Sometimes it isn't the power of an army, but the conviction of one who saw through the lies.
A warrior was brought from his war ravaged home to Equestria to protect it. Can he? Can he protect instead of kill?
Can he feel love again?
Will he love her? Or will he abandon?
This is my second fic, it's just something I randomly thought up one afternoon, so I put it to figurative paper. As always, please rate and comment. I hope this tickles your fancy ^_^. All credit for the cover goes to Coco-mix, thanks a heap =D.
P.S. the sex tag may be for suggestive themes.
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Over done, at least a thousand times too much.
Nothing original or new from the first chapter, with the usual clichés ( orphan without friends and family, soldier background, chosen one, don't give a fuck about a new world or another speaking species, romance + sex tag + love description ).
I think this story is going to be the usual run-of-the-mill Gary Stu story, because so far you got everything right on to be one. And it's not interresting for anyone except you.
2637608Ok, at least you're honest. But my character is a farmer who had to fight because he was a conscript. But if you don't want to read it, then that's your choice.
2637608 so has almost every other idea. Stop worrying about "it's been done before", and focus on the how it is being done.
I am intrigued by this; mostly because, while I feel it moved a bit to fast, it has quite a bit of charm in the method of writing.
The opener is styled similarly to, albeit shorter than, another author from a completely unrelated site. I liked it very much.
The descriptions used were well-thought, and properly utilized. Though again, rather short.
The part with Lun... ahem, the cobalt mare, seems very rushed. You should definitely have gone further with it.
All in all, it gets a like, under protest that this chapter seems half what it deserves. I don't favorite until I get a few more chapters, though.
Oh and FicusCat, don't speak for me, or anyone else on this site. Your opinion is your own, and no one else's.
2637725
. But thank you for sharing you opinion
Yeah, I agree that I rushed it a tad
insta fav
this is pure gold
2638626
Thanks mate
Besides a few things feeling a bit un-descriptive I get the main jist plus I love psychotic people in battle mechas in the land of ponies
*Stares contently while waiting for new chapter*
Oh Twilight. It is like you did not hear a thing Applejack said.
this is the first fic ive read were twilight is the one making stupid desicions lol
i love this fic
also, how did you come up with all that stuff about the mech? its pretty damn detailed
2716773In all honesty? I quite often think these things up at pure random, I really don't know why I just can. Say for example, I can be doing something trivial say... mowing the lawn, and I can think up a random as arse design for say... battle mechs and battle suits. I can even look at a car and see the inner workings of the motor all working in my minds eye. I can even look at something I know next to nothing about, and still see the inner workings of it, pull it apart, and find out I was right. It came real handy for automotives class. I was the only person in the entire crèche of hopeful mechanics that could listen to the motor, run what I heard through my head, and find the problem first go. It really helps when I try and make something I'll give it that much
.
... Oh pony feathers, I'm rambling again
2717131that sounds awesome! never stop rambling
2717178Lol, but I also forgot to admit that I may have pinched that idea of myomer. I got it from the Battletech universe
.
I'm such a Mechwarrior fanboy
. I still play Mechwarrior 2 for crying out loud
2717219 heh, that just makes it cool'er
2717229All the same, glad ya like it
ah fuck ya. shit gits real. this needs updated stat
Twilight needs to see a doctor I don't think her battle chance calculator is working perhaps her frame ware is clashing with some newer hardware?
Wait did that little horse just solve an advanced math problem and talk!? Holy crap I need to stop reading fanfic and get out more!
Random jabbering aside MOAR!.
oh Celestia... this is epic, cant wait for the next one to come out.
my response for poor unfortunate twilight is
2735486C'mon mate, you should know me better than that! Seriously though, she did gone and fucked up eh JD
WE ASKED AND YOU DELIVERED
2740372That I did mate. You of all people should know that I like to keep a quota as best as I can
2735550 ohhhh yeah that she did
Wow now i see him as a pussy for bowing to twilight
2740426Yeah, but when you think about it. He could end up in a world of hurt if he continued to tear her flank out. And just because he got off on the wrong foot and apologised doesnt nessaceraly say he's a pussy. "It takes a man to admit defeat, but it takes a bigger man to own up and apologize".
The story was good, it felt pretty rushed in the beggining, but it did slow down during the middle and end parts. Overall it was okay. If you need tips on writing read this Important to all writers!
2741175Thanks for that, I'll have a read. I'll be honest, my literature skills wern't exactly stellar when I was at school, so you can obviously imagine why this fic is like so
God damnit their was about to be an awesome fight scene and twilight had to magic baby out of it
Damn ponies being babysat by their damn magic.
Then twilight thinks of him as a mindless pack animal.
Thats it shit gets real now, RELEASE THE SPARTANSSSSSSSSSSSSSS *boom*
dammit, Fine continue on.
rushed as heck and spotty at best plot wise in my opinion this needs a lot of work
2747915Tell me about it
2748472 try this Wars legacy ok it is similar
2748502I honestly knew nothing about that
2749441 dude you just need to know where to look any thing teen or above with a human tag normally has magic or magical warrior cross overs so study up I will pm if I find more
2749557Cheers mate
nice chapter
dude never rush hell I am still waiting for a guy to update my fav story last update was 13 months ago and he updated another story 4 weeks ago which isn't me fav out of his works but I still love it because he takes his time and pore his efforts into dude he doesn't force it to come out he waits till it hit him just right with inspiration and it comes out glories
Oh shits gettin serious!!!
2761624I know, but like I said in he AN, I'm busier than an evil genius attempting to take over the world
2763362 your choice and lol
2763477Yeah, I'm starting to regret it
2763527 just do what you gotta due and what are you regretting again
2763559I've been job hunting like flipping crazy, no one in my area is hiring at the moment. I really shouldn't have left my other job
. Work was as shit as the pay, despite my imediate area of expertise in being a chief machine operator and basic mechanic for my dads farm. Kept me out of trouble though
.
I just hate having to scab a living off centerlink, I like to come by my earnings honestly
2763683 then take a break from fimfic dude yourself before ponies man make sure your house is in order both in literal an figurative terms then be brony
2763772Yeah, but it's hard being a bloke looking for some honest work out in the sticks. I absolutely refuse to go and look in the metro areas. Too crowded, I like my space. That and I'm still waiting on the army to call back, but knowing our government it'll take three thousand bloody years for them to decide on anything. So for the moment, I'm stck between a rock and a hard place at the moment
. But I shall take your advice good sir
2763900 no prob dude and if anything you could try becoming a Nat park ranger
2763932Well, I did try for a cop, but I didn't get in. And I've got my hands full with that sort of thing already, I'm a volunteer fire fighter, and winter is the worst time of year for call outs. Lots and lots of chimney fires with a few structurals here and there with a lot of car crashes. Damn kids never listen to us at the R.I.S.K talks, my mother (the lieutenant) and I have already picked up far to many body parts this year. I still remember one accident, where the driver (a learner) was so drunk that his blood sample broke the machine, and his Holden commodore was just a ball of steel up against a tree. He and all three of his also drunk passengers were killed instantly. 220 kilometers per hour when he hit the tree, there were skid marks more than 200 meters long. When I saw his face, when I mentally rid the stick through his head, it was a kid at one of those talks. Little wanker was the same kid laughing at us saying, "I'm a good driver, I'll never crash. These talks are pointless"... I still remember picking up his arm off the road, and putting it into a body bag.
Sorry, I'm rambling. It only happened a few weeks ago, so I'm still trying to get over it. It was my first fatality, and I was told that sharing it would help. So sorry for any gruesomeness.
2764073 ehh no prob not from the softer gen and besides stiches in the head with no pain killers kinnda make things less grosume for me and keep up the good work
2765430Once again, I'm sorry for spilling that kind of stuff onto you. Like I said, it just pisses me off when we hold those talks and that kind of crap happens. Either way, thanks for understanding
2765538
nice, MORE ON CARLOS'S DEATH PLEASE? THANK YOU
2776135OH MY GLOB, YOU USED PLEASE AND THANK YOU!!!
