pace. I would suggest re-writing this entire chapter and fix any other chapters that would require it after changing this one to make it a better story.
i.imgur.com/l9qwQSZ.jpg
Best human turned pony fic I've ever read! 10 out of 10!
OMG ODINSPHERE! ...still can't beat it...
You save the cutie mark crusaders from a dragon, learn how to grapple things with your hoof from the same dragon.
do All of them things,and then get kissed by Rarity.....and Applejack.
I hate that so much.
Whatever.
Let's continue on.
4838894
Jesus, you're bad at giving criticism.
First of all, calling this writing "incredibly terrible" is not just a grotesque exaggeration but also very rude. Even if you were trying to be helpful, that does not excuse bad manners.
Second: Calm the hell down. A minor deus ex machina and some subpar characterization is not the end of the goddamned world. Writers improve over time, and not all stories on this site will be flawless. You're going to need to accept that.
Third: For the love of God, paragraphs.
Here's my highlighted thoughts from this chapter:
1. "Blind yet sees more" cliche. Not too bad of a trope, and it was in the form of a giant cool dragon so that's nice.
2. Damn! The ponies got really affectionate. Feels more relative to the development of Rainbow and Ford and not something they would actually do, but perhaps that's just me.
3. FORESHADOWING!