My Little Psycho: Friendship is Pain

by Raven Shadow

Damn it

The bullets flew in a lead rain that covered nearly every angle and cross sections, Hyperion loaders had surrounded the psycho's position with vigor pre-programmed to kill with extreme prejudice. Krieg tried to find a way around this predicament repeatedly, jumping above was met with cold steel fist and diving below was halted by flame. Mechanical laughter resonated around the vault hunter as the wall of metal closed in.

"Krieg! Hit the deck!" The heavenly voice of Maya came from the palace with a Derp Nukem, her powers activated giving her the appearance of an angelic warrior. The lobbed from the barrel with enough speed for the loaders to turn to this new threat, only to realize their mistake.

A quarter of the mechs dropped by the force of the explosion, soon the courtyard became a new battlefield.

One after another the loaders dropped due to being shot too many times to function properly, all but the Badass loader. It stepped forward defiantly as it now faced two combatants who were rising from the fires like gods.

"Krieg you can have this one if you want."

"Raghaahaha we can play hopscotch with flowers in bloody mustard pies!" Krieg charged forward with buzz axe spinning like a wildfire, his feet lifting his form off the ground at top speed... only to be swatted back down upon the ground with a resonated thumping as he tumbled across the walkways. The loader opened it's guns upon the path to kill the deranged man with everything it had, missiles shooting from the canister on it's back targeting the siren.

Above the battle the others stood in awe of the carnage of the spectacle before them, vault hunter and pony alike watched as two friends fight against an enemy that had only one goal: killing. They watched as the loader kicked Krieg across the courtyard with enough force to shatter bricks, turn historical monuments to rubble. The group couldn't tear their eyes away from the scene as the loader unloaded it's firepower onto Maya's position with no care of innocent lives that may have been caught in the blast.

"Damn it, how does that thing shrug off rockets?" Gaige asked as she prepared her weapons, Death trap at the ready.

"No idea but I'm not gonna sit here and wait for it to get my happy ass. Let's kill that bitch!" Axton roared as he plummeted below.

The mane six and princesses stood in shock as two others joined the fray of brutal combat.

Below the battle raged even harder as the loader now had two more to deal with, after analyzing the odds the loader self destructed.

"Couldn't handle all this piece of man huh!? Fucking scrap heaps, yo you two okay?" Axton shouted to Maya and Krieg, the former holding the latter's near broken form in her lap. "Shit man you ain't looking so hot, here I got one of them med needles in my satchel."

Maya injected the red liquid into the psycho's arm hoping that things wouldn't get any worse, but like all sickness it usually gets a lot worse. (Spoilers! Handsome Jack is alive! Oh wait you knew that... Tacos on tacos!) A chorus of hooves pounding the ground drew closer to the group as the sky began to darken.

A thunderous boom echoed throughout the city as something new fell from the sky. A massive constructor landed, it's red eye penetrating the souls who dared to look back. Digital contrsutrucs filled the surrounding area as a new voice came from the constructor's speakers, a voice the vault hunters knew all to well.

"Hey there bandits, long time no see. Maya you're looking well." The speakers boomed.

"Ahhh fuck! We killed you Jack, we shot you in the face!" Axton growled, slowly aiming the sights onto the weak spot of the bot.

"Hey one dimensional asshole, shut up. Listen we started today on the wrong foot, how about we start over? I, Handsome Jack, will kill you for what you've done back on that backwater planet so we're going to do the same song and dance again... but I reprogrammed the respawners. So if you die you're dead!" Jack's voice carried over the city. "Oh and I brought a few friends with me too."

"Who would they be?!" Gaige shouted from her perch.

"Oh you know Nisha, Wilhelm, and FR4G-TP. They got upgraded you filthy bandits, so have fun dying!" The speakers shut off and the constructor shot off into the skyline.

Maya and Axton stole a glance of concern at each other, the stakes were raised by a huge margin now.

"SHIT MAN, I've only begin to relax and that púto comes back from the dead?! I'd ask what's next but I'm on a world with frigging talking ponies." Shouted the Gunzercker.

---

Handsome Jack stood in his office quietly as a mouse, eyes glued to the planet below. CEO or not, he planned for many situations such as this long in advance, did not plan for talking ponies. They were an unexpected variable in this equation.

"Blake, send Wilhelm and Nisha to my office." Handsome Jack turned to the now shaking man who rarely saw the look in Jack's eyes, the look of mass murder was ecthed in those eyes.

"Right away sir, will that be all?"

"Prep the prototype."

Blake nodded weakly to his superior before exiting the office, as the door opened the young assistant was forced down by a considerable amount of force. Blake stared up to the new and improved Wilhelm stomped over him, followed by Nisha and FR4G-TP.

"Whoa you look like you need a party Blake." The FR4G-TP started before being smacked by the metal left hand of Wilhelm.

"Shut up."

"So Jack what's going on?" Nisha asked as she joined her boyfriend watching the blue ball in space.

"Nisha you remember the six vault hunters that killed you? Right now they're down on that rock laughing at us, but I believe we should blow them up until they're nothing but particles." Jack smiled with the promise vengeance coming. "We have a perfect opportunity here for us, those dicks are just right for the taking."

"I want that assassin to be crushed under my boots!" Wilhelm shouted to emphasize his point of revenge. "All of them need to die!"

"Then I can teabag all their corpses!" The room went silent after FR4G-TP's outburst, followed by a collection of facepalming. (Even I facepalmed but whatever that's a CL4T-TP for you.)

Wilhelm turned to the small robot snarling.

"Shut the fuck up you annoying piece of tin or I'll use you for spare parts!"

"Wilhelm, love the attitude but save it for the vault hunters. Besides I've got some great ideas for those asshats."

Author's Note:

That's right it's back!

Comments

[Varinki]

Oh fuck yes!

[Raven Shadow]

5195506 I told you it'd be back. The Pre-sequel has given me faith anew in the borderlands franchise! All hail Handsome Jack lol

[Varinki]

5195527 I’ve heard that it’s awesome.

[Raven Shadow]

5195556 oh god it is. I joy puked for days.

[Raven Shadow]

To everyone reading this story I just wanted to say thank you and be careful around CL4P-TPs they are thinking about dubstep and teabagging you!

[hs0003]

Finally!

[7x9000]

Wait... Didn't an image in the credits of Borderlands: TPS show Fragtrap being fixed by Hammerlock and becoming the Claptrap we know (and love) in Borderlands 2?
I just don't want be confused.

[chrismonteith]

nice, very nice

[ShadowsInTheDark]

yay