• Member Since 23rd May, 2013
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Fifths



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The Wonderbolts may be the greatest fliers in Equestria, but overseas in the griffin lands, aviation has become all but synonymous with the name of Gerard Goldenwings. Word gets out that the living legend is vacationing in Equestria, and rumor has it he's looking to take on an apprentice. Rainbow Dash is eager to meet him and prove herself worthy of his tutelage, but she must first perform one simple task: catching a certain special bird.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 31 )

Meep Meep! 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

This was very episodic in nature. Of course, I would have gone to Fluttershy first, but this is Rainbow we are talking about. Always got to do things the hard way first.

That was great! I can so see this add an episode

*Grins* Nicely done.:twilightsmile: I love Gerard's joke too.

And so, the great Ponyville Quidditch Match begins. Which lucky Seeker pegasus will catch the coveted Golden Snitch Sparrow? :duck:

I remember playing Mousetrap as a little kid too.

I love it. Holds up well, years later.

7108960 this could be a legitimate episode, I feel like it should be

2624217
Fool! What have you done!

7113100 I have created an unholy abomination! BASK IN ITS GLORY!


Also, whilst the comment was posted over 2 years ago, I still remember what the picture was supposed to be...odd.

Welp, this can only end well.

I'm glad that the review thing pointed me here, this story seems pretty fun.

Aww, and here I was going to see Twilight steadily to insane trying to catch the sparrow.

Seriously, this would fit so well as an actual episode. It was awesome.

That ending was great :rainbowlaugh:

Rainbow Dash breathed the air out slowly. “Yay.”

lol

Was that in there before?

7595287

It might be new. I'm touching up the story for EQD.

2624217 Please fix this broken link...

Dash stopped with her hooves only fractions of an inch from Equinnus Rex.

Oh dear, is that a bit of foreshadowing I see? I should hope not, because that would make Dash kill her mother and marry her father.

Oedipus Rex is an interesting reference to make.

And I had the same thought as 7108924

“But I... hmm...” Twilight rubbed a hoof under her chin. “That would certainly make life a little easier for you pegasi and earth ponies. The mechanics would be relatively simple, and I think maybe even a toothpaste dispenser could be–”

Twilight, have you ever heard of Rube Goldberg? :facehoof:

Well, that distraction...

tanked. :rainbowlaugh:
7595287 7595558 I'm glad to see the reference back to the episode Sonic Rainboom there.

In all, I loved the story, and congratulations on getting it on Equestria Daily! :yay:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Who eats pasta with mayonnaise? D:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Good end. :D

7745929

A shiny User!

*throws Master Ball*

A wonderful end to a wonderful story. I admit, I wasn't sure if we were going to have a snipe hunt, or whether the sparrow was a snitch, but the entire story feels very in character for both the mane characters and the background ones, especially Mr. Beaverton Beaverteeth, such language.

There was another turn of phrase that tickled my fancy, "like a thunderstorm of bad manners," which I feel needs to be used more often.

All in all, very enjoyable, for both plot and prose, kudos! :twilightsmile:

peaked an eye out

peeked

Great, as others have said and reviewed. (I, too, thought of a snitch.)
I loved how Twilight set the acme of a trap, cinched by the birdseed pile.

This is a delightful tale. I can criticize it, but ultimately I have no problem calling this a new favourite of mine.

I was impressed by the small touches (such as Gerard's conversation with Haute Cuisine and the unexpected return of Tank at the end). More to the point, I was particularly impressed by the overall characterization. The frustrated and overworked craziness of Twilight, the faintly amused coolness of Gerard, the simple sweetness of Fluttershy teaching Dash how to be gentle, and the selfish narrow-mindedness of the pegasi as a whole are all impressively conveyed through how they speak and carry themselves through each scene.

The language, while mostly functional, throws out some gems every now and then; I agree in particular with Moosetasm that "a thunderstorm of bad manners" needs to become idiomatic. Being functional is not a crime, though.

Others have said this is like, or even should be, an episode. I can definitely see how the plot would fit neatly into the show - frankly better than some actual episodes would - though I must admit the actual minutae would have to be downsized, because the pacing in the writing is sometimes too leisurely and could do with a little trimming. The introductions of Twilight and Applejack, for instance, felt slightly long-winded. Perhaps they'd be necessary if we had little to no prior knowledge of who they are supposed to be, but it does drag slightly before we get to the action. That said, I like the buildup to some notable comic moments, such as Twilight's overcomplicated machine and Harry the bear's passive-aggressive "saving" of Rainbow Dash. If someone had told me they'd happened in the show at some point, I'd have no difficulty believing them.

Easily the most intelligent moment here was the sort of thing I wish we could see more often in the show. While I think it's a bit wordy - we get sudden giant paragraphs even though the writing so far has largely kept them tamed and modest, and I never stopped finding it jarring - the ending story as told by Gerard was exactly the right way to end this, intelligently illustrative and not patronizingly explicit. I could easily imagine a visual adaption of this ending, with an art shift depicting the story while it's being told, as in The Lost Treasure of Griffonstone. It strikes a good balance between drawing parallels to the plot and adding enough world-building elements to make it stand out.

All in all, an excellent MLP:FiM fanfiction debut. You've put some effort into this, and it shows.

This definitely feels like an episode of the show.

That was really fun. Definitely a classic that still holds up quite well.

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