Pizza!
Another beautiful day in Ponyville. The birds are chirping, the sun is shining, preparing it's decent below the horizon for the night to come, and a rainbow flits across the sky. Not any ordinary rainbow though, but the rainbow trail left behind one of Ponyville's number one fliers, Rainbow Dash. A light blue pegasus, her rainbow mane gave her the first part of her name, with that amazing speed giving her the second. Her cutie mark, a lightning bolt out of a cloud, perfectly sitting with her attitude on speed, she loved it. Tonight though, tonight was special. tonight was pizza night.
Now, Rainbow Dash was smart, she had to be. She was Ponyville's weather manager, she had to make calculations years in advance, and she had to do rough calculations for her flying, not exactly a precise science, but it requires quite a mind to think of all the stunts she does. In order to save money and continue to have enough money to live, she came up with a brilliant plan, she would make her own pizza's instead! She was certainly not the best cook in the world, but she was far from Sweetie Belle level.
'How does a filly even burn juice?' Dash pondered as she reached her home in the clouds. Pushing the thoughts aside, she entered her house and said hello to the coolest pet in town.
"Sup Tank? Been keeping an eye on the house for me?" The little tortoise looked back at his owner, and gave a slight nod before being picked up by Dash. "Heh, good boy. Now come on, it's pizza time!" flying swiftly to her kitchen, she can't help but remember the month without pizza thanks to the expensive cloud enchantment that allowed her to even keep Tank in her house. It would be worth it in time, but for now, she wouldn't have to worry. Making a pizza is no sweat right? she looks at the recipe she got from Applejack the day before. She may not look it, but she can make an amazing pizza.
'Too bad she likes to put apples on her pizzas, it never quite taste right when she does. I mean, who else but AJ to actually put apples on a pizza? Yuck.' Looking again at the recipe, everything seems simple at first glance, too simple.
"What the hay, that's it? Tomato sauce, cheese, dough, and some toppings? Jeez, that isn't so awesome. Time for Dash to make this pizza twenty- no, two hundred percent cooler!" Tank takes a moment to hide in his shell, fully aware of the trouble how owner could get into for the price of awesomeness, then again, that same thing got him his new home, so he can't complain too much. He returns out of his shell to see Dash rummaging through her closet looking for something. When he sees her retreat, he feels as if something is wrong. Almost like, no, not again, he would not let her do this again. This mare may have delusions of being good at this, but having sampled her dishes, he was ready to protect her life once again!
"Finally, found my blend of spices. Oh this will be so awesome Tank, pizza with a little mix of spices, carefully made by Spike should spice this pizza up good! Taking the jar of spices into her mouth, she walks back over to her table, puts down the spices, and looks again at her ingredients list. "Alright, what else could spice this up, maybe I should add some of that spray cheese to the dough, make this extra cheesy!" Enough is enough, now is the time to act, now is the time to show how loyal a pet can be, now is the time to prevent the disaster coming next. It is time for Tank the tortoise, to save Dash and prevent her really bad plan from failing!
He quickly rushed over to yank her tail and warn her it was a bad idea, but there was only one problem, he was a tortoise. Try as he might, Dash was moving around too quickly to grab her tail, so he improvised, and grabbed what he could, which just happened to solve itself as she tripped over him, spilling the spice she had placed on the table with a quick face roll into the table. Looking at the spice that had fallen, she at first feels sadness, her precious plan ruined, but then she got curious, why would Tank try and stop her pizza making, turning around, she asks.
"Okay little guy, what's up." Tank responds by craning his neck to the recipe and then nods, then cranes to the spices, and shakes his head. Dash, thinking it over, makes the smart choice.
"Oh, I see, you're right, I probably didn't think this through." Tank nods sagely at Dash. "Yeah, that was kind of silly. I almost used the wrong spices, those were the old ones, I should use the newer spices!" At this Tank tries to motion something, anything, but it is too late, Dash is already going into the pantry and grabbing out another jar of spices. She quickly starts putting things together, grabbing flour, water, spices and some spray-cheese she has as well. As she finishes mixing these ingredients, Tank has made it a third of the way back towards her, to try and stop her once again. This time, fate does not give any pity as she zooms through the air to grab the tomato sauce from the pantry.
Tank begins to formulate the plan to stop her, as he slowly inches his way towards her. When Dash emerges from the pantry, she grabbed more then just tomato sauce, she also grabbed a jar of something. A jar of what Tank could not tell. Not until she put it down. At this, Tank did a double take. This should be impossible, why would she use... THAT! The jar was nothing truly special, it was honey, but honey, cooked into a pizza sauce? Surely she had gone off the deep end! He quickly went into overdrive, speeding forward at a blistering pace, for a tortoise. Dash went about her usual way, mixing the two ingredients in a blender, and spreading it onto the dough she had made, certainly, she would not be so crazy as to think this was to be edible!
She quickly took the mixture and spread it evenly around the pizza, followed swiftly be multiple cheeses and finally, the only topping Dash saw as cool, Jalapeno! As she finished mixing the meal, she began to lick her lips, she always loved speed, and now would prove to be no different, it had taken long enough t make this pizza, surely kicking up the temperature would mean less wait for her pizza to be done.
"Hmmm, I bet if I turn up the temperature from 400 to 800, that it would take a fourth of the time to cook! Oh man, Twilight really is starting to rub off on me. Oh well, could be worse! Now to turn this up and eat in just three minutes flat! As she turned up the temperature, Tank finally reached her and attempted communication once again. Looking back at her pet, she smiles before petting him on the shell. Don't worry boy, I don't plan to eat this all alone, I will take half of it to Twilight's place as part of a small party. I planned pizza night for tonight so that all of us could share and have our favorite foods! That is why I went light on the peppers, I wanted everypony to be able to enjoy it instead of burning their mouths like Twilight on her first day here.
This did little to alleviate his fear as Dash turned off the oven and retrieved the now finished pizza. It at least looked like a normal pizza, but Tank new this would not end well. Try as he might, Dash had become oblivious to his attempts to stop her. She quickly grabbed a pizza stone that was modified to act as a case, placed the pizza within, and flew off towards the Golden Oaks Library. This was to be the best night ever!
----------------------------------------------------------The Dawn of the Next Day.---------------------------------------------------------------
As Dash awoke in the library, she found a few things odd. First, she was in a bed. Second, that bed was not occupied by only her. Third, the other occupant was her purple unicorn friend, Twilight Sparkle. Finally, she was muzzle first under Twilight's tail. She did what any sensible mare would do in this situation, she screamed.
"What the hay happened last night!?"
"Ow, Rainbow, you didn't have to scream that loud so early you know, especially after last night." As the words left her lips, Twilight went from angry, to seductive. She even licked her lips.
"Wha, no, we didn't." Dash said, feeling the color drain from her face as the possibilities flowed through her mind. It was then that Twilight spoke.
"Indeed, after a few bites of pizza all of us starting feeling so hot, I think Spike even got a little action from Rarity before they passed out. You offered to go for a little spin, and I accepted. Oh, and I know it was probably not meaning anything. I don't know what you did with that pizza, but it certainly gave us an interesting night!" It was then that Dash's mind broke. The pizza she made could turn a book worm like Twilight into that, and she had willingly gone to bed with Twilight? She wasn't a mare that was very into other mare's, so this was all so odd. As she contemplated what this would mean, Twilight grabbed Dash's face and turned her so that they were face to face.
"Listen Dash, I know what happened last night didn't mean anything, we all became a little, excited, and you helped me with mine since Fluttershy was busy with Pinkie and AJ, and Rarity was busy blowing Spike's mind. I will say this, even if nothing becomes of it, I did save one last slice of that pizza, wanna try for round two?" As the words left her lips Twilight blushed profusely, and Dash had only one question to ask.
"Is it in the fridge?"
"Yeah, second shelf wrapped in foil."
"I'll be back in ten seconds flat." At this Dash zoomed out of the room and down towards the kitchen. Twilight knew it would take her a little longer to get back up as she teleported two notes out. One to thank Spike for giving Rainbow Dash the spices, and another to Tank, for unknowingly helping her bed Rainbow Dash. She smiled to herself as she also took out a book with a few names and crossed out Rainbow Dash, leaving plenty of names untouched.
"One down, so many more to go." As a dark smiles crosses her lips, she puts the book away, just in time for Dash to reenter the room.
"Ready for round two egghead?"
"More then ready, Dash."
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And so it begins.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2622187 Indeed, now to see if the story passes moderation! (I have no idea if it will, it is a pretty bad comedy that I wrote up at the drop of a hat...)
2622191
Then how in the hell do I see it?
~Skeeter The Lurker
2622288 because I didn't set a password and you got sent a link from me adding it to this group.
2622288 and now they approved it, already liking the extra mods.
2622332
Agreed on that.
~Skeeter TL
The part I enjoyed the most..
Haha, Twilight has a "hit"list
Overall, it was entertaining. You could tell it was quickly thrown together. But best of luck to you in the contest. I plan on entering a submission in a day or two's time.
2622365 yeah, I basically decided to just go for it. I do this a lot in many things, and I usually don't do that bad, though I know comedy isn't my strong suit. you never know though, I may throw together something in the future from this start.
2622373
You could definitely go somewhere with that "hit"list you brought into existence. I would love to see what you do with it. If you ever do., I would be honored to pre-read it for you.
2622389 alright, I do currently have something else I am doing, but I certainly would like to continue the idea at some time, probably not a comedy though, and more of Twilight and her hit list.
2622395
Well, you could continue it as a comedy. Make it a sort of series of chapters, each one being the comical interactions that leads to each name being crossed off the list.
2622417 It could be, though, I am certainly bad at comedy, any more then this and I would basically need a co-writer (which would allow me to work on two projects at once). Comedy is not my strong suit to write sadly...
2622422
Well, I would be your co-writer as a last resort if you ain't find anyone else. Comedy is not my strong suit as well, but if needed I'm sure we could come up with something for each name on the list.
2622436 Hmmm... maybe, well for now I will search for someone to write the story with, but perhaps a three person writing strategy wouldn't be too bad... I'll try and find a someone if you would like to join it for at least some proofreading.
2622446
I would be glad to. Just shoot me a message on here when I'm needed.
this was hilarious!!! i think this will be one of the top choices in your competition, and i wish you the best of luck!!! if you do decide to continue this story as Twilights hit list, or any other way, it will be at the top of my reading queue!!! (spell check on queue?)
2622417 yeah that definitely sounds like a great idea!! :D it would be interesting to see how Twi tricks each character differently
Pretty damn funny.
I knew there was the sex tag, but I didn't see that ending coming!
That pizza must have been like aphrodisiac, but times ten!
2622535 Glad you found it funny, can't believe I was actually able to write all of this from such a simple prompt, and that I would actually have people call it funny... guess that is just me though. I might end up continuing it if I can find an author who is good on the laughs to write the story with. Ah well, time for me to finish the story I am reading and get some sleep (2 AM here).
2622494
I think I may have sparked a series of sorts
What was in those spices that made them react like that, and where can I get some...
Not a bad story I can see Rainbow Dash doing something like that. Though I kind of see this as more of a slice of life or random story than comedy, but it still had some funny parts.
2622635 I didn't feel like tagging it 'Slice of Life' entirely because it feels like your best friend getting you horny through drugs doesn't entirely sound like 'Slice of Life' material to me
. I tried to write for the funny, but I am not that good with comedy.
2622635
The random tag seems more suitable then the slice of life tag, for the same reason as 2622655's, but I feel like the comedy tag is the most appropriate tag for this story.
2622710>>2622655
True the ending does kind of kill the slice of life tag.
2622655
Also it's not too big of a deal, sometimes the best method for learning/improving is trial and error, and it's a decent comedy fic. Definitely could be improved, but I wouldn't say it's bad in anyway.
We're having sex for pizza now?
Good Fuckidy Doo.
"Hey, can I borrow a video game from your house?"
"Sure, but you have to fuck me first."
2622597 i sure think (and hope) that ur right!!
2622655 i have ONE peice of advice for you... if u EVER get a comment from Darkentrophy... IGNORE IT!!! he does nothing but bash stories, even well written ones, probably because he feels sorry for himself for no reason and has nothing better to do with his life. on the other hand, i will always give constructive critisizm (if i have any) and try my best to help like Zangy :)
… Okay?
2623544
I'm really hoping it does, something like this, being completely random and not fully thought out (definitely mean that in a good way), can turn into a masterpiece. Of course it will have it's haters, but there will be plenty of others who really enjoy it.
2623345
Obviously you didn't catch onto Twilight making a note to herself to thank Spike for giving Rainbow the spices, meaning there was some kind of aphrodisiac within the spices. Please, make sure to pay attention to context clues before making a negative comment.
2623836
Is your ".......okay?" referring to the randomness of this story, or something else?
2624324
I find a way to make all my comments negative.
2624450
Well with that mindset, I cannot see how it is possible for you to have any friends at all. Unless, you just store all your "anger" and "hatred" up from your day to day interactions, and attempt to lash out at author's on the site. But truth is, according to your comment that started all of this, you made yourself look like a fool, because you attempted at making a negative comment without even actually paying attention to what you were commenting on.
Now, I have work that I have to attend to. Good day to you, sir/madam.
2624520
Hmm... I don't think you mean that.
Good luck with your work.
2624555 cmon guys, lets all get along! we all have at least one thing in common: we're bronies!! love and tolerate XD
2624555
I do mean it, I have not and will not wish a bad day upon someone that I do not know. Now if I knew you that would be a different story.
2624752
Love and Tolerate, all day, everyday!
2624863 Yes'm!! All day, everyday!!
2624337 The randomness of the finale
2627655
So I'm guessing you didn't like it?
2628210 Nah, I loved it! Just found it a bit sudden
Just as funny the third time around
Still can't wait to see what y'all do with the whole list thing.
This is good,
2820427 Thanks. There was going to be a sequel, but since I never found anyone willing to help me write comedy, it sort of fell apart. So unfortunately this is all there is, but I am surprised something I wrote and published on a whim like this did so well in the first place!
Well...
That escelated quickly.
What dark, saucey seceret are you hiding, Twilight Sparkle?
This was getting quite interesting and then.... Everyone has sex. Now I am far from apposed to clop, having more than a few in my favorites, but this one I had to give a thumbs down. You went from one place (Dash making a pizza and possibly screwing it up) to a completely and totally unrelated point. (Everyone had an orgy) And what really annoyed me was that everything that would possibly connect those dots was entirely 'off screen'. And then suddenly RD has a list of people she is trying to bang.
Then I go back and read the summary again to make sure I was reading the same story I thought I was, (RD runs out of money and MUST HAVE PIZZA, what will she do to get it?) and found that I was right. It DOES NOT relate in the slightest to any parts of the actual story.
Concept on your summary is interesting, was looking forward to it. Found out the story wasn't actually that, but starting off as RD tries to make her own pizza rather than pay for one. Ok, still sounds like it could be a good time. Tank is seeing her goof up and is trying to stop it. And then an orgy happened. OFF CAMERA (Yeah that still annoys the crap out of me.) Because it is all part of RD wanting to sleep with those on her list. .... The fuck happened? It was like 3 different stories got smashed together and all the parts that would connect them got torn out.
The fact that I can actually picture in my head a way to make this all connect is something that makes it stand out as so bad to me. It COULD have been something funny, sexy, and great. Instead we get 3 disjointed scenarios that could possibly be related but are never actually connected properly. I see the potential in your work, (good concept and overall good writing shown) but making something so very disconnected like this makes me very leery of trying to read any other of your work.
2908100 It was Twilight's list, it was a set of herbs Twilight put into Spike's spices. As for the other points, yeah, I know that it is very much wrong. I forgot to change that when I changed from the initial point, for that I apologize. As for the story itself, I know it is a mess. I wrote it in four hours, looked over spelling, then pretty much called it a day and posted it as an interesting read. As I said, was supposed to be about comedy, and the original idea was that she would discover she is out of spices, and end up doing various things to get them. This ended up being as funny as a small child getting hit by a truck, and the moon exploding. I do apologize for any inconvenience this story caused for you.
so twilight has a long list of ponies to fuck is that it?
3090727 with whatever means necessary to make it consensual!
Hey, I liked this, and I couldn't help reading the comments and thinking 'THIS is a series I would love to help write.'
Are you still up for it?
3437848 I am somewhat, but I gave up a while ago. Lost a lot of the ideas I did have for it and moved on to other projects. Mostly because this wasn't really that, good, per se. I guess I could give it a try again, just be aware I have two large projects going on so I have no idea how well this will go.