Should've Added More Stamps
“Twilight.” Applejack said.
She had been standing in the library for about five minutes, while Twilight scurried around, picking books off the shelves and flipping through them, before adding them to a pile.
Twilight grabbed another book in her magic, glancing at the title before looking at Applejack. “Sorry Applejack, I’m just working on a problem that has me a little stumped.”
Applejack nodded, glancing at the pile of books that had amassed at the side of the purple unicorn. “Well, ah’d say it has you more than a little stumped.”
Twilight leveled a stare at Applejack, before nodding grudgingly.
“Well, I have a little problem of my own. I know that I should trust yours and Tech’s judgement, but what do we really know about her?”
Twilight lowered the book looking over it at Applejack. “Wh-why would you say that? I mean, you trusted me when I got here, and you didn’t even know me.”
Applejack sighed and chewed her bottom lip for a moment. “Well... I saw something strange in the doctor’s office when I went with her. Her arm... It was black Twi. Black and shiny, like what Rainbow said was in town on the day of the Summer Sun Celebration.”
Twilight’s magic cut off and the book fell to the ground with a ‘thud’, Twilight’s eyes growing big.
“Well... That is weird. But are you sure?” Twilight said nervously.
Applejack noted this, looking at her with a curious gaze.
“Twilight, do you know something about this?”
Twilight shook her head rapidly. “No!”
Applejack just looked at Tenna and then at the books.
“Would the black thing that came into town a month ago be your problem?”
Twilight shook her head again. “No. This is a... memory problem.”
“You? Have a memory problem?” Applejack asked, slightly disbelieving.
“No... It’s for a friend.” Twilight said, picking back up the book slowly and reshelving it.
Applejack shook her head a little, but let the subject drop.
“Twilight... well... I’ll trust you on this one.” She said, answering the unspoken conversation that had been going on.
Twilight looked up, smiling. “Thanks Applejack. Now... I don’t suppose that you know anything about memory spells?”
Applejack chuckled softly before answering. “Nope, I sure don’t sugarcube. Looks like you’re alone in this one.”
Twilight sighed good naturedly, but smiled too. “Well, is that all that you needed Applejack?”
The orange mare shook her head. “Nah. I was just... over-reacting.”
Twilight laughed at this. “At least I’m not the only one. Do you want something to drink? I’ve got to take a break from this or I’m going to go nuts.”
Applejack nodded. “I’ve got a while before I’ve got to be back at the farm. Rarity’s watching the Cutie Mark Crusaders today so that’s covered.”
---
“But Rarity! You promised!” Sweetie Belle whined at her sister.
Rarity sighed. “Yes, I know I did that Sweetie Belle. But I’m afraid that this order from Canterlot arrived late due to the mail system here in Ponyville, and it’s due tomorrow. I just can’t afford to look after you and your friends today. Can’t you go to the farm?” She asked, sounding slightly desperate.
“No.” Sweetie said, looking slightly morose. “Applebloom said that the clubhouse was damaged in the last storm, and she still needs to fix it.”
“Well, uh... Could you go crusading around town for the day? I’d make it up to you tomorrow. I promise.” She said, sounding genuinely sorry for the mix-up.
“Well... I guess. But after our last round, you and Applejack said we’d need a chap... chapa...” She said, struggling with the word.
“Chaperone, dear.”
“Yeah, that!” Sweetie said, her voice squeaking slightly.
“Well, we did say that... didn’t we...” Rarity sighed.
The doorbell rang downstairs. Sweetie looked at the sound, while Rarity’s mind raced.
“That’s... them isn’t it?”
Sweetie nodded.
“Well, I’ll at least tell them myself that I can’t do what I promised.”
She walked downstairs, Sweetie following close behind. The door handle glowed in Rarity’s cyan magic, and it opened to reveal two excited fillies behind it.
“Hi Rarity!” They chorused together.
Rarity’s heart melted.
“Hi girls... I’m afraid I have some bad news...” She said slowly.
They watched her, their faces showing some sadness, but unsure of what was happening.
“I can’t watch you today. I have a big order. But you can go crusading around town, right?”
Applebloom and Scootaloo nodded.
“Aaannnddd.... to watch you...” Rarity said, looking around and stalling for time. “Is Tech! Tech dear! I have a favor to ask of you!”
Tech’s ears perked up as he was walking by the Carousel Boutique, as he heard his name. Glancing around, his eyes wandering for the source, landing on Rarity and the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Eyeing them warily, he walked up to them.
“Hey girls, hello Rarity. What’s up?” He asked, grinning at them slightly.
Rarity cleared her throat before starting. “Well Tech... I need to ask a huge favor of you! The girls want to go crusading today, but I can’t watch them, and I don’t know where Applejack is. Would you watch them and make sure they stay out of trouble. Please?”
Tech sighed, rubbing his hoof on the back of his head awkwardly. “I don’t know Rarity... I did promise the parental units that I would help them out today.”
Rarity sighed. “Of course. Girls, I’m afraid that unless you can find someone to watch you soon, then you’ll have to call it off...”
Tech nodded sadly, before slowly starting to back away from the trio of fillies.
Then, as if sensing weakness, they turned to him.
“Tech, please?” Sweetie asked, her voice sad.
“We’ve been planning this for days!” Scootaloo added.
“Plllleeeaaasssseee?”” Applebloom said, her eyes growing big and a sad look appearing on her face.
Tech made the tragic mistake of looking behind him.
Seeing the three fillies there with their faces looking so sad, Tech stumbled. His resolve breaking, he turned around and tried to make one last run for it, but ended up running into Tenna.
Both the pony and the changeling made surprised noises.
Tenna groaned, and started to move and get up. “Gah. Tech, when I was hoping to run into you around town, this isn’t what I had in mind.
Quickly getting back up, Tech grabbed Tenna and helped her up. Whirling her to face a away from the Cutie Mark Crusaders, he whispered in her ear.
“Don’t turn around.”
Tenna immediately turned around and saw the three fillies with their sad faces. Tech, seeing this sighs.
“I told you not to turn around!” He hisses at her. Tenna looks at him.
“What’s going on?”
“They need a watcher for the day.”
“And?”
“I can’t! I can barely look after myself some days! I can’t look after three fillies!”
“Tech, you’re sixteen. I’m pretty sure that you can handle three fillies.” Tenna said, trying to convince him.
“Three fillies, yes. Those three fillies? No.”
“Tech.”
“I can’t Tenna!”
“Well, they look so sad...” Tenna said, glancing behind her again. It was almost as if she could feel their sadness.
“Well, why don’t you do it?” Tech asked.
Tenna opened her mouth to respond. And then she closed it.
She tried again. “I-I can’t look after three fillies!”
“Tenna, that’s my line. Besides, I literally can’t do. My parents are expecting me to go help them out around the store today.” He said, giving Tenna a beseeching look. “Besides, you’re seventeen, right? Go for it, and if they give you a hard time just bring them back to Rarity.”
“Tech, d-do you really think I-I can? I-I mean-”
“Tenna you’re stuttering, which means you’re scared. Don’t be. They’re just fillies. Besides, what’s the worst that could happen?”
----
The universe suddenly awoke; a challenge having been issued.
----
Tenna shuddered, as a cold feeling seemed to have flowed over her. But ask quickly as it had started, it was over.
Smiling at Tech, she nodded slowly. “Y-Yeah, I-I guess so.”
“Besides, those little fillies will love you! You’re so much fun!”
Tenna smiled shyly at him. Tech smiled back at her, before looking away, blushing slightly.
“Thanks Tech. No-now lets make some fillies happy.” Tenna said, walking towards the door.
Tech watched her, smiling and shaking his head slightly. Glancing at the clock tower, he cursed and sped off towards his parent’s shop.
Tenna knocked on the door of the shop, before her courage left her. She heard a commotion inside.
“Sweetie Belle, would you get that dear?”
“Yeah.” Sweetie said, not sounding very enthusiastic. Hoofsteps followed this, coming to a stop in front of the door right before it opened. Sweetie Belle stared at Tenna for a moment.
Tenna waved nervously. “Could... I-I... ah... talk to Rarity?”
Sweetie Belle slowly nodded. Without turning away, she called upstairs. “RARITY! TENNA’S HERE TO SEE YOU!”
Tenna flinched at the loud sound, smiling nervously. For such a small filly, she sure was loud.
“Tenna? What are you doing here?” Rarity said, appearing in the doorway suddenly.
“Well... I-I sorta ran into Tech a-and he said that you needed somepony t-to watch the Cutie Mark Crusaders?” Tenna said, her tone of voice making it seem like a question.
Rarity’s eyes grew big. “Tenna! Are you saying that you would watch the darlings for me today?” Rarity said, disbelief in her voice. For the past month since Tenna seemed to have been made a permanent resident of Sweet Apple Acres and she had barely seen her. Tenna seemed to be a bit of a... loner, or recluse.
“Well... ye-yeah?”
Rarity quickly hugged Tenna. “Thank you thank you thank you! Now I can get some work done today!”
Quickly, she was inside and had pushed the three fillies outside. “I’ll be done around three o’clock, if you want to bring them bye then! Thanks Tenna!” Rarity said, shutting the door.
Tenna stared at the door for a moment or two, her mind suddenly seeming to catch up with her actions.
Turning to look at the fillies, she tried to put on a smile that didn’t show how worried she was inside.
It didn’t work. The fillies glanced at her, before turning to each other.
“What are we going to do today, Sweetie Belle?”
“The same thing we do every day Scootaloo. Try take over the world!”
Tenna blinked at this. “U-uh... what?”
They turned to her again. “We’re going to try to get our cutie marks!”
Applebloom piped up at this point. “Yeah, ah know that. But what specifically?”
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle smiled. “Are you pondering what I’m pondering, Scootaloo?”
“I think so Sweetie Belle, but what does having a back-flip contest have to do with getting our cutie marks?”
Applebloom and Sweetie Belle facehoofed.
“No... Scootaloo... wha? Where would ya even...” Applebloom said, her right eye twitching slightly.
“U-uh, can w-we do something a little more… safe?”
“Don’t worry Tenna! We’re doing something completely safe!” Sweetie Belle said, smiling brightly at the her.
Scootaloo interrupted then. “You still haven’t told us what exactly it was that you had an idea for.”
Sweetie smiled. “Well, you know how Rarity couldn’t watch us today?”
The other two nodded.
“Well, it was because the mail in Ponyville is so behind that the mail is getting delivered a day or two late. I figured that if we helped Derpy then the mail could be caught up!”
Applebloom and Scootaloo smiled at this. “That could work!”
All of them turned and put a hoof in the air. “CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS MAILPONIES GO!”
Tenna winced again, the loud voices of the fillies causing her to flinch from the loud pain.
“Uh... Shouldn’t we a-ask Derpy first? I-I mean it is h-her job.”
“Welll, I suppose you’re right! If we hurry, we should be able to catch her before she leaves for work!”
“Yay!”
The fillies grinned at each other and turned around, heading straight to Derpy’s house.
Tenna sighed softly, before taking off after the three fillies that were running down the street, dodging around all the ponies in the street. Tenna rushed through the already disgruntled crowd, throwing apologizes behind her.
“Girls! Wait up!” Tenna called after them, slightly out of breath. They didn’t seem to hear her or just ignored her.
Tenna was extremely grateful when they stopped in front of a simple two story house, waiting for her to catch up.
“Well, this is Derpy’s house!” Sweetie Belle said, pointing at the house.
“Ah know that!” Applebloom retorted, rolling her eyes.
“Well, I was telling Tenna!”
“Girls! Who’s going to ask her?” Scootaloo asked.
They looked at each other for a moment, before Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle backed up and left Applebloom just standing there, frowning.
“Ah, come on! I did it last time!” She complained, sighing at the end. “But Ah guess fair’s fair.”
Tenna watched with a little amusement at the antics of the fillies, smiling a little bit.
Applebloom turned around and walked up to the door, knocking on it. After about a minute, the door opened, revealing a smiling gray mare.
“Hello Applebloom! Do you need something?” Derpy said, looking down at the light yellow mare.
“Um, me and my friends were wondering if you needed help with your mail route today?” Applebloom said smiling brightly at the gray pegasus.
“Oh.. um... That’s a nice thing for you to offer, but-” Derpy started but was cut off by Applebloom.
“We were just thinking that since you’re behind on deliveries, we could help you catch up? Please? We were hoping to see if we could get our cutie marks by being Mail-Ponies!”
“Well... I suppose I could use some help. Is it just you three?” Derpy asked, her smile back in place, her bubbly personality showing through again, despite the early hour of the morning.
“It’s just me, Sweetie and Scootaloo! Oh, and Tenna’s watching us today!” Applebloom said happily.
“Tenna?” Derpy said, leaning out of the house and looking around. “Oh! Hello!” Tenna waved shyly in her direction.
“Just let me grab my bag real quick, and we can stop by the post office to grab my deliveries.” Derpy said, disappearing inside and grabbing her bag. “I’m just lucky that Dinky is out with Sparkler right now.”
“Dinky?” Tenna asked shyly, falling in step behind Derpy. The CMC’s walked behind them, talking excitedly about the day ahead of them.
“My daughter!” Derpy said, smiling widely. “She just started school, but right now she’s with a family friend.”
Tenna smiled back and nodded, before the two mares lapsed into a comfortable silence.
All in all, it looked like it was going to be a nice day.
---
Tenna walked down the street, Derpy occasionally grabbing a letter or a package from her saddlebag and pointing one of the fillies to a house on a street to deliver it to. They always took it and went in pairs, arguing or laughing at something or other.
Tenna just watched them with some amusement, occasionally taking one of the heavier packages to their final destination.
It was all going smoothly until Applebloom didn’t grab a letter properly and it went flying up into the air, riding the wind.
---
Tech smiled, stepping out into the sunlight. It was about three o’clock in the afternoon, which meant one thing.
Freedom.
He was done helping at the store, which meant he was free to go where ever he wanted! Freedom! At last!
Taking to that air, he smiled as he searched the ground for his friend. He lazily flew around town, eventually spotting Tenna with Derpy and the CMC’s. He was about to fly towards them and shout out a hello, whenever something sliced across his wing. The wing that had been hurt in the forest on that night. It had healed, but it still hurt a lot.
Tech didn’t see what cut him, but it hurt.
By Celestia it hurt.
With a slight cry of pain, his wing stiffened up on reflex, and he started on a crash course towards the ground.
---
Tenna gasped as she saw the envelope fly against Tech’s wing, and then Tech start to crash. She heard Derpy just sigh and the CMC’s let out little squeaks of their own as they watched him.
Tenna quickly looked down at where Tech was heading and, despite herself felt her eyes widen a bit more as she realized just where the green pegasus was going to land.
“Oh no...” She whispered to herself.
---
The cabbage vendor sighed, looking out at the crowd that was browsing through all the items that were being sold in the mane street open market. Of course, he meant that everyone was looking through the other wares that were available.
Nobody wanted a cabbage.
Still.
He sighed, looking at his cart for a moment at his precious cabbages, before looking back out at the crowd.
His gaze fell upon a grey pegasus who was looking at his cart with a sad expression, before her gaze turned skyward. The vendor glanced at his cabbaged for a moment, wondering if there was something wrong with them.
After a second or two of watching, something smashed into the tail end of the cart, sending the front end up like a teeter totter along with all the cabbages, which then came raining down on him and the surrounding ponies.
His eye twitched slightly as he looked at his cart, which was beginning to roll away with the pegasus still in it.
“MY CABBAGES!” He yelled, greatly upset as he got down on the ground and started to gather up the cabbages that were on the ground.
---
Tenna watched as Tech crashed into the cart and the cabbages rain down.
She had expected that. What she didn’t expect was for the cart to start rolling down the slight incline the street was on. With her friend still inside.
She sighed as she started running towards the cart, Derpy and the CMC’s following close behind.
“Stop that cart!” She shouted loudly, trying to get help. Unfortunately all that the ponies in the street could do was get out of the way of the runaway cart. It clipped other carts, spilling produce and goods on the ground as the sellers let out cries of aggravation.
Tenna continued to run after the cart as it was reaching the end of the street, where it would eventually hit the building there.
In this case, the library.
Tech’s head popped up out of the cart, a slightly dazed look on his face.
“Tech! You gotta jump out!” Tenna yelled at the top of her lungs.
Tech looked at her in slight confusion, before a look of worry crossed his face as he looked around him.
He seemed to realize that he was moving at a very fast pace towards a solid destination.
A look of terror crossed his face and he flapped his wings while wincing, getting enough lift to get out of the cart and land with a thud on the ground.
The cart, however, continued on its path and slammed into the side of the library, hard enough for the leaves to rattle and for some to even shake loose.
Tenna and Derpy, along with the CMC’s ran to Tech who was still on the ground.
“Tech, you okay?” Tenna asked, concerned as she looked down at him.
“Uh...” Was all the group could make out of his mumbling into the ground.
“Te-” Derpy said, nudging him so that he was facing the sky, but was interrupted by the library door slamming open, and enraged purple librarian standing there.
“What in Celestia’s name was that!” She shouted, before looking at the cart that was slightly upturned against the library, the wheel still turning.
Then she looked at the group in front of her home, gathered around a familiar green pegasus. Her mind whirled as she quickly figured out what happened.
She sighed. “Let me see him.”
The group quickly parted as Twilight went of to Tech and started poking and prodding him, looking in his eyes and doing a standard checkout.
“Tech? What day is it?” She asked him.
“It’s thee twenty fifth.” Tech replied, a little slurred.
“Horseapples.” Twilight said under her breath, before talking to Tenna and Derpy.
“He should be fine. I’m just going to take him to the clinic to make sure he’s really okay though.” She said, getting Tech upright with her magic and letting him lean against her as support.
“Ar-Are you sure Twilight?” Tenna asked, worried.
Twilight smiled. “Of course. He’ll be fine Tenna. I’ll come by and tell you what the doctor said later okay? Right now it looks like you’ve got other things on your mind.” She said, smiling and tilting her head towards the CMC’s.
“B-But...” Tenna started, but was cut off by Tech.
“I’ll be fine. Pegasus, remember?” He said, waving a hoof weakly at her.
Tenna looked at him for a moment, before nodding. “Fine... But come and see me later, okay?”
Tech nodded back. “Of course.”
Twilight shifted slightly. “Not to rush things, but the sooner we get him checked out, the better.”
Tech nodded and started to walk that way, Twilight leading him. Tenna watched them go, before turning back to the street.
It was a mess. The cart had caused a lot of damage. She raised an eyebrow and looked at the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
They looked back at her and smiled sheepishly.
“We know... Help clean up...” They said in unison, their voices slightly sad.
----
“The last box goes to... Roseluck.”
“I’ll get it.” Sweetie said, grabbing for it but Derpy pulled it out of reach for the little filly.
“Uh... Why don’t we let Tenna get this one.” Derpy suggested, holding the box in front of Tenna.
Tenna nodded and grabbed the box before the other fillies could. “Y-yes, that would be better. Where would she be?” Tenna asked.
“She would be in the greenhouse. She works there.”
“Hey! Why couldn’t one of us take it to her?” Sweetie Belle asked.
Derpy turned and looked at Sweetie Belle and her friends. “Sweetie, I’m going to say this as nicely as possible. A greenhouse is made of glass... I’m a little afraid to let you near glass.”
Applebloom interrupted Derpy. “Hey! We can ‘andle being near glass!”
Derpy’s eye twitched.
Tenna jumped in. “Applebloom and Sweetie,” She cut off when she got a look at Scootaloo. “And Scootaloo... What I-I think Derpy is trying to say is that you three... aren’t exactly... careful. W-we just don’t want you girls to get hurt.”
Applebloom opened her mouth to retort, but was cut off with a hoof in her mouth from Scootaloo.
“They have a point Applebloom. We did sorta destroy a cabbage cart today, along with most of main street.”
Applebloom looked at Scootaloo, before slowly nodding.
“Ah guess so.”
Derpy smiled again. “Now Tenna, the greenhouse is that way. It’s about halfway towards Fluttershy’s house. Do you know where that is?” Derpy said, pointing towards the Everfree forest.
Tenna nodded.
“Good. Now, this is one of the last packages.” Derpy said, breaking into a smile. “I can take care of the rest.” She turns to the CMC’s. “You girls can head home if you want.”
Tenna smiled and turned around to head towards the greenhouse, leaves Derpy to handle the CMC’s. Trotting along the path, she smiles as she watches the scenery.
Humming to herself, she soon arrived at the greenhouse. She almost missed it, as it wasn’t even green!
Walking up to the “greenhouse”, she was surprised when she suddenly was stopped by an invisible object. Falling back on her rump, she rubbed her nose before getting back up and slowly outstretching her hoof. It was stopped by the transparent object, like she thought.
“This entire thing is made out of a force field!?” Tenna said, wonder in her voice.
“Hello? Anyone out there?” A voice called from within the structure.
“I-I am!” Tenna called out. “Are you Roseluck?”
“Indeed I am! Who's this?”
“Te-Tenna! I-I’m helping Derpy with her mail route! I-I have a package for you!”
“Okay! Come on in sweetie! The door’s on the side!”
“O-Okay!” Tenna called out, circling around the ‘building’ and, seeing the open door, enter the greenhouse and quickly spotted Roseluck. Trotting over, she offered the package on her back to the pony.
“Here you go! One package, safely delivered.” Tenna said as Roseluck took the package, setting it on the ground.
“Thanks. Been expecting this for a while now.” Roseluck said, smiling at Tenna. “I’m Roseluck, like you know, but what’s your name? I’ve seen you around, but never had a chance to say hi.”
Tenna nodded shyly, shuffling her hoof slowly along the ground. “Yeah... I-I haven’t been in town for a long time, but I-I’m staying at with Apple family for a while.”
Roseluck thought about it for a second before smiling and nodding. “The Apple’s are a good family. They’ll talk care of ya.” She said.
Tenna smiled nervously, nodding herself. “I-I know. Everyone in town is nice as well, so th-there’s that.”
Roseluck nodded, gesturing to the plants. “Well, as you can see, I grow most of the flowers in Ponyville, so if you ever need a flower for any occasion, we’ve probably got it.” She said, grinning.
Tenna nodded shyly, looking around at all the plants in the greenhouse for a moment before returning her gaze to Roseluck.
“Well Roseluck, it’s been nice meeting you, but I-I have to get back to the CMC’s. Before they start looking for me, or Derpy let’s them loose to start looking for me.”
Roseluck looked slightly panicked for a moment, before laughing. “I suppose I better let you go then. Last time they were here, they left the plants perfectly fine, but managed to shatter all of the glass.”
“The force fields?” Tenna asked, curious as to what could shatter such power.
Roseluck gave Tenna a weird look for a moment, before shrugging and going along with it. “Yeah. The force fields.”
Tenna grinned, nodded again before she turned and exited the greenhouse, waving a goodbye at the flower pony, heading back towards where she last saw Derpy.
After walking for about five minutes, she saw Derpy standing there with a controlled expression. Smiling slightly she trotted up to the grey pegasus and stood next to her.
“So. How was the twenty minutes I-I was gone?” She asked.
Derpy leveled a stare at Tenna. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Tenna just bit her lip to stop herself from laughing. “Anyway, that was the last one, so I’ll take the fillies home.” She said.
Derpy nodded. “That’s probably for the best. Feel free to stop by the post office from time to time, yeah? Be nice to have someone to talk to.” She said, smiling at Tenna.
Tenna smiled back shyly. “Th-Thanks. I-I’ll keep that in mind.” She said before glancing at the fillies. “Well, I think you’ve caused enough damage for one day. Let’s say we call it a day?”
The fillies glanced at each other, a little embarrassed at the reminder of what they had done, before nodding. “Yeah...” Sweetie Belle said.
“Ah suppose Applejack is ‘pecting us at home for dinner.” Applebloom said.
“Yeah. It is getting a little late.” Scootaloo said, rounding out the group response.
Tenna smiled, before giving one last nod and smile at Derpy. “Thanks again Derpy, for helping m-me with this.”
Derpy smiled and waved it off. “If it wasn’t this, it would’ve been something else. Night Tenna.”
“Goodnight Derpy.” Tenna said, turning around and herding the fillies towards their respective homes.
-----
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Okay, I have to admit that I haven't yet read the story, but I will, I promise.
the reason I clicked on this story was that the description seems to be identical to the core conflicts in my fic that's also about a changeling trying to fit in (Ponyville). Then I just noticed that we had the same number of comments before I commented, and that, given 4 more chapters, our stats would probably look pretty similar.
Weird.
oh god this was priceless so well timed to. anyway good job with the story so far i can't wait for the next chapter.
~ Techsol
A nice slice of life chapter. Keep up the good work. I hope to see a new chapter soon.
Dragonfox
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8ko3dHPqL1qd9kcuo2_500.gif
Good chapter. The reference to Pinky and the Brain made my day.
While I slept, I planted thoughts in your mind so that you would do this and say you did.
You're welcome.
3485769
Huh. That is weird... And it's probably true about the stats.
Also, I swear I didn't mean to try to copy anyone's fic. Yours looks like an awesome story, and one I shall read soon.
3485812>>3486183
Haha, yup!
3486656
Thank god someone spotted that one. :P
3486128
Eh. Hopefully. :I
3487407
NoU!
3487567 Problem?
Don't ask me why (I don't understand the grammar rules underlying it) but it's bad grammar to use "fun" as an adjective with "so". You have to use it as an uncountable noun (like "water" or "sand") and write "You're so much fun!" instead.
3488116
Fixed. Thanks~
3487567
I wasn't implying that you copied me. I'll just go with "Great minds think alike." If you are going to read my story, you should probably wait a little bit until I get a prologue ready along with the first three chapters rewritten. I've learned a lot since I started the story and it's time for a much needed update.
From what I've read of your story it's pretty good, but you'll have to wait for me to finish before I give it a proper review.
3489497
xD Too late. I'll be leaving a comment on it later~
And thanks, I'll be looking forward to a review~
Well, it definitely wasn't the best thing I've ever read, but it wasn't the worst either. The entire story has a bit of an amateur-ish vibe about it, which I don't mean as an insult at all. That makes the fic sound much worse than it actually is. I love all the jokes and references, and you've made Tenna's cuteness work in a literary setting, for which I commend you. Literature can make me cry, make me laugh, and make me angry, but it isn't often that it makes me go D'awwww. It's crucial to keep in mind that the good points of this story outnumber the bad, but I'm mostly going to point out the bad ones so that you can improve both yourself and the story.
The first thing that concerns me is the relationship between Tenna and Applejack. It definitely needs work. within the two week time skip, Applejack suddenly became close enough to Tenna to realize that she was acting abnormally despite apparently never seeing her in a state where she hasn't been emotionally distressed (before Nightmare Moon, Tenna was crying and basically having an existential crisis.) This is also on top of Tenna's already quirky personality. It really needs fleshing out so that the reader doesn't have to be told that they're friends. The reader needs to be able to tell for him/herself that they're friends.
In the first few chapters there were a few issues with tenses (the story is written in past tense, but occasionally stitches to current tense) This, along with your author's description, leads me to believe that english is not your first language. You haven't made this mistake in awhile, so I'm willing to bet you've improved since then.
Then there's Tech. His overall character needs a chapter or two to be fleshed out so we learn more about him. Right now he's not quite a two-dimensional character, but you should think about doing this soon. Also Height. It's been driving me crazy not knowing how tall they are compared to the regular pony.
Then Tenna. Amnesia has been done to death, especially on the fanfiction scene, but you've made a wise choice in not to make it the main story element, instead making it a secondary motivation to finding her place in this world. It would be good to get some more of her integration into the Apple residence.
...and that's all I can really think of right besides keep writing and getting better. :D
3493398
First off. This is the best comment I have gotten in a long, long time. Thanks for that. You've brought a lot of things to attention, and that's awesome.
And in order.
Tenna's and Applejack's Relationship does need work. Will work on this. To be honest, I hadn't thought of it like that before.
I will be honest, I burst out laughing here. English is indeed my first language. I just happen to not pay enough attention to this. I've been warned about this before and that's why it's getting better.
Tech. Tech is my OC. I will be honest here, I never intended him to be a main character, despite Chess's wants. But it's gotten to the point that he is, and Chess is making me write a chapter about him~
Amnesia sucks FF wise. But it was necessary. And can do on the whole Tenna and the Apple family thing.
Thanks~
3493398
Late reply is late, considering. But, height. For Tenna, she is the same height as the Main Six, maybe a half an inch or so shorter. She's also thinner, given that she's a Changeling.
As for Tech, you'll have to ask Listener~
Hope this helps
Hope you make a new chapter soon!
3575462 that's all she ever does.
This story needs more love
Update it please