A Love For Madness

by ShadeJak

Closer

Alice

I don’t know how long I lay there on my bed after bidding Cadance and Celestia goodnight. This had all been a lot to process. It’d been… unexpected enough for one of my best friends to suddenly turn into a character from an animated show that had been over for five years. To learn he… no she, now… had dealt with a real-life version of one of the show’s villains who had been modeled after a Star Trek character (in theory, anyway from what I learned) had been even more unusual. Now, knowing for certain a show I had a fondness for was real after all was the cherry on the metaphorical mindfuck sundae.

As much of a fan of the show that I was, to the point I’ve called myself a proud ‘pegasister’, I didn’t envy Cale or whoever Celestia or the filly’s situations in the least. I could only imagine how painful it’d be… to learn everything they thought they knew, everything about the life they’d had for twenty-five years was a lie. Cale had learned he wasn’t who he thought he was for those past twenty-five years, such a revelation is sure to cause a breakdown or at least a serious freak-out for all but the most short-sighted or indifferent of minds.

The discussion I’d had with Cadance had only exacerbated that point; I could see she didn’t want to, but she knew she had to get back to Equestria even if it meant never seeing me again… Cadance was ruler of a whole kingdom, with subjects who had been without her for years and were depending on her to come back. They needed her to lead them and protect them again and Cadance had to put that before any personal attachments, including me and others she cared for here on Earth. To leave behind everything you knew, everyone you cared for because a bigger responsibility required you elsewhere was not something I could envy her for at all.

I’ve known Cale for years, he had helped me come to terms with my orientation even when I knew my parents never would, who had been one of the best friends I could ask for, and for that I owed my friend to help in any way I could, especially a time like this. Cale… Cadance… one and the same. While I see the friend I’d known for years behind those eyes, I also see the pony princess. I was used to Cale, but if this unknowingly had been Cadance all along was that the right thing to see her as? She seemed to have mostly gotten accustomed to her body, but the feelings she was experiencing seemed to keep her unpredictable at times; fine one moment, on the verge of tears the next… having unfamiliar thoughts and feelings was certain to scare and confuse anyone. I just hope whatever happens; she can find happiness as Princess Cadance, like she’d had in the show.

I awoke the sounds of screaming hours later in the living room. Immediately I bolted from my bed, rushing down the hall and passing Celestia as she emerged from the guest room to where I’d last left Cadance and hoping she was okay…

“Cadance?! Are you alright?” I asked, finding her sitting up on the couch, shaking all over and her eyes wide with terror.

She did not acknowledge me, she just continued to sit there, shaking and hyperventilating. “Cadance?” I asked again, turning on the lamp next to the couch and sitting down with the alicorn. “Are you okay? Did you have a bad dream?” I snapped my fingers a few times in front of her eyes, but Cadance still didn’t acknowledge me. Whatever had happened, it had frightened her good.

“I don’t seen any trace of infraction,” Celestia said as she entered with Pinkie Peach laying sleepily on her back but slowly waking up. She was right, there didn’t seem to be any sign that Cadance had been physically harmed or was at any point not alone in this room, but if her claims about Discord were true, and after all I’d learned it wouldn’t be a stretch to think he could cover any indication of his presence.

With no other ideas of how to get her attention, I gave my friend a light shake. The alicorn winced, then stared at me. “Cadance? Are you with me, now?” I asked.

~
Cadance

I couldn’t stop shaking, everything around me looked like a blur, and I could barely hear the sound of others rushing into the room. Alice’s voice… it felt so distant.

I have a daughter…

Discord… he took her…

I couldn’t save her…

Everything around me grew brighter. I felt myself get shaked and I suddenly felt like the world was untwisting back to normal like some abstract painting.

Ca…da…nce… a…wi... me now?” Alice’s voice grew more clear to me as I found myself staring at her while she looked back at me with worried eyes. Realization set in, and before I even knew what I was doing I through my forelegs around her, embracing my friend as tightly as I could while I cried. Slowly, I felt her put her arms around me.

Celestia stood over us, whispering something to Alice, who brushed her hand through my mane, trying to calm be down. “What happened?” Alice asked me. “Was it that memory? Of being banished from Equestria?”

If only. I tried to calm down, but the thought of what I’d seen kept me from doing so. “I-it… it wa-wasn’t…” I stammered, sobbing between words. “It wasn’t… just that…”

“What happened?” Celestia asked, concerned.

“M-my… my daughter… I had a daughter…” I explained, trying to calm down enough that I could form a coherent sentence. “…she was just a foal and… and Discord, he…” I couldn’t hold it back anymore. The mere thought of that moment made it all come crashing down. “HE TOOK HER!” I cried out. “He snatched her right out of my hooves and I couldn’t stop him! R-right before he banished me... I... I was trying to escape with her, Discord came and he took her away from me!”

I didn’t know this foal, my daughter that I’d lost except through that memory, but after seeing it… it was like what I felt when I saw Shining Armor; a longing, an ache in my heart like something of indescribable worth to me had been taken away.

“He did what?!” Celestia cried out, clearly shocked while Alice just stared in utter disbelief at what I’d just said unable to think of anything to say.

“I-I... I told you... D-Discord...” I stammered. “Aunt Celestia... Shining and I... we had a daughter,” I explained, fighting back more tears. “I-I couldn't protect her from Discord!”

Celestia stood there silently, but the look of tranquil anger was evident in her eyes. Even Pinkie Peach, who had finished waking up, looked scared.

“I have to find a way back... I need to get her back I need to know if she's even alive...” I muttered, before noticing that the room felt noticeably warmer… and increasingly so.

Peachy seemed to notice as well, and hit Celestia on the horn, causing the tall alicorn princess to yelp a little and the rising heat seemed to suddenly fade, prompting a sigh of relief from Alice and myself.

“A-aunt Celestia?” I asked.

“I'm fine Cadance,” Celestia replied, before turning and quietly thanking the filly sitting on her.

I took a few breaths, concluding with the method Cadance had used to relieve stress and finally managed to calm myself down somewhat. “He must have... made me forget until now...” I explained. Alice stayed quiet, brushing her hand through my mane which seemed to have an inherent relaxing effect on ponies. A good thing, I imagine, I didn’t want to go into another panic attack.

Celestia frowned. “I knew that he was a bastard, but I never expected him to that... evil,” she said.

“Do you know what he did with your foal?” Peachy asked.

“No... I don't. After... after he took her from me he banished me... the last I saw he was holding her from me, laughing at me…” I explained.

“...Do you remember her name?” Alice asked me.

I could feel tears forming again, and once more tried to hold them back. “H-her name was Skyla... she was just a tiny foal, still had a crib and everything.” I said softly.

“Skyla? Isn't that the name of that princess toy that Hasbro created to make more money?” Peachy asked, a little too bluntly and prompting Celestia to glare at her.

“Well clearly they were on to something because that's what her name was.” I said sternly, also less then pleased with the filly’s unintentional bluntness and causing her to recoil back and fall off of Celestia. Fortunately she seemed to have enough control of her wings to slow her fall down before hitting the floor.

“There's always been that fan-theory that she was Shining Armor and Cadance's daughter,” Alice said. “…Maybe they just didn't put that into the show worrying how reactions would be?

I guess she had a point there, drastic additions like that tended to not go over well, but it would be hardly surprising a newly-wed royal couple would go without having at least one child. Still, the theory Alice had mentioned caught my interest. “That reminds me... there was something Discord said... he was in my dream before the memory, too...” I began.

“He was?” Alice asked. “What did he say?”

“...He said... Twilight remembered.” I replied.

“Twilight Sparkle? My student?” Celestia asked.

“I can't think of any other Twilight.” I answered. “He said about Skyla "Twilight remembered just enough to get a teeny tiny fraction of exposure but as far as this world knows nothing was nearly so concrete as it was back when it all really happened.". I have no idea what he means by that...”

“Maybe she saw him coming and managed to shield part of her memories from him,” Celestia mused.

“That'd mean she's somewhere here on Earth, too, wouldn't it?” Alice asked.

“That was his plan anyway,” Celestia responded. “He told me that much before sending me away. He had also already sent Luna away and I failed to notice her disappearance,” she explained, while Peachy came on the couch and slowly approached, staring up at me.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, concerned. The filly said nothing, but instead hugged me. I blushed a little, and after a few seconds I slowly returned the embrace with my foreleg. “...Thanks,” I said softly.

“I know how it feels... To have a part of your family stolen away.” Peachy replied. Did she mean her pony self’s parents? I suppose in a way, Skyla hadn’t just been taken from me, but in turn, Discord had taken me from her.

“This... it's just so... I don't know how to describe it... finding out I'm a mom...” I explained. “As if finding out THIS is the real me wasn't crazy enough...”

The filly hugged me tighter. “At least you know that she is alive,” she said sleepily as Alice hugged me again as well.

“I can only hope so... I don't know what could have happened to her…” I replied. Discord was chaotic, he could have done any number of things to me daughter… kill her outright, imprison her, make her his plaything to toy around with… I wouldn’t know for sure until I saw for myself.

My worrying thoughts were interrupted as Celestia came closer and gave me a gentle, motherly nuzzle. “I'm sure she is alive,” she said as I returned it.

“Wow... she didn't last long.” Alice remarked, looking past me and I saw that Peachy had fallen asleep again.

“She is only eight now after all,” Celestia said, amused. Seeing the little filly sleeping so soundly, I admit, brought a small smile to my face.

“Thanks... all of you... I... I guess there's not a lot I can do right now, but I hope we find a way back... I need to know for sure...” I said, then looking at Alice. “…though I wish I knew if it also meant if I'd see you again.”

She gave me a sad but genuine smile. “Hey, no matter what happens I'm not gonna forget you. You got a lot you need to go back to, anyway,” she said.

I was beginning to feel tired again, but worry overcame me again. If I went to sleep again, especially with all that was on my mind, I grew concerned I’d end up having more nightmares. “I'm... I don't feel good sleeping by myself tonight,” I said.

“I agree. It would be best if you stayed with either us or Alice,” Celestia replied.

“It may be best she stays with you two,” Alice said. “The way she looks at you, Celestia, the way there's a bond the show and comics showed us, you're almost a mother figure to her. I think you might make her feel more at ease…” she explained, causing Celestia to blush a little. She was right. When Celestia was around me, I felt more comfortable, and I didn’t know how much longer I’d see her for before we parted ways as she’d no doubt have to return to wherever Luna was. I didn’t want to ignore a chance to have the one who, the part of me that was Cadance felt was like family nearby.

“I think you'll feel more comfortable with them, Cadance. Be a part of a herd for the night.” Alice said with a smirk, gently ‘booping’ my muzzle with her palm.

“I… okay,” I replied, rubbing my muzzle a little with my hoof.

“Tired, too?” Alice asked as Celestia suddenly yawned.

“Yes... At least, I don't have to actually rise the sun tomorrow,” she replied.

“Well that's gotta be a relief. Best enjoy it while you can, huh?” Alice asked, amused, getting a smile from Celestia.

“I try to. But I'm already used to waking up early.” Celestia answered before looking over at me. “Do you want to carry the little one, Cadance?” she asked.

“Sure.” I replied with a light blush as I smirked down at the sleeping filly and used my magic as carefully as possible to float her onto my back as I got up and off the couch.

“Well, I'm gonna get back to bed. Just let me know if you need anything else.” Alice said as she got up as well.

“Thanks Alice,” Celestia replied with a nod.

“Anytime,” she answered before heading back to her room and the rest of us headed off to the guest room.

As I entered, I used my magic again to carefully float Pinkie Peach onto the bed. “She's quite the heavy sleeper. I wonder what her sisters are like,” I wondered.

“Breezie is a very active pegasus. Thankfully, Glowy calms her down... most of the time.” Celestia said with a sigh. “I don't know how you managed to foalsit foals so easily.”

I rubbed my chin a little, pondering the question. “I guess I was just good at it. Then again, Twilight was…” I paused, realizing I was thinking about what I’d seen of Cadance foalsitting Twilight as though it had been me who had done so. “Is it weird... that I'm just, I dunno, remembering but not remembering that I did?” I asked.

“Some parts are clearer than others?” Celestia asked with a smile.

“I guess... I remember the episode more clearly, now.” I answered. “If it had been my earlier years I'd have probably loved to foalsit Peachy here and her sisters. …I wonder if that's the Cadance part of me saying that...”

“You didn't foalsit too as a human?” Celestia asked.

“Heh, you mean babysat?” I asked. “Yeah when I was in high school, a little extra money never hurt. Mostly around the neighborhood, everyone kinda knew eachother,” I explained.

“Was it the only reason why you babysat? Maybe something that you could have in common with a certain pink alicorn who did the same.” Celestia suggested.

“I never really thought about it that way,” I said, rubbing the back of my head. “I've always been pretty great with kids, though…”

“I'm certain of it. I wouldn't be surprised if you already shared a lot with Cadance personality wise as a human.” Celestia answered, yawning. “But enough philosophy for tonight. Princesses need their beauty sleep after all,” she said, giving me a wink as we joined the sleeping filly on the bed.

“Right... princesses... I suppose so.” I mused, brushing back my long mane with my hoof as I lay down next to Pinkie Peach, Celestia laying down on my other side.

“Good night Cadance, and sleep well.” Celestia said gently as she closed her eyes while I lay there for a moment. I felt the sleeping little filly snuggle up against me a little bit, I guess even when she’d once been a twenty-five-year-old human, there was still just as much the 8-year-old filly in there, probably one of the most twisted things Discord had pulled, especially on a filly made it that much crueler. I felt an almost maternal instinct to allow her to, wanting her to feel a little more safe.

Safe… how safe was Skyla when Discord took her? How safe was I able to keep her? I looked over at Celestia, she must have felt even worse having been unable to protect Equestria from the chaos god when she’d allowed him to exploit her desperation. But she had another chance, now, to make things right… and hopefully so did I.

This was me, now… I didn’t belong in this world but I didn’t want to leave it, but I had to for so many reasons. What I loved here, and what I had loved in Equestria, love was my nature and now in many ways… the thing that made my heart that much heavier.

Author's Note:

This time had something a little different; perspective switches. On occasion they'll happen when it's necessary, though it'll mostly remain on Cadance.

Not the most intense or action-packed chapter, but more of a transition and I hope you still enjoyed! Another major encounter next chapter so stay tuned!

I want to give another thanks to everyone who helped and supported to making A Love For Madness reach 100 possible.

Comments

[Pinklestia]

Well, chaos doesn't like to be preditable, for all we know, Skyla could even be on Earth, only under a different curse. So when Cadance leaves to Equestria she will find what Skyla was in Earth all along, and that she lost her change to get her back because the portal got closed for the next 30 moons.

[Sarikano]

4158549 Hmm, that would be funny. A 25 year old ending up as a young little foal, in diaper.

[Super-Brony12]

Poor Cadence. I can't even imagine how painful that must be to discover that you had a child and that they got taken from you.

Hopefully things will start to clear up soon, and with this in mind, I look forward to the next chapter.

~ Super-Brony12

[swyrl]

4159604 "What is happening to me? why do I suddenly have a craving for milk and trouble understanding people?"
Actually, this could make a really terrifying story. (well, maybe not skyla, but a small foal in any case.) Especially if your mind began reversing.

[Twisted Code]

5171613 that's... Really freaking scary