EZTP
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Tis goood.
2624094 Tanks. Hope it wasn't too much
Hm, I gotta say, the story here is interesting. Just gotta say something about the fight between Andrew and Luna in her Nightmare Moon state.
It was confusing as hell!
You kept using 'they' and such for when Luna shifted into Nightmare. I assume you meant to indicate that they were two separate entities who fused together (or something). In my opinion, I would work a bit on those parts, because I think many other readers would find it a bit offputting (sp?).
Except for that, and some other sentence structures, it was a very good story. It told a story, and gave a reasonably good conclusion, all in one chapter.
2630188Thank you for the very constructive criticism. It was the intention to make nightmare and luna fused but i guess that didn't pan out as hoped. dot dot dot,
Do you have any ideas on how that could be better presented? a clarification at the start maybe?
Also for the love of ponies please tell me where the broken sentences are! I edit and edit but glaze over and miss these things!
May I ask what about the confusion was lacking? Your questions can help me refine it.
appreciate the help!
Valete? Latin for goodbye right?
2655327 Yes, easier to name it in latin! Every time I try a name theres a story with that exact same one! Ha!
2655845 wow thats really cool, I am currently learning latin. Latin isnt very widely used in media, so i am really excited whenever i see it used by another person. Your other story, "Libera me" means "free me" but thats not too hard to decipher anyway. Ita, pacem meam amicam tibi volo, et noctum bonum tibi habēre volo. Scribe multa magna libella mihi.
2660291Good for you, latin is the root of everything so knowing it can benefit you beyond measure, just look at medicine and see how often it comes up! The other story is indeed libera me. The title is actually deeply linked to the plot. My latin is rubbish but...excipiam meum amicum, perfruatur fabula
2660357
I will enjoy, im about to start Libera Me.
2669562 Good luck, please forgive the errors
2669571
Errors? Yeah okay, but at least you can write a fanfic. Im no good at writing. Ill read though.
2669579What is a writer without a reader? ha ha. Have fun, feel free to pick at any and all problems.
3004809
Ended it too soon I guess...
I hope you can love and hate more in the future ha ha!!
Well that was an interesting read. I it was cool to see a different take on the whole Luna/Nightmare thing. And I must say, I haven't seen any other HiE stories that portray humans quite like this one did.
Oh and are Andrew and his sister completely made up?
thumbed
3123913
Hello new reader!
Glad this was an entertaining read for you. Yes, Andrew and the sister were entirely made up.
Wow, just wow.
This story is amazing.
3633166 Glad you liked it! I plan to extend this now, because i am older in the tim community and a little wiser he he.
Honestly, the first and second halves of the story I have total opposite opinions of. The first half did a good show of Luna chasing him Andrew down and showing off his eventual suicide. That they, including Celestia, didn't put together that he was protecting his sister shows they don't exactly think much.
The second half though, I dispise. Luna knows exactly what she and Celestia did, Kidnapping and Murder. Despite this they have the terminity to play like they are sorrowful despite it seeming like they aren't in the least. It also rankles me that Luna actually gets called Mother by her victim, as with what happened she should have to pay an i.possibly large price, which there is no indication of. Her and Celestia get to have a fairytale happy ending they do not in the slightest bit deserve. For one, they KEPT their victim instead of sending her home, and them having to persuade Equestria the girl isn't a threat shows that they did not face any sort of justice/punishment, like clearing the girl's name by taking the blame for everything.