- Member Since 12th Feb, 2012
- offline last seen Apr 9th, 2013
AvastYourMagic
I have been a brony since December, when a good friend of mine told me I should start watching the show. I'm glad I did!
AvastYourMagic
Joined 12th Feb, 2012 ·
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Pretty original pairing. I read this for the plot
I don't like clops very much. This was actually not that bad as a story. A few odd word choices and grammar mishaps, but not too many as to be confusing. Please write something else though... 
Neat.
Huh.v
I'm torn between suggesting you go into more detail, or leaving more to the imagination. But then, as you said this is your "last clop," then I suppose you really don't need to worry about it.
Cute story. Interesting concept, I admit. I haven't seen any SpikeBloom fics. Then again, this rock I live under is kinda heavy.
True, I winced a few times during chapter two.
Choppy here and there, but I still liked reading it.
Clop aside, I suggest going into a little more detail about surroundings, people, etc. How old are they relative to current canon? Same age? A year or two older? How does Pinkie react to their night out (Duh: PARTY!
)
You don't have to change the story at all if you don't want to, but for future work, it might be something to consider.
Looking forward to seeing what else you might have
thank you all for such positive feedback :D wasn't expecting so many people to read this!
wink.....wink
A bit...quick there, don't you think?
@KonaKonaFan it is a bit short...i could either add some more chapters, or write another clop altogether. you tell me which you want, and i'll do it
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I mostly meant that it was rather rushed. Like, "first this, then this, then this, then this! ect." Try fleshing descriptions out a little more.
>>KonaKonaFan ahhh i see what youre saying....thanks for the feedback, i will work on that a little
New chapters soon. Slight changes to the story - enjoy everypony!
I uh, i dont even know what to say. I like this but its slightly disturbing considering that they are like 12 years old. besides that i guess i like it :P (btw i have the wierdest boner right now, idek.
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Don't worry about it. (Semi-off-topic side-note: I just realized that I say that more often IRL than I have in any of my fanfics. Strange...) Just enjoy it.
what if twilight and her friends want to do that with you? then try Warming Up.
420673 personally i wouldn't mind at all!
this... i loved.
Oddly, I'm enjoying this story. It's all good though; I'm 18. =3
hoooooot
Great story!
I can't wait the next part of the chapter with Scootaloo.
Keep makin stories!
Scootaloo Part 2 = FINISHED! Enjoy guys :D I worked a long time on this!
Short and sweet. Just how I like my fics.
awsome ending.
Apparantly, summer does not exist in Equestria.
>>Camokkid I'm afraid I don't know what you mean...the stories time period takes place with summer shifting into autumn.
EDIT: ok I see the error now....I derped
is that it?
>>bookcoda unfortunately yes. I'm afraid if I write anymore I will eventually run out of ideas and it will just completely butcher the story. Don't worry though, I got more stories on the way for you guys
Not bad, wish it could have been longer though.
>>Deathsia i personally dont like fics that are really long, so i try not to write long ones too much...although i will try to lengthen my next one out a little lol...and its alright if you wanted to see more action in there
this is only my first story, you know 
580253 I enjoyed the entire story. You did a great job.
take ma green thumb and track
mclean.alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/jpg/me-gusta-not-sure-if-gusta.jpg
Some of the phrasing is awkward, and it could use a bit more dialogue.
Okay, um...that has to be the worst sex scene I have ever read. It felt so mechanical. There wasn't any passion between the two...that I could see. Also I'm a little disturbed that they went from anal to oral so rapidly. I refuse to go into detail regarding that.
...also...'popped'?
Okay, that last paragraph was simply weird. All around weird. No other way to describe it but...weird.
I feel obligated to point out that Rarity is in the next room.
Also, again, no passion.
"So instead of telling you, we thought of a plan. Let them have sex with you, for practice, so that WE can have sex, and you will be VERY good at it!"
If I may, Spike's next line: "That's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard. First off, me having sex with two fillies isn't going to make me Casanova. Second, how would that improve your skills? Third, you have a crush on me, yet you were okay with me fucking your two best friends? Does that not seem odd to you? And fourthly, if you really had those kinds of feelings for me, and wanted to stay with me for more than two weeks (Which I assume is the case), shouldn't we take things slower than this, so we don't screw it up in the long run?"
Next, I thought Twilight left the room! Work on continuity.
Finally, no one gets hard that fast. NO ONE!
Okay, this one was fan-fucking-tastic. I could feel the love between these two protagonists. One problem, I don't understand why he fell asleep at the beginning of the day. Did he not have his coffee?
>>BlackWidower I really appreciate all your feedback! And I actually did some of those things on purpose, the "not feeling the passion". You are actually the only one to catch that, and I congratulate you! Also, I completely agree with you on Chapter 6...it is just the best i've wrote overall (not trying to sound lime Trixie or anything
) and I will take a few things you said into consideration (continuity, the amount of time it takes to get hard (i lol'd) etc). Again, thank you 
!
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i got a boner from that picture
twilight.ponychan.net/chan/arch/src/133393406768.jpg
do i even have to say more
okay that was the fastes clop scene i ever read
but its a good read so im going to continue
I finishedit finally and all I have to say is that it was great!
"Nothing better than dessert for dinner!"
I'd buy her a shot on me, but Celestia Damnit, that filly earned the whole dang bottle... I should probably save this for when you're older and you can handle it, huh?
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...actually, my first kiss did get pretty awkward, thankfully she never found out.
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Maybe, but the thing's not spring-loaded.
the moment you realize rarity is in the next room and that spike is literally fucked
Error 404 intelligence not found PS spike is fucked
Oh gawd...
>> cshadd Well you fav'd it so you must have enjoyed it!