She strode into his office, every bit the proud princess of the night.
"Professor Thissdens, we require thy services!"
Thissdens blushed, and pushed a stray lock of his mane back. "Princess I must admit I heard rumors of your exploits prior to your... difficulties but I never expected to be so approached."
He looked her over. "Still, we must all serve in our way, how did you wish to do this your majesty?"
Luna looked confused. "We beg thy pardon, Professor, perhaps you have misunderstood our intent-"
"Oh, I dearly hope not your majesty! Thou art the finest visage of beauty to ever cross yon threshold. Ask any boon of me and I will grant it to thee with pleasure, in all senses of the word."
Luna looked a bit flustered, but pleased. "Professor we are quite certain now our intent was not conveyed. While we would not be loathe to discuss such matters at length at a later time, for the moment the services we request involve the use of your mind. As opposed to certain other parts of thy anatomy."
Thissdens grinned. "A lady that is attracted to me for my intellect! My mother always insisted I would find one. How unfortunate to have met you so late in my life. Still, when life hoofs you lemons..."
-------------------------------------------------
Luna explained the situation at length, all the while trying to calm down. Nopony had been so brash with her in centuries, even prior to her... episode. She was flattered, but still a bit taken aback.
"So it's happened eh? Not quite the way either of us expected but you can't argue the end result. Two pegasi, two unicorns, and two earth pony? Interesting symmetry there."
"They are the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony. Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy."
Thissdens' ears perked up. "Rainbow Dash you say? Best Young Flier Award winner? Performed the Sonic Rainboom twice?"
"Rather more than twice recently, after having undergone the changes she did. Professor Cann insisted you would be needed particularly to assist Miss Dash. While he was confident in his ability to help teach spell crafting to ponies who had never used a horn in their lives, he insisted he would need thine expertise to assist them in learning how to-"
How did she put it? "-not destroy the local weather systems with massive floods and or tornadoes whenever they sneezed."
Thissdens nodded. "I told that old fool we needed to approach all the angles if we really hoped to help anypony. Still, if he asked you to find me I'll forgive him his ignorance. He has clearly realized the error of his ways."
-------------------------------------------------
A pop above Celestia announced her sister's return letter.
"Celly,
I have found your professor, he has agreed to accompany me to Ponyville.
We will join you at Twilight Sparkle's Library Tree.
Lu
P.S. He seems to be an incurable flirt. Watch your flank around him."
"Luna found Thissdens. He's coming to Ponyville."
"Good good, now we can begin to get to the bottom of this."
-------------------------------------------------
Six months passed, during which time life continued fairly normally.
Twilight and Rarity attended regular training sessions with Luna and Celestia. Celestia taught them to focus their power without overusing it.
For Rarity this was less of a chore, she'd never had so much power at her hooves it's true, but her interests had always led to mass projects which required multitasking. Her life was only made easier, since she now had greater energy reserves, and a much greater variety of spells at her disposal. Teleportation, for instance, allowed her to attend more events without running herself ragged.
"Yes of course I'll announce for the race dear! Party at seven you say? Wouldn't miss it!"
For Twilight this proved a far greater challenge. For months afterwards every spell she attempted felt like she was swinging a sledgehammer to swat a gnat.
"Twilight you're still using too much magic! I am running out of busts for you to test with!"
"Sorry Celestia, let me try again..."
"How did you manage to set stone on fire?"
Luna in turn taught them basic flight and weather manipulation.
Twilight took to this fairly well, and while she was no Rainbow Dash, she soon became comfortable flying, indeed if she pushed herself she could perform the Rainboom. She found with concentration she could manipulate clouds with relative ease.
"Rainbow Dash is going to be so proud!"
"Don't get cocky Twilight, now do it again, this time faster."
"Yes Luna!"
Rarity on the other hoof seemed to take to flight like a fish to water, she flew at every opportunity. She never worried about pure speed, it was all control. Canterlot and Ponyville soon found their upper stratosphere graced with delicate sculpture which slowly changed as the winds destroyed them.
"Oh but aren't they pretty Celestia?"
"Yes but they blow away nearly as soon as you make them, what's the point?"
"Something beautiful does not need to have a point!"
Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash were split amongst the professors.
Fluttershy and Dash were were frankly a little flummoxed by Thissdens. His wings never seemed to move, in fact any time he "flew" they stayed at his side. He seemed to more... well running through at the air. His cutie mark was odd too, a horseshoe print in a cloud. They never asked, but he could see their curiosity.
One day, after a particularly grueling session teaching them, he brought it up conversationally.
"You're familiar with how a pegasi architecture works, correct? Pegasi magic alters the density of the clouds, makes them solid while at the same time retains their properties as clouds? I used to stare up at Cloudsdale longingly, until one day it occurred to me, if one can stand on a cloud, why limit it to a simple home? I traveled high into the mountains. Reaching cloud level, I began to forge two pairs of horseshoes, which I then nailed to my feet with nails formed from the same cloud. On that day I walked into Cloudsdale. Somewhere on the trip I found this on my flank. Ever since that day I have been seeking ways in which to break the basic understanding of how our magic works."
"The wings help you see, but its about more than air displacement. Moving air around you is you willing the air to part. The more effort you put into it the faster you can potentially move. The clouds are not simply pushed, they want to move for us, if you have strong enough willpower physical contact becomes unnecessary. Any pegasi can kick a cloud, but will can make it into a storm cloud, and anger can make it shoot lightning."
Applejack approached flight as she would any task, with hard work and constant effort. She never really became adept at cloud manipulation, but she could buck them into nonexistence easy enough. She became proficient in flight, and could manage to keep up with Rainbow when she chose to.
"Hey Dash, wanna redo the Iron Pony match sometime? I think we're all squared up now, you can even keep your wings untied."
"You're on A.J.!"
Neither Howe nor Thissdens could make heads or tails out of Pinkie Pie. She seemed confused at the simplest concept, and yet when asked to perform spells or shape storms she did it with eerie ease. When pressed how she was doing it she shrugged. In time they simply adopted her as a teacher's aide. She could not explain how to do something, but she could demonstrate anything. Cann shook his head and muttered. "-savant." They both pointedly chose to ignore when she did something that neither magic nor pegasi ability seemed to account for.
"How does she-"
"Don't ask Thissdens. Even I know some questions can only lead to madness."
Dash, Applejack, and Fluttershy learned basic unicorn magic from Cann. They were proficient, but not exactly noteworthy when compared to the likes of Luna, Twilight, Celestia or Rarity. Pinkie Pie, again, showed unusual adeptness with magic of any type. She seemed only limited by what hadn't yet occurred to her.
"Pinkie Pie for the last time stop turning Fluttershy into a tree!"
"Sorry Dashie!"
During this time Cann and Twilight were hard at work studying the elements. The first thing they found was... the elements had reverted to their inert stone forms. This caused great panic, and testing began immediately. Further study showed the magic was there... but somehow not.
"This is the form they were left in after I was forced to banish Luna, but why would they be this way now?"
"What worries is more is why there is chaos magic imbued in the elements, it's as if Discord touched them..." Cann looked concerned and a little frustrated that the answers were not more apparent.
Twilight rose a hoof, as if waiting to be called on, when the professor nodded she spoke. "He... did, after his escape, is that a problem?"
Cann laid a hoof to his chin. "Potentially..."
-------------------------------------------------
Today Dash was waiting for Applejack. She had promised her a real race to stretch both their wings. Dash spotted a figure off in the distance and flew forward to greet her friend.
Instead, she spotted a much different alicorn. She was a graceful creature, but her coat and mane were all muted gray tones. On her flank was a tornado.
"Fool! These are my skies, by what right do you trespass in them?"
"Who the hay are you lady?"
"I am Princess Tornado, ruler of all you see! Who, my pitiful little insect, are you?"
Aw hell. Shit is gettin' very much real.
It's official, I have jumped the shonen.
And then plot happened. Dun dun duuuuuuun!
277271 Jumped the who and the what now? Also I hope this doesn't end in the Mane 6 getting depowered. I hate it when that happens. Also are they closer to true alicorn forms now or are they still as they were?
277276 I already told you no, the wings and horns aren't poofing lol. and yes they are far closer to the shape we've come to expect. Think Season 1 Luna, maybe a little taller, no ethereal hair yet.
Weekly Shōnen Jump: The manga series within the magazine target young male readers and tend to consist of a large number of action scenes and a fair amount of comedy.
It's also stereotypically famous for time skips, because who wants to watch every day of somepony training?
277284 Gotchya. Sorry about the depowering thing, it's one of those story elements that when I see it, makes me want to rip my own brain out and see if I can will my arms to throw it at the author at the last second.
As for time skips, they're perfectly fine if used sparingly. I've read a few books and fics where they time-skipped so much I thought I was reading a novelized version of Back to the Future.
Too much alicorn
after the split "six months passed..."
Old advice, but it still holds true. "Don't tell, SHOW. Don't DESCRIBE the story, TELL it." It would have worked better to replace those few paragraphs of "twilight and rarity took lessons" with short vignettes of their progress. Don't tell how Twilight kept having problems with explosions; play out a little scene of her doing just that. Don't write about how Rarity took to multitasking or cloud sculpting; show her DOING it.
Also, the introduction of Princess Tornado was just too out of the blue (pardon the pun.) You didn't build up to it, and the little things you dropped--- like the state of the Elements, and the hints of Discord's magic--- were non sequitors. You really should have spent more time on this whole chapter. Rush a story, ruin a story.
277328 so eight was ok, but 9 is too much?
277334 couple scenes each? doible. *cracks knuckles*
277335
An alicorn out of blue, challenging dash to a race (or whatever you will write). Rather cheesy I might say
277357 out of the blue? oh no, out of her element. which is red. so out of the red I suppose. unless you mean the sky, then yes, in that sense, out of the blue.
You remember those Alicorns Luna named off? Way back in oh... chapter 3? Mentioned one of em again when Celestia was racing Dash? Turns out they're a plot point. Who knew? I sure didn't.
Yes, it is cheesy, but comedy has a lot of cheese, and kumquats oddly, which makes it taste funny.
You must be M. Night Shymalamononoms because that's a twist.
"Pinkie Pie for the last time stop turning Fluttershy into a tree!"
Yep, i totaly laughed there. Probably everyone else did too.
Maybe not.. ( )
Dammid i love this fic. Keep em up!
^not^ sure which I feel like right now.
277334 You're right, if i had it to do over again, I would have planted more evidence this was coming. I mean after all, the names were only mentioned in chapter 3, and once again in chapter 11.
(Although if I am being totally honest, the scenes in say Dragonball Z in which the villain pops up right the fuck out of nowhere when everything seems to be going great for the heroes always made me laugh.)
All I really managed to convey was:
1. everything was coming up alicorn.
2. the elements were related, and were in fact comprised of the six original living elements of harmony bound to stone by Celestia and Luna.
Up to this chapter I never even had a chance to have anypony look at the elements because it took me this long to get them all in the same place.
To say this has been a learning experience is an understatement.
However, 20,000 views, 500 people watching, for my first attempt at fiction, to say this went better than expected is also an understatement.
Thank you for your patience and advice, if I haven't totally lost you, keep watching.
277547 that's the reaction I was hoping for.
Hmmm... It looked like it was the end of the story until the end of the chapter but ! I would like to see what happens next.
277766 Oh no, as in any Shonen story, the time skip comes just before the big bads show up, you need to power everyone up first
277078
"but her interests had always lead to mass projects" - See this and this
Sew, my old nemesis phonetic misspelling, we meat again! This thyme I will win!
277914 "teleportation to allowed her to attend more events"
"He explained one day, after a particularly grueling session teaching them both to combine basic telekinesis and pegasi cloud manipulation to form a huge storm system for a coming rain scheduled for that afternoon." - What did he explain?
"You're familiar with how a pegasi architecture works correct?" - I can has comma?
"In time they simply adopted her as a teachers aide" - Apostrophe?
"Don't ask Thissdens, even I know some questions only lead to madness." -
277943 good catch on the punctuation as always. and he was telling them how a one winged pegasus runs in midair. cloudshoes
277943 ugh, the things you see in the cold light of day, that paragraph is a mess!
277284
*Looks left*
*Sees stack of 5 years worth of the NA Monthly Shonen Jump*
*Nods sagely*
dash.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/132729119467.jpg
img.ponibooru.org/_images/a9eaa22094fc04c378f6b1be0de45868/89772%20-%20animated%20rainbow_dash%20spoilers.gif
Fun chapter. Caught this:
Dash spotted a figure off in the distance and flew forward to great her friend.
"great" should be "greet".
278158 actually, it was grate. Dash was going to turn Applejack into Applesauce.
Hmm... Alicorn of the moon, sun, and now sky... There must be one for the Land, Ocean, Winter, Summer, Spring, Autumn, Forest, Arctic, Desert, Plains, Fire, Ice, Wind, Lightning, Light, Dark, Metal, Water, Twilight, Dawn, Dusk, Dreams, and Planeswalkers too!
278166
As long as it wasn't "grind". I'm not a fan of AppleDash.
278230
There's one for every element in Doodle God.
Well lets see, sun = celestia, moon = luna. lets go with plants for AJ, Earth for pinkie, Sky for Dash, Animals for Fluttershy, Oh hell lets say stars for rarity, and planar for twilight. or maybe books, because why not? books are an element now. your author has spoken, and is now giggling.278230
278258 *giggles* Books may not need a goddess, but knowledge does!
278230
What about Time? ... Oh wait they have the Doctor for that, never mind.
277365
I totally read this comment with the Doctors voice and it worked
Now we need some one to right an Alicorn!Doctor fic...
Did anyone else notice the "Don't get cocky" line in there? Star Wars references, yay!
ohhh, the previous elements escaped from their jewels and came back to life?
Oh this won't end well.
And now... now shit hits the fan
tracking...its 3:30 in the morning ive been reading for 4 hours but it was worth it tracking
I must say that I really like this story. The way that you built up suspense for the meeting between the princesses, the professors and the newly alicornified mane six was really outstanding! ...which makes it a bit of an anticlimax when that part is skipped in the time skip.
Don't get me wrong here, the time skip itself is probably a good idea. I can see how it would be hard to write about them getting used to their new forms for six months and still have it entertaining. It's just that the break-off point comes a bit too early, something that left me a bit disoriented and confused. I believe my exact words upon reaching that part was
"Wha? But when did they... Oh. I see. I suppose that makes sense..."
My suggestion? If you wanted to, you could move the time skip to chapter 17, replacing it in this chapter with the aforementioned confrontation, and you'd end up with a sort of... I guess you could call it a feeling of closure. A sort of "End of Act I, now on to Act II" feel.
Or, for those that are to impatient to read all that: the "TL:DR" version:
I think you could make the story even better by including the scene where all of the characters involved finally meet up before the time skip, something I've thought much too long and too hard about seeing as it's not my story.
Whew, sorry for that long comment, it just sort of occupied my brain and demanded to be written, forcing me to register an account here in the process.
Still, this is a really great and entertaining story, so I'll keep reading it, regardless of whether you consider my advice or not. you could even tell me someone must've replaced my brain with chocolate pudding for me to come up with something so stupid, and I'd (probably) still read it. Keep up the good work!
287367 Hmmmmm. Well I really don't want to retcon, but... IDDDDEEAAA! I do believe it's time for a bonus chapter. Watch for Interlude: A Party.
I'm fine with the timeskips, but just make sure you don't go Zanpakuto Arc on this.
277261 and when that happens, you it'll get ugly
Pray tell, how many pony memes do you plan on referencing, and how many fourth walls do you plan on shattering?
However, getting back to the problem at hand..... Wo wo wo hold the banana whats a hand?
468742 it's a mythical instrument used by creatures once called "hugh-mens." Lyra's studies show it was largely used to pick noses and scratch rumps. Fixed. also you mentioned an error in chapter 15, on chapter 16 lol. took me a second to find it.
SPOILER ALERT!!!
-Wonder if this will be a literal time-skip, or the Doctor is going to make a return or a bit of both?
While we would not be loathe to discuss such matters at length at a later time,
-I prefer the Sisters as, at "worst", having had a series of husbands that they are quite devoted to by mortal standards even if they do also treat it fairly casually in some regards... "'til death do us part" means a lot less when you age in terms of centuries rather than years. Under such logic, Celestia probably didn't remarry after the last time, because she wanted to be able to spend the maximum amount of time with her sister when she got back from her exile. Or maybe she is just not in the mood for marriage this century. I realize this is almost certainly NOT what you meant, but I could see Luna's causal interest as being the result of actually TAKING stallions who throw themselves at her(and she IS quite a catch), because, again, casual monogamy.
Nopony had been so brash with her in centuries, even prior to her... episode. She was flattered, but still a bit taken aback.
-Ah, well, that is something at least...
"-not destroy the local weather systems with massive floods and or tornadoes whenever they sneezed."
-Right...
I have found your professor, he has agreed to accompany me to Ponyville.
-Huh, I would have expected them to handle matters at Canterlot... then again, Applejack DID say she would be back before... nightfall I think it was? And she likes to keep to her word reliably...
Six months passed, during which time life continued fairly normally.
-Right, probably no Doctor Whooves, but rather either madness encroaching (seems to early, they aren't even past the lifespans they would have had as mortals), or some "two-parter episode" level badguy.
"How did you manage to set stone on fire?"
-*Chuckle* then again, one of the very first things Celestia even said to her was that she needed to learn better control. This is familiar ground for them.
well running through at the air.
-run
I began to forge two pairs of horseshoes, which I then nailed to my feet with nails formed from the same cloud.
-Nice trick thought of similar ideas myself (pair of boots in Dungeons and Dragons)... might try "a set" rather than "two pairs".
They both pointedly chose to ignore when she did something that neither magic nor pegasi ability seemed to account for.
-Well, they are either wiser than Twilight or even MORE set in their ways than her.
"Pinkie Pie for the last time stop turning Fluttershy into a tree!"
-Possible addenda for this sentence(not saying you should change a thing, just making some jokes. of course you COULD use them if they really strike you):
*She can do it herself!
*I know she likes it, but you both need to focus on what we are doing!
*She will never learn to do it for herself if you keep doing it for her!
*She doesn't actually enjoy it anymore, no matter what she says! She is just trying to be polite.
"He... did, after his escape, is that a problem?"
-Yeah, all sorts of major crises could be justified by this, not the least of them being Discord escaping again, and not screwing around at any point. For one thing, if killing an element bearer is a bad move because the Element will then be free to bond to a NEW bearer, and you can't be sure who it might be, then killing them would now actually be a GOOD idea, because at least the new bearer won't be an alicorn (yet).
"I am Princess Tornado, ruler of all you see! Who, my pitiful little insect, are you?"
-Ah... insane spirits of the elements... wow... strongest magic in the setting and THAT is what they have to counter. Nice power-level matching. Of course, Discord could have them all... wait GREY... I initially thought that was just her natural colors, but he PROBABLY has them all reversed, if not actually serving his specific desires already.
Thissdens = Awesome.
505996 woah dude, you write more in your comment then there is in the chapter not rippin on ya or anything, just wanted to state duh obvious for shits and kicks i suppose