teygrim
Joined 12th Feb, 2012 ·
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VERY NICE REMAKE OF THE STORY! I could even say this is better than the orignal! HOPE TO SEE MORE STUFF FROM YOU!
All together, a 4/5 I'd say, It was great, and it held my attention, however in the last three paragraphs it lost momentum. I'd say that the only issue with it was the ending.
Aside from a few grammar errors, this was actually really good. I'm glad to see you didn't just take it and make it a *spoilers if you haven't read it yet* happy ending.
That kick in the face you get from Rainbow Dash's last words was unexpected.
Nice remake
Interesting remake.. When I saw the title I visibly shivered..
The ending, while less dramatic, had a darker undertone that complemented the subdued theme.
I like to think of the original as a glossed black (think back of an iphone)
While I think of this story as a matte black (think modern batman)
this is a really good remake
Could use some more spacing, to make it more legible. Otherwise, seems to do grimdark right.
And, because I just have to use it.
@JM4N245
Thanks that means a lot
@ Coatlus
Hmm ... I'm not quite sure what you mean about the ending. Was it too abrupt or did you just not like how it ended?
@Noash123
Thanks, I don't like to sugarcoat anything.
@theoneOshen
Thanks, I like to think that my version emphasises the tragedy for all invovled where the original focused more on the horror of it all.
that... was darker, i think, than the original. good job. i liked the touch with the "no exceptions"
Loved the remake!
This was a lot gentler than the original. But, I prefer the descriptiveness of the original.
This was surprisingly good, and extremely dark. Sadly, I like my dark fics to have bittersweet of happy endings where the protagonist survives but is permanently scarred by the experience rather than killed but that's just me. I especially like that last line by Rainbow Dash, it was excellently delivered and very antiheroish, but again I love my Scootaloo so I wished she lived
Reviewed your fanfiction: Link
492122
Wrong story, mate. This is a re-imagining of Aurora Dawn's fanfic. I wrote it because I was extremely disappointed with the original. I think this is the version you're looking for: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/5381/Rainbow-Factory
502763 No...no....I believe I got the right one.
502991
Ah, I see, you're looking at all the Rainbow Factory's. Hmm "let's take out ALL of the subtly and character from the original!" I don't think you know what subtlety or character are because the original had neither. Aurora Dawn himself admitted that the characters in his version were one dimensional. As for subtlety, I don't even know where to start. Seriously, "Praise the Flock.", "glorious collective", I wouldn't exactly call that subtle.
503035 Perhaps, but compared to yours, the original DID have character and subtlety.
503080
Dude, I can't be bothered. You're just making vague claims without backing them up or explaining them. It's not constructive so I don't know why you're showing it to me. I'm not interested in your blog.
very nicely done. I'm a fan of the original story, and this is one of the few remakes/spoofs/sequels that are actually any good.
great job
Did scootaloo die!?
I think this was a much better story than the original. It works a lot better because it is toned down and Rainbow Dash and the Rainbow Factory workers aren't ridiculous mustache twirling villains. Good work.
2124579
Yeah she's dead...
I don't think the story really works. It's not a BAD story, but the psychological aspects of the previous story (and its sequel) have been toned down a lot, much of the explanation and worldbuilding has been ommitted, and the blunt ending kills the suspense of the original (and in many ways is a sadder ending - at least in the original the good guys win eventually. Not that this is worse, but it does seem a bit strange considering the generally lighter tone).
The detail in the descriptions of the factory, device and the events was what I liked most about the original, while this story doesn't have as much.
I'm also disappointed that the grammar is as bad as it was in the original.
2804605 I honestly think it's the other way around. The original gives an explanation for Rainbow's actions (psychological trauma, propaganda, paranoia about the other races), while this one only gives half an explanation, and an explanation which doesn't even make sense (saying that without rainbows weather making would be impossible).
Rainbow comes across as a hypocrite in this story, thanks to her attempted double standard with scootaloo vs orion, while in the original it's more like she has a split personality. Rainbow doesn't actually kill Scootaloo in the original, either, so is in many ways LESS evil (though she is definitely more sadistic than in this version).
492122
Broken link.
Honestly, while this WAS an okay read, I think I prefer the original.
The big reason, I think, is RD's characterization, for two reasons:
1. Somehow, her being as evil and maniacal as she was in the original made it a far more entertaining read.
2. Her characterization in the original was so far removed from canon, which I don't mind since it was tagged AU (and could be reasoned that it was due to having worked in the factory for years), that it's a lot easier to stomach. Here, it's in some kind of uncanny valley, where it's almost close to how canon!RD would act when put in this position, but there's just enough separation that it's uncomfortable, and not in a good way.
I don't see how this is a remake. Remakes are supposed to be better than the original, this is not it
My name is Dazzler GET IN MY VAN
8171237
Remakes are not supposed to be better than the original, they're supposed to be a new take on the original story.