The Hermit's Tale

by BlackRoseRaven

Entry Eight

Entry Eight

As I work quietly in my study, I feel... I'm not entirely sure. Thankful, I think, might be the right word. After all, it's only been a few hours since things have... returned to normal, for lack of a better term. Things are never exactly normal here around Valhalla, after all.

Aria has already excused herself from duties as my aide: it tells me that even if she doesn't get the position as trainer, she has no intent to return to being my assistant. I've given Excelsior the go-ahead to begin interviewing new candidates for her position and to send out inquiries to eligible administrators who have shown a previous interest in the job.

The scandal was very short lived, which I'm glad for. There's still gossip, but from the moment I returned to work, I felt myself falling back into old habits, and it's helped throw off the worst of the scrutiny. People may still disapprove of what I've done and this disruption, but... all work is being covered and all business is being dealt with as professionally as possible. There's been little need for any further appeasement than this.

I've scheduled time off tonight to see Gymbr. I expect that he's eager to perform the ritual, and I plan to... offer any further help I can give him if he's not ready. I have no idea what he actually intends to do with this soulstone, although... I do have a few ideas. I'm... I'm not worried about that. Now that he seems... saner, even if less whole physically... what worries me more is the idea that Gymbr might die. From a purely utilitarian standpoint, this would be the loss of a massive asset to Valhalla, after all.

And from... a standpoint I'm still uncomfortable with acknowledging... I don't want to lose this creature I'm beginning to consider a friend.

I sigh a little, then shake myself out and tap moodily at the pile of income forms on my desk that I've been attempting to wade through by myself. It's... lonely without the help of anyone. I glance moodily towards the large safe against one wall, where I know the enchanted quill is still busily writing away on an almost-endless roll of parchment: I'm starting to consider just leaving it going forever, and perhaps editing the pages it finishes every night for readability. Considering the tenseness of things, that might be for the best.

Then my attention is drawn by a knock at the door, and I tilt my head before beginning to get up... and I find myself too lazy to stand, and that for the first time in a long time, I can't be bothered to care about the privacy of my inner sanctum.

So I sigh and flick my hand, the door clicking open as I begin: “Come in, but...”

My next words simply... fade out of my throat as I see that... it's Terra. I'm surprised to see her already as I straighten immediately, then stumble out of my chair as the dragon carefully squeezes her way into my study.

She closes the door with a flick of her tail and looks back and forth, as I fidget a little and look up at her awkwardly. We gaze at each other for... what feels like the longest time, before she offers a smile and says quietly: “I've never been in here before. It's nice... organized, cozy. Lots of textbooks, though, and... nonfiction stuff.”

I don't really know how to reply to that. I just look up at her awkwardly, and she gazes back silently before saying quietly: “I don't want to stay here on work orders from Hel, as a coach and trainer for the new Valkyries.”

Part of me... deflates. My shoulders slump a bit, and I nod mutely, trying to... think of what to say as I assume the worst: that she wants to return to Helheim. I begin to open my mouth, but she cuts me off with something that takes me by complete surprise: “I want to... live in Heaven, permanently, and I want to apply for a new job here, whatever position is available. And I want... you to stop keeping secrets from me.”

I look up at her blankly, and Terra silently settles down in front of me, looking across at me. She smiles after a moment, murmuring: “I was a mistress... am a mistress, Lord Kvasir. I'm okay with that. I spent a lot of time in Helheim after living through a power-based culture, and I understand... cravings, especially after being just exposed to... something unfamiliar, but good.

“Lord Kvasir... Kvas... I care very deeply about you. You mean a world to me.” she continues, and I lean back against the chair, lowering my head a little, feeling... embarrassed, in a word. “The title doesn't matter to me. The status doesn't matter to me. The privilege is in being able to be... with you. Know you, love you, see the part of you you hide away so much...”

She reaches up and grasps my tie quietly, then pulls me closer by it before her claw slips upwards: she's surprisingly dexterous, easily undoing the knot and pulling the garment away, dropping it to the floor as she smiles faintly up at me. I reach up, awkwardly touching my bare neck, but she holds my gaze with her baby blue eyes. “I like you more without a tie, Lord Kvasir. And I want to help you with... all these things preying on you. I'm still angry at you and I need a promise that you're going to... be honest with me... but I do want to... be beside you. One day, maybe you'll have to take a Queen: I still plan to be here for you, though. I like you a lot.”

I laugh a little at this: it seems so... so... I don't know. I don't know how else to react. And Terra seems to understand as she smiles at me, then looks back and forth before I sigh and reach up to hesitantly stroke along the end of her muzzle, murmuring: “Thank you, Terra. I'll see what's available, then, and... I... I'm sorry. I'm also... happy that... you're going to stay here with me. That means more to me than I can begin to express.”

Terra only smiles at me, and I bow my head towards her politely. There's silence for a few moments, and I feel... a gnawing inside me before I clear my throat. I reach up to adjust my tie, realizing too late it's not there, and instead my hands move to smooth out my collar awkwardly.

I look at her, think of what she's just said, and she gives me a faint smile before I lower my head and murmur quietly: “I... I suppose I should share another secret with you, then, Terra. It's... very difficult, but I don't... I never thought...”

Terra cocks her head curiously, leaning towards me, and I look up at her and steel myself, gathering the little resolve I have as I breathe slowly in and out before I say quietly: “I don't want to keep any secrets from you, and I need... I think both I and my... friend... need help. Need someone else to rely on.”

The demonic dragon frowns curiously at this, and I sigh quietly as I reach back and turn my chair around so I can sit back on it, dropping my elbows on my knees as I murmur: “And I should confess that I am... a coward, as you've no doubt inferred from how I handled the situation with Aria. But I know that even if this will make you think less of me, perhaps even question my integrity, my very sanity... I have to be honest with you, and show you... him.”

She looks worried now. Even after everything I've done to her... she looks concerned for me. And how that makes me feel... I don't have any words for it, really. I'm only able to lower my head and close my eyes and feel... awkward, and more than a little ashamed. “What is it, Kvasir? What are you talking about?”

“I'll show you tonight.” I promise quietly, and Terra frowns as she stands up, looking down at me, but I look up with a small smile, almost pleadingly. I shake my head a little as I say quietly: “Please. I know I don't deserve it, but I need you to just listen to me on this subject and... to be prepared for tonight.”

Terra nods slowly after a moment. She looks uncomfortable, leaning in, studying me... she's worried for me. It... hurts, because I know that I don't deserve that.

Finally, she straightens, and we look at each other before Terra says quietly: “No secrets then, Kvasir. You'll tell me everything tonight, right?”

“You have my promise.” I say quietly, and Terra looks satisfied with this before I hesitate, then hold up a hand before she can turn away. “Wait.”

She looks back at me, and I glance down, biting my lip and... finally, I look up and say: “The combination to my safe is the three digits taken from the month and day for All Father's Day. Please remember that. It's important, in case something happens to me.”

“You're scaring me, Kvasir.” Terra says quietly, looking at me silently, and I smile faintly as I nod and look down.

“I've been scaring myself this last while.” I say finally, then I look up at her, at her beautiful eyes, at her polished body. “I don't want to do any work right now. Would you like to have lunch together?”

Terra smiles at me, but at the same time, I see that... I've probably only made her more worried. Still, she nods to me, and I stand up and look at her for a moment before I step forwards and hesitantly reach up to touch her face.

She doesn't pull away, and it's the greatest relief in the world to me. I smile a little after a moment, and this seems to give some reassurance to Terra, who softens a bit before she suddenly reaches out and sweeps me up in a bone-crushing hug, making me groan a bit... but in spite of the pain and the ire it causes me, I'm... I'm glad for it. More glad for it than I can begin to express.

Eventually, Terra lets go of and drops me back to my hooves, smiling down at me kindly before she pets me like a child, and I grimace a little and reach up to smooth out my hair. And before I can, she ruffles my mane up into a mess, and I sigh tiredly as she only laughs. She laughs like everything is okay, like there's never been any conflict between us, like there's no worries or fears or constant threat on the horizon... and in that one, single moment, I'm unable to stop myself from smiling at her and feeling like... like for a bare second in time, everything really is okay.

I have edited out my day. It's not worth getting into. It's not worth discussing, and I do not feel it adds anything to this manuscript of daily entries that I have been assembling. All that is important to note is that Terra and I spent the day together. That is all. If it was memorable, it was for personal reasons that are of no importance to this narrative whatsoever. Instead, I feel it was important to move directly into the events that transpired after I opened the door to Gymbr's dungeon for Terra.

I lead Terra down the stairs, looking back and forth uneasily before glancing up with a strange feeling of relief at the fact that dim light floods the dungeon halls. Gymbr must be here, and is likely... more stable. Or at least that's what I hope.

Terra looks back and forth, frowning uneasily before she murmurs: “What did you mean, there's a god living here? This place feels... it feels cold, and empty. There's... malice in the air here, Kvasir, how can you trust something that emanates so much... wrongness?”

“It's hard to explain. But this is in the best interests of Valhalla.” I say quietly, then I look up and call calmly: “Gymbr, I have brought an associ...” I cut myself off, clear my throat, and I feel dry amusement at the fact that my voice wavers more when I say: “I have brought my mistress, Terra.”

Terra looks... touched. It's almost bizarre, but... I shake it off, and instead turn my eyes ahead again as we're greeted by silence. I slow my pace, unsure of where to go as we reach the intersection: a hall stand to either side, and this kind of... foyer bottlenecks in front of us, but then opens on a much wider room. And of course, there's always the option of retreating back to the stairs and just forgetting about this entire mess...

Then I hear the clicking sound of Gymbr's claws... and moments later, he approaches through the bottleneck, looking at us quietly. Terra's eyes widen as she shivers, automatically stepping protectively up beside me as she studies him... and I grimace myself at the sight of the god-thing, at... what he's become, naked and vulnerable in the dim light.

His body is emaciated, and more patches of... chemical-reeking rot have spread over him. His one wing droops at his side, broken and leaking feathers and blood. His mane and tail, normally seas of black flame, are now nothing more than a few gray strands.

He stumbles a little, then catches himself and looks up. His mouth opens... and the reek of rot threatens to choke me where I stand, as he stares at me with... one eye. The other is a blind pit, slowly... by Mimir's head, I realize it's rotting in its very socket, turning to... no, I can't think about it. It makes my stomach turn, and beside me, even Terra shifts in disgust.

“I am glad to see you... mending fences. We... never had the strength to. The Kvasir of our reality... was too weak to admit his failings.” Gymbr coughs hard several times, and... a tooth falls out. The sound of it hitting the floor, the sight of it... it makes me feel lightheaded. It sticks in my mind, before the broken god-thing looks up and whispers: “But we do not have time for pleasantries. Come, we have prepared the ritual... we must work quickly.”

“What is going on? What is that?” Terra asks weakly as Gymbr drags itself slowly around in a circle, and I shake my head slowly and glance over my shoulder at her, gesturing for her to follow. “Lord Kvasir, wait, I don't think...”

“Gymbr was a Tulpa that became reality. Gained its own full life... but something happened to him. He is a powerful god, but one that has no... no meaning to its existence. With nothing fueling his immense power... his body is consuming itself.” I tell her: it's what I think is the truth, what I think I've figured out... and ahead, Gymbr nods weakly, confirming my guesses. “The soulstone orb that Hel provided me with...”

I'm less sure about this, and the answer Gymbr gives is somehow... incomplete: “It will stabilize us. It will renew our strength.”

Yet it's more than that, isn't it? And nor did Gymbr mention this was supposed to act like... a leash and collar. I'm unsure myself if it really will, or if the creature was lying... but either way, I know I've come too far to turn back now. Nor can I go back on my word to Gymbr: this is... all of this is simply too important.

Terra follows me nervously, her metallic scales bristled, her eyes locked on the creature as we enter the large room, and I'm unsurprised to see that Gymbr has created some kind of warding circle. There's runes in blood all along the floor, and crystalline rods imbedded around the border at different points to focus magic inwards. And at the center of it all, there are restraints, and a body-shaped matting upon which rests the soulstone orb.

Gymbr walks towards this, then its horn glows – revealing cracks along the spire that fizzle with energy – as it raises a claw. The soulstone orb floats into the air unsteadily, then glides silently towards me, and I catch it as I stop outside the edge of the runic circle with Terra.

We both watch as the god thing turns around and lowers its head, then gazes at me through its single bleary eye, whispering: “This is our last hope, and our most desperate one. Please, we plead of you, Kvasir... help us. We will be indebted to you, and swear to serve you loyally, much more loyally than we have... and we shall promise the same to you as well, Terra, chosen suitor of Lord Kvasir.”

Terra shifts uncomfortably, and I turn towards her, but she shakes her head fiercely and says before I can speak: “No, I... I am here to serve, Lord Kvasir, and if you say we should help this creature... I'm willing to do whatever I have to, in order to help him. But... this circle...”

“It is a lifetrap. We have enough strength for most of the ritual, but your aid is necessary: we must ask that you...” Gymbr stops, and I realize... the creature is afraid. This is the first time I've ever seen it hesitate, and I fear what's coming next. What it must want. “We must ask that you tear open our chest, and remove our dying Kundalini. Then you must replace it with the soulstone orb, and... bind the orb to us. We do not possess the magic, and will likely not possess the sanity to finish the ritual. But in our current state, we will also be too weak to break our bonds...”

My eyes widen as I understand why the lifetrap is here. A lifetrap is used to keep a body alive, even after it should be dead... but it's very, very rarely used by healers. It's a tool mainly used by torturers, to keep their victims alive long enough for them to extract all the information they need. In this case, the lifetrap will keep Gymbr alive long enough for us to replace his... his core.

I'm not surprised to learn that Gymbr has the same engine that a Tyrant Wyrm does: much more an organic machine than a heart, it's what powers Tyrant Wyrms, gives those monsters their life and enormous power... so I wonder whether or not Gymbr will be able to survive it being replaced with an artificial source of energy. But finally, I nod uneasily, and I turn my eyes towards Terra, who grimaces only slightly before she murmurs: “I'll do the cutting.”

“Thank you.” I say quietly, then I look up and watch as Gymbr carefully lays himself back on the bedding. The creature has a strange dignity as it settles itself down into the cradle of restraints, and I'm... something about the way it so fearlessly lets the locks seal around its limbs, the way it stares resolutely upwards, how controlled and calm the animal god seems in spite of everything that I know must be going through its strange dual mind... I don't just respect it, I admire it.

I have edited here, because... what follows is... unpleasant. I don't think it has much bearing on events, either: it was simply... a gory, painful process. Gymbr screamed and fought both us and its own instincts. I can only admire what the creature was willing to go through, even with... how much was uncertain. How much of this process was based on hope.

Terra and I worked well together. We both ended up soaked in... blood and black poison, but without her, I don't think it would have been possible. She was able to restrain Gymbr when he broke one of the shackles at the end, and I was able to finish... I don't know what the proper word is. Attaching? Connecting? Implanting? On the one hand it was like removing part of a machine, and putting in a new engine, a new set of gears and pistons: on the other, it was like ripping out the heart of a living animal, and trying to shove a magic rock in place to keep blood flowing and the lungs billowing and the body working.

But Gymbr was... alive, when we left him. We were afraid that once the lifetrap's magic wore out, he would die... if not because of the soulstone core failing to do its job,then simply from shock and trauma and the weakness that had overtaken the creature.

Yet he clung on to life. He clung on, even though... that soulstone orb now glows eerily out of his chest. It's a little too large to fit properly in his breast, so part of it domes out of his body, and I did my best to... graft flesh and hide to blue soulstone. It's the best we could do for now, and I didn't quite dare to attempt to rearrange the creature's organs or body structure in order to try and force the soulstone core in any deeper.

We took the restraints off the god, but... we felt too nervous about trying to move him. I applied the little healing magic I know, but Gymbr is... too alien, and too powerful. It had all the effect of pouring a cold cup of water into a boiling ocean. So instead, we decided to stay until the creature... regained his senses. He was watching us, after all, he just seemed... unable to process what was going on. I was afraid for almost an hour that he had lost his mind, as Terra sat beside me, comfortingly holding me against her.

Gymbr did eventually come to. Lucidity came back in his eyes as he shifted on the bed, then he rose his claws. He was still sweating that dark poison, but it seemed like less... or at least, that's what I hoped. And when I sat up, he looked over at me and said quietly: “Thank you. Please, leave us. We will require... hibernation, for at least a week.”

And that was the last Gymbr said. He dragged himself to his claws, and slowly stumbled away, and Terra and I simply sat and watched until he pushed his way through a doorway and disappeared. I felt... strange.

I've decided this conversation following has some bearing on events, so I've included it in these pages instead of editing it out. I believe it helps clarify my own thoughts and allowed me to settle my mind on the subject of Gymbr. I'll let the story resume from after Terra and I left Gymbr's dungeon.

As the hidden door closes behind us, I glance awkwardly over my shoulder at Terra, and she looks back at me silently. I can't read what's going on in her eyes, and I reach up to adjust my tie... only to realize too late it's not there, so I end up tugging at my collar instead. And Terra smiles a little, which relieves me more than I want to admit.

After a moment, she asks quietly: “How did you sneak Gymbr into Valhalla? And why haven't you told anyone about him?”

“It wasn't very hard.” I stop, then hesitate before looking up and adding quietly: “Please don't use his name outside of private. This... his existence must remain a secret for now, until he's ready. Brynhild and Scrivener Blooms have a history with him, and he's attempting to avoid advertising his existence.”

Terra nods after a moment, then she looks at me pointedly, and I shrug a little as I turn around and begin to lead her down the hall, glancing back and forth as I answer: “My friend polymorphed himself and I was able to simply carry him into the Castle. From there, it was simply a matter of finding a place that is out of use: I chose a section of dungeons I had originally been planning to restructure into a safehouse, and my friend altered them to his liking.”

She nods and then leans down, nudging me a few times with her muzzle, and I grimace a bit before looking moodily over at her. She half-whimpers, half-grumbles at me, and I sigh tiredly before rubbing slowly at my face, figuring she must want a better answer than the one I already gave her about why he's kept secret. “He is a powerful god. A powerful force. But he also comes from an uncertain background and is associated with... more bad than he is good. My actions would be... frowned upon.”

Terra nods again, then she looks up and asks quietly: “And that soulstone orb... are you sure giving it to him was a good idea? I may have only caught a hint of what it's been imbued with, but the magic is... it's extremely powerful.”

I nod back and slide my hands behind my back as we walk onwards down the hall, and I open my mouth... but bite back the words I want to say. The reassurances, the things I don't entirely feel, the lies... I promised her I would be honest. So I'm honest: “I don't know.”

Terra looks at me, but then she gives a small smile. She seems to appreciate it as she studies me for a moment, then she leans over and simply drops her head on my shoulder, and I sigh a little despite the odd flutter this sends through me as we walk through the halls of Valhalla together like that.

We head towards my quarters, and... she follows me into my room, without hesitation. I'm surprised, to be entirely honest, but she only smiles faintly as she studies me, then says finally: “You took off your bracelet.”

I glance down at my wrist, then nod a little before I gesture across the room, and Terra raises her head before visibly warming at the sight of the bracelet sitting quietly on a cushion on my dresser. I shrug a bit when she returns her eyes to me, saying quietly: “I didn't feel I deserved to wear it.”

Terra leans forwards and pushes me back down onto the bed, and I wince a bit as she pins me by the shoulders... but she only smiles at me, lingering over me, gazing down at me with tenderness in her eyes. Tenderness I also feel I don't deserve, as she says softly: “Lord Kvasir, you're a lot of things good and bad. But it's because of all those things that I care about you. And your good qualities far outweigh your bad.”

I don't know about that being true, but it does make me feel better as I gaze up at her silently. She looks back down at me, and then she leans down and our mouths meet, and the kiss is... it's like a first kiss all over again. It's like experiencing the breath of life after spending so long on the edge of a cliff leading down, down, far deep into darkness...

When our mouths part, we look at each other, we see each other, and into each other, and I reach up and stroke slowly along her forelimbs as her claws settle a little more on me. I'm not afraid of her hurting me, because I know more than ever that she never would. And I know she doesn't entirely trust me yet, but I don't blame her for that. I can't blame her for that, all things considered.

We hesitate, and then Terra leans down and gazes back and forth over me before her claw slips over my chest, drawing along it gently as she murmurs: “Lord Kvasir... I don't doubt you, I want you to know that, okay? I just worry that...”

“I know. I understand that, and... I have my own concerns as well. I'm just not sure what I should do.” I say quietly, looking down and shaking my head slowly. “We need Gymbr's help. We need a powerful ally like him, and a large part of me...”

“You sympathize with him.” Terra looks at me, and I just nod. There's no need for words, and no need to deny it. And she smiles a little after a moment before shifting off me and crawling up onto the bed, gesturing easily at me.

I sigh, but follow after a moment, then make a bit of a face when she reaches out and easily unbuttons my clothing, pulling it off me and tossing it aside. I'm about to protest, but then I see the bloodstains and splashes of poison still on it and any excuses I might have die in my throat: Terra, at least, looks polished and pristine, but I suppose having metal scales constantly flowing with magical energies give a few advantages apart from the obvious.

Soon enough, I'm wearing... well, nothing. And she's only adorned in her strange bone charms. She pulls me towards her so she can half curl up around me, and I quietly lace my fingers together as I simply gaze off into the distance, not really even seeing the wall opposite as Terra strokes soothingly through my hair and keeps her other claw against my chest.

We're together. I like that, and it comforts me. It gives me strength, and I shift a little before finally glancing up at her as she looks down at me. We look at each other, eyes locked, and then she asks me quietly: “What do you think is more important... having a powerful tool, or having a friend?”

The answer comes to me quickly but... I'm surprised by it. It takes me a few moments of processing before I'm actually able to say it, looking up at her and saying softly: “A friend. Which makes me thinks that these ponies have rubbed off on me more than I like to think.”

“A weapon is only as good or bad as the hands that put it to use. A friend can usually be counted on, for better or worse.” Terra replies quietly, and I smile a little at this thought. “Plus friends are much harder to turn against you.”

“I hope so. Sometimes I honestly wonder if the ponies... if I myself... don't put too much stock in what's nonsense and fairy tales.” I murmur, looking moodily down, and Terra laughs and squeezes me gently, making me wince.

“Maybe sometimes they do, Kvasir, but groups of ponies regularly put a stop to creatures like me, and worse.” Terra says pointedly, and I grumble at this thought, wanting to point out all the flaws in her statement... except she just squeezes me again, effectively silencing me and letting her continue: “Lord Kvasir, when we grow up, we... stop believing in fairy tales. I know this very well. But after we reach a certain age, everything starts to take on a certain magic again, if we let it. We begin to reexperience things... and rarely, now and then, we get a chance to take the blinders from our eyes and live all over again, seeing the world for what it really is beneath the layers of glitter and garbage we cover everything in. And things are pretty, you know?”

“Are they?” I ask dryly, and Terra nods childishly a few times, which makes me sigh and shake my head slowly. But all the same, I think she's right... even if you're not blindly optimistic like she is, you can still look out at things and see... there are little miracles here and there, now and then.

Or maybe that's just Terra and these feelings of euphoria I'm currently filled with all rubbing off on me. I shake myself out, try to ground myself and get a little back to normal, and then I wince when Terra pushes her cold nose firmly down against the side of my neck, grinding my teeth together as I flinch before the dragon says kindly: “They are, and you have to stop thinking so much. You need to try, just for a little while, to be bright and happy and stuff.”

“Why?” I ask distastefully, and the dragon shrugs a little. How I hate that that is her response, and I sigh tiredly and close my eyes for a moment before dropping my head back and staring up at the ceiling. “I suppose that... I am happy about having you here with me, don't doubt that-”

“I didn't even bring that up.” Terra says huffily, and then she squeezes me lightly. “And I'm not talking about Gymbr, either. I'm just talking about things in general. You have this bad habit of mixing up... logic and realism and pessimism, I think. Because you know that in reality, sometimes unbelievable things happen, right?”

I decide it's safer not to answer this question, and we're quiet as we rest together for a little while before Terra finally asks me something I hadn't even considered: “Do you think that Hel might have some kind of plan for Gymbr?”

I open my mouth... then close it slowly. Hel was strangely eager to pass on the soulstone orb... Hel did, in her twisted way, play her part towards convincing me to help Gymbr. Yes, she perhaps implied I shouldn't... but when have I ever thought that doing what Hel said is a good idea?

Hel is cunning and ruthless. She clearly knew about Gymbr's existence, and I can't rule out she knew what the soulstone orb was for. Which unfortunately means that this may have been Hel's ultimate end: a way for her to control... that terrible, beyond-god thing. I shudder at the thought of it: Hel, with Gymbr as her new dog, the one thing that might be able to stop even her fearsome Teddy. It makes my stomach twist. It makes my mind writhe and ache.

I grimace up at Terra, but she only smiles soothingly and reaches up to brush a claw through my hair, saying quietly: “Now stop, Lord Kvasir. I can see you already working yourself up a little, but... I want you to keep in mind that Hel may play her twisted games, and Hel may take great pleasure in causing all kinds of troubles and difficulties, but she hasn't ever tried to topple Valhalla, and she has no interest in destroying us or you.”

I'm silent, and eventually my fear turns to something more like... discomfort and distaste. Being indebted to Hel as I am is bad enough as it is. The thought of Hel having yet something else to hold over my head like this... “For some reason, that doesn't reassure me.”

“Pride?” Terra suggests half-playfully, and I give her a dry look. But she only smiles at me in response. “Well, it's true, Lord Kvasir. You do have quite a bit of pride. A strange kind of pride, maybe, but... pride all the same.”

“How is my pride strange? I'm not even sure I'm that prideful.”

“You know, a mark that you're prideful is that you don't think you're prideful, just like being crazy. Even modest people think they have pride... well, I mean, part of the problem with modest people is that they usually think they're too prideful when really they're not but, you know, you know what I mean.” Terra says with a few quick nods, and I sigh even as I smile wryly. I'm both very happy that she's acting like herself and... very irritated that she's acting like herself. “I think it makes sense!”

“Of course.” I begin to glance away, and then I wince when Terra steps on my head, squishing me back into the mattress. I grumble moodily, pushing at her and returning my eyes to her, and she leans down... but in spite of her soft expression, I can see that she's serious, too. Much more serious than I expected her to be.

She studies me for a moment, and I look back at her awkwardly with her claw still resting on my head before she says softly: “You might not have a lot of pride in yourself, but I know you take a lot of pride in your work. Not even Valhalla, but the way you work, your scheduling, how you manage things. It's a funny kind of pride, but I think it's still kind of serious sometimes because... you're not really willing to change all that, are you?”

I look thoughtfully up at Terra, who looks back at me and nods a few times, and then I sigh and shift a little, saying finally: “Maybe not but... I've always managed to keep things running, and my administrative techniques have-”

Terra leans down and pushes her cold nose against my neck, and I push at her with a wince, which just makes her firmly shove down against my head and squish me into the bed. I sigh tiredly, and there's silence for a few moments before Terra says firmly: “We need to try something else.”

“Change for the sake of change is unnecessary and counterproductive. We haven't even returned to full productivity yet since Hel's attacks.” I mutter, and Terra only shakes her head childishly, as if this is an argument. Well, I suppose for her it usually is: being a giant demon dragon and all, there's not many who would dare argue with her. But I'm stubborn. “We would only be inviting in more trouble by modifying our approach to dealing with the business of Valhalla. Considering the range of problems we're faced with, I don't think it would be wise.”

“I think you need to loosen up, Kvas.” Terra says kindly, and I grumble at her before she leans down and almost pushes her face into mine, making me wince. “What's the worst that could happen?”

“Economic collapse leading to a desire for reform that ousts me from office and replaces me with some non-Asgardian god, leading to the complete dissolution of the Vale and Castle.” I mutter, and Terra looks at me blankly for a few moments before I add dryly: “And Kvas was what Valthrudnir always called the elixir made from my blood after draining it from me.”

“It's also short for your name.” Terra says informatively, and I groan before wincing when she pulls me close, smiling warmly down at me. “All just words. Words don't matter all that much, Lord Kvasir, actions do. I try to use the right, fancy words around you because I know that's your preference but... like I make adjustments for you... I want you to try and make allowances for me, too.”

“I do. Of course I do, Terra.” I say, and I'm surprised by how I almost feel... injured. “I trusted you with Gymbr, didn't I?”

“Well, yeah, but uh... think of like, your diplomacy and stuff. You have to do more than extend trust to other nations, you have to compromise with them.” Terra nods firmly, and I glower at her and the childish comparison. It frustrates me because it feels a little patronizing, and yet I can't be entirely mad at her, either.

We look at each other for a few moments and then I say moodily: “So you think that we're different nations now, is that it?”

“Well, I am kind of a demon and a dragon and you're a... Kvasir.” Terra says after a moment, poking my chest a few times with one claw, and I grumble as I shove at her a bit.

Finally, I sigh and decide not to pursue the subject any further. I drop my head moodily, and there's silence between us for a few moments before I mutter: “I'll consider the proposal for modifying the way we deal with Valhalla's business. But not for the near future, we need to stabilize Valhalla and move past... my own issues. And on that note, I will do my best to... compromise with you. From one 'country' to another.”

“Nation. I like the word nation better.” Terra nods a few times, and even as I shift to rest more comfortably back against the larger dragon, part of me wants to hit her. But after a moment, Terra smiles at me and adds quietly: “Thank you, by the way for... for being so honest about Gymbr. I promise I won't tell a soul. I want you to be able to trust me with your secrets, with... all of you.”

I shift at this, smiling a little at the thought as I glance over at her. My mouth feels dry for a moment and I'm... enamored with her all over again. Physically and on an emotional level, and I know that what she's said is really no different than many of the things she'd said over the day, but perhaps the repetition and the way she said it... it's finally sunk in.

I nod to her awkwardly, and she nods back with a smile before I glance down and murmur: “I'm still not entirely sure that I did the right thing with Gymbr. Especially with the thought of what Hel might have done in mind...”

Terra nods and hesitates, before she says quietly: “To be honest, Lord Kvasir... I'm really glad that whether you did the right thing or not... you took this chance, and you did it for more reasons than just because it would benefit Valhalla to have a creature like that... on watch. But... just how strong is Gymbr, Kvasir?”

“Far more powerful than most of us can comprehend, I think.” I say quietly, shaking my head slowly before I glance up at her. “From what I know, he's vulnerable only to purification and anti-magic. At full power... I think he would have even been a match for a high-standing Jötnar.”

Terra nods again, studying me for a few moments before she quietly touches my face, saying softly: “You envy that strength, don't you?”

I shrug and give a small smile. “I suppose. Being... an administrator and a crafted homunculus as I am... it's frustrating at times. I'm designed from other gods, to be a god myself... but a very weak god. I do not like... that I am incapable of defending my own home and kingdom.”

We're silent for a little while as we sit together, and then Terra leans over and kisses the side of my neck quietly. I close my eyes and settle a little, and we just stay together for a little while before she murmurs: “You're not weak, Lord Kvasir.”

I don't know if that's true or not... but I appreciate the sentiment. I smile a little as I shrug slowly, and we rest together as the silence spirals out before she drops her head over my shoulder and pulls me closer up against her chest.

My own thoughts are still lingering on Gymbr and Hel. The Pious, my administration duties, Brynhild, dealing with Antares Mīrus and Looking Glass World, where the Valkyries are undoubtedly anxiously awaiting to hear from the child... all of this has fallen to a back burner for now. All I can focus on... all I want to focus on... are the two creatures that represent both the greatest threat and the greatest resource Valhalla has.

There's this strange sensation in my mind. The sense again that I've missed some important piece of information I should already have drawn a few answers from. But just as I begin to think deeper on the subject, Terra pushes her cold nose firmly down into the side of my neck, and I wince and shove at her moodily before she pulls back with an amused smile. “You're thinking too much again, Kvas. You really need to stop that.”

“Thinking is the only thing I can really do, Terra.” I say moodily, and Terra shrugs cheerfully. I shift around to try and glare up at her, but she only opens her jaws and settles her entire mouth around my face, essentially deadening any possible argument I could make on the subject.

I sit there awkwardly for a moment, and then Terra draws her head back and smiles down at me before saying kindly: “Lord Kvasir, sometimes not-thinking is as important as thinking, okay? Try and remember that, and try and... not-think more often.”

I sigh a little at this, then nod a bit as I close my eyes and settle against her, muttering: “Then I'd appreciate it if you'd stop trying to win arguments by swallowing my head.”

“I never swallowed your head! I just put it in my mouth.” Terra says firmly, then she giggles like a child, and I sigh and roll my eyes as I look moodily to the side before Terra squeezes me firmly up against her body, making me wince a bit at how I feel like such a tiny toy in her limbs. “Fine, fine, I get what you mean. But you know, sometimes the direct approach is best, that's all!”

I don't really know how to argue with this line of reasoning, so I just nod and rest against her meditatively as I close my eyes. I rest in and enjoy the quiet, as she pulls me closer against her, and she leans down to nuzzle slowly between my ears like an animal. It makes me want to sigh with exasperation and just... smile and enjoy it, all at once.

Terra surprises me, though: in spite of all her talk about me not-thinking, she asks a question that starts up my mind's gears again: “What are you going to do when Gymbr... stops being a secret, Lord Kvasir? I mean... I don't think he's going to be able to just kind of move in.”

“It's... an interesting question. Other gods cannot have permanent residency in this Heaven, but in a way... Gymbr is part of the Aesir clan.” I say slowly, looking down thoughtfully and rubbing at the underside of my muzzle. “But at the same time he's alien to this place, a foreigner to Valhalla, and in some ways... an invader. For every loophole available, there's also an exclusion.

“I'm just not entirely sure. I've never spent a lot of time considering all the ramifications.” I shake my head slowly, rubbing at my face uneasily. “There would doubtlessly be an inquiry and investigation as well by the senate and the Heavenly Council, and they would likely want to map out and determine the jurisdiction of Gymbr's home, which likely falls under altered reality estate thanks to the vast modifications he's made to it and would require zoning and permits from-”

Terra's jaws settle over my head and silence me, and I glower at the back of her throat before the dragon draws back and looks down at me mildly. “You really need to stop doing that.”

“That's funny, I'm fairly certain I should be the one saying that to you.” I say distastefully, and Terra only smiles amusedly at me before leaning down and pressing nose-to-nose with me, making me wince a bit. “What?”

“I didn't mean to get you thinking so much. I just meant... I thought he'd want to move out of that dungeon, or if you were going to appoint him as a bodyguard or something, or give him some other fancy title.” Terra pauses, then adds: “And I kinda think you keep forgetting that you're not just an administrator, Kvasir. You're the King. You can do anything you want, any time you want. That's one of the perks of being King... I mean, look at the kind of effect your blood magic has on Valhalla itself.”

“It's not 'blood magic,' it's just the effect of my Aesir privilege on Valhalla.” I say moodily, and Terra opens her jaws threateningly. I wince away and push at her maw with one hand, saying crankily: “Fine, call it whatever you like. Our conversations don't have to follow official title and regulation.”

“A very romantic thought, Kvas.” Terra says kindly, and I glower at her before she leans over and firmly nudges me with her muzzle. “You really need to relax more. You really need to stop worrying about the past and the future, and just live in the present; that's what I do. That's why I'm not filled with anger over what happened between us, and I'm not filled with fear over what might happen in the future. It's how I've survived all these years, and I think it would do you a lot of good to learn to do, too.”

I really don't know what to say to that. I'm only able to shift uncomfortably, and then sigh a little as I look at her, embarrassedly rubbing at my features as I mumble: “I... I don't know, Terra. I do envy how... carefree you are at times, but I don't think I could live like that. Someone needs to plan and draft schedules and agendas and deal with legalities and do... all the things no one else wants to do, and that seems to be the role I fit in best...”

Terra leans down and kisses me gently, and it proves to be a far-more effective tool to silence me and stop my mind from running than mouthing my head. Then she pushes me onto my back, and I don't resist her as she crawls over me and gently pins me, smiling down at me with tenderness, with affection in her eyes that I don't feel I deserve.

I feel her body, heavy and metal, yet protective and gentle. Her bone charms jingle, tinkling quietly against her steel scales, as power thrums through her veins and I feel its pulse mixing with the thuds of the heart in her chest.

She settles over me, and I reach up and stroke slowly along her features, and in that juncture of time forget about everything else and just feel thankful that... she and I are together, here and now, and nothing can take these moments away from us.

Comments

[hellcatte]

Terra sounds like she would get along with Aphrodisia. You should have Discord give Aphrodisia an afro at some point.