A Bed of Roses

by Half the Battle

Chapter 3

The walk home from the hospital began quietly. As they crossed the river and started across the market, Rose glanced at their booths. Lily broke the awkward silence. "Daisy and I are taking turns handling your flower sales. It's still early in the week, but I think business is starting to pick up a little. We'll be happy to cover for you until you're ready to work."

"Thanks," Roseluck said. "I'll want to get back to selling as soon as I think I can. I'll need all the profit I can get once bills start showing up."

"You won't have to worry about that," her father said. "Your mother and I have plenty of savings."

Rose halted. "Oh, I don't know. Shouldn't I be taking responsibility for my decisions?"

Rose's mother answered. "Your father and I talked about this on the way here. We still think this may have resulted partly from our neglect."

"This is not your fault," Rose insisted.

Topline nuzzled his daughter. "Still, there are just too many times we weren't there for you when you were growing up. Please let us do something for you now."

After a moment, Rose agreed. "Alright. You can help with the medical bills as much as you like. That will allow me to get the rest of my financial issues worked out."

"With our help," Daisy said.

Rose groaned. "Not you, too. Girls, you may not know how deep in the hole I am. I don't want to weigh you all down." She hesitated. If things were really that bad, didn't she need more help, not less? "Well, maybe later. But for now I want to see how far I can get on my own."

Rose's parents took their leave at the doorstep, and Daisy pulled a card out of one of her saddlebags. "You'll want to read this right away," she said. Rose looked at the card:

Rose,

You have been a fountain of joy

To me and to many.

May this bring you a smile

That shines your pain away.

~Sparkler

Rose blushed, and her heart leapt at the words. Then Daisy and Lily led her inside, and she saw it: the kitchen table piled high with more cards. Her jaw dropped. "Why, there must be over a hundred!"

"This was all Sparkler's idea," Lily explained.

"But I barely know her," Rose said. "She buys roses for her mother and sister on their birthdays, but we've never really spoken."

Lily answered, "Yes, and her mother's birthday was Friday. She asked after you and..."

Rose startled. "What did you tell her? Does everypony know?"

Daisy broke in. "Easy, Rose. Lily told her you were in the hospital in serious condition, which you were, but that you were going to be okay. She didn't give any details. Sparkler asked if you could use any encouragement when you got out and I said yes."

"Is it alright?" Lily asked. "Do you want to read a few?"

"I want to read all of them. But I still don't understand why there are so many. You two are the only close friends I have."

"Rose, dear, think of what you do for a living," Lily said. "The roses you sell mean an awful lot to the ponies they're bought for, and your customers can see your heart in the way you sell them. You touch a lot of lives here just doing what you do every day."

Rose discovered she was beaming, her first genuine smile since before the hospital. She opened a card on the table, but Daisy put her hoof over it to speak. "Before you get started, there is one other thing. I thought it would be too much, but I promised I'd ask."

Rose looked up. "There's more?"

"A party has been suggested," Daisy replied, "tomorrow night, but only if you want one."

"Pinkie?" Rose asked.

Daisy and Lily nodded in unison.

Rose's answer surprised even herself. "Actually, I think I'd like that. Tell her I'd be honored."

***

That night, after a quiet dinner, Rose told her story once more, this time to Lily and Daisy. By now it was becoming a tale, almost as though it had happened to somepony else. As she finished she looked up, expecting the same encouraging and sympathetic looks she had received from her parents and the doctor. Instead she saw frowns, and was that a glare? Shocked, Rose scrambled for a way to ease the tension. "I-I'm sorry I've caused such an inconvenience for you."

"Now, honey," Lily said, ignoring the false apology, "we were both right here the whole way. We knew something was wrong; how could we not notice? I mean, you used to be the cheeriest of all of us. So whenever we saw you down, we always asked what was wrong, Daisy especially."

"Not to make light of your problems," Daisy said, "but we figured you must be hiding something horrible not to open up to us. But a breakup, debts, and a loss in the family are all very common things we could have helped you through. Think of what we've already done for each other. Why didn't you let us in?"

Rose knew the answer to Daisy's question and didn't like it. "I thought you'd be ashamed of me. You already know I'm weak. You have abilities to get through life that I just don't have. You're right, you're always stepping in and helping, and I know there's got to be a limit to that. I didn't want to use up my chances, and I..."

Daisy spoke softly, but Rose could tell she was appalled. "Rose! How could you think that of us?"

Rose's eyes closed as she bowed her head. "I'm...I'm sorry."

"No, that wasn't a request for an apology," Daisy said. "It was a real question. Lily and I need to understand why you're thinking this way if we're going to work through this. Is there something we've said to you? Do we give off the impression we'd think less of you for the hardships you face? Or is there something else in your life that makes this difficult for you?"

"Well, when...I was..." Tears were running down Rose's face. She glanced at the clock on the wall behind Daisy, then stared at the floor.

Daisy lifted Rose's chin with a hoof. "Look at me as I say this: There is nothing, nothing, to fear from our friendship. Even if your problems hurt us, they can never drive us away from you. So you don't need our abilities, you have us. Every part of your life that you share with us gives us more opportunities to love you. So you can always be honest with us, okay?"

Rose nodded, well past the ability to speak. Lily moved over beside her and nuzzled her calmingly while Daisy cleaned up from dinner. Eventually Lily whispered, "You are with your friends tonight, Roseluck, after all this. So tonight, no more thinking, no more stories, no more advice. Just vent your emotions. Let them all out. Now is the time."

***

The next day, Lily and Daisy stayed home with Rose, and the three spent most of the time discussing her "Rules for Relationships" and reflecting on the thoughts expressed in Rose's get well cards. The party that night was a success, a relaxing opportunity to be around other ponies. Rose was quiet, but she thanked her well-wishers and enjoyed a couple of games.

"Rose, have you thought about a counselor yet?" Lily asked as they were on their way home.

"Not really. I don't know anypony in the profession."

"I have a suggestion, if you're open to it," Lily said. "You remember meeting Carrot Top tonight? Well, you wouldn't guess, but she has enough training; she's licensed. She's helped Sparkler's family and a lot of others through some hard times. No offense to our unicorn friends, but she's a hard-working earth pony like you and me. In my opinion she'd be better for you than a doctor."

Thursday morning, Rose mailed the first of her weekly letters to her parents and made her way to the farmland west of town. She found her counselor, a yellow earth pony with an orange mane, tending the vegetables in her garden. "Well, here's Roseluck," Carrot Top said. "Lily said you might be stopping by."

"Yes. I'm not sure how much you know about my hospital visit, but part of my therapy is supposed to involve counseling, and my friends recommended you."

"And the diagnosis?" Carrot Top asked while digging around a stubborn weed.

"Depression. Actually, it was a suicide attempt." It occurred to Rose that this was the first time she'd spoken the dreaded word since the incident.

Carrot Top pulled up the weed with her teeth and spat it out. "You're a brave pony to be that upfront about it. Yeah, I've counseled a pony through that before. I won't say who, of course. Two things you should know before we start. First, anything you say stays here. There's two secret-keepers in Ponyville and I'm one of 'em. Second, I'm not a philosopher, so we won't be pondering metaphysics." Carrot Top paused to toss a spade that landed at Rose's hooves. "I'm not much for that kind of sit-down talk. If you want a conversation, we can have one while you help me work. We can tend my garden or yours or do some other project, but consider that your fee."

Rose agreed and Carrot Top brought them to a neglected area of her huge garden. (Field would be a better word for it, Rose observed.) As they weeded together, Rose gave the short version of recent events, the simple facts of her aunt's death, her business and money problems, and her breakup with Sunburst.

"How did you feel while you were in the hospital?" her new counselor asked.

"Part of it was awful, one frustrating, annoying thing after another. But then..."

"Kind of like life?" Carrot Top interrupted. "I'm sorry, go on."

Rose continued, "But then I figured the doctor was trying to get me to discover one big issue in my life I needed to address, and that was the purpose of my stay there."

Carrot Top scooped a small pile of pulled weeds into a bucket. "So you coped by having a purpose."

"It wasn't just coping, though. I learned a few things and it made my time there mean something."

"Do you think that might work just as well outside the hospital? That's the basic idea behind cutie marks, right?" Carrot Top looked back at her own cutie mark, three carrots with their greens attached. "They give us a sense of purpose that we interpret based on our talents and interests. The greens still on these carrots tell me I'm a grower, but your rose cutie mark is budding and cut short; you're a seller. I'm not saying your cutie mark is your purpose, but it implies there's purpose out there. Does that make any sense?"

"But in the hospital I was wrong," Rose protested as she struggled with some bindweed. "There wasn't just one big issue. Some of the things I needed to deal with, I've only thought of since I got out."

"Did it matter at the time? Your sense of purpose gave meaning to your hospital stay even if it wasn't perfect."

Rose furrowed her brow. "Are you saying we don't really have a purpose, we just pick one? What does that say about cutie marks, then?"

Carrot Top rested for a moment. "As I said, I'm not really good with the big-picture questions. I have a purpose, but whether I'm living something that was planned for me or I made it up out of the blue I couldn't tell you. It could even be both, for all I know."

Rose smirked at Carrot Top's unconventional manner. "So what is your counsel, counselor?"

"Well, let me ask a question first. What do you want? Y'know, everypony wants something. Some ponies thrive on admiration of their work, some of 'em seek excitement, some want to make a loved one proud. My neighbor Applejack wants to know she's following through on her commitments, and that's no secret. Me, I like the satisfaction of a job well done. What do you want, Roseluck?"

That's an easy one, Rose thought. The nurses had done the same exercise in the first small group session. "For me, it's assurance, or you might call it hope. I want to know that everything will be okay," she said.

"Well, here's your 'philosophy' for the day," Carrot Top said with a wink. "Every want can be a strength or a weakness. And so here's my counsel: When it comes to purpose, think about ways you can use your desire for assurance as a strength, in a way that helps the ponies you care about. And that last part's the key. If I was only doing this for myself, there'd be a lot fewer weeds and words in this garden by now. But I'm making a new friend, and I wouldn't have it any other way."

Rose returned Carrot Top's smile. A new friend. Maybe that's what I need to be.

***

The promising first counseling session had Rose in high spirits. Finally it seemed someone really understood her. It was almost like talking with her aunt again. But that afternoon she realized it was almost precisely one week ago that she had tried to take her own life. The Roseluck who did that is still inside me somewhere, Rose thought. The medicine and my mood are the only things holding her back. Rose shuddered. She could kill me. She already almost did. She looked around her bedroom and noticed the adjoining bathroom where Lily had kept her shots. I'm right where it happened! She looked at the clock—five minutes to six. She had to get out of that house.

Rose rushed downstairs to see Daisy just starting supper. Lily was still putting away their saddlebags. "Can I ask you girls a favor?" Rose said. "I know you just got home from work, but could you sit with me outside for a few minutes?"

Lily and Daisy looked at each other, confused. "Sure thing, sweetie," Lily said.

Obliging her odd request, they went outside with her and sat down in the grass. Rose said nothing; she simply stared at the clock tower. As the town's clock struck six, she literally shook with fear while holding onto her friends. When the clock went silent, she felt as if the danger had passed. "Thank you for saving me last week," she said.

"We're still saving you," said Daisy as they went back inside. "We'll keep trouble from coming your way for as long as you need us to."

"And get you back on your hooves," Lily added. Rose noticed Daisy throw Lily a questioning glance and wondered what she was missing. For now, she was just glad they were here.

***

The next morning, Rose was just waking when she heard her name mentioned downstairs. She peeked into the stairwell and saw Lily and Daisy talking at breakfast. She came down a few steps until she could hear their discussion.

"But it's only been a week," Daisy was saying. "She needs time before getting back into the swing of things."

"Time doing what? She won't get better just thinking about herself and all that's happened," Lily said.

"She has to address her issues," Daisy objected, "not just busy herself as an escape. Maybe in a few weeks..."

"Work is not an escape! It's what adults do and it's a way of helping others, and don't you always feel better when you've done that?"

"Yes, but honestly, you know how customers can be sometimes. And she's so fragile."

Lily scoffed. "Lying around will only make her more fragile."

"She is scared, Lily!"

"Daisy, you saw those cards. She ought to be grinning from ear to ear. She's the darling of Ponyville right now."

Rose gasped from the top of the stairs, and all eyes were instantly on her. Lily blushed and shook her head. "I-I'm sorry, Rose, I didn't mean it like that. I should have said you'll probably have more support from the town now than if you wait till later. I mean, it makes sense, doesn't it? I guess I should just ask you: How would you feel about coming back to work Monday?"

"Scared," Rose spat out. Then she turned around to go back to bed, but stopped just out of sight to gauge her friends' reaction.

She heard Daisy's voice quivering. "Lily, I'm scared, too. What are we going to do?"

There was a long pause, followed by Lily's voice. "I don't know."

***

Six days later, Rose watched her friends leave for work. She wished them well and prepared for another day of housekeeping and whatever else she could find to do. She hated being alone, but what was the alternative? For the hundredth time she played out scenarios in her mind. Maybe Lily was right. Getting out there would toughen me up. On the other hoof, how could she know what I'm going through? She's always been the strong one. Then again, she'll be there, so I can turn things over to her if I need to. But Daisy's strong too, and she thinks I need weeks to recover. Rose imagined a problem customer and how it would look if she collapsed emotionally in front of all the other ponies.

She walked into the greenhouse area at the back of the house, used only for storage during the warm seasons. There she saw roses and violets her housemates had brought in to supply Rose's usual inventory. Outside, Rose's area of the gardens was bare. It was clear of weeds; Lily had probably seen to that. "So that it will be ready when I am," Rose said aloud. Days or weeks, I'll have to go back eventually. And when I do...

It was lunchtime before Rose realized it was Thursday, counseling day. She ate with Lily and Daisy at the café and then found Carrot Top in the marketplace. Rose invited her counselor to her portion of the flower gardens, and they walked back to the house together. "So what are we doing today?" Carrot Top asked.

"Planting," Rose said. "Once I'm ready for the marketplace again, I want to be prepared if my sales go back to what they used to be. I can buy stock easily enough, but I'd always rather sell flowers that I've grown myself." She added with a giggle, "With your help, of course."

"High spirits, I like that," Carrot Top said. They spent the next hour planting roses and violets, and discussing Rose's parents and the hills and valleys of her mood since her time in the hospital.

Around lunch time, Carrot Top looked over toward the marketplace. "So at some point you'll be able to do your daily sales again. What does 'able' look like to you?"

"Come again?"

"Let me turn that upside-down. How are you unable to jump back in now? What's different from when you were sealing the deal out there?"

Rose reflected for a moment and replied, "Like Daisy said, I'm fragile. I'm timid and pessimistic. That'll make it hard to connect with other ponies, and if I run into problems, I'm afraid I'll just break. I realize my regulars will show their support at first, but a salespony needs to be liked, not just felt sorry for."

"I don't know sales the way you do," Carrot Top said, "but I can tell you what ponies like. They like knowing they got better than they deserved. Now, I don't mean that in a bad way. But when customers have a hard day and take it out on you, if you'll just be the nicest pony out there, it's gonna pay off. They try to push you around, let it wash over you and offer a deal that's fair to both of you. Have fun with it, get creative with your compromises, and you might be surprised how they soften up. Even if they don't, they'll remember you were the good mare."

"So basically show tolerance?" Rose asked.

Carrot Top frowned. "You can just put up with somepony, keep your mouth shut, and forget about her when she leaves and call that tolerance. What I'm talking about is a step up from that. I call it grace. You're going out of your way to be kind to ponies when they least deserve it. Seems the ponies around here with the most friends just live their lives that way. Now in business you'll need to keep in control of the situation so they can't take advantage, but I can tell you've got the smarts for that. It also takes courage, though. Do you have courage?"

"I'm not sure," Rose answered. "If I keep telling myself everything will be fine, I can do it, but I'm still nervous."

Carrot Top pointed back to the market, where Lily was visible selling her flowers. "I knew Lily when she first started selling. Now you and she are both naturally skittish, but you know what she told me she learned? She said courage isn't about not being scared; courage is being scared and still doing what you need to do. So in her business she stays focused on what she's there to do, and she stays in charge of herself."

Out of the corner of her eye, Rose saw Daisy join Lily to deal with a line of customers. As she looked that direction, Carrot Top continued. "But y'know, courage also comes in pony form. It's called friends. You're not out there alone. In fact, if you remember they've got your back, I'll bet you can handle anything Ponyville throws at you."

Rose felt like a student receiving instructions from a sage before undergoing a long-awaited trial. Why had she been so scared again? She stood up straight, smiled, and opened her mouth to thank her counselor. But she paused. "If I get out there and everything falls apart..."

"Then come and see me right then. You don't have to wait until counseling day."

The next morning, Rose came downstairs as Lily and Daisy were gathering their things to leave for the market. They smiled as they saw Rose wearing her saddlebags. "Girls," she said, "I'm ready."

Comments

[HowDoIEvenBrony]

It's so good i can't stop reading

[Inferno demon Dash]

Damn, who knew Carrot Top was trained to help listen and guide ponies in the right direction, she's good. You done very well for this, even if it is difficult and Rosie is having a problem or two she knows her friends and family have her back, wish I had that Sometimes all you need is for some one to lend you an ear