Rainbow Dash 8 (Revised)
I really shouldn’t buy a fifth cupcake. There are so many reasons why I shouldn’t have that fifth cupcake. I’ve had too many already, it will require a lot of flying to burn off the calories, I’ll look like a glutton to the cakes…
But buck me if it wasn’t tempting.
Luckily I was saved from my agonizing choice by Twilight coming down the stairs from Pinkie’s room. “Hey, Twi! Over here!” I called to her as she looked around.
She cantered up to my table with large grin on her face and as she sat down next to me, she nuzzled me, much to my surprise. Twilight rarely started anything romantic (something that sometimes left me…frustrated) so she must have been in a really good mood. “I take it you had a good talk with her?” I asked as I nuzzled her back.
“Pinkie is really more insightful than most ponies seem to think! She was very understanding, and she even told me that if I ever need a break from anything, I could stay in her room and she would help me keep everything stress free for a day!” Twilight said, bouncing a little in her seat.
“Oh?” I said, poking her in the barrel. “Should I be worried about my marefriend being so excited to spend the night at another pony’s house?”
“What? No, no, no! I just…” Twilight began, before stopping and narrowing her eyes at me. “That was a joke, wasn’t it?”
“…Yes,” I admitted, laughing a little at how cute Twilight looked when she was jokingly glaring like that.
Twilight held her cutely fake glare for a moment more, before it dissolved into a case of the giggles.
It felt nice, just sitting here and laughing with my marefriend.
“Well,” Twilight said, ending the moment, “shall we head to Fluttershy’s house? I think I might have spent a little too much time with Pinkie…”
“Eh,” I said, leaning back in my seat to try to get a look at the clock tower, “it was only a half hour. We still have a while before it gets dark.”
“Okay! If it’s all right with you. I just don’t want to keep dragging you everywhere against your will.” Twilight and I got up, and set off for Fluttershy’s home.
“No, it’s fine. I get to spend time with you, after all,” I said, poking her again as we walked.
“Yeah… I like spending time with you, too,” Twilight said with a blush, and I felt like I might fall over and die from cuteness overload. “So,” she continued, “what did you do while I was talking to Pinkie?”
“Oh, I just had a cupcake.” Or four…
“I guess there isn’t really much else to do in a bakery.” Twilight shrugged. “Anyways, are you sure you don’t mind me staying at Pinkie’s place if I start to feel overwhelmed?”
“Well, yeah. I mean, I understand it. You can’t exactly come over to my place whenever you want, considering it’s made of clouds. I wouldn’t be able to help you unless we planned it out to give you time to cast the cloud walking spell, and I don’t think that feeling overwhelmed runs on a predictable schedule.”
Twilight laughed. “Oh, that would be so much more convenient. Could you imagine if it did? At two thirty, restock the library. At three, invite my friends over for support. At three thirty, have mental breakdown.”
“Ha…ha?” I said, unsure about how to feel. I mean, it was great that Twilight felt comfortable enough to joke around about this, but still… I don’t really like black humor, and that was pretty dark.
“Well, in any case, thank you for being so understanding. And not just about my staying over at Pinkie’s! I mean… about everything, really.” Twilight said, with a heartwarming smile on her face.
I wrapped a wing around her. “No problem, Twilight. Now, c’mon, we gotta get to Fluttershy’s before it gets too late.”
Predictably, Twilight got more and more nervous as we got closer to Fluttershy’s, but to her credit, once we got there, she marched right up to the door and knocked on it. Even better, she wasn’t fidgeting like she had been, even though she was a little pale.
“Come on in!” Fluttershy’s voice called out from inside her cottage. “It’s unlocked!”
Twilight pushed the door open and trotted inside, with me following close behind. I took a look around, remembering the awkward situation that we had found ourselves in last time, but there didn’t seem to be any large red stallions hiding anywhere. And Fluttershy, for her part, looked like her regular self when she trotted out of her back room.
“You two have good timing. I just finished helping Mr. Beaver get a splinter out of his mouth. Oh, and I have an appointment with Ms. Bear in an hour, so I wouldn’t have been home then,” Fluttershy said, smiling her gentle smile at us.
Twilight laughed, but it sounded forced. “Lucky us, then! And here I was sort of hoping—I mean worried that we would have to come back tomorrow. But you’re here now, so we can talk to you! Hooray!” By the end of her little speech, Twilight was sounding hysterical, and Fluttershy was looking concerned.
“Twilight,” I whispered to her, “this is Fluttershy, remember! The pony that is friends with every bloodthirsty monster she can talk to? Compared to, I dunno, the fact that bears eat meat, do you think that this is gonna bother her much?”
This seemed to be the right thing to say, considering Twilight’s breathing evened out. “You’re right, Rainbow,” she said, giving me a wan smile before turning to Fluttershy. “Fluttershy, I need to tell you something. I have A.C.M.S. It’s a mental illness.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?” Fluttershy asked.
“All I am asking is that you keep an eye out for me. Just talk to me if I start acting weird. Er, like the Smartypants incident. Basically, if I start freaking out over nothing. Um, would you actually like to hear about the symptoms?”
“Yes, if it’s not too much trouble. After all, I know that knowing the symptoms are the best way to spot a problem in the making,” Flutteryshy said.
Twilight took a deep breath, and I could almost see the gears in her head shift into lecture mode. “First of all, symptoms for A.C.M.S. can be broken into two categories, positive and negative. Now positive symptoms are…”
I tuned out. After all, I had heard this lecture once before. Luckily, Twilight did seem to be handling this fine all on her own, although I think much of that was due to Fluttershy not reacting badly. Not that I expected her to be, but after what happened with Rarity, I was just glad that neither Pinkie nor Fluttershy had been difficult about this.
Anyways, I was going to have to talk to Rarity about how she had reacted. Sure, she hadn’t been outright rude or mean about it, but she still seemed like she would be letting this affect her view of Twilight. I was gonna have to tell her that Twilight was the same mare that she always was.
“…And that about covers it,” Twilight said sometime later, breaking me out of the staring contest I was having with that demonic little rabbit that Fluttershy owns. “So, any questions?”
Fluttershy shook her head. “No, I think you’ve covered everything. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this.”
“No, no, thank you for being so understanding about this. It really means a lot to me,” Twilight said, her voice very happy.
“Oh, if you were worried that I thought less of you when I found out, I didn’t. After all, you are one of my best friends,” Fluttershy said, smiling back at Twilight.
Twilight tilted her head to the side. “What do you mean ‘you didn’t?’ That makes it sound like you already knew about it.”
“Oh, um, well, I sort of did,” Fluttershy stuttered out.
“How? I mean, I’m I that obvious? I thought most ponies just wrote me off as being ‘quirky.’ You don’t mean that everypony knows about this, do—no, that’s preposterous. If everypony knew, then I wouldn’t have had to explain everything to you and the rest of the girls. But… you said you knew. How?” Twilight said, calming herself down before either one of us could.
“Well, I didn’t know all the details, but I knew that you had some sort of chronic condition, and try as I might, I couldn’t see any physical symptoms, so I figured it had to be something mental.” Fluttershy said, shrinking back from Twilight.
“But how did you know I had a chronic condition? From the sound of it, it was like… I don’t know what it was like! How could you possibly know I had a chronic condition without showing any symptoms?”
“Um… Rainbow sort of accidently let it slip…” Fluttershy said, and I felt like somepony had pulled the rug out from under me.
Twilight spun around and fixed me with a glare. Unlike the one from earlier, there was nothing cute about it. Her eyes were narrowed in rage, but what hurt me the most was the fact that I could see her starting to tear up underneath the anger.
“Wait, wait, wait!” I shouted, trying to salvage the situation. “When was this, Fluttershy?”
Fluttershy looked like she was trying to merge with the background, but she answered me in a shaky voice. “Do you remember when you came to me to ask about Twilight a couple weeks ago? About how worried you should be about her if she had a chronic illness? It was obvious that you weren’t being hypothetical.”
“I… um, well… oh. I guess I was sort of obvious, wasn’t I?” I said, laughing sheepishly in the hope that it would somehow lessen the tension in the room.
It didn’t. Twilight was still glaring at me, and Fluttershy still looked like she would rather be anyplace else but here.
And I still felt like a total fool.
After a few seconds of uncomfortable silence that felt like a few years, Twilight abruptly turned tail and left without a word.
“Twilight!” I called after her, but she either didn’t hear me or just ignored me. I figured that the latter was more likely. “Sorry, Fluttershy, but I need to go talk to her! Bye!”
“I understand. I’m sorry for letting that slip,” Fluttershy said.
I groaned. “Don’t beat yourself up over it, it was my fault after all. And I guess it’s better to have everything out in the open like this. At least, I think it is. Argh! Why do relationships have to be so confusing?” I asked.
“I wish they weren’t, but they are,” Fluttershy said softly. “Now go talk to Twilight. I think she needs to hear from you that you’re sorry.”
I nodded and sped out through the door.
I caught up to Twilight before she even had a chance to cross the small bridge in front of Fluttershy’s house. “Wait up, Twilight! We need to talk for a second!”
“Can we trot and talk?” Twilight asked, her tone sharp.
“Um, yeah, sure,” I said, dropping down to land next to her. “Listen, I just want you to know that I didn’t do this deliberately. I guess I just made a few bad choices of words. You know I would never do anything to hurt you intentionally, right? I just can be a bit of a meat head sometime.”
“Oh, trust me, I know,” Twilight said curtly. “And if I for an instant thought that you did this on purpose, our relationship would be over. I know that you just didn’t think this through.”
“Oh… well… I guess all I can do is say that I’m sorry. I am really, really, sorry. Can you forgive me?”
“I already have, but…” Twilight said, and my heart leap up into my throat. “I still need some time to cool down. After we talk to Applejack, I think that I’ll need to have tomorrow all to myself. Just me and my books. Could you do that for me?”
“Sure thing, Twilight. Whenever you need some time alone, just let me know, okay? I promise that I won’t bug you tomorrow,” I said, both glad that she was willing to forgive me, and disappointed in myself for making her so angry. “So you still want to talk to Applejack? You don’t want to put that off till tomorrow? Or the next day?”
“No, I’d rather do this today. That way I can relax tomorrow without anything hanging over my head.”
“Oh, okay,” I said.
The rest of the walk to Sweet Apple Acres was in silence.
“Hey, Applejack! You in here?” I shouted into the barn. We would have knocked on the door to her house, but there was lots of noise coming from her barn, and none of the lights in the house were on.
“Hey, Rainbow! Come on in!” Applejacks country voice yelled back to me. “I’m just getting everything ready for the night!”
As Twilight and I stepped into the barn, Applejack tossed a bale of hay into a stack, then turned and faced us, wiping some sweat from her brow. “Ah, and you have Twilight with you! What do I owe the honor of your visit to?”
“I wanted to talk to you for a little bit, Applejack,” Twilight said, stepping forwards. “It’s about, well, it’s about a secret that I have been keeping from you and the rest of the girls.”
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “You know I don’t like secrets, Twilight, but I guess everypony has a few. And I’m just glad that you decided to tell me.”
“Yeah, I know. And I felt that it was time to come clean,” Twilight said. “Anyways, Applejack, have you heard of A.C.M.S.?”
Applejack cocked her head to the side. “Can’t say that I have. What is it?”
“It’s a mental illness. The reason I bring it up is because I have it. I—“ Twilight began, but Applejack interrupted her.
“You have a mental illness? You mean you’re some kind of loony?” she asked in a very surprised tone of voice.
“L—Loony!?” Twilight said, recoiling as if struck, at the same time as I hissed to Applejack “What the hay do you mean by that!?”
“Wait, wait, wait!” Applejack said, waving her hooves in the air. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it like that! I—“
“Then tell us what you meant by ‘loony,’ cause that’s pretty hard to misinterpret!” I spat at her, angrier than I had been in a long time.
“Look, Rainbow, I just had a long day, and I wasn’t thinking clearly. I really am s—“
“A long day? You think that excuses this? I’ve had long days too, but I’ve never called one of my friends something as nasty as loony, especially right after they came to me with a secret they were afraid of telling me!” I yelled, sticking my face right in Applejack’s.
“I already said I’m sorry! What more do you want?” Applejack yelled right back, meeting my glare.
“What I want is—“ I began, but suddenly I found myself dragged away from Applejack by an incredible force, while Applejack was dragged in the opposite direction. I tried to protest, but my lips had been forced shut, and trying to get them apart just hurt them.
“ENOUGH!” Twilight roared, sounding just as angry as I had. “I will not have one of my best friends and my marefriend fighting like this! Especially over me!”
The sound of Twilight's heavy breathing filled the barn while Applejack and I just stared at her.
“Rainbow,” Twilight said, turning to me, “what Applejack said was hurtful, but I don’t want to hold a grudge over it. She already apologized, and I’m inclined to accept it. So please, let it go.”
“But,” I said, finding that I could speak again, “she called you a name! A really nasty one.”
“Yes, but she apologized to me, and I want to let it go. You don’t really have any reason to keep fighting with her on my behalf. Understand?” Twilight asked.
I nodded, reluctantly.
“Now Applejack,” Twilight said, turning to the pony in question, “like I said, what you did was hurtful. But I really do want to let it go. So… let bygones be bygones?” Twilight said, extending a hoof towards Applejack, obviously hoping to shake on it.
Applejack shrunk back from Twilight’s hoof.
“Applejack, what…?” Twilight said, but then her eyes widened. “Applejack, are you…are you afraid of me now?” she asked softly.
“No!” Applejack exclaimed, but she wouldn’t meet Twilight’s eyes, and her muzzle was all scrunched up.
Not even Twilight could miss those signs. “Oh… I see,” she said in a tiny voice, and her horn lit up.
“No, wait, Twilight! We need to—“ Applejack said frantically, but was interrupted by a pop as Twilight teleported away. “… talk about this. Dang it!” Applejack cursed.
For my part, my teeth were grinding together too much for me to say anything.
Applejack turned to me, looking downcast. “I goofed, didn’t I?”
“This qualifies as more than just a ‘goof,’ Applejack,” I said, sounding a lot calmer than I felt. “How could you treat her like that?”
“It was just a stupid reflex! I didn’t mean anything by it!” Applejack said. “Please, I really didn’t mean to hurt her! It’s just…”
“Just what?” I asked, my tone as cold as ice. “What excuse could you possibly give for acting that way towards Twilight? That mare has seen us through more disasters than anypony else. And how do you repay her? By looking at her like she’s gonna rip your head off.”
“I know, I know. But please, just give me a chance to explain,” Applejack pleaded.
“This had better be a dang good explanation.”
“It probably isn’t good enough, but…” Applejack sighed. “Look, you remember that time that Twilight made the whole town fight over that doll?” I nodded, and she continued, “Applebloom had nightmares for weeks after that. She would dream that Twilight would cast another spell on her and make her do something mean. And Big Mac… I think it affected him just as badly. He never said anything to me, but I noticed that he tried to throw that doll away several times, but he never could. He would always dig it out of the trash when he did. I think it’s still in his closet.”
“That happened a while ago, Applejack, and Twilight said she was sorry. Heck, if you told her about it, she would have done everything in her power to make it up to you.”
“I know, but Applebloom forgave Twilight and said she didn’t want to bother her with it. I think she wanted to act grown up. And as for my brother, well, he didn’t say anything, so it’s not my place to try and force him to do anything.”
“Fine,” I said, nodding in understanding, “but it sounds like everything has been sorted out. So why are you acting this way now?”
“Well…” Applejack said, looking everywhere but at me.
“Spit it out,” I growled. I was getting really fed up with how Applejack was acting.
“I thought that she only acted that way because of Discord. But I assume that that could happen again, and that’s why she wanted to tell me about this A.C…whatever it was. Am I right?”
I nodded.
“And you know how strong she is. You saw how effortlessly she pulled us apart. Heck, she even stopped us from yelling. If she really aint right in the head, what’s stopping her from hurting us?” Applejack asked.
I bristled. “If you think for one moment that Twilight would hurt anypony on purpose—“
“I know!” Applejack yelled, cutting me off. “I don’t think she would do it on purpose. But she didn’t mean to give Applebloom nightmares, now did she?”
“I… um…” I stuttered, trying to think of a good argument. “Look,” I said instead, “Until you go and apologize to Twilight in the flesh, I don’t want to talk to you. Understand?”
“I understand,” Applejack said sadly. “And Rainbow?” she said as I turned to leave, “could you tell Twilight that I am sorry? I just need some time to think about this.”
“I’ll do that,” I said, then launched myself into the sky in the direction of Twilight’s library.
“Twilight! Can I come in!?” I yelled, pounding on the door to the library. “C’mon, open up! We really should talk!”
The door swung open, but much to my surprise, it wasn’t Twilight but Spike, standing in front of me. “Hello, Rainbow,” he said coldly.
“Yeah, whatever, hi,” I said. I know I was being rude, but I needed to talk to Twilight right away. “Listen, Spike, is Twilight home? I need to talk to her about—“
“About accidentally spilling her biggest secret to Fluttershy? Or maybe you needed to talk to her about starting a fight with Applejack that left her scared of Twilight?” Spike said, glaring at me.
“Oh, so you heard from Twilight about all that? Listen, I need to apologize to her, so if you could let me in…”
“I know enough about what happened, even if I had to get all of the information between sobs,” Spike said, sounding angry now. “And Twilight doesn’t want to see you right now, so no, I won’t let you in.”
“But, I need to make sure she is all right! If she—“
“If she what? Rainbow,” Spike said, pinching the brow of his nose with his claw, “no matter what happens, seeing you right now isn’t going to make anything better. Just give her some space and some time to get over what happened, okay?”
“I—all right,” I said, hanging my head in defeat. I didn’t want to admit it, but what Spike said was true. No matter what the situation, forcing my way in to see Twilight wasn’t going to cheer her up, especially after what happened at Fluttershy’s. And Spike would be there for her, so I didn’t need to worry about her being alone. “So when should I come back?” I asked.
“Come back in about a week.”
“A week!? A whole week!? But—“
“She wants to talk about what happened with Doctor Hooves, okay? So give her a week,” Spike said, glaring at me as if to dare me to object.
“Fine,” I said. If Twilight wants that much space, then I should give it to her. I wasn’t happy about it, but it was the right thing to do. “Could you pass on a message for me, though?”
“What is it?”
“Tell her that both Applejack and I are sorry about what happened, and that Applejack is thinking about what happened. Could you do that?”
“Sure thing.” Spike said.
“Thank you,” I said, turning to leave with my head down low. “I’ll see you in a week, then.” And without a further word, I took off in the direction of my house, and more importantly, my bed. It had been a trying day.
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HOOOOOOLD the boat.
and the oh really trixie face too 
..... sorry dude but i have to summon forth the cynical applejack face
that was way out of character for applejack dude...... holy FUCK was it out of character for her to act like this..... you can't forget, these guys have a bond strong enough to activate a God tree's magic and incarnate friendship as a power. there is no way she would just be booting twilight and abandoning their friendship like that.
i know you wanted to have things go wrong at some point, but that was NOT the way to do it. applejack would never act that way. at the very least she would be very, veyr troubled about her friend being unwell, and conflicted over being a little scared of her.
if you wanted it to all go south you should have brought in Granny Smith or something, someone who could direct applejack to that decision rather than her instantly abandoning a friend that is all but family to hear to begin with.
sorry but i have to say it was very out of character for aj to do that, not without some stimulant and obvios personal conflict.
i like this story but fear that this is kinda going of track at the end there.
While I can understand that Applejack's familial instincts can trump her logic, particularly if Apple Bloom is still suffering side effects of something Twi did, I find that attitude repulsive.
The idea that mental illnesses make a person lesser, that they aren't "right". Do we penalize someone with a chronic physical issue the same way we do those suffering from mental issues?
No, we don't. And that is very, very, wrong.
4533746 my problem was that she very ut of character and it all felt a little rushed.
I'm inclined to agree with the other comment here: I like the story, really love the concept, but HOLY HELL did Applejack come out of nowhere.
The funny thing is it could make perfect sense if you reorganized the conversation.
Eg:
Twilight: "Applejack, I have ACMS. Do you remember the smartypants incident? ACMS sometimes causes me to do things like that. I'm telling my friends so you can keep an eye out for me if I start to show any symptoms."
Applejack: "Hold on, your mental illness is what caused all of that? And it could happen again?"
Twilight: "Well, yes, in theory, but I'm on medication for it..."
Applejack: "Look Twi, I get this isn't something you have control over, but the smartypants incident gave Applebloom nightmares for weeks. Big mac still has issues because of it. I'm sorry, Twi, but this makes me a little uncomfortable."
Twilight (or Rainbow): "I haven't had an issue since then..."
Applejack: "But you're warning me because you could. Look, I'm not trying to be insensitive to you, but I'm going to have to ask you to stay away from my Family, or at least Applebloom and Big Mac, okay? They're all I've got after ma and pa passed on and I don't want you to hurt them again"
Twilight: "But..."
Applejack: "But nothing, Twi. If you respect our friendship you'll stay away from them and the farm. I'll see you around town either way"
etc etc
I just through that together in a minute or two. It says the same thing that part of this chapter does and frankly can have the same fallout between Applejack and Rainbow, but doesn't make Applejack come off as nuts and so blatantly out of character.
Anyway, just something to consider.
4533708
Got to agree with that. Applejack was just way too out of character. I know its for the sake of the story but working it a bit would be better. Maybe make Applejacks fears be more subtle with her just being ignorant rather than a straight attack on Twilight and Dash. Possibly something like Applejack just not seeing past her illness and treating her differently. I agree with the idea that she could be pressured into this attitude by Granny Smith or something similar. Applejack is just not somebody who would just throw her friends in front of the bus like that.
I have trouble believing Equestria doesn't have universal healthcare.
Applejack's entire scene feels forced. There's absolutely no build up to it. I'd recommend at least having Twilight explain that the Smartypants indecent was part of her condition, and then have Applejack go off on that, that way she's already a bit unsure of Twilight's mental stability when it starts, so it's a bit more believable that when she brings up something that had actually harmed her family Applejack would react in such a way.
4533746
That’s actually the exact attitude that I wanted to provoke with Applejack’s response. I hate it when somebody stigmatizes mental illness, but I wanted at least one of the mane six to react really badly to Twilight coming out of the closet with this, so to speak, and Applejack was the one I could justify it with best. She probably wouldn’t be all that knowledgeable about things like this, and since this has actually hurt her family, she would naturally be defensive about it. Don’t worry, I plan on Applejack to have some character development as well. I wouldn’t permanently break up the mane six after all. They may fight, but they always get back together in the end.
The... hay? Did Applejack hit her head or something? Just... What was that? That mood swing must have involved a g-suit. Is Applejack also mentally ill in this universe? That's the only explanation I can think of that makes sense.
edit: Given the discussion there seems to be and your stated intention to address this, though, I've decided not to unfavourite yet.
4533824 it was still too forced. tiwlight should have at least had the time to reveal that it was her condition that caused her to go crazy like that before applejack reacted, and also if she acted more scared than just nasty...........
besides what could possibly affect tiwlight more than disdain? FEAR.
....... a lot o fpeople are reacting the same way. maybe if it was granny smith herself she would respond like that. but applejack is her good friend. her acting like this makes the bonds of Hramony look about as strong as toothpicks.
I can sort of see where AJ's coming, but Applebloom has nightmares for weeks? How bad do you think Twilight has it?
Your
has just taken a massive leap towards Worst Pony.
4533773 and 4533807
Are on to something here. As it stands it feels forced.
Mind you we(at least not I) are not arguing about Appeljack taking this stand just the way it's currently portrayed.
And suddenly
is acting like a complete *apple*hole.
Yay.
There's a lot of ways that the AJ scene could have worked. I personally like 4533773's suggestion. This execution came out basically too hard and too fast for it to have any impact, not to mention it dips out of character for AJ. I also don't think Applejack would have used the word "loony" in front of Twilight. I get that her thing is honesty, but she does have tact. A better placement for it, I think, would be when AJ and RD are arguing afterwards, which would push her over the edge to say that they weren't friends until she's fixed this.
Still, I adore this story, and I can't wait to read more, that one particular part, however, could have been done better.
While the scene could be touched up in order to flow better, it does seem in character for Applejack. She's always struck me as highly conservative, and she is shown to be the type to jump to an idiot conclusion and then stick with it past the point of sanity.
I do hope this touches upon the Canterlot Wedding. That'll be fun!
Hey everybody, could you check out my blog post about the latest chapter? the link is here.
I too quite like the concept of the story, but this chapter does feel rushed through the important bits. A much more minor complaint is that Fluttershy, the very soul of kindness, is very matter-of-fact and dispassionate about the whole thing. While it's not wrong, as it plays up Fluttershy's medical side and the idea that she is not at all flustered by health issues, I guess I did expect a little more nurturing upon finding her friend was suffering from something that made her so scared and miserable.
But yes, the Applejack scene didn't work for me as it went far too harsh, and far too quickly. I could see her saying something harsh in the midst of a heated argument with Rainbow Dash, but while I can appreciate the logic you're using (even if I don't imagine that the Smarty Pants incident was mentally scarring to any real degree, myself), I just can't see her reacting as written.
I'm still curious to see where you're going with it all though.
I am suddenly overcome with the burning desire to slap Applejack across the face.
Huh.
I liked and hated this chapter. I can't see applejack reacting this way. Other than that, it was a good chapter.
actually, while i think applejack's reaction was to straight forward, i can see her saying something like that. but only if her family is involved! she tends to get a little thick headed when she's angry, or when something tied to her family becomes 'threatened.' in this case, it was both.
Welp, Applejack is too OOC for me to continue enjoying this. I will say that it was at least an interesting read right up until that. But... Nope. Even if she would react in a fashion like that, it'd wouldn't be so abrupt that you have to step away from the story and think, 'Did that just happen? Wuh?'. There's no time for questions or explanations, she just suddenly decides she's over Twilight, completely? Without even a hint of any friendship they might have had before a single breath worth of words?
Or Applejack is secretly Dexter. Not having emotions towards other ponies would explain it...
apparently re-uploading it does not create any signal of it.
either way much, much better. thta feels a bit more natural. good job wit dat.
4557560
Yeah, I noticed that too. Did you at least get some sort of notice that I posted a blog tagged with this story?
4557581 only noticed it because i was looking through my list.
Much better.
The conversation with Appeljack feels a lot smoother.
But now Spike wont' let Rainbow in and she has to wait for a whole week to apologise.
Much better. It's really hard to have AJ be an ass without her being out of character, but you nailed it this time.
I managed to miss:
The first version, so I can't judge between the two. But this as it is works quite well, and I'm continuing to enjoy the story a whole lot!
Mike
Much better than:
yer a loon git off mah farm.
I like it much more that AJ is more in character.
I feel the twidash may have suffered slightly from the change.
But I will wait to see the next chap before jumping into the gorge named conclusions.
If you want a good example of one of the main 6 reacting badly to a mental illness....very badly... try this on for size:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/183069/jackie
The chapter has improved a lot, although now it feels a lot more like Raimbow's irrationally overprotective of Twilight...which may just be the point, actually
Applejack feels way more believiable now... but I feel sorry for Rainbow since it means that she is the one taking the fall now (somewhat).
?
Oh well , it just means that we are going to see some wonderful drama later... and some wonderfull bonding time between Twi and Dash... Maybe
This AJ feels much more in character, kudos!
She may not want to be afraid of Twilight, but with her family on the receiving end of one of her 'episodes' it's perfectly natural to be.
One might say that, Twi being as powerful as she is, anyone not even slightly afraid of her should report to doctor Hooves...
Applejack........ I knew you were thick but this is taking it to a whole new level of stupidity.
4563953 nothign compared to the previous incarnation. it has been majorly improved.
I'm curious to see the unedited version, just to see how much has changed (sorry for not getting to it right away, had a bit of a backlog of stories I needed to read).
4563953
Actually, I think this is a reasonable reaction for her. Maybe not perfect, but its within the realm of possibility. It all happened pretty fast, and Twilight didn't let her explain herself.
Ah, much better! Applejack no longer comes across as significantly more dangerously insane than Twilight. :)
Wow... this was way, WAY better actually! This... this was pretty perfect actually!
This revision feels way better. The whole scene with AJ is totally in character and very believable. Her internal conflict about the situation is way more apparent, as well. Big thumbs up.
Got excited when I saw 'revised'.
You have earned your thumbs and shiny star back!
4536530 It's been revised to keep AJ in character. You can read the story now. (Assuming you read the original version.)
I wonder what their other friends would do if they found out how AJ reacted.
4533708 apple jack still has the capacity to be an ignorant hick
What was the point of using Applejack for this? EVERYONE uses Applejack for this and cites her being country as 'justification' on this site, as an example. She's always the thick-headed jerk who hates gays and lesbians and any of her friends who aren't 'normal' yet for some reason is still completely cool with Pinkie Pie despite the fact she warps reality.
Her character has more points against being that sort of person than for, meaning there is no canon justification. She can be stern and short, but she's always supportive and openly caring about her friends. To the point that up until Season 3 it was common to say Dash and AJ got their Elements mixed up. If anything, Dash would have been the one to jump to saying something stupid first and then going back to try and make up for it. That's in her canon personality and in her character archetype.
This is the revised edition apparently and if I'm finding this big an issue with how the character is used, that's kind of problematic. Since I can't actually do it, this chapter gets a 'verbal' downvote from me.
6247090
I think it's more that the author must have some character be uncaring and inconsiderate as a plot point, and it can't really be ano of the others.
Twilight - This is the main plot already.
Rainbow - This is also part of the main plot. She's also the Element of Loyalty.
Pinkie - She's accepting of everyone who comes to Ponyville, pony or not. It's her quirk.
Fluttershy - She's shy enough such that having her in the role would be OOC.
Also, as brought up in the story, she takes care of pony-eating carnivores for a living.
Rarity - Maybe. She's the gossip, so she would do fairly well.
Applejack - She's 'country.' The stereotypical 'country hick' is unaccepting, racist, and violent.
She's not a sterotypical 'country hick', but it's just the author's headcanon.
It's a toss-up between Rarity and Applejack. It's simply in this case that the author has chosen to cast Applejack in this role.
6247462
Feels racist somehow. I'm not sure how, but it does.
That aside, I've seen Pinkie and Fluttershy used as the friend-circle foils before, to great and original effect. Nothing about AJ's actions and character overly lends her to this role aside from people just saying she's Southern and therefore must be a redneck. Low-hanging fruit.
Eh, I've said my bit. This was a poor choice for originality and sense.
I love dark humer. Especially if it makes fun of me!
What does this even mean? I hear it often but I have no idea what it means.
6252851 it means that once somethings over you don't bring it back up, such as not arguing or flinging something in someones face or w/e about an issue after accepting an apology for it.
Applejack comes across here as sincerely not intending to hurt her friend. From what I've heard about the original version, I'm kind of glad I came in "late", as the revision seems to have turned out well, even if I prefer this story when its in its lighter, less dramatic moods. Seriously, this story has made me laugh more than I expected at some parts. I think it deserves a comedy tag as much as a sad tag. It's the definition of a romantic dramedy imo.
Names should be capitalized