• Published 23rd May 2013
  • 3,174 Views, 177 Comments

Fallout: Equestria, Hivemind - CoffeeRings

Comments ( 2 )

Thanks for doing me proud with your writing.
The best thing that a teacher can feel is seeing a student excel.
Happy to help with proof reading, should you want it.

Six inch grooves had been worn into the tile covered floor from the centuries of the bots relentless and unending patrol. The bot followed trundling tracks squealed and crunched over well-worn grooves in the ground, showing the centuries of the bots relentless patrolling. As the grooves around the room armored robot turned a corner and disappeared down another hallway the treads grinding against the raw concrete. Keeping silent, the pair slipped from the cover of their cover corner, and followed the worn grooves.

Repetitious paragraph is repetitious.
You could throw half of it away without losing any of the story.

Six inch grooves had been worn into the tile covered floor from centuries of the bot's relentless and unending patrol. As the armored robot turned a corner and disappeared down another hallway, the pair silently slipped from the cover of their corner, and followed the worn grooves.

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